Cold Hearts
by whereshadowplays
Summary: Alice is cold and calculated as Negan, she knows how to manipulate people to get what she wants, how to break them and remake them, to her people were like chess figures she moved and sacrifices as she saw fit,but every chess game is a losing game if the queen has no king to defend,it was like that for years before apocalypse and for years after,until she meets Negan.
1. Shadow pt1

Simon POV

They were surrounded, twelve men were circling around them, aiming them, one wrong move and it will all be over, they were heavily outnumbered, this was supposed to be one simple supply run, just him, Arat and Dwight, nothing too fancy, just to kill some time, days were dragging way to slow for his taste and that was not good for keeping his skills sharp.

"So, just give us your supplies and maybe just maybe we will let you two go." One of the men spoke, he looked like a damn mountain, _how in the Gods name does someone keep that kind of weight in times like this_ , Simon thought to himself.  
"There are three of us you fucker, can't you count?" Words were out of this mouth before he could even think about what he said. _Ok, making enemy angry at moments like this was not smart, Simon_

"Girl stays with us," man said  
"Great, now we are going to die," no way in hell is he letting them take Arat and no way in hell are they coming out of this one alive. _This was not how I wanted my day to go. Fuck!_

Before he even had time to think about what he should do, man that spoke earlier started to make some weird noises, his eyes widened, looking at him like he just saw a two headed monster and then he fell on this face. Simon looked at Dwight and Arat, they were both holding their guns and looking just as confused as he was.

"What the fuck!" he heard Arat murmuring just as another man fell on the ground and all hell broke loose.

They were falling like flies, one by one, and before any of them even had time to react or understand what is going on, half of them were already on the ground, Simon took this chance to make a quick attack of his own, ordering Dwight and Arrat to get behind their truck and start shooting.

Once he looked behind his cover to aim, he saw a tall stranger waving his machete at one of the attacked, while the other one was aiming at him and getting ready to shoot and save his friend. Simon took both of them down, a stranger with a machete glanced at him nodding his head in gratitude, as he swung his machete directly at the throat of a man that was trying to attack him from behind.

It was all over before it even began, all twelve men were down and Simone left his cover with Dwight and Arrat at his tail.  
Finally he got a chance to look at the stranger, he was wearing tight leather jeans that were tucked into high boots whose vamps were wrapped with wide silver duct tape, he was wearing leather jacket underneath long black ragged vest with baggie hood that was so big it looked it was about to swallow his face entirely, his mouth was covered with something that looked like leather face shield coming up to his nose it was decorated with two skeleton hands on each side of it, his eyes were covered with black aviator sunglasses, on this hands he was wearing dark-brown finger-less leather gloves, then Simon scanned his weapons, on his back he saw large bow, something professional marksmen used back in the days before all world went to shit, with a machete strapped to his left hip, and some weird belt with pockets on his right thigh, it looked like it was homemade. The man himself looked like he just came out of a comic book and decide to save them, but there was something wrong with him, with the way he was walking from one dead man to another, taking something out of their heads and backs, then Simone saw it, surgical knives.

"What the fuck!" he just couldn't keep his voice inside any longer, this was all far too weird for his taste, the man stood up, tucking his knives in a small belt that was around his thigh, he was almost high as he was, but with a bit smaller frame and then he spoke.

"It is 'thank you', not what the fuck, really, where are your manners?"  
Simone glared at his companions, that was a woman's voice, this is a woman standing in front of them, he mentally kicked himself, now he saw it, the way her body was shaped, the way she was standing and the simple fact that her leather pants were just too tight for any man to find them comfortable.

"You can close your mouths," she said, removing her hood and face shield, reviling porcelain white skin, she was tall, slim and she had read hair scooped in high ponytail that was reaching all the way to her lower back, then she removed her glasses, revealing cat-like green eyes and pulling her lips in a wide smirk. Simon couldn't help but shiver when he remembered who it reminded him of.

"Who are you?" Arat said aiming her gun at her.

"Tch, tch, tch, now is that a way to treat someone who just saved that pretty ass of yours." woman was grinning at them, cocking her head slightly to her right side.  
 _Ok, this is just some sick joke boss is playing on them,_ Simon was sure.

"C'mon, people, I was watching you from the very beginning, and I am pretty sure I didn't see anyone cutting your tongues out, so will someone speak or are we going to play blinking game, because as much as it sounds fun I am in a bit of hurry" woman said pointing at a trees behind her.

"Who are you?" it was Dwight that broke the silence.

"Oh, no one important, just a wanderer, I wander, round, round and all around." she told them with a dreamy voice while lifting her index finger and moving it into circles.

"If you don't stop playing around we will shoot you!" Simon finally found his voice, the woman looked at him widening her smile.  
"No, you won't."

She was playing them, she was fucking playing them and she loved it, he knew she enjoyed every second of it, this was the same pure enjoyment he saw every time in his bosses eyes when he was playing around with prey, like a cat playing with a mouse just before she is about to kill him, so will she kill them, he knew she could, then she spoke and it was like she just read his mind.

"I won't kill you and you won't kill me, because I like you, people and you are just too fucking confused with what is going on to even think about killing me, so as a little token of gratitude for saving your asses, and seeing how some of those asses are just really, really, nice,"she was smirking at Arrat,"I will only ask of you to give me some food those fuckers had with them and we call it even."  
 _So she saved our lives and now all she wants are some pathetic cans, what the hell is wrong with this woman,_ Simon was glaring at her

"You can come with us, we have…" and he was interrupted.

"Yeah, yeah I know, you have community, everything is nice and peachy, you all live a normal life in some kind of heaven, upholding the laws that are just not valid anymore but you still hold on to them like your own life is deepening on it and you could use another pair of hands to pluck some dirt around and make your corn grow nice and strong. The answer is one big fucking, NO!"

"It is not..." Dwight tried to intervene, but Simon cut him short.

"No, we are not like that, you might even like it and it is not like you have a choice when we ask someone to join us, we expect them to say yes."  
She was smiling at them holding her arms crossed resting them on her chest, "then why do you ask?"  
 _That is actually a very good question,_ "it is the polite thing to do?"

"Polite thing to do?" her laughter filled the woods and in just a fraction of a moment she turned dead serious, he saw her eyes darkening.  
"Those people I just killed to save you, I was shadowing for weeks, their group is man only, ugly dicks and stupid to, I heard them talking about how they like their women, what they do to them,"she was looking at Arat then turned her face to face him, "and with the men. Well, men, they like medium rare, not too much spice, it tastes like pork. Did you know that meat tastes differently if you kill someone in their sleep or if you kill them with them being aware of what you are doing? Adrenaline and fear give flesh quite a different taste. So fucking excuse me for laughing at you little polite offer but I got more important shit to do than play housewife with you people. But I am a kind woman, hey, I just can't help it." she shrug her shoulders like she was defeated never changing the empty look on her face.  
"Go north from here, there is a road, go about half a mile to the east you will see a stop sign, enter the woods there and about two minutes of walk you will see a camp, there are five dead bodies there, a bit of food and ammo, I didn't take everything, I am not a mule and I don't like using guns, they are just too loud, fell free to help yourself. Goodbye."

"So you are not going with us? We will have to kill you!" and a smile was back on her face

"I will think about it, but I am not coming with you now, no." she took one of dead man's backpacks and turned her back on them walking back to the woods like she was sure they are not going to shoot her.

"What the hell was that?" he heard Arat say behind him, holding her gun aimed at the direction woman just disappeared.

"I don't know and I am not sure how will I explain this to the boss."

"Do you have to tell him?" Dwight interrupted him

"I do, he will find out one way of another," Simon said, he can't believe Dwight would even ask him something like that, what the hell is wrong with that man, no wonder he is still just a whelp.

"What about the fact that we just let her go?" Arat interrupted.

"I don't know, I fucking don't know. Ok, grab your shit and let's get out of here, we have supplies to get."

* * *

You just let her go?!" the entire factory was echoing with Negan's voice, to say that he was mad would be an understatement, he was furious, Simone kept his cool, he knew he fucked up.

"Ok, ok, ok, I am a reasonable man, let me get this straight" Negan was smiling now but Simon knew better than to relax around that smile.  
"You were surrounded by twelve men, then another man came from the woods and managed to cut them down like they were paper dolls, with a surgical knives, no less, then you realized it is not a man but a woman, who laughs at your face when you offered her to come with you, but directs you to the supplies you brought back and then she turns her back and just, puff, disappears and you fucking do nothing, about it. Why?"

"I am not sure, she told us she will think about it, and I thought she is too valuable to kill.", ok he was doing a good job, to tell Negan he couldn't kill her because her character was spitting image of his bosses and it scared him shitless, would only get him an iron, and not like he was far away from it as it is

"Did she at least tell you who she is? Did you even fucking ask?"

"Yes I did, she told me she is a wanderer, she wanders, round, round and all around," Simone told him imitating woman's moves and her voice, Negan cracked the widest smile Simon ever saw.

"She told you that, man she is fucking crazy."

"Complete lunatic and also dangerous."

"Will we be able to find her if we went looking? I need to see this woman."

"No, boss, sorry, I don't think so, she told us she has been shadowing that group for weeks and they didn't see her, so I doubt we would be able to find her"

"First one is free, Simon, don't fuck it up again"

"I won't boss.", he said and left.

When he got outside, he was glancing at the fences, thinking to himself is she shadowing them now, if she is, will she kill them the moment they attack another group just like she did to those men in the woods, like a grinning grim reaper. But those questions were for another day.


	2. Shadow pt2

6 months later...

"What the hell are they going to do now?", she was watching a group from Alexandria kneeling while they were surrounded by Saviors, the name that was so ironic that she instantly just fell in love with the group.

She was shadowing Saviors ever since she saved some of them a few months back, they were just not like any group she ever run across with, they were ruthless just like this world but still somehow organized and with a strict set of rules, she didn't know what were those rules but it was very clear they existed and worked pretty well, it fascinated her. She eavesdropped them talking about someone named Negan on more than a few occasions, but she never saw him, deciding that keeping distance is much safer than trying to settle one's curiosity, it did kill a cat, after all, so she never got close to the main compound where he was. She watched some of their smaller outpost from time to time, she was there when one such outpost was attacked, she saw who did it, that led her to Alexandria and now here.

 _Poor fucks, I wonder what made them think that attacking Saviors was a good idea_ , she thought to herself that night, she knew how Saviors operate, how big they are and how their enemies end up. Thinking that she will learn more, she shadowed the group to their settlement, never really trying to take a look inside the walls, too dangerous for how little she cared. After seeing little to no movement outside the walls, it was pretty obvious that this group is not big, well armed but just too small. _What in the hell's name were you people thinking,_ she left them to it, truth is she could have warned them, but to her they were just a bunch of murderers, k _illing people in their sleep, who does that?_

And now here they are, and here she is, in between the trees, watching. She loved the woods, it always gave her a shelter, shadows, signs that someone is approaching and even some food.

"And now let's meet the man."  
She saw a man she recognized from a few months back approaching the trailer and banging at the door. _So he is here_ , she smiled, finally, after all this time, she will see a man that leads this group she was shadowing for so long that she could swear she could recognize half of them by now. This was the last piece of the puzzle missing before she moves on, there is simply not enough food left to scavenge safely, she really needed to go, she was stuck here for far too long.

The door of the trailer opened, tall man stepping outside, he was wearing leather jacket with red scarf wrapped around his neck, his black hair was combed back, his brown eyes were scanning the group that was kneeling in front of him,then the wide pearl smile appeared beneath his salt and pepper beard as he brought his baseball bat to rest on his shoulder,it was wrapped in barbed wire.  
 _That is one strange weapon of choice_ , she concluded, while ghosting her fingers above her set of knives that were strapped around her thigh.

"Pissing our pants yet? Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close. It's gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon."  
When he finally spoke, she felt like his voice was echoing around entire woods, she now saw why his people rounded around him, he was one charismatic bastard, she was looking at his body languages, the way he spoke to his captives, the way he invaded their personal space, she knew this is his game and he owns it and she would be lying if she told you she wasn't intrigued, she didn't know why but she wanted to play as well, feeling like a kid again getting stuck on a bench during a gym class not because she didn't have skills but she just didn't get picked by her classmates. She rolled her eyes at the notion, _God you are one stupid bitch sometimes you know that_ with that, she pushed that feeling aside, not needing to get into more trouble than she already is.

Then it happened, after a short ini-mini-miny-mo game he brought his baseball bat on red-haired man's skull. She expected this to happen but it didn't make her less surprised, as he continued to bash his skull, she decided that now is a good time to back away, she took few steps when something grabbed her by upper arm at that instant she grabbed one of the knifes and stuck it into walkers head, she was fast, her reflexes were sharp, but she was detected, she saw rifles being loaded and aimed at her.

"Peek a boo, I see you! Come out and play with us." Negan called for her.

"Shit, shit, shit, fucking shit, shit!", she was swearing like an idiot while coming to face them, with her hands in the air, knowing there is no more running, it all got down to this, she would come out or she would die. She didn't really had any attachments to her life and didn't care will she live or not but stupid self-preservation instinct that her dad built up in her was kicking in again.

"Well, well, well what do we have here? Is she one of you guys? Did you hide this one away? Now, that is the just bad thing to do, really bad, bad, thing to do." Negan was side eyeing the group on the ground while approaching the spot where she stood, making a clicking noise with his tongue and grinning at them, he reached for her face shield and brought it down to her neck.  
"So, will any of you speak when spoken to?", he was now watching her in the eyes, they were almost at the same eye level, so he was not looking down on her, that was her plus for now, but she had a feeling that that will change soon, cursing the fact that it is dark and that she wasn't wearing her sunglasses, but kept his gaze, not speaking, she knew the question was not directed at her.

"No.", the leader of the other group, Rick, spoke.

"You," then she heard Simon speak, like he was in some kind of trance the whole time and was just coming out of it.

"You know her?", Negan looked at him, with amused smirk on his face.

"That is the woman from the wounds, the one that wanders..."

"Round, round and all around. ", Negan interrupted him, circling his index finger with relentless smirk on his face, bringing it closer to hers until their noses were touching, she smiled at him, it amused her that they remember such a trivial gesture she made.  
When Negan saw her smiling back his smirk turned into a grin and he started laughing while throwing his head back.

"I like you, people I like this one," he announced it to everyone,"get down on your knees doll."

She got down without single hesitation, knowing she is in the game now and depending on how she plays her cards, she will be on the other side of the court or dead, either way worked for her.

"So, you are the one that saved their poor asses in the woods that day?"

"Yes."

"Using those pretty things?", Negan asked her while pointing at her knifes

"Yes."

"Can I take a closer look at one of them?"

She knew that this wasn't a question but a demand, "of course you can, do you want me to hand it to you or will you take it on your own, I don't mind any of those options, just trying to avoid misunderstandings.",at this he started laughing again.

"You are one smart cookie."

"Cookie, alight I can work with that."

"Will you be a doll and give me your favorite one."

She reached for the biggest knife she had, his handle was the same size as the handles of the rest of her knifes but this one had much longer blade, it was always tucked in the side pocket of her belt resting at her outer thigh, for easier reach, she give it to him handle first as a sign of peace and trust, he reached with his right hands, he rested the blade on the middle finger of his left hand and started to rotate it.

"Damn impressive doll, damn impressive."

"I know but thank you for noticing.", she told him with a smirk on her face, eyeing him, he was still smiling, she knew he was enjoying this and she be damned if she didn't love ever second of it as well.

He crouched in front of her, silently holding her gaze waiting for his stare to bring her down, but it did not, she was looking at him with the same intensity he was looking at her, they were both smirking at each other. He felt her green eyes were shooting dagger through his soul and she felt like his smile was biting on her heart and tearing it apart, like a dog playing with a shoe. Then both of them started laughing, their stares fell down at her same time, like they called it even and recognizes that they are not enemies, it is still to be seen are they allies. He gave the knife back to her.

Everybody was looking at them, Alexandria group still in shock from what happened few minutes ago and confused with this strange interaction that was going on in front of them and Saviors exchanging glances among each other, even more confused, they knew Negan and there was something strange in the air between this woman and him, this is not how we acted with this captives, people he was trying to recruit or even the girls he was trying to fuck, hell he didn't even act like that with people closes to him.

Simon just sighted, rubbing his forehead, he knew this was going to happen if the two ever met. Now fearing what will happen the moment this woman joins them, because he was damn sure she will, there is no force that will separate those two now.

 _Fuck, like one wasn't enough_ , he thought to himself.


	3. Shadow pt3

"As much fun it is to talk to you doll, I have some business to conclude", Negan told her, pointing at the group that was still kneeling, all of them were crying, some kept it to them self while other were sobbing, the pain was written all over their features, then she saw a shorthaired woman that was as pale as death, it was obvious she was in lot of pain and it had nothing to do with what just happened, it peeked her curiosity.

"So if you will be a good girl for a little longer and just hand over all your weapons so I can bring my attention back to them. They are getting jealous just look how Rick is looking at me. ", he looked at Rick and started smiling again but this time his smile was different, then she saw it, it was fake, but she is not stupid enough to call him up on that, this was his act after all not hers.

"Do you miss me, Rick?",he called out, Rick let his eyes fall to the ground not speaking.

"See, I told them over and over again doll, speak when you are spoken to, but they just don't fucking listen. Tell me, do you listen?", he turned his attention back to her still invading her personal space, she really didn't mind it, they were in the middle of an apocalypse, there is no space for trivial things like that anymore.

"Sure", she told him, like he just asked her will she fetch him a glass of water.

He was laughing again, telling one of his men to get a bag so they can put her weapons in it, in less than a minute one big black duffle bag was in front of her, Negan placed Lucile on the ground and unzipped it, holding it wide open so it would be easier to slip weapons in it. One of his men started approaching her getting ready to take her bow from her back, Negan eyed him, making him freeze,

"What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"I..i….th..thought you w..want us to take her ..w…weapons away."

"I think I told her to hand over her weapons not for you to take them."

"Yes…yes..sir."

"Good boy now get back in line. Ok, doll, put every little toy you have in this bag."

"If I knew this is what was going to happen, I wouldn't have thrown away all those fun toys I found a few months back, damn it",she was actually thinking out loud, nasty habit she picked up while traveling alone for so long, Negan chuckled, she looked at him realizing he heard her, cooking her head to her right she smiled, she really needs to kick that habit away but for now it was just fun to watch him react to her blabbing around, testing the waters. She started to unstrap her weapons, first she handed her machete, then came her bow and quiver, she reached for the gun she had, she never used it, but decide it was worth keeping and then her knives, she unbuckled the belt and threw it into the bag, then she reaches for her vest, revealing at least fifteen more knives on each side of it.

"God damn it doll, where did you find all those toys?"

"Round, round and all around," she told him while reaching for one more, these ones she had to take out one by one, she looked at him and smiled, "in hospitals, people take medicines they don't take knives".

This made him smile again, he knew he wanted her in his team first time Simon mentioned her, damn, if he had her maybe his men would still be alive.

When it was all said and done he was back on his feet, winking at her, and turning to the group.

"Ok, rest is over fuckers, hope you had time to catch your breath, later you can thank this pretty lady here, she really lighten my mood, so I will go easy on you, hell, if she showed up before I smashed reds head, who knows maybe he would be alive and kicking, well alive at least.", he smiled at them.

At that moment she felt shiver running down her spine, she knows she is not right in the head, that her priorities were all fucked up, but does he know he is as well, seeing him smile like that, acting like a fucking Joker, she couldn't help but see herself and how she looked while killing, the mirror of the truth was never pleasant to look at, of course, she killed to defend herself, she killed people she saw as a threat, she didn't enjoy it and still she did it with a smile.

She understood why he was doing this but that didn't change the fact that this man was dangerous and yet she wasn't scared of him, _I am really gone now, bye, bye, sweet sanity, you were boring as fuck._

"Take a damn look!"

She heard Negan's voice, this snapped her from her thoughts and in a second she yelled, "behind you!"

She wanted to jump, but was too far away, Negan turned and was taken back with a punch in a face, in a second his men were on the attacker, he glances at her and he could swear she was looking at him with expression that was challenging him to see what will he do next, estimating him to see if he was worth following, telling him that everything he does from this point on will decide their destiny, he smiled at her, as a sign that challenge is accepted, he could never say `no` to someone as pretty as she is, every man has his weaknesses, his were beautiful women, he never denied he brought his attention back to the men on the ground.

"This is a big no, no, this shit doesn't fly here, I told you that!",a man with a scar came running pointing his crossbow at attackers head, he reminded her of someone but she couldn't pinpoint who. Negan ordered them to get him back in line, she felt sorry for that poor fool, she knew Negan is not going to kill him, that is not how this game is played.

"I don't know with what kind of liars you've been dealing with up to this point but I am man of my word, I need you to know me, so back to it.", he glances at her second before he brought his bat down on other man's head, he took two fast swings and turned his attention back at her, looking to see will she flinch or look away, she did not.

Man that was taking hits just a seconds ago started making noises like he was trying to say something

"Maggie I'll find you", he was talking to a short-haired woman and that broke her heart.

Too close to home man, too close to home, then she saw Negan`s expression change, his smile fell and he was looking at now screaming woman, it looked like it wasn't just too close to home for his home as well, it was right at his doorstep knocking the doors down, but what he started he needs to finish

"Oh, hell, I can see this is hard for you guy, I am sorry, I truly am, but hey I did say no exceptions.", he continued to bash man's skull.

"I'm just getting started...Lucile is thirsty...she is a Vampire bat."Negan looked at the group, smiling at them, "What was the joke that bad?"

It was all done in a matter of seconds, like always, for your life to change that is all time you need, the rest are just consequences.

Negan was gone, on as he said, little road trip with Rick, the rest of them were still lined up to wait for their return, she was looking at the captured group, hell, she couldn't believe they were the same people that killed all those men not so long ago, they looked weak and broken now but that is not who they are and the moment they remember that they will be more dangerous than ever.

 _I hope I will be long gone from this place by then,_ she started laughing to herself, who is she kidding, she is going nowhere and not because she is not capable of running away but because something in her doesn't want to even try.

She felt someone is looking at her, raising her head she realized everyone was, shit, she was laughing out loud, she mentally kicked herself, she really needs to control her thoughts.  
"Is something funny?", the dark-haired woman spoke to her, the one that was apparently involved with Negan's first victim.  
"Yeah, it is, but don't worry it has nothing to do with you."  
"How can you laugh at the times like this, did you see what he just did?" the woman continued and that made her every nerve cringe, there are not many things she hates more than self-righteous people.  
"Yes, I did. Just as I saw what you did at that outpost." dark haired woman froze, her expression was unreadable, but at least she stopped talking.

"What? How long were you shadowing us?" Simon spoke.  
"Since the woods."  
"And you were there when these fuckers attacked our outpost?"  
"Yes, I was in the woods when I saw them and before you ask, I am sorry but there was no way for me to help your men without getting killed." Simon was speechless like he was trying to process what she just apologized for.  
"It is not up to you to save any of us, at least not yet, once you join us it will be"  
"And what makes you think I will join you" she smirked at him  
"l know you will"

It passed another hour, Negan still didn't come back, how rude to keep people waiting for so long, she rolled her eyes, the sun was coming out, this was the first dawn of her new life and she was already tired of sitting in one place.  
"I am bored."  
"And I am supposed to entertain you?" Simon retorted he was now standing behind her.  
"You could try", she gave him mischievous smirk looking up at him.  
"God, I hope you are worth the trouble woman", this made her smile again, then she looked around, realization of where she is kicked her again, she always did this, saying the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate time, her shrink once told her mother that it is just her coping mechanism, because she almost never cries and it is nothing to worry about, well it was nothing to worry about back then, but now that kind of shit got you killed.

"Sorry", she said so quietly that no one heard her, but she heard herself and it was enough, fuck other people, they don't need to know who she really is, that would only make her look soft.  
Thankfully at that moment she heard trailer coming, the door opened and Rick was thrown on the ground, Negan walking out behind him.  
"Did you take care of my new favorite girl Simon?", he asked smirking at her.  
"She was bored." oh, she could punch that stupid mustache of his face right now.  
"Was she now, well fuck, we can't have that now can we, that just makes us shitty hosts, don't worry doll, I am back and things are about to get a lot more interesting." ,he winked at her and he was not lying.

He brought the boy she now realized was named Carl in front of Rick, laying him on the ground and marking the place where his father was supposed to cut his arm off, she had a stomach for many things but this made her think of her dad and she felt she is about to puke  
"What you do next will decide whether your crap day becomes everyone's last crap day or just another crap day. Get some guns to the backs of their heads. Level with their noses, so if you have to fire, it'll be a real mess."

She felt a gun being pointed at the back of her head, she knew it wasn't Simon, he was now standing near Negan, she hated the fact she can't see who it was, just so she can kick his ass later  
"Not at her you stupid fuck what the hell is wrong with you?" Negan was talking to a man standing behind her, "she is mine, you don't point a gun at people who are mine unless I say so."  
"S-sorry", she knew that voice it was the same man that tried to take her weapons away from her, she rolled her eyes, whoever it was he really had a thing for her apparently.  
"Good boy, don't worry doll, he will not get close to you again. So back to matter at hand, hahaha, now that pun was not intended but man is it good hahaha"

Rick started to panic and cry, it was the gruesome thing to watch, bashing heads was pure gore, nothing she didn't see on daily basses, but this, this was torture to look at and just as he swung his axe to do the deed Negan stopped him.  
"You answer to me, you provide for me, you belong to me, right," Rick just nodded his head frantically, still sobbing, "speak when you're spoken to!"

She closed her eyes, still trying to erase an image of Rick cutting his son's arm of that somehow crept up to her mind.  
"Everything ok, doll?" Negan was just inches from her face, she didn't even hear him approach.  
"Yes, it is, now", she weakly smiled at him, she is sleepy, tired and this shit that just happened got to her, she knew there are things worse than death, and apparently she managed to find one person that shares that knowledge with her and it is ok now because he didn't make Rick do it.

"So are you coming with me doll?" ,he asked her, almost purring, this brought her back to the awake state.  
"Depends on what do you offer?"  
Negan started to laugh, he looked up at Simon who was back behind her,"what do I offer, she asked me what do I offer?"  
She felt his hand coming behind her neck and tugging her hair down, he was growling now, his eyes darkening, she knew it, she pushed too far, but she'd be damned if she was scared of him. He had nothing on her, she cared for no one, she had no one, even life she had she valued as much as she valued old pair of boots. He would first have to give her something to be able to take it away from her.

"How about your life?" he spoke, and she just couldn't hold it inside of her anymore, she maniacally started to laugh, he let go of her hair, backing his face a few inches away, he was confused, glancing towards Simon.  
"What the fuck?", was all he managed to say, she extended her hand in a gesture of stop and started to wipe away tears that started to go down her cheeks.

"Sorry man, fuck, just give me a second, forgive me", she inhaled deeply and looked at him, her expression was serious now, he was looking at her still confused with her little outburst few second ago, she placed her hand on his knee trying to bring him out of the state he was in and it worked, but now he will want an explanation.

"Sorry, man, just, I didn't eat for like two days now, last two cans I opened were rotten. I didn't sleep for at least a full day and the last time I did sleep it was only for an hour or two, hell I stink so bad I can't even stand being near me, I tried to bathe in the river a few days ago but got attacked by some walkers, I had to fight them butt naked and was only luck that my bow was close at hand. It is like that for me since this shit went down, so sorry for my little outburst a few moments ago, but my life is worth squat to me men you will just have to do better than that."  
Negan was looking at her, like trying to process what she just said, then his expression softened for a moment, he knew she was not afraid of him, that she would not harm him either, she was an empty book, no loyalties, nothings, what you see is what you get, and he liked what he saw.

He moved his face to hers so they are side by side as he whispered in her ear, for only her to know, "come with me, I will give you whatever you want as long as you choose wisely, believe me, choices will be nice, I offer you a reason to live."

 _Reason to live_ , now that is something she didn't have even long before world went down, they were face to face now, tip of his nose resting on tip of hers and she laughed, this time genuinely and from heart

"Ok, you give me that boss and my life is in your hands."  
He was back on his feet, extending his hand to her, she took it, he swung her up and embrace her,"you are one smart cookie", he turned to the group never letting her go.  
"Welcome to a brand new beginning you sorry shits. Hope you like it, I certainly do."

He order his men to take Daryl with them, and then led her to his Jeep, resting his arm on her lower back  
"How rude of me I didn't even ask your name", he leaned on the front door holding it opened but never gesturing her to come in.

"Alice it is Alice."  
"Alice, hm, that is one nice name, ready to go home doll?"  
"Show me that Wonderland of yours" she smiled at him, taking her seat "Wonderland?"  
"When you smile you remind me of Cheshire cat "

He smiled while closing the door and settling himself behind the steering wheel,"we are all mad there, doll."

"Oh, I have no doubt about that."


	4. Shadow pt4

First part of the drive was silent, Negan was shifting in his seat, the silence was comfortable but he wanted to know as much as he could about this woman and for the first time he couldn't voice the words. She was looking at him, resting her head on the seat, like she will fall asleep any moment now, he felt her scanning him, it got on his nerves enough that he finally found his voice

"What are you looking at?"

"Fuck, you are handsome, I mean, how the fuck someone looks like that in the middle of an apocalypse."

He couldn't help himself, he started laughing like he didn't laugh in years, her blunt honesty was refreshing, especially when it was telling him something he liked to hear.

"Are you hitting on me, doll?"

"Hahaha, hell, I just might be, who knows, do you mind it?"

"I don't believe me, doll, I fucking don't."

"That is nice to know ", she drifted to sleep, he was watching her, he could wake her up and ask her everything he wants to know but the ride is long enough for her to catch some sleep, there will be enough time for questions once they reach the Sanctuary.

She felt a hand shaking her darkness away, she woke up and saw Negan.

"Wake up, sunshine, we are here."

 _We are where? Who_ is, _we?_ She was up in second trying to collect herself, memories started to flood her, the bat, people dying, Negan, Saviors, home, then she remembered.  
Negan was already at her side of Jeep, holding the door opened for her to get out, she thanked him and looked around herself, the pace was huge, even bigger than she imagined it, wow escaped her lips and that made Negan smile.

"Welcome to wonderland Alice."

"Thank you", she made a gesture she saw princesses do when asked for a dance in old Disney movies she used to watch with her father.

Negan barked few orders to his man, made sure Daryl got out of the vehicle, ordering his men where to take him and then gesturing for her to follow him, while they were walking she saw people getting down on their knees, she was surprised. How the hell, he made this work? She just couldn't understand, it is one thing to make people want to follow you but it is another to have them wrapped around your fingers like this.

He led her through the door he already opened, "welcome to heaven doll."  
He smiled as she entered the room, it was big, large windows decorated with black curtains, she glances to the other side of the room and saw the biggest bed she have ever seen in her life, she could swear it was calling her name, then she saw a opened door right next to it, her feet just led her there without thinking, she knew this is Negan's room, but she didn't care, what she saw on the other side was worth the risk. Negan followed her as they entered the private bathroom, it had a sink, a shower, a bath, she would have thought she just died and went to heaven if she didn't already know that people like her don't go there.

"Usually I let people make their choice and then get rewarded, but you saved my men once and hell you were even ready to attack Daryl few minutes after we met, I think you deserve a nice hot shower."

She felt his breath on her ear, he managed to sneak up on her again, it was a long time since she felt comfortable enough around someone to allow it and never this fast but hell if she will over-analyze that shit, it felt good and it was enough.

"Really?"  
"Yeah, I will tell someone to get you some fresh clothing, until you clean that uniform of yours."  
"Oh, so you will not be joining me?" She asked, making the best puppy face she knew, he got closer to her, she felt his body heat and that made her stomach twist, damn she wasn't with someone since the world fell.  
"All in due time doll, all in due time", she let go of frustrated sigh and wiggled her nose  
"As you wish boss." She smiled while starting to take her clothes off not even checking did he close the door or left the room.

She didn't have a warm shower in ages, it felt so good she didn't want to get out of there, she heard someone coming into the bathroom.  
"Changed your mind?" she called, thinking it is Negan but woman's voice answered her.  
"I first need to hear the offer." Alice popped her head behind curtains and saw a woman she recognized from the woods, she smiled seductively at her.  
"Oh sweet thing, did you rush over here to see me? I was just thinking about you", Arat was scanning her like she was trying to read her intentions, Alice liked to play games and loved to win them and confusing people was her tactic, she got out the shower and extended her hand not minding her lack of modesty.  
"My name is Alice, I believe we were not properly introduced. "  
"And telling me your name while being butt naked is a proper introduction?"  
"Well maybe not the most proper one, but it is the most pleasant one, " Alice winked at her, "and if you want me to get dressed all you need to do is ask."  
Woman sighed, "Arat, my name is Arat, Negan is waiting for you, so please get dressed he is not the most patient person."  
"Sure, see you around", Alice smiled and winked at her, Arat rolled her eyes while turning around and leaving the room.

Alice reach for the clothing she just received, it surprise her when she found new fresh pair of panties and a sports bra, they were simple cotton white ones but they were most comfortable thing she had in ages, then she got into baggy military jeans that were too big around her waist but the length was just right so she just wrapped them with the belt as tight as she could, she hated to wear belts around her waist but she will have to put up with it for now, after that came black tank top, she felt out of place wearing such loose clothing but she knew her old one is in dire need of deep cleaning.

Negan was sitting on the sofa, when he saw her coming out of the bathroom, he got up and walked towards her.

"Doll, you are the most beautiful thing I ever saw."

"Well thank you, kind sir."

"Haha, that is the last thing I expected someone to call me, but let's discuss business."

"As you say, boss"

He smiled at the word, clearing his throat he started. "You have three options, ok, you have four, but I am sure you don't want me to kill you and make you work for me as a dead man."

"I will have to think about it."

"Okkk," he raised his eyebrow at her, it will take some time for him to get used to her sense of humor, "so, you have three options, first one is you work for points, you earn them and use them to get what you need but that life would make you wish you were dead and that is not what I promised to give you, but I have to put it out there. The second option is you work for me, and you live like a fucking queen, you get a room, food, you don't work for points, but you go where I send you and do whatever I tell you."

"Ok, and what is the third one?"She asked and his smiled widened.

"Oh that is my favorite one doll, and the one I would love for you to take, come with me."

He led her out of the room and across the hall, she saw a big two winged door, guarded by two armed men, he opened them and gestured for her to come in, the moment she saw a room she froze in the place. There were six other women inside, they were all wearing tight dress, makeup and smelled like they just bathe themselves in perfume, Negan came at her side proudly announcing.

"Meet my wives, doll."

"Wives?", with that she started laughing, she was losing her breath, _wtf, man, the world is falling apart and you got yourself nice little harem?_ Trying to get her composure back she turned to him.

"Oh, man, I mean, this is fucking amazing, like, how you manage this place and all, but really, six wives and I thought I had a problematic appetite."

"Seven, if you agreed." He whispered in her ear, making her shiver when his beard tickled her earlobes.

"And what do they do, sit here all day, paint their nails and do each other's hair and stuff?"

"Yeah, pretty much, they have everything they wish for and in exchange they let me fuck them whenever I feel like it."

"And they accepted this willing?"

He now grabbed her by her upper arm, his hold was so tight it was hurting her, he pulled her closer to him, looking her directly in the eyes, she knew she crossed some kind of line again then he started to speak with a low and menacing voice.

"Here we don't rape women, every woman is the master of her own faith, they are here because they choose to be here if they want to fucking leave they can, I am not stopping them. Every woman who is with someone here is because she choose to be and if I hear someone violating that law he dies, no exceptions."

He let go of her, throwing her away from him, making her almost fall on the floor, within a second she collected herself and the took a few steps to get back to the spot she was before her little sidetrack and placed her hand on his cheek softly caressing it, never even glancing at the audience, he leaned into the touch. She calmed down the beast now all she has to do is reason with it.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to," she whispered, "can we talk about this somewhere else, please?"

She really wanted to get out of there, this place gave made her sick, the way these women were watching them made her uncomfortable and she didn't know why. He took her hand and lead her back to his room, closing the doors behind him and gesturing her to take a seat, he took a sit on another sofa with cafe table between them.

"Listen, Negan", she sighed, she was looking at her hands that were resting on her lap, then she looked up at him, he was leaning towards her, his chin resting on his hand, he was waiting for her decision, and damn it she didn't know what to do.

"Fuck, this is, fuck", she ran her hand through her hair, _ok honesty is the best way to go._

"I can't be one of your wives, as much as I wanted to get into your pants and fuck those are some nice pants to get into, I just can't live like that man."

"Why?", he asked her with calmest she didn't expect, "Why, can't you? You would have everything you need, new clothing, perfumes, makeup, everything someone would kill for."

"This place would go to shit if I did that."

"Haha, and what makes you think that?"

"I can't sit in one place men, I need to do something, I need to keep my skills sharp. I would get bored living like that, I don't have enough nails to paint to keep me occupied for long and then I would hear you fucking one of them while I am sitting there looking up at the ceiling, that would lead to jealousy. Boredom and jealousy are really fucked up combination man, the one that would make me lose my shit, then I would kill them all and then you would have to kill me, then you would feel sad because you had to kill me and then you would kill yourself. Then who would run this place? Simon? No man, no one would take him seriously with that mustache."

Negan was staring at her for a long moment before bursting into laughter, he was expecting any explanation but this, damn, he never met someone who would make him laugh with such easiness.

"So your answer is no, damn it doll, I am disappointed."

She looked at him and smiled, then stood up and walked towards the place he was sitting, taking a spot right next to him, she didn't know why she felt so at ease with him even after she saw what he is capable of, but she did and she loved it, she placed one of her arms around his shoulders and with free hand started to caress his cheek again, she liked the face he made when she did that, she leaned her head closer to him, making her the one who is invading his personal space now and started to whisper into his lips while keeping his eyes locked with hers.

"You told me you will give me something to live for and you thought that giving me one small part of your time and all those luxuries will be enough and that I would say yes, but it is not and I won't," he opened his mouth to say something but she shush him placing her index finger of his lips, she knew it is a bad idea but she needed to talk without being interrupted.  
"You don't need another fuck toy man, you have six of them, what you need is skilled killer, someone who will be your shadow and kill anyone stupid enough to try to harm you. I don't want part of your time, I want a purpose to my time, let that purpose be keeping you alive," she placed a soft kiss on his lips before moving away from him, "I'll take second options if that is ok with you."

Negan felt like he just froze in the place, he was not used to someone talking to him like this, not even his wives, but he didn't fell any insincerity in her words and her request was flattering as much as it was reasonable. He is not stupid, he knows that building an empire on fear can make you a lot of enemies and that many loyal to him would flee before even consider risking their lives for him. He had Simon, but he can't be by his side all the time, he was his right hand, not his bodyguard and if it was true what Simon told him about the skills of this woman, then she would be the perfect fit for that role.

"Alright doll, if you want to put that pretty ass on the line for me who am I to stop you, I'll get you to your room, rest today. I will get Arat to show you around a bit and tomorrow you start"

She hugged him, kissing him on the cheek, "you won't regret it boss, so I suppose that means we won't have any fun of our own?"  
She wiggled her eyebrows at him, he laughed again, her offer was tempting but he just needs to see what this is and how it will work, hell, he got out of his comfort zone enough for one day, he gave her quick kiss on lips.

"I think it is better you rest today."

"Damn it, I should have known you are restricted to your wives only, fuck, I didn't think this through," she made sad expression before perking up again, "well, what the hell, I will just have to get Arat in bed. "  
He was looking confused at her, before starting to laugh again, running his hand through his hair, "didn't know you lean both ways doll."

"Oh, I am pretty flexible, I can lean in many ways, even bent if needed."  
She wickedly smiled at him, while her arm was still resting on his shoulder, and for the first time, he was actually excited about having a new ally and his side.


	5. Shadow pt 5

Negan slowly lead her to her room, it was the closest room to where he slept, opening the door for her to come in, room was much smaller than his, but it was to be expected, after all, he is the boss and some status symbols were to be up held even in times like this, this room was brighter, despite the smaller windows, probably because of the decorations, it had small kitchen in it, bed, TV, radio, bookshelf, sofa and one very comfortable armchair, then she saw it.

"Is that a fucking microwave?"

Negan smiled at her, "sure is, doll."

"I have a fucking microwave! Oh, shit, I would kiss you again but someone might come and that would be unprofessional."

"I can always close to door if you want to."

"Are you hitting on me boss? " She took a few steps from him not waiting for his answer, it didn't matter anyway, she said no to his offer, he said no to hers, now all that is left is their game and hopefully trusting friendship that will grow out of it and that was enough to look forward to, other things they will have to find elsewhere.

"Does this thing work?" She pointed at the radio sitting beside her bed

"It does, but.." Before Negan could even finish his sentence, she turned it on, releasing the most annoying song she ever heard in her life _We're on easy street and it feels so sweet, 'cause the world is 'bout a_ treat, _when you're on easy street._

"Holly shit, you could torture people with this music. "

"Yeah, we do that," he chuckled.

"You are one cruel, cruel man you know that?"  
She was looking at him with a fake grin of disgust while popping herself on the bed and testing it, "hmmm, it is squeaky, but I think it's a nice touch."

"Haha, you do, don't you?", he said while taking a spot beside her, "Do you like it, doll?"

"I love it, really, thank you Negan."

"You are welcome, now I need to see how our other new resident is doing, Arat will come by shortly to show you around the compound and explain to you how everything works, you can take you clothing to the Laundry, we have people that can wash it for you."

"Can I do it?"

"Why?"

"It is leather, men, I really don't feel comfortable with other people handling it"

"They know what they are doing Alice, but ok, do what you wish but please don't sweep the floors because you can do it better than someone else, that will be bad for your reputation."

"Yes boss," she gave him a military greeting.

"You sure you don't want me to come with you?", she asked with a pleading voice, she hated to be in one place and relax, that is when thoughts would come and she didn't like where they usually lead.

"No, you start tomorrow, today you rest." He told her, placing a kiss on her temple and leaving her alone.

She took her shirt and jeans off and decided to get into bed and try to rest for a while before Arat comes to get her, to her surprise she fell asleep, in the moment, no bad memories, no fear of walkers, just a peace she didn't felt in a long, long time.

Someone banging on the doors startled her, not even thinking of the state she is in she opened it, Arat was staring at her

"Do you ever wear proper clothing?", she asked her, Alice looked down and saw she was only in her underwear and started to laugh.

"Oh, it is not my fault they disappear the moment you are close by, I think they just feel they are in the way", she glanced at Arat with sad expression on her face, woman just rolled her eyes

"Ok, if you want us to be friends you need to stop acting like that."

"Oh, I am sorry, will stop, if you don't swing that way it is ok, didn't mean to insult you, sweetheart," Alice told her while turning to get her clothing from the floor

"No more nicknames", Arat told her, swinging her index finger in sign of a threat

"Oh, baby that is something that will be really, really hard to do. I always talk like that with people I like."

"And it worked, like ever? ", Arat asked her crossing her arms again

"It always works, baby, you just wait and see." Alice winked at her with the mischievous smile, Arat smiled, this woman was annoying as hell but charming at the same time.

"So will we head out or are you going to stare at my chest all day?" Arat didn't ever know she was lost there for a few moments, she shook her head and indicated Alice to follow her

"So rules are really simple, everything and everyone here belongs to Negan, you are here with us so you don't work for points, you can take anything you need just write it down, your number is 23, when you see Negan you kneel, simple as that, we all have two regular meals a day, one breakfast from 6am to 9am and dinner from 5pm to 8pm, you can always take some food up to your room and make your own meals, most of us don't have time for that but as Negan told us you will be at his side most of the time so it is very likely you won't make it to any of our regular meals so I would strongly recommend you to get some food up, just so you don't starve to death. Do you have any question?"

"No, it is all pretty simple, but I do want to know how do you punish people here, this place is big but there is no room for a prison and it would be contra productive to just kill people off." Arat paused, turning her head in both directions then coming closer to Alice, she was at least a head shorter than her so she was looking up.  
"And why do you want to know?"

"Simple curiosity, dear, don't worry I am not stupid to ruin this."

"They get an iron."

"An Iron?"

"Don't worry, it is a monthly event here you will see."

Alice just shrugged her shoulders, "if you say so."

They went to armory so Alice could get her weapons and backpack back and then to her room, to get her clothing and get it washed and dried, by the time they were done dinner was ready. Arat led her to the kitchen that looked like a high school cafeteria, the hall was huge and this was the place where you could see the difference between life with points and without them. Negan`s men were all well-dressed sitting around the biggest table there, while the rest of people were scattered around on smaller ones or in corners, they did not eat the same thing Negan's man had so Alice assumed those are regular rations anyone can have no points needed, the rest was just a luxury.

Arat led her to the food and then to their table, she saw Simon sitting there smiling at her.

"Here she comes, ladies and gentlemen, my favorite new psycho." He called for her, gesturing people to move and make a place for her and Arat to sit.  
"You come sit beside me, we have to talk," the moment she took her place her wrapped his arm around her tugging her to his side.  
"This girl here saved mine, Dwight's and Arat's ass a few months back and then disappeared nowhere to be found just to showed up when a boss was about to smashed some heads of our enemies, to enjoy the show."  
He was yelling across the hall, everyone turned their attention to them, Alice felt like she is about to make a public speech, ok,ok _imagine everyone naked_ , then she saw an old man bending to get something from the floor. Ok _, don't imagine anyone naked._

"I got my knives back Simone I will shave you I swear." The entire table started to laugh including him  
"You will be my new best friend", he told her, hugging her ever tighter, "but to be honest Alice, I didn't expect you to be here with us."

"Why? Because I am so insufferable that you thought Negan was going to feed me to the walkers."

"Haha, well yeah and because I thought if he didn't kill you he would give you, you know, his special option."

"What special option?"

"Well you know, his harem."

"Oh, that. Yeah, he did."  
She told him while taking a mouthful of her spaghetti, she loved any type of pasta and to be able to enjoy it again was enough for her to be grateful.

"And you said no?"

"Yeah."

"Why? How did Negan take it?", now she heard a man with scarred face talking to her and she remembered where she saw him, he was the one from the woods but his face was not like that back then.

"What do you mean?", she was genuinely interested to know, making an image of what people think about her boss will make it much easier for her to do her job, Dwight shifted in his seat, with hers and Simons stare pinning him down.

"You know….well… he is not a man who takes no for an answer.", she narrowed her eyes at him, feeling Simon is about to say something but deciding that she will be the one to talk, they need to know her.

"Negan is a smart man, he knew I have more things to bring on the table than just a warm nest between my legs, he gave me choices, he did not take no for an answer, he made me choose and as he promised her respected my choice."  
She looked dead cold as she spoke to Dwight, giving him clear sign where she stood, she might be here eating with them and sharing jokes but her loyalty from this morning on laid with Negan and she is a woman of her word.

"Yeah right.", another man spoke, he had short brown hair and very muscular face, Simon spoke this time before her

"It is not his fault your girl went to him, she made a choice and keep your voice down if you want to keep that pretty face of yours as any hope of finding another one. No offense Dwight"

"None taken."

She made a mental not of a man that spoke a few moments ago, she knew that voice it was the same man that tried to take her bow from her and pointed a gun at her head.

The rest of the dinner went nicely, people joking around, telling her wild stories about some of their adventures, pranks they played on each other, they all looked like one big happy family, she even caught a few glances from Arat but deciding to keep her distance for a while, she didn't have time for romance and Arat looked like she wanted more than casual sex from time to time.

By the time dinner was over, Simon offered to escort her to her room and to use that chance to talk a bit privately, she waved everyone goodbye, kissing Arat on the cheek and went her way.

"You are almost smooth as boss, girl." , Simon told her, side eyeing her with a smirk.

"Oh, if I had his smile I would out smooth him in a second.", she told him, with an amused tone in her voice, thinking she is the one that will have to make sure he smiles as long as possible, tariffed her and filled her with pride at the same time.

"Boss told everyone you will be at his side from tomorrow on but with me he went into details. That is one big responsibility you are taking here woman and you are putting everything you have on a line to get it done, you sure you want this?"

"I have nothing Simon, as I told you in the woods this morning, Negan was the only person who was straight forward with me, no games, no play pretends, what you see is what you get and I know how he is, I am not fucking blind but shit I can't judge someone for doing the same things I would."  
Simon was watching her, he was trying to find a catch, but there was no catch to be found, she really had nothing before this morning came and now she has a home and someone she trusts, even if that is the last person he would put his trust in, but he is not her and boss never talked to him like he talked to her, them being side by side was the most natural thing he saw in his life and it can't be more simple than that.

"You know he has a lot of enemies, ever here? I was trying to figure out who stands where but it is just too hard with people traveling all the time and me going to supply runs. It is damned impossible until they make their move, no one was stupid enough yet but time will come when they will be."

"And I will be there with my knives and bow to greet them." She smiled at him, and he saw she is sincere, it was enough, it will always be enough.

"Alice, if you need anything or need to know something, come and ask me, no one else. Alright?"

"Alright." She nodded at him while getting in her room, wishing him goodnight and wrapping up this strange day.

* * *

She was on her feet before the dawn even broke, taking her freshly washed 'uniform' as Negan called it and went to their shared bathroom, there she took a shower and put on her familiar robes, she finally felt complete and was ready to start her day, coming back to her room, she as at lost, what to do now she still has one hour till breakfast, deciding to read something, she lost track of time when she heard someone knocking at her door.

"Doll, are you there?", it was Negan, she opened the door in a second, he was leaning on her doorframe, with Lucile resting on his shoulder, he was wearing a white t-shirt, black denim jeans, and his leather jacket.

"So are you going to invite me in?"

"Oh, yeah, come in, come in.", _kneel, yes, kneel,_ she was down on her knees when he came into the room and was only rewarded with loud laughter.

"Come on doll, you don't have to do that when no one is around, it will be our little secret.", he winked at her while helping her to stand up.

"So are you ready to protect the fuck out of me?"

"I love it when you use words fuck and me so close together.", she winked at him.  
"Oh, doll, you are making this arrangement hard already and we didn't even start."

She burst out in laughter at this remark, while taking her weapons and holstering them in place  
"After you boss," she told him while taking her new spot right behind him.  
"Are you going to walk behind me all the time?"  
"I like the view."  
She wiggled her eyebrow at him when he turned around to look at her, she put her sunglasses on and with that her new life began.


	6. How to break a boy pt1

NOTES: So I was thinking of making this a series of stories, like I did on AOW, but seeing how this site works it will be easier for you to follow it all as one story. I changed the name to Cold Hearts because it is originally title of this story and Shadow was just a name of the first part of it. And seeing how I changed a plan of how I want to proceed with this I figured it will be in order to change a name as well.  
Sorry for the confusion.  
Englis is not my 1st language so sorry for any grammar of typing mistakes. My word dose analyze it and help me fix it, but sometimes it just makes it worst and I don't see it while editing and I don't have beta readers, so I apologies again.  
AND most important thing, I love you all really, for you reviews, favorites and follows, Thank you, thank you, thank you, it really means a world to me.  
DISCLAMER:This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **for one quote more** : "For millions of years flowers have been producing thorns. For millions of years sheep have been eating them all the same. And it's not serious, trying to understand why flowers go to such trouble to produce thorns that are good for nothing? It's not important, the war between the sheep and the flowers? It's no more serious and more important than the numbers that fat red gentleman is adding up? Suppose I happen to know a unique flower, one that exists nowhere in the world except on my planet, one that a little sheep can wipe out in a single bite one morning, just like that, without even realizing what he'd doing - that isn't important? If someone loves a flower of which just one example exists among all the millions and millions of stars, that's enough to make him happy when he looks at the stars. He tells himself 'My flower's up there somewhere...' But if the sheep eats the flower, then for him it's as if, suddenly, all the stars went out. And that isn't important?" ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

* * *

Three days have passed since she came to Sanctuary, she was at Negan`s side whenever he would leave his room, it didn't matter what he was doing, she quietly fallowed him around, they had their breakfast together while during the dinner she would join the rest of the crew, listening to their stories about the day they had, she heard few people referring to her as Negan's watch dog from day one, she just let that one slide, they will get accustom to her with time and even if they don't, well, fuck them, she is there to stay. It was strange for her to even think she was on her own less than a week ago, like the past two years were just a bad dream and she finally woke up from coma and her long lost family was at her side.

"Hey, there little psycho, why are you on your own, where is the boss?" Simone approached her while she was sitting on a bench in a courtyard eating her sandwich.

"He was up for some noon fuck and no matter how much I insist he doesn't let me watch, I think his wives don't like the idea."

Simon chuckle at that "can't imagine why."

"You and me both man, you and me both.", she shrugged her shoulder while taking a large bite of her sandwich and offered a bite to Simon. "Want some?"

"Nah, you eat, you need to get some meat on those bones."

"Are you calling me bony, mustache man?"

"Never, but you know some extra curves can never hurt."

"It all leads to the same place man, it doesn't matter with what you lure your victims.", she told him with distanced voice, it was strange to sit there and just talk like that, peace was unsettling.

"Are you bored already?" , Simon broke the silence.

"A little, yeah, I am not used to not running for my life, hell I didn't kill anything for three days now, that must be some kind of personal record or something."

"You are going to Alexandria soon, hopefully, you won't have to kill anyone there, but it will break the monotony."

"That's four days away man, I need to do something now."

"What about Arat?"

"Well aren't you a good friend, you pervert, no, she doesn't like my attitude."

"Wow! That is surprising, seeing how charming you are."

"I know right." The sound of her radio interrupted them, it was Negan.

"Doll, I am done, be here in ten we have some spooking to do."

"Oh, I love it when you speak to me like that boss.", her smile widened and Simon could swear he saw a sparkle in her eyes, "Catch up with you latter mustache man?"

"That sounds like superhero title sweetie, are you flirting with me now?"

"No, I am the superhero and you are my sidekick and we are here to defend our home and look good while doing it."

"Why am I the sidekick, I was here first?"

"Pff, because I am the prettier one, man.", she winked at him and left.

She was right about to enter Negan's room when his newest wife, as she understood, was coming out, she was really pretty pocket size girl, long dark hair, tanned skin, big doe eyes, her name as Misha, she scanned Alice from head to toe, looking up at her and viciously smirking.

"So the watchdog is back?"

"What, we have a dog now? Oh, how exciting" , she was bouncing and giggling, "I hope it's a female so we have at least one useful bitch running around."  
Woman's face fell, Alice couldn't help but gloat, she didn't care what his wives thought about her or what people say behind her back but she will not let anyone insult her to her face.

"Alice, doll, be nice.", the deep voice cut through tension building up, Alice turned around and saw Negan leaning on the door frame with amused smiled on his face.

"Yes, boss, I will play nicely.", she made the same face she used on her kindergarten teachers deceiving them that she will behave, only it didn't work on him, but at least his smile became bigger. She knew he heard this entire conversation deciding to ignore it, trusting she can handle it nicely on her own, nicely enough anyway, Misha rolled her eyes and left them.

"Really doll, your tongue is poison.", he told her while going back to his room to get Lucile, with her at his tail.

"That is only useful skill this tongue has, ok I am lying, not only, but you refuse to let me show you other ones.", Negan smiled but ignored this comment, it was like this between them ever since she came, these little banters they had were like vacation to him.

"Ok, I need to find Dwight and see how he`s doing with our new guest and I need you to take care of Daryl while I and Dwighy boy have a little one on one."

"And when do I get to spook someone?'

"Doll, you already did that with one of my wives, isn't that enough for one day?"

"Oh, boss, it is not even close." he shook his head in defeat "what will I do with you?"

He shook his head in defeat, "what will I do with you?"

"Well, I have few suggestions if you are at loss."

They found Dwight and Daryl in a hallway, Daryl looked worst for wear than the last time she saw him, he didn't have any shoes, wearing some washed-out brown suit with letter A on it, his hands and legs were chained, he looked exhausted. She felt sorry for him, she knew a thing or two about feeling guilty for loosing people you love, that is why she knew Dwight won't break him, he will either run away or die trying, there is no way he will ever work with them and she was ok with that because she could never trust him being close to Negan.

Daryl took a seat on a chair placed across one of the empty bedrooms with Alice holding him on point with her gun, she hated that thing but for stuff like this is was better than a bow, she saw him scanning the room in front of him, while Negan and Dwight were talking few feet away.

"This one is nicer than mine, I am jealous, they tell me it is to be appointed to you if you change your mind."

"I won't change my mind."

"I don't really fucking care if you do or if you don't, as long as you keep your paws away from Negan we are cool man."

"You know I will kill him?", he told her with a menacing voice and with that every feeling of compassion towards the man was gone, he saw it as well, they way her body tensed at his threat and the way she changed her posture, she was now leaning closer to him, shielding Negan from his view.

"I know you will try and I know you will fail.", he looked up at her, her face was bare, she didn't wear her face shield or sunglasses much inside the compound, she leaned even closer to him holding the gun close to his chest.

"I will tell you what will happen if you ever become so fucking stupid to even try something like that. Now I recommend you listen very carefully, I won't repeat myself. You will come to kill him and if you are lucky I will be there and I will gut you or even luckier and you will kill me first, if I am not there and with some miracle you succeed in your intent, I will find you, kill everyone you hold dear and then disappear for a few years, then I will come back to find you again and again kill everyone close to you, you found in a meantime ,fuck, I will kill them even if they are just passing by at that moment, making you suffer will be my new purpose in life."  
Daryl's eyes were on the ground now, he didn't look up at her, she felt an arm locking around her waist and pulling her closer, making her lower her gun, Negan's face was now inches away from her ear.

"Hope you two had a nice talk.", he laughed, tickling her with his breath.

"Oh, I think it was very productive.", Alice retorted, still looking at Daryl, Dwight came and was about to grab him by his sleeve when he stood up on his own and started walking towards his cell.

"Ta-ta, see you soon Daryl" Negan called for him, escorting them with the sounds of his laugher.

"I thought I had a natural talent for annoying people doll, but I left you one second with Daryl and he almost hugged Dwight when we came back, damn impressive."

She was leaning on the wall of Negan's office later that day, while he and Simon were discussing their plans for new recruits and outposts, they were over thirty people short and they need to replenish their numbers fast, she would usually listen to them, but today she couldn't concentrate, thinking about Daryl's words, biting her nails, she kicked that habit long ago but somehow it was resurfacing again. What if he tried something while she wasn't around will he succeed? The notion made her sick.

"What's wrong, doll?" Negan's voice brought her back to reality, she turned her face to where he and Simon were sitting

"Nothing.", she told him while rubbing her forehead, she lied to him, not wanting to discuss something like that while other people were around. Negan gestured for Simon to leave and came closer to her, taking her by her hand and leading her to an empty sofa, she rested her elbows on her knees looking down at her hands, like the solution was written on them.

"Ok, what's wrong doll?"

She sighted, there is no reason for her not to tell him what`s on her mind, ok, there was plenty of reasons not to do that but she was incapable of keeping her mouth shut.  
"It's Daryl, I don't know man, I just don't feel at ease with him being here."

"Well I can't just fucking let him go, he is a spoil of war, and why do you worry, Dwight will break him, he will soon be one of us."

"He won't," she told him shaking her head, she felt him shifting and leaning into the sofa, while placing his hand on her back.

"How do you know?"

"Because I know a lot about the way mind works, when you spend as much time around shrinks as I did you pick up a thing or two, he won't bend the way you want him to bend man."

"And what do you want me to do?"  
She heard the anger in his voice, damn, she didn't want to undermine him, make him think that she is taking him for a fool or that he doesn't know what he is doing, she just wanted him to be safe.

"Nothing," she told him while turning her face to look him in the eyes, "fuck, there is nothing that can be done about it than to hope that Dwight will come thorough, shit, I hope he proves me wrong."  
She felt his hand going up and down her back, she leaned into the touch to get a better angle.

"If it's not up to you or me why do you worry?"

She smiled sadly leaning into the sofa beside him, rolling her face in his direction, "because, it is my job to worry about things like that."  
He was scanning her, taking a bit of her hair and tucking it behind her ear, "soon, I am planning a game of 'catch me if you can ', do you want to be the one leading it?"  
There was a sparkle in her eyes that made him smile, she looked like a child before opening a birthday present, she narrowed her eyes, biting the inside of her lower lip, like she was thinking will she do him a favor or not.

"Hmmm, well it depends. Will I enjoy it?"

"I know I will."

"Hahaha, you only think about your pleasure man, very well, your wish is my command boss."

* * *

Next morning she was woken up with Dwight banging at her door, she opened them wearing nothing but the shorts and a sports bra

"With Arat's warnings about the way you stroll around your room and open your doors I expected you to lack more clothing than that."

"Oh, sweet Arat, being concern about my modesty, I really have to find something nice for her."

"I don't think you are the one she is concern about."

"Wtf man, c`mon don't crush my hopes and dreams", she told him with a hurtful expression on her face while gesturing him to come in.

"So, it is 5 am, I really hope you have a hell of a good reason for waking me up at this hour, and no, just to see me is not good enough reason, I told that to Joseph and I am telling it to you."

"Haha, what Joseph was here?"

"Yes, yesterday morning, to give me a welcome gift, apparently he didn't want to give it to me when Negan was around so he thought it is better just to wake me up, for future reference it is not, he brought me a jar of peanut butter, he is really a nice guy, I should apologize to him, I wonder why I haven't seen him yesterday?"

"You are rambling again and he is probably hiding away from you, so anyway, Negan told me you are the one to talk to about today's plans."

"Really man, can't it wait?"

"No."

"Slave driver."

Later that day, they had code orange, someone decide to leave the compound without permission, no one knew why but Dwight decided that he will be the one to sort it out and Joseph was the one to take on his duties, Alice saw him nervously standing beside the bikes while Negan talked to some of the men about to leave to meet with people from Kingdom.

"Hey, Joseph." She came behind him, startling him, his face was red from the heat and he was breathing heavy, the day was so hot Alice decided not to wear anything beneath her jacket except baby pink bra she picked up a few months ago, just for a hell of it, it would be better solution to just leave the jacket and put on simple shirt, but that will have to wait, today her appearance mattered.

"Woohoo man, relax, I come in peace, I just came to apologize for the way I yelled at you that morning you came to my room."

"You, what?" He was confused, no one ever apologize for anything they say to him, looking down at him because of the way he looked, he was with them on their supply runs, he helped around the compound, he was at Negan's side a lot before Alice showed up and took his place, which he didn't mind at all, following that man around and playing his cover whenever he was on gunpoint was a responsibility he was never comfortable with but no matter what he did, he was never fast enough, never accurate enough so everyone treated him like a dead weight.

"It wasn't right to yell at you when you were only trying to be nice, so I am fucking sorry man, I just hate when people wake me up, you know, that's all, nothing personal. Are we cool?"

"Yeah, yeah, we are cool."

"Great," she winked at him, trying to get him to relax a bit.

"Alice doll, let's get going."

"Coming boss. Catch you later Joseph," she told him while jogging towards Negan.

"Yeah, cool, cool," he murmured, smiling at himself, closing his hand into a fist and making a hell yeah sound, like he was cheering himself up.

It was time for him to bring food to prisoner, he made a dog food sandwich, walking to the prison cell, he was whistling some tune that somehow got stuck in his head, while strutting around, like he just got lucky, several times in a row, thinking about how Alice smiled at him while opening the door of a cell where Daryl was, he gave him his plate with food and left not locking the door behind him.

Daryl heard the lock open, he expected to see Dwight but there was a large man standing outside the doorway, with curly hair and a beard, he was silently staring down at him, giving him a plate with his regular meal, he grabbed it and went back to his corner, expecting to hear a sound of locking door behind him but the sound never came, he slowly stood up and pressed his ear to the wood trying to recognize any sounds coming from the other side, there was nothing expect the heavy footsteps disappearing in the distance.

He slowly turned the lock and the door opened, he peeked outside just to make sure no one was there and took a run for it, he was in the middle of hallway when he felt a hand on his shoulder, his heart dropped, he violently turned around expecting to see smiling green eyes that came to fulfill a promise but instead of them he was greeted with big brown eyes, filled with tears and worry, it was Sherry standing there, looking up at him.

"Go back while you can, you know I did, whatever he's done to you there is more, there's always more."  
She told him with trembling voice, he was looking at her, trying to wager his choices, if he went back to the cell they win, if he tries to kill Negan without any weapons he will probably die before he even sees the man, if he tries to escape maybe just maybe he will get his chance to make things right and make up for his friends death, if something like that could ever be redeemed, so he decided to push forward, leaving the woman alone.

Finally, he saw a door with daylight coming through its cracks, he ran for it, opening them violently, he found himself outside the building, finally his lucky break, he saw a row of bikes parked right in front of him, he started checking them, trying to find a way to start one of them.

He was checking the last bike when he heard a whistle behind him, he turned around and saw a black figure standing on the other side of the courtyard slowly approaching him, it was when he recognized her, the woman from the woods, the one that now always follows Negan around, the one that threatened him. She was dressed in black with a hood around her head and face shield on her face, she was slowly approaching him playing with one of her damned knives, she even had her bow with her, probably ready to shoot anything too far away for her knives to reach…

"Tch, tch, tch, now aren't you a bad boy."  
She was now standing only two feet away from him, she tugged her shield down revealing her half smirking lips, then the doors around him opened, eight men came to courtyard making a circle around him with her standing inside of it. She slowly came even closer standing inches away from his face, just like Negan did, but his eyes revealed a spark of enjoyment while he pushed people around, and hers, her eyes were empty and dark, almost no sign of green in her irises, the same shade they had when he treated to kill Negan just the day before.

"But lucky for you, I love bad boys," she touched a tip of his nose with a blade of her knife , and with that her demeanor changed, it was frightening to see how she was able to shift from one extreme to another in matter of second, she rested her blade on his chest now, walking around him, making a thin line where blade touched the fabric.

"Damn it, I didn't see you properly before, shit, you are one good-looking bastard, I mean ignoring that dirt and that clothing," she said with flirtation tone in her voice, leaning into his ear from behind, "too bad you are not smarter, we could have so much fun together," she whispered, releasing seductive moan while placing a gentle kiss on his ear.

He saw a face of a man that brought him his food earlier turning red, with a jealous look in his eyes.

"Now tell me, bad boy, do you know who I am?" she laughed softly coming to stand in front of him, still playing with her knife, he didn't answer, she was leaning on her right foot, then straighten up, locking her hands behind her back.

"I think when a lady asks you a question it is only polite to answer and man you really should choose your battles better. Now, do you know who the fuck I am?!" her voice echoed through the compound.

Negan and Simon were leaning on one of the buildings, with a truck standing between them and the crowd, they could see everything that is going on, but to see them someone would have to know exactly where to look, Negan was smiling proudly to himself while watching the show.

"Damn Simon, I should make you a king of the world for stumbling on her."

"Pack of beer would work just fine boss."

"I will get you a whole fucking truck man."

Daryl was getting nervous, he didn't like to be played with, "I don't", he finally answered, she started clapping her hands, bouncing and laughing.

"Oh, I am so glad cat didn't get you tongue, you got me worried there for a second, so, bad boy, do you want to know who I am?"

She winked, now being so close to him their noses were almost touching she was watching him directly in the eyes while biting her lower lip.

"Shit, you look delicious," she moved away from him, "you are fucking distracting me man, that is a really cruel thing to do to such weak, weak, woman as myself," she paused for a moment, "but back to business in hand" she started to laugh like a little girl after that.  
"You get it, at hand" she turned around to look at the men surrounding them, making a jerking move with her hand, their expressions didn't change.

"No one? Really? Thought crowd." she puffed some air from her lungs, sweeping her forehead.

"So anyway, boy, I will tell you who I am because it is rude for me to know so much about you and you not to know one thing about the little old me"

She came in front of him, tips of their toes were touching, she grabbed him by his chin and made him look at her.

"I…. am ….Negan." and with that she violently let go of his face.

"You." she pointed her knife and the man standing on his side.

"Who are you?"

"Negan."

"Who are you?" she was now pointing at the man standing behind her.

"Negan."

"Who are we people?" she spread her arms, turning around.

"Negan." They all said at the same time, she laughed again.  
"See, pretty boy, we are all Negan, you don't have to see him, he sees you, he knows what you are doing, fuck, he even knows what kind of shit you dumped in the toilet this morning and this little show was to see did that little fact started to sink into that pretty head of yours, but I guess it did not." she said with a disappointed voice.

"I was actually sent here as an emissary, but I got carried away for a bit, you are just irresistible to be around, please accept my apologies. " she bowed with one hand resting on her chest.

"So you have three choices, one: puff we kill you and make you work like a dead man, two: you work for points, but really man you'd be better off as a dead man, and three, and man you will love this one, you work for Negan, no points needed, you live like a king, you get that pretty room we were looking at yesterday, fresh clothing and pretty new shoes and who know if you want maybe I will even give you a few late night visits. So what do you say?"

She was looking at him, his eyes were still glued to the ground, she leaned trying to make an eye contact with him but to no avail, she turned her back looking at the sky, like she was trying to decide what to do next, she lowered her head to the ground shaking it.

"Fuck this shit!" she turned around and in one swift moment threw her knife at him, it flew right over his shoulder and got stuck in one of the wooden pallets that were leaning on the wall, he didn't even flinch, she started to laugh in amusement.

"You didn't even flinch, oh boy, you have some balls, I love it! I think I am actually turned on now."

At that moment a loud whistling noise broke through the air, everyone turned around and saw Negan approaching them, with Lucile leaning on his shoulder, he came close to Alice and wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her to his side.

"Now, doll, were you playing around with people again? I send you to deliver a simple message and you scare a shit out of everyone around you."

"Oh, I got carried away, sorry boss but we were having so much fun." Negan smiled at her while placing a quick kiss on her cheek.

"Hell, who am I to stand in a way of fun of such a lovely creature, but I am getting a bit thirsty doll, think you can wrap it up, fast?" He now looked at Daryl

"Damn, man you look miserable, what did my doll do to you?"

"Oh nothing," she decided to reply instead of him, " I think the boys can handle the rest, see you soon, bad boy"  
She winked at him while Negan led her away from them, his hand still locked around her waist, he took the knife she threw few moments ago from the pallet and reached around her to put it in its place on her belt and getting rewarded with a kiss on a cheek and a smile that lighted her entire face.

He saw men closing the circle around him when one of them hit him in the face, he tried to defend himself, even managing to hit a few of them but he was heavily outnumbered and was down in a matter of seconds, they continued to beat him up until he lost his conscience. the next thing he remembers was waking up in his cell, with her laughter echoing in his ears. On the bright side at least the screams were gone.


	7. How to break a boy pt2

**Notes:** so the new chapter is out, I was thinking about publishing another one today because this one and the next one are meant to be one chapter, but I thought it would be too much so I split them up, but I am kinda behind with some stories so I am trying to buying myself some time. Buut the next one will be on Monday and that is all the time I will buy for myself.

Also, I want to thank you all for following this story and favoriting it, also my special thanks go to Termapie for a really nice message and for pointing out some mistake I made in the previous chapters. I went through them all few days ago and I really hope I found most of them. If anyone sees anything that I might have overseen please let me know, so I can fix it because English is not my 1st language and the main reason I am writing this is to improve it.

So, yeah, thank you all and I hope you enjoy.

 **DISCLAMER** :This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **for one quote more:** " _It gives me strength to have somebody to fight for; I can never fight for myself, but, for others, I can kill." ― Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls_

* * *

"Fuck, doll, you made me hard just watching you there." Negan was laughing, while pouring another glass of whiskey for him and Simon and coming to sit by Alice's side, resting his arm on her shoulders, Simon was on the sofa sitting across them with a satisfied smile on his face.

"Did you see my doll there? Throwing knife and making people piss themselves?" ,he asked Simon, not waiting for a reply, "Damn it, if I am not one lucky bastard when it comes to girls, first my sweet Lucile," he was looking at the baseball bat resting on the middle of the coffee table, "and now this doll here," he placed a kiss on her temple and stood up.  
"Damn it, I need to go fuck one of my wives now to get all this adrenaline out. You two feel like home and Alice doll please drink something, this was your day after all," and with that, he left them alone.

"Tell me, psycho, what made you so mad at Daryl?", Simone asked her.

"What makes you think I was mad at him? I just did what Negan told me to do," she asked him while walking to a bar and pouring a glass of Rum she saw sitting there.

"If you say so," he dropped his head looking at the now empty glass sitting on his lap, he heard her approaching for behind him, bringing a bottle of whiskey and filling the glass again. " Wait are you trying to get me drunk? If you want to use me, sweetie, all you need to do is ask."

Her laughter filled the room as she was sitting back in her seat, "oh, you are way out of my league mustache man, I know I don't stand a chance."

"C'mon Alice you don't look like someone who gives up that easily," he was taking a sip from his glass, it was all the time she needed to change her mood, her eyes darken, she wasn't looking at Simon anymore but scanning the table in front of her. Simon saw her change like this before, the first time when he met her in the woods, months ago, second time in the woods when she met Negan, third time today with Daryl and again now, it didn't seem natural for someone to change like that in less than a second and it scared him shitless, then she finally spoke.

"Yesterday, Daryl told me he will kill Negan. He was looking me in the eyes when he said that and he means it, Simon, he will try. There is no way in hell Dwight will change his mind. Hell, I don't even fucking know why is he trying. He told Negan he will do it but that my man is pure bullshit, Daryl is too strong to be broken like that. Today I did this to show him that I am there and that he will have to go through me to get to Negan. Thinking, if I scare him at least a bit he will think twice before even trying anything or if he sees me as a threat he will come after me first. I was not mad at him Simon, I feel sorry for him, hell I know the pain he is feeling and I am not talking about physical one, but today it didn't matter, it won't ever matter again, he wants to take something away from me and I will die before I let him do that."

Simone was silent for a moment, emptying his glass, he stood up, took the entire bottle of whiskey from a bar and brought it to the table, he took Alice's glass and filled it with brown liquid, he handed it to her, "here, have a real drink, you need it."

She raised her eyebrow at him, accepting the liquor and bringing it close to her lips, she felt burning sensation running down her throat, she loved whiskey, but didn't drink it too often, it was her dad's favorite drink and just smelling it would bring back too many painful memories.

"You know, Daryl is locked away? There is no way for him to escape. "

"Every lock has a key Simon and you said it yourself, you don't know who you can trust here. So I am deciding to trust no one."

"That is no way to live a life. You can't spend your days looking over your shoulders every second of your time."

"I can. I always did, even before this all went down. I trust you and I trust Negan but that's it, when I am around you I will try to relax, I promise, but outside, that is different thing man. I can't lose him because I was not careful enough, smart enough or fast enough. I can't let it happen again."

"What do you mean, again?"

"It doesn't matter man, not anymore," she told him while getting up and going to Negan bed to take her face shield she had thrown there when they got into the bedroom, but it wasn't there, she looked around trying to see if it was on the ground, but didn't manage to find it and then it hit her.

"That kinky bastard."

"What is it?", Simon was looking at her, he didn't quite pick up what she said.

"Nothing, nothing, I am going to change and take a quick shower. Be back in ten."

* * *

She couldn't find Arat or Simon that night during the dinner time, so she decided to go on her own, it is not like she doesn't have any friends there except the two of them, well, it was exactly how it was like. Alongside Negan, they were the only two people in the compound that weren't scared of her, she sometimes felt like people will start to kneel when they see her, giving how most of the time they actually did because she was at Negan's side. Going to the kitchen she heard a giggle coming from behind the corner, she wasn't the prying type and would ignore it all together but the laughter reminded her of one of Negan's wives and if he is there with her it is worth to know he left his quarters. As she came closer she saw that it was not Negan standing with Amber, but Mark, they were whispering something to each other. Alice couldn't hear a word they spoke, she was too far away and the noise from the kitchen was just too loud, so she decided that she will make her present known, clearing her throat.

Amber jumped on the spot turning around when she saw Alice her face became paper white, she looked like a ghost and Mark just shifted, locking his hands behind his back and straightening his posture, to make himself look taller and a bit more menacing.

"What do you want, watchdog? Negan is not here," he spoke, and Alice giggled like she always did when trying to scare someone. She slowly approached them, pulling one of her knives from her belt, she didn't want to use it, but she didn't take kindly on being threatened or insulted.

"Haven't you heard the news, boy, he is everywhere?", she came closer to Mark. "And something of his is here as well. Tell me, Amber, what are you doing here?", she was now looking at the blond woman.

"It is none of your business," Mark told her while stepping in front of Amber to shield her with his body.

"See, dear Mark, it is. Negan is supposed to be with his wives tonight and one of them is supposed to bring him his dinner up, seeing this beauty here I can only assume that was her job. Now let's try this again while I still have some patience left. Why are you Amber, not Mark, sneaking around dark corners when you are supposed to do doing something else? ", her voice was now hard, she is having enough of it and Amber sensed it.

"I...I... I was just asking Mark how my mother is doing and is he helping her around."

"Is that so?", Alice now crossed her arms looking at them suspiciously, she knew when she is being lied to and these two were the worst liars she has ever met.

"Why didn't you ask your mother? I mean she is right here in the compound. I just saw her half an hour ago. She actually asked me how you are doing. Funny thing that," she was now lying, she didn't have a clue how her mother looked like, she could be standing right there next to them for all she knew.

"I…I…", Amber didn't know what to say, she was afraid and lost while Mark was just standing there waiting for Alice to make her first move to give him an excuse to kill her, he was looking for that ever since she came out of the woods that night.

"Don't ever lie to me again. Now you and I will go and get that dinner for Negan and I will walk you up to his room. I don't ever want to see you sneaking around like this. Ever again! Do we have an agreement?"

"Who do you think you are?", Mark was now seeing red. W _ho does this woman think she is, she wasn't here for a week and already she is acting like a damn sheriff._ Alice just raised her hand at him, showing him this is none of his business, Amber weakly nodded and started going to the kitchen with Alice at her tail, they got the food and started to walk to Negan's room, when they were close to the stairs Alice made her stop and look at her.

"I know you are here not because you want to but because you have to, for you mother, I get it family is important. But you made your sacrifice and that sacrifice comes with rules, rules you know better than I do. I see your side as I see Negan's as well. Rules are there for a reason, you remove them you get anarchy. Their existence has consequences just as their nonexistence would, make one exception for someone and you get a shit storm of other exceptions and before you know it everything goes to hell. I won't tell Negan what I saw tonight but one more slip and I won't keep my mouth shut. But know that I am not doing this for you or Mark, I don't give a fuck about the two of you, I am doing this for you mother, don't make me regret it because the reason I am keeping quiet can fast become means of revenge. Now go. "

Amber was up standing in front of Negan's door, when she gave a quick glance to Alice, who was still looking at her, she silently thanked her and disappeared into the room, after Alice heard Negan's voice she decided to go to her room, she lost her appetite somewhere along the way.

* * *

"Wake up doll, the sun is up and shining," Negan's voice brought her to the land of the living, she opened her eyes and saw him leaning over her bed, looking like the cat that swallowed the canary.

"Go away, mean man," she told him while covering her head with her blanket, she didn't sleep at all last night, thinking about the Amber and Mark and what she should do. She felt a hand grabbing her blanket and pulling it away from her, tossing it on the other side of the bedroom.

"Oh, c'mon boss, don't do that," she frantically tossed herself around the bed, still not getting up. She saw him placing Lucile on the table and coming to the foot of the bed and grabbing her by her ankles pulling her gently off the bed. She was on the ground in seconds, landing on her butt, she grabbed her pillow and tossed it towards the man while puffing her hair from her eyes.

"Very mature boss, very mature. How did you even get into my room?", she asked him while taking his hand to get up from the floor. He pulled her into his arms and locked them around her waist.

"You didn't lock the door. Did you expect someone doll?"

"Yeah, but you are like, what, seven hours late?"

"I didn't get the memo."

"Hm, damn those people at the post office, I always get stood up because of them. Anyway, boss, what are we doing today?", she asked while leaving his arms and going to her closet to get ready for the day. Looks like she will have to skip her morning shower.

"We need to see where our guest stands today, did he have some kind of fucking epiphany last night and then get ready, we are leaving for Alexandria tomorrow morning."

"Alexandria? Isn't it a bit early for that? I thought we are to leave in two days."

"Fuck it doll I just miss Rick-prick too much, my heart just can't stand it anymore," with that all her thought about Amber and Mark were gone, tomorrow she will finally leave these walls and see the world she somehow forgot existed for past few days.

She was standing in the corner of the room that was meant to be Daryl's, looking at Negan pacing from one side to another, swinging Lucile as he walked, they were waiting for Dwight and Daryl to come.

"This room is bigger than yours, doll," he broke the silence.

"Yes, it is, but not much, I like my room better."

"And why is that? They look the same to me, only this one is, well fucking bigger."

"Mine is closer to you."

"Oh, you know how to butter me up with words doll. That is one thing I love about you," he took her chin in his hand and run his thumb over her lips before softly kissing her forehead. At that moment the door opened and Dwight and Daryl came into the room, Dwight was scanning them confused with their interaction, like everyone who ever witnessed it more privately, while Daryl was looking down at the floor, she was starting to like that man more and more.

"Welcome, dear gentlemen, please do come in. Jesus, you look awful," Negan was now talking to Daryl. "Don't you worry, I'll get Carson to fix you all up. You thirsty? Alice doll, get him a glass of water and a straw, you know because of his lip," Negan told her while leaving her side and standing in the middle of the room. She brought a glass to Daryl, placing it slowly in his hand, making sure he got a good grip on it.

He looked at her, she saw a big nasty bruise beneath his eye, a drop of dried blood was coming from his nose and resting on swelling lips, the lower lip had a nasty cut on it, she knew Negan ordered his man to crack him up a bit but this looks more like breaking than cracking. She cocked her head at him with the expression of sadness on her face, she hated him for threats he had sent her way, but to think that bunch of grown up man bullied him and took pleasure in beating him up while he was outnumbered and down just filled her with rage. She turned around and took a sit in the armchair that was right behind Negan, crossing her legs, making herself comfortable, trying to keep a neutral face as she could.

"See this doll," Negan was pointing to the place she was sitting while talking to Daryl, "she came and she pushed her way to the top in a matter of minutes. She is one thought cookie and she would now give her life for me. Two days ago, she told me you told her that you will kill me, now that was a bad idea, really bad idea, I practically had to talk her out of killing you in your sleep, I am still not sure if is she convinced you should keep breathing. But hey, she will listen to me, even if she fucking doesn't like it, so I practically saved your life there. You can thank me later," Negan was now standing closer to Daryl. "See, I love people like that, loyal people and you my man can be one of them. Alright, maybe not like her, hell, she stepped up in a matter of minutes but hey look at Dwighty boy here. Things weren't always cool between us, see, I wanted to marry his sister-in-law, she needed meds and that shit is expensive, so I asked her to be my wife and I will take care of her because I am a stand-up guy. But no, he and his wife took her from me and in the process got her killed, then came back here and begged me for forgiveness. But hey, rules are rules and I was one wife short, I had to punish them, so his pretty wife, now ex-wife, told me she will marry me to make up for their mistake and to save his life. I thought about it for a while and then I married her, Dwighty-boy here got an iron, but kept his life and look at him now one of my top guys and we are totally cool. The point beeing, I think you can be that guy, I think you are ready to be that guy, all you got to do is answer one simple question correctly. Who are you?"

Alice tensed a bit at the story, she knew Sherry was Dwight's ex-wife but she didn't know all the details and that was one fucked up story, if someone who endured so much at Negan's hand can now be so loyal to him, maybe she was wrong about Daryl. She now turned her attention to him, he was looking at the ground, Negan was now in his face with Lucile between them

"What? Did cat get your tongue? I will ask you one more time. Who are you?".

Alice leaned on her elbows, the tension could be cut with a knife. She looked at Dwight who was glancing between her and Daryl.

"I am Daryl," he finally spoke, she got up in a matter of seconds, pulling out two of her knives from her belt, Dwight looked at the Daryl, speaking something to him she didn't quite catch.

"Hold on!", Negan made them freeze in the place. "It is cool people, he made his choice, ain't my problem he made a dumb ass choice"  
-

Dwight took Daryl to his cell, leaving Alice and Negan alone in the room, she was back in the chair while Negan was sitting at the foot of the bed, leaning his elbows on his knees while looking at the floor.

"You were right, doll, he will be thought nut to crack," he spoke to her while lifting his head and making their eyes lock. She stood up and came to the foot of the bed, kneeling in front him, she could see an expression of defeat all over his face and he was not a man who took it easily, she placed her hand on his cheek and slowly run her fingers through his beard.

"It is not over yet, you said it yourself he will be thought nut to crack, but crack it you most certainly will," he started laughing at this, placing his hand behind her neck and pulling her closer to place a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Damn it doll, why do you refuse to be my wife?", he asked her while pulling away from her.

"Then who would follow you around and make inappropriate remarks about your butt, and hey, if you think about it, we are practically like a real married couple, we don't even have sex with each other," he started to laugh more loudly now, laying himself on the bed. She stood up and came to at his side, placing her head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat.

"Would you mind if I talked to Daryl later?"

"Why?"

"Well you know, maybe a different approach would be more fruitful and if not, at least I can see where he stands."

"Knock yourself out, doll."

"Thank you, Negan."


	8. How to break a boy pt3

This one is a bit shorter, sorry, as I said it was a part of the previous chapter but after I wrote it I thought that it would work better on its own.  
I would like to thank everyone who followed and favorited this story and for nice reviews I received. You people are really amazing and your support really pushes me to write more and publish on time.  
Hope you like this chapter and enjoy.  
Next chapter is on Friday :)

 **DISCLAIMER** **:** This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **for one quote more** : "A polite enemy is just as difficult to discredit, as a rude friend is to protect."- Bryant H. McGill

* * *

Alice was walking towards Daryl's prison cell with a tray of food, some bandages, and alcohol, Dwight met her halfway and led her to the cell.  
"I hope you know what you are doing," he told her while opening the door.  
The smell from the inside struck her, she had to take a few steps back, to clear her mind, placing her tray on a table she now ordered the guard to move it further away from the cell, shaking her head to prepare for another impact of smell she slowly stepped inside, looking like a man walking toward the execution. Inside she saw a puddle of puke on the floor and a photo laying right beside it, Daryl was in the corner, looking at her and Dwight, getting ready for whatever punishment they were there to deliver. Alice bent down and took a photo in her hand, looking at it and then at Dwight.

"What is this shit doing here?", she asked him with a low voice.  
"That is his punishment, he will have to look at what he had caused, that death there, it is all on him," Dwight told her loud enough so Daryl could hear him while pointing at the picture of the smashed head in her hand.  
He placed his hands on his hips and look up at her waiting for her reply, she was smiling weakly, shaking her head, then she took one large step towards him, pinning him to the door frame.

"How do you expect him to be one of us if this reminder of what WE have done is right here in front of him, feeding his hate?", Dwight was looking at her with a dumbstruck expression on his face.  
"I didn't expect you to be so fucking stupid. So either I was wrong about you or worst I was right and you are playing us all," she slipped the photo into the pocket of her jacket and gestured for him to go and leave her and Daryl alone.

She turned around looking at the man in the corner, slowly approaching him, she crouched beside him, offering her hand so he can get up, he was not sure what to do, shifting his eyes between her and the opened door.  
"Tch, tch, tch, don't even think about it, there are guards on every door and one in the hallway, c'mon man I am not that stupid to come here alone, but I come in peace, let's talk."

He took her hand and she guided him out and away from the cell, gesturing for him to sit on the chair placed on left side of the table while she called for the guard. The man that was looking out for him while Dwight was gone came with a confused look on this face, Alice was already sitting on the other chair across from him, looking up at the man.

"Joseph, be a dear, and get someone to clean that mess inside," was all she said before turning her full attention to Daryl ignoring the man still standing in front of them, he was looking at the pair for a moment longer and took his leave, murmuring something beneath his breath.

"Eat," she offered him a tray of food that contained sandwich full of fresh vegetables, scrambled eggs, some Juice, a bottle of water and an apple, "water is for you to keep, don't worry," she winked at him while widening her smile.  
Daryl was looking at her, not sure what to think, one moment she is ready to pushing him off the cliff, on the second one she will be the one holding his hand and pulling him up and after that, she will make him feel grateful for saving his life.  
"It is not poisoned man, if I wanted to kill you that is not how I would do it, I am more of a knife person."  
He looked at the tray, he didn't have a proper meal in days, then he looked at her and her smiling face while slowly picking up a sandwich and starting to eat. When he saw her reaching for one of her knives he flinched but she just brought it close to her hand and started cleaning her fingernails, not minding him for one second, leaving him to eat in peace.

It took ages for him to finish up his meal, she was quite during the whole time, only speaking when one man came to clean his cell. When he was done she stood up, dragging her chair to sit on his side of the table and making him turn his face to her. She poured some alcohol on the bandages she brought, running her hand through his hair to get it off his face so she can have a better look at it and started cleaning his wounds.

"You should cut that hair, how can you even see?"  
"How can you see?", he asked her while pointing at her long red hair that was now falling over her shoulder all the way down her waist.  
"Fair point," she smiled at him, going silent again for a few moments.

"I get it, you know? Why you did it, why you don't want to be one of us."  
He looked at her, she was not looking him in the eyes, focused on the wound on his lip, her eyes were sparkling, whatever she was thinking off was bringing her to the brink of tears.

"You do something you think is right and someone you care about gets hurt because you were stupid and incompetent. You go through life with people telling you that it is not your fault, but you know it is and there is no way someone will prove you wrong. Then the running starts, you run from everything you know, from family, from love, from sanity, trying to die, but you don't, someone else you love dies instead and somehow it is again your fault"

She took a pause, scanning his face, turning it around to see are there any wounds she missed, then she took a bottle of alcohol in her hand and started peeling the label, still not making an eye contact with him.  
"See man, I am telling you this because it is something that I experienced on my own, I ran, I ran for years, without any purpose, living to die. But guess what, God doesn't want people like you and me at his side, we are too fucked up for him and the Devil doesn't want us because we are too weak, so we don't die, we lose everyone we love but we don't die, life is our punishment, not death. When I first saw you two days ago I felt sorry for you, I knew everything that you have been going through, I saw myself in you, and then you told me you will kill Negan, only person that made me think living is not that fucking bad and in that second I hated you more than I hate every walker there is, I wanted to cut you up right there and feed you to the them," she chuckled, sweeping the tips of her fingers across her cheek, trying to stop single tear that escaped her.

"I still feel you men, your pain, the way you are broken, you are bringing all those old memories to life and making me feel human again. I know you won't be with us, no yet anyway, maybe with time, who knows time is a strange thing, " she shrugged her shoulders.

"Do you think you are a good person?" He finally spoke and that made her laugh  
"No man, there is no such thing as I good person anymore, just a bunch of hypocritical assholes claiming they are an exception."  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
"One day, if you continue this way, I will have to kill you and I don't want to do it, man, I really don't, but I won't flinch if it comes to that. You will be my first kill I never wanted to make and I am trying to avoid that happening altogether. You don't have to work for Negan, work for points, fuck, make a new life here, make something new, something better on the ashes of the old."

"You are saying this just to protect him."  
"Haha, you are really fucking stupid if you think he needs my protection, I am just a line of defense, annoying line but still just a line."  
"Why would I do it, they killed my friends."  
"And you kill theirs."  
"It is not the same."  
"Everything is the same man," she sighed, seeing this conversation is losing its point.  
"Listen if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your friends, don't lose someone else you love while trying to escape the ghosts from the past. We are going to Alexandria tomorrow and you are coming with us. Please don't make it harder on yourself than it already is," she kissed him on a cheek, calling for a guard to get him back into his cell.

Joseph came around the corner, grabbing Daryl by his sleeve and pushing him up from his chair, he tried to get out of man's grip when he raised his hand to hit him. Daryl closed his eyes waiting for a hit to come, he was too weak to defend himself, but it never came, he opened his eyes and saw Alice standing there holding the other man's hand.

"Don't you even fucking dare," Joseph was looking at her, confused by her reaction.  
"He..he resisted."  
"He did not fucking resist! How can someone resist if you didn't give him a chance to go on his own! Is it fun to bully someone weaker than you? Ha? Is it more fun to do that to someone who is stronger than you but incapacitated? Does that turn you on? ", she was now leaning closer to his face, looking him in the eyes, until his face fell and she claimed her victory.  
"I expected better from you Joseph, I will take him to his cell, you go back to whatever the fuck you are supposed to be doing"

When they came to the cell, it was clean and disinfected, as Alice requested, she gestured for him to get in.  
"I have asked them to let you use the shower, but it was deemed too risky, sorry, hope this helps," she tossed him freshly cleaned sweatpants same color as he was wearing and a pair of underwear.  
"Thank you."  
"No problem man, think about what we talked about. And yeah, you forgot this," she placed an apple and a bottle of water on the floor and closed the door locking it behind her.

She came back to Negan's room, he was sitting there with Simon, giving him assignments to be done while they were away. She just walked to the bar and took a bottle of Rum, filling half of a glass and drinking it in one sip.  
"Easy there doll, you are not a pirate," Negan called for her tapping a spot by his side as a gesture for her to sit, she was down by his side when he placed his arm on her hip moving her a bit closer to him.  
"Why is the Rum always gone?", she asked them while peeking in the now empty glass.  
"I am assuming the peace treaty didn't go well?", Negan asked her, she sighed, falling into the sofa and looking up at the ceiling.  
"I fixed what it could be fixed. He will probably work the fences."

"What could be fixed? What do you mean?", Simon now asked leaning closer to the table, she looked at him and then at Negan, both of them waiting for her to explain something she really didn't feel like explaining. Reaching inside of her pocket, she found a photo she took from Daryl's cell and threw it on the table, Simon was the first to take it before Negan violently took it from his hand and looked at it, while furrowing his eyebrows.

"Where did you find this?", Negan finally spoke.  
"Daryl's cell, right beside the puddle of puke."  
"Is that the...?", Simon asked her while pointing at the photo still at Negan's hand.  
"Yes, number two, Daryl's punishment."  
"Why is it not on the wall with the rest of them?"  
"Dwight took it from there, thinking he will break Daryl easier with it. Really, really wrong judgment. If nothing he now just hates us more."

Negan was silent, before giving a photo to Simon and telling him to pin it back on the wall, they finished up their meeting just on time for dinner. Alice stood up to follow Simon.  
"Alice doll, get some rest. I want you all perky and refreshed for tomorrow."  
"Will do boss," she gave his a smile and a military greeting, before closing the door behind her.


	9. Walls of Alexandria pt1

the new chapter is out, I hope this one doesn't disappoint you, this part of a story was harder for me to write than I anticipated, I think I changed it and rearranged it more time than I care to count, part two is coming up on Monday.

Again I want to thank all of you for your support, it really means the world to me, and I know I said it before but I will say it again and hopefully repeat in many, many more times to come.  
Enjoy and I really hope you like this one.

 **DISCLAIMER** **:** This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **f** **or one quote more:** "Who are the lunatics? The ones who see horror in the heart of their fellow humans and search for peace at any price? Or the ones who pretend they don't see what's going on around them? The world belongs either to lunatics or hypocrites. There are no other races on this earth. You must choose which one to belong to."

― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Midnight Palace

* * *

Morning was sunny and bright, view through the window would almost fool you to think that the world didn't end, that the dead didn't walk the earth, fool you to think that you can just sit into your car, drive to your perfectly safe job, get paid and go back home, shelter yourself in the embrace of the loved one or in the embrace of your own solitude, going to sleep without any uncertainty what tomorrow will bring.

Alice almost felt like the time had reversed itself, while she was standing in Negan's room, with her morning cup of black coffee, waiting for the breakfast to arrive, with the sound of the running shower in the background slowly stopping.

"Penny for your thoughts?" , Negan was now standing behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder, his hair was still wet, he was wearing his black denim jeans and plain white t-shirt, looking in the same direction as she was.

"It is so peaceful here; I have to remind myself what the world looks like outside these walls," she told him while taking a sip of her coffee, still focused on the same point in the distance.

"I told you doll, if you choose to, you don't have to see that fucking world ever again," he whispered to her while sweeping her hair away from her ear and kissing it.

"It would not cease to exist, Negan."

"No doll, it would not."

They were standing there for a few minutes more, trying to find bits of peace, before the day unfolds in front of them. The silence was shattered with a few knocks on the door and the sound of someone entering the room, they both turned to see Sherry coming in with a tray of food.

"Where is Amber?", Negan asked her, while he was taking the tray away from her, Sherry locked her hands behind her back looking at them with a cold expression on her face. Of all Negan's wives, Alice liked her to most, she knew how to survive, never playing around and that was something Alice respected more than anything, Sherry was the only one of them that didn't look down on her or feared her, she treated her like she treated everyone else, with reservation and respect.

"I don't know, I couldn't find her, probably went to check on her mother," Alice tensed, thinking about the events from two nights ago, but shaking it away, today she has no time to deal with it and after all, maybe she really did just went to see her mother.

They finished their breakfast fast, Negan took his jacket and Lucile, they passed by Alice's room so she can pick up her own gear and went outside to meet with the rest of the patrol ready to head for Alexandria. Alice was surprised when she saw how many of them are really going, it was way more than she anticipated, Simon was standing there with Dwight and Daryl at his side, smiling as they approached.

"So, my psycho is leaving me for the first time since she arrived. Hope you won't bail on us, sweetie."

"Oh, Simon, how could I live my life without you by my side, I would die in a day," she placed her hand on her chest with a sad expression on her face, he started laughing and hugged her, like he was really saying goodbye.

"Hey, hey, hey hands to yourself old man," Negan was now standing between them with a fake expression of anger on his face.

"Look who's the one to talk," Simon retorted, before they both started to laugh, he was the only one allowed to talk like that to Negan in public while she was the only one allowed to talk to him like that in private.

"Take care of this place for me, will you?"

"As you say, boss."

Alice looked at Daryl before going to the truck, he wasn't looking directly at her, his head was down, glancing at her through his messy bangs, she only nodded at him with a small smile on her face, before going into the truck and sitting in driver's seat.

"Are you ready to rumble doll?"

"Always!" , she smiled at him, lifting her face shield up to her nose and starting to drive in the direction of Alexandria.

The drive was pleasant, they were listening to some old blues track they found in the glove department.

"Do you think we will have any trouble today?", Negan asked her while looking through the window at the fast passing trees.

"No. Not yet, anyway," she told him while speeding up a bit, so the rest of the convoy could have a more place to maneuver.

"Yet?", he now turned at her, with questioning expression on his face.

"Yes, I have a feeling we will in the near future, they are just like that, they were strong and now they are not, for some of them that alone will be something hard to accept, maybe we will not have a problem with them as a collective, but with some individual definitely. But shit, that is to be expected."

"Yeah, I guess you are right," Negan told her while turning his face back to the window, and keeping quiet for the rest of a trip.

They arrived at the gates of Alexandria, Alice popped out of the vehicle while another Savior took her place in the driver's seat, she hopped on the hood of the truck, bending one leg close to the chest while the other was dangling from the hood, she watched Negan as he approached the gates. He turned to look at her, giving her a wide smile and a wink, before he began to beat down on a fence with Lucile.

"Little pig, little pig..let..me…in," he called, and a few moment after the gate slid open, revealing a young man, not familiar to any of them standing there, with a dumb look on his face, he was scanning Negan and then looked at Alice, she couldn't help herself, she waved at his.

"Who are you?" , he asked and Alice giggled a bit too loud, Negan turned to look at her with a smirk on his face ghosting 'Really' with his lips while pointing at the man on the other side of the gate. Alice just shrugged her shoulders lifting her arms a bit and cooking her head on the side.

"Oh, you better be joking. Negan, Lucile, I know I had to make a pretty strong first expression, " at that moment Rick came, fixing his eyes on Negan. Alice took her bow and an arrow, fixing her aim at him.

"Well hello there", Negan was smiling at them, already amused with this little show, Rick was now looking at Alice, still not opening the gate.

"Do not make me have to ask," Negan growled and with that threat, Rick snapped out of it, looking at Negan while removing the chain and sliding open the second gate, Alice relaxed, lowering her bow.

"You are early."

"I missed you. O, Rick, watch this…"

Negan turned when he heard a walker approaching the gates, Alice was already aiming at its head when he turned looked at her.

"Calling this one, doll," and she backed down letting him play his game.

"Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy," he was grinning at the now dead walker.

"Alright everybody let's get started. Big day.. hey Rick did you see that, that was some service, I mean we almost got turned away at the gate by, who the fuck is that guy anyway? But do I get mad… do I throw a fit, no, I kill one of these dead pricks that could have killed one of ya all.. service… now hold this," he gave Lucile to Rick while slowly strolling inside and taking a look around himself, spreading his arms.

"Hot diggity dog, this place is magnificent, doll, come see this," Alice was now standing at his side, with a distraught look on her face, luckily only her eyes were uncovered, so no one saw it.

"This place reminds me of everything I hated about the old world," she whispered so only he can hear her.

"What, money?"

"Hypocrites," he looked at her, with a neutral expression on his face.

"Ok, everybody, let's get started," he yelled at the group still standing at the gates, not sure what to do.

"Are you fucking deaf? You heard the man, move," Alice yelled at them, clapping her hands trying to bring them back to the awake state, the group dispersed, leaving her, Dwight and Daryl with Negan.

She was now standing at Daryl's side, while Dwight was obviously annoying a hell out of Rosita.

"Fuck, boy, I really can't imagine you living in a place such as this," she told him quietly, not wanting to disrupt a conversation Negan and Rick were having just a feet away from them. Daryl looked at her, with something she could almost call a half-smile, almost, but not making a sound.

"Yeah, people adapt, " she commented on something he didn't even say, placing her hand on his shoulder leading them to follow Negan. She saw Dwight standing at the gates with his arms crossed, not following them.

"Are you not coming?", she called for him, he just smirked and looked at Daryl.

"I am waiting for my bike to come."

 _for what?_ She was confused, _and they say I am crazy._

"Well I hope you gave it the right directions," this earn her an amused huff from Daryl, she looked at him now even more lost. _'Fucking men'_ she thought to herself before jogging to Negan's side.

"Damn I love this place, we could get Rick to set us up with one of these marvelous houses, doll, you know, life in suburbs."

Alice just nodded while scanning her surroundings, this was not Sanctuary and she couldn't feel at ease knowing that everyone here wanted them dead.

"Think fast!", and in a second the can of orange juice was in her hand, still sweating from the cold, she opened it, lowered her face shield and took a big sip, letting the sweet taste fill her mouth and cool her down, she smiled and looked at Negan

"That was fucking amazing. Thank you, boss."

"Anything for you, doll", he winked at her, "she is damn fast, even faster with those pretty knives of hers, " he was now talking to Rick, with a smug expression on his face.

"Yes, I bet she is," Rick was now side-eyeing her while taking a second to glance over to Daryl who was walking right beside her. Alice placed her face shield back in place and offered a half-empty can to Daryl, he looked away not accepting the offer.

"Suit yourself, more for me."

"And can you believe it, it there wasn't for you people and your own stupidity, she would not have been here with me now and that my man is one big fucking plus for you," Negan continued before Gary came to them, holding a camera in his hand.

"Negan, I thought you might wanna see this"

"Well, well, well what do we have here, got my fingers crossed for a little freaky deaky"

He turned on the camera, and an image of Rick was on it, he had a much longer hair and beard, looking like he just went to hell and back, on the tape was something that looked like some kind of interrogation or confession, Alice leaned closer to see better.

"That is some fucked up shit," she murmured to herself, Negan just glances at her, nodding his head. She was with the Saviors for a few days now, she was allowed to walk where ever she felt like, do almost anything and be at Negan's side almost every second of the day and he never asked her about her past. She knew he was curious about her weapon skills, her mood swings, her nightmares but respected her boundaries enough not to pry and he knew if he asked her she will feel like she is obligated to talk and that was something he didn't want to force on her.

"Is that you under all that man bush? Damn it I wouldn't mess with that guy there," Negan told Rick while taking a step back and turning the record option on, pointing the camera at his direction, "but that is not you anymore, is it?...Nop… I really got to shave this shit."

He was laughing, Alice saw Rick's hand gripping tighter around Lucile's handle, she tensed there, moving to be almost between them, Negan turned to her, still playing with a camera.

"C'mon doll, show your pretty face, so I can mesmerize this moment," she removed her face shield and reviled her entire face expression, her lips were shut tight and eyes wide opened, looking Rick directly in the eyes, Ricks' head was tilted to the side, not facing her directly but returning the stare.. Negan came closer to her, with a big smile on his face, then turned the camera at Rick and then back at her

"Hell Rick what did you do to my doll, she is shooting daggers at you?" , Rick just looked down and loosening his grip, Alice relaxed when she saw it and smiled at Negan, nodding her head, letting him know that it was all ok.

He placed his arm around her shoulders and turned to Rick, shifting his entire weight on one leg and leaning on Alice, with his free hand resting on his hips, "Whatever happened to that sick girl? It seemed like a hell of a stressful night for her. Where is she? I would love to see her, maybe console her, if she is feeling really bad, you'd be surprised how tender and full of compassion I can be. "

Alice smiled at this, imagining him trying to console the woman whose husband he murdered, now that was something she would love to witness, if nothing just for the speech he would have prepared, she was lost in her thoughts when a voice came behind her and Negan.

"Do you care to pay your respects?", she jumped, swiftly turning around and placing a tip of her knife at the throat of a man that just came to them. She was looking at him, confusion written all over her face, it was a priest, _a fucking priest, in the middle of a fucking apocalypse._

"Fuck, what is wrong with this place?", she lowered the knife, still staring at the man standing right in front of her.

"hahaha. You almost killed a prieeest doll," Negan was now leaning in her ear, laughing at her reaction.

"Not my fault he is creeping on me like that."

"My apologies," a priest told her, with a smile on his face, looking her directly in the eyes.

She was never comfortable around Priests of any kind or religious people in general, she didn't know why she had nothing against them or their faith but they just made her nervous.

"A-ha", she nodded at him, leaning backward, closer to Negan, "Negan, he is creeping me out, man. Make him go away."

Negan couldn't help himself, he started to laughing like a maniac, rubbing his forehead with his gloved hand, "really doll, you can take down five men in less than a minute and watch me bash someone's head without flinching but priests freak you out."

"Yeah", she nodded, "priests and clowns. No offense," she was speaking to a man still smiling at her.  
"None taken."

"You don't happen to have any clowns around, do you Rick?", Negan turned at Rick's side, grinning like an idiot.

"What?"

"You know, big shoes, crazy wigs, red noses, like to wear a lot of makeup"

"No," Rick was shaking his head, not believing what he is being asked.

"Huh, just priests then. Good to know. See doll you have nothing to worry about."

He now turned to her, looking like he just solved the problem of world hunger, she was watching him now, with clear irritation on her face, he just placed a kiss on her cheek, winking at her.

"Smug bastard," she just murmured to herself, like she always did when wanting to say something only he should hear. He laughed at that, wrapping his arm around her shoulders again and tugging her as close as he could to himself while planting one big, long and loud kiss on her template, Alice tried to keep her angry face on but it just slipped away in a moment, being replaced with a smile.

"Don't you ever frighten my doll like that again?", Negan was now talking to the priest.

"My apologies, I am father Gabriel. I am sorry to inform you but Maggie didn't make it."

He led them to the graveyard, with three unmarked graves, Alice looked at Daryl, his face was like someone just smashed his legs and forbidden him to cry. She placed her hand on his forearm and tighten her grip, not even knowing what she is doing or trying to do, she knew she is one of the last people who should comfort him, only slightly better option than Negan.

"Damn tragedy that's what this is. I mean number one that was all me, but number two, well that didn't need to happen, Daryl here force my hand, probably put her right on her back," Negan continued to tug on everyone nerves, Alice wasn't even paying attention anymore, all this just made her stomach turn, something was off and she didn't know what, in that moment the gunshot was heard. She was a Negan's side in second, aiming her gun at Rick, whose face turned red, Negan stormed past them.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Alice cursed while lowering her gun and going after him _"really man! Why don't you just walking into a fucking mine field while you're at it?"_

Alice stormed past Negan and Rick, deciding that she will be the first to face whatever they find in the room just ahead, as she entered to what looked like infirmary, she saw Carl pointing gun at two of Negan's man,

"Shit...really…a kid…waving a gun, what the fuck is wrong with this place," Alice cures out loud so everyone can hear her, taking one of her knives and pointing it at Carl's throat

"Put it down," she growled at him but he looked like he didn't hear her, still looking at the man who was cradling a box of medicine under his arm. At that moment Rick came, standing in front of his son "Carl, Carl, look at me, put the gun down."

"No, they are talking all of our medicine, they said only half our stuff."

"Fuck kid, listen to your dad," Alice yelled at him, having enough of this place and these people, Negan approached her, putting his hand on her arm and lowering it slowly, she looked at him, he just shook his head and came to stand between Carl and his men. She tensed at this, not feeling comfortable with the approach he decide to take but keeping her mouth shoot.

"Really kid?"

"You should go, before you find out how dangerous we all are," Alice sighed at this, rubbing her forehand with her hand and looking down at the floor.

"Oh dear lord, am I your favorite channel today?"

Negan smiled at that, but quickly turned his attention back to Carl, "excuse my fucking French, but did you just threaten me? I can't have that kid. Not me, not Davy here, no one."

"Carl," Rick called for him.

"Don't be fucking rude Rick we are having a conversation here," Negan responded, clearly annoyed with the situation as well.

"Ok kid, where were we, oh yeah, you giant man size balls," Alice was just watching them, with her arm crossed, "I said half you shit and half is what I say it is. I am serious. Do you want me to prove how serious, again?"

At that moment Alice felt Daryl, that came out of nowhere and was now standing at her side, stirring, locking his eyes on Negan, she turned slowly grabbing his wrist and shaking her head at him, at that moment Carl lowered his gun and gave it to Rick.

Negan took the gun from him, turning it around in his hand and then looked at Rick, "this reminds me, you have a lot of guns, all the guns you took from my outpost when you wasted all my people with a shit ton of your own guns…and as this little emotional outburst has made crystal clear I can't allow that.. they're all my now. "


	10. Walls of Alexandria pt2

Hey, so I hope you like this one, it was much easier to write and much more enjoyable than a previous one and I can say I am really happy with this chapter, I wish I could write only chapters like this, because I love to write chapters like this (no, I am not a psycho, my mother got me tested, then my father again, just to be on a safe side) but every story needs a development. They told me so.

 _ **Important announcement:**_ on Friday I will publish a double chapter because next Monday I won't be able to.

Thank you all for reading this, for all your follows and favorites, for every review I get, it really helps me a lot and makes me extremely happy.

 **DISCLAIMER** **:** This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **For one quote more** : "Hypocrite: the man who murdered both his parents... pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan." -Abraham Lincoln

* * *

They were lead to the garage when the door slid opened, a bit larger woman was waiting for them on the other side, holding a notebook, she introduced herself as Olivia and lead them to the armory, Alice started to follow after Daryl when Negan called for her.  
"Alice, doll, where the fuck are you going?"  
"To help them, boss."  
"Oh don't worry, Arat will take care of that, come, let's enjoy this fine day and pleasant company, oh yeah, and Rick just so you know, we won't touch any of your food today, we need you strong and healthy so you can get us more shit. It seems like a slim picking anyway and while we're at it I can't be the only one to see that you got a fat woman taking care of your rations. I am not pointing figures or anything, just saying man," he placed his arm around Alice's shoulder and lead them outside.

Negan was watching his man while they were loading weapons into the truck when he saw a silver Desert Eagle resting on the top of the pile Daryl was carrying.

"Hold up… Fuck, look at this beauty here. Let's see have you been taking care of my guns," he was looking at Rick while aiming at passing Daryl, then turned to Alice who was scanning everyone around them like a Cheetah ready to jump on any sign of threat.  
"Alice doll, do me the honors, shoot at whatever your heart wants," she took a gun from him, holding it up in her hand and feeling it's weight.

"Fuck, this one is a beauty, " she smiled, looking like she just met her long lost friend.  
"I know doll, I always had a great taste. Now shoot at something I want to hear it."

She was looking him in the eyes, while pointing the gun up and firing it, when the shot was heard and glass shattered, her entire face lighten up as she started to laugh, looking at the gun in her hand. Negan wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him, placing one long kiss on her lips

"It is yours now."  
"Really?",she looked at him, barely sustain herself from jumping like a little girl.  
"Yeah, it suits you better than that old piece of shit you've been using."  
"Thank you, boss."  
"I take care of my people, doll," he was looking at Rick, who was standing with them holding Lucile and looking at their interaction, he was about to say something when Arat came, pushing Olivia in front of her

"Damn it Arat, and when I want us to get rough you just turn me down," Alice was smirking, a woman just glanced at her with a second long smile on her face, then turned to Negan.  
"Arat we don't do that unless they do something to deserve it or in the case mentioned here ask for it."  
"Yeah, we went through the Inventory, we are two guns short Glock 9 and 20bob'n cap"

Negan's smile fell in the moment, turning to Alice who was already holding Rick on point with her Eagle, ready to shoot at his command.  
"Is that truth?", he looked at Olivia now, who was nervously shifting her weight from one leg to another, looking at the ground and nodding.  
"We asked some people to leave town those guns must be with them," Rick intervene.  
"Speak when spoken to," Alice growled at him, still keeping her gun up.  
"So you are saying Olivia sucks at her job?", Negan asked him.  
"No..I am not"  
"Then shut the fuck up," Negan told him while turning to speak to Olivia again.

"There should be full account here, top to bottom, am I right?!"  
"No…I mean yes, the inventory is correct," Olivia finally spoke  
"Alice, doll, hold this book for me will you?", Alice took the notebook from Negan, flipping it open with her free hand and looking at the list.

"Holy shit this is a lot of weapons," she whispered to herself, with Arat at her side.  
"And they didn't even list the ones they took from our outpost," Arat told her, with a smile on her face.  
"Oh, sweetheart I love it when you talk dirty to me," she winked at Arat with a smile on her face, wishing her dad was with her, for him this truck would be heaven on earth.

"I don't enjoy killing women, men I can waste them all the live long," Negan was now standing closer to Olivia.  
"Alice, doll, come make it easier on me," Alice now shifted her weapon from Rick to Olivia, slowly circling around her and putting it on her template.

"We can work this out," Rick spoke again.  
"Oh, we can and I am going to," Negan was inches away from Olivia's face making her whimper, she felt caged, with Alice standing behind her and Negan in front.  
"On the end of the day my dear, this was your responsibility and you screwed it up, I mean keeping track of guns, that shit is life or death. Alice, take her with us for a little walk. Rick find those guns or my doll here will practice her aim on Olivia."

 **Negan** was sitting on the bench with Olivia's, while Alice was pacing around, holding her hands locked behind her neck.  
"Will you stop walking in fucking circles, you are making me dizzy doll."

She dropped her hands, sighing and looking at Olivia, she just wanted to go home and this setback was getting on her nerves.  
"How the hell did you lose two guns?", a woman looked up at her still crying.  
"Oh, c'mon stop crying, you're making my head hurt," Alice rubbed her templates leaning on the wall close to the bench.

Negan stood up, walking close to her, taking her chin in his hand and lifting her head up,"are you ok doll?", he asked her with a concerned written all over his face, Alice just nodded, looking him in the eyes.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, boss, I am fine, this day just keeps getting more and more crazy. I mean priest made me almost piss my pants just before a kid started waving a gun around like a mad man and now we are two guns short and no one knows where they are."  
"hahaha, yes this place is a shitshow."  
"And us with a front row tickets. I swear I am going to kiss one of those walkers on the fences when we get home."  
"I wouldn't recommend that."  
"Ok, then I will kiss Simon."  
"Really doll, those are your options?"  
"Well, basically yes, all the others I could kiss are here."  
"Go with the walker, doll, go with the walker," he patted her shoulder while going to sit back beside Olivia resting his arm across her shoulders making her jump in her seat a little.

"She is really afraid of me doll," Negan was tugging the woman closer to himself with a big smile spreading across his face.  
"Don't scare her, you big bad wolf," Alice told him with a fake voice of disapproval, sounding like a mother trying to make her child behave. Olivia glances at her, with eyes puffed with tears, Alice cooked her head to her side, pouting her lips.  
"Oh, don't worry dear, he doesn't bite. Well unless you ask him to, I don't know, what kind of kinky shit you are into."

Negan started to laugh like an idiot, hugging Olivia tighter with one of his hand while whipping the tears of laughter with the other.  
"She is actually cute, doll, all scared and shit. Hm, I think I want to keep her, make her one of my wives if Rick doesn't find me those guns or you know if you want to no matter what," he was not talking to Olivia who was confusingly looking at him.

"Wives, like plural?"  
"Yes, sweetheart, plural, I mean that would be much more fun than having to kill you. What do you say doll?"  
Alice was smiling at the scene, with her arms crossed on her chest, "hey, whatever floats your boat boss."

Olivia was now squinting at her like she was trying to understand are they serious or playing with her, they looked like two lunatics who just escaped from Asylum.

"You, are one of his wives?", she asked Alice who was now cocking her eyebrow at her with a big smile on her face.  
"Hell, no. This doll is a love of the rest of my life," Negan answered, "she is way more important than my wives."

Alice turned red and for the first time in her life was left speechless, thankfully at that moment, Rick called for them with the news that their little meeting is over and didn't go as planned.  
"Hey, sweetheart, you can go with us, you don't have to die. Just say the word," Negan was looking at Olivia while Alice pushed her to walk in front of them with her gun aimed at her nape.

 **They** were standing near the truck, where Negan's men were still unloading the rest of the guns, waiting for the time they gave Rick to expire when Alice heard a man and girl talking from side of the truck

"Say please, little girl."  
"Please"  
She looked at the direction where the voices were coming from, to see one of their man touching the face of a girl that didn't look over fifteen, Alice tensed, she looked at Negan who nodded at her, giving her permission to intervene.

"One more time."  
"Please," Alice said standing behind him, playing with one of her knives, with a wide smile on her face, talking with high pitched voice.  
"Please, big, old, greasy man, please give me my balloons back, later I can suck your little, wilted dick in gratitude. Did I get it right? Oh, tell me I got it right."

Man, looked at her like he just saw a ghost, she came closer standing between him and the girl extending her hand to him, waiting for the balloons.  
"This is none of your business, dog."  
"Tch, tch, tch, c'mon don't make this easy one me, this is now how we play this game."  
"And how do we play it, whore?", he was now standing right in front of her face, with eyes wide opened, growling, he was pissed someone interrupted him while playing around with his prey.  
"You give me the balloons back, and I don't say Negan what I just saw," she smiled, looking over his should to see Negan watching them.  
"I can do whatever I want to do, dog."  
"Oh really, you can. You can scare, little girls, you can touch them? Boss, what do you say about that?"

Negan was now standing right beside them, looking at the scared girl, with his men making a full circle around them,  
"Are those your balloons?", he asked the girl  
She just nodded, "Yes..I….I just asked him to I have them back."  
"Hm, is that so?", Negan was running his hand through his beard looking at the man that now had a blade resting on his throat with Alice all up into his face, smiling like a maniac.  
"And what did this mean man said to you?"  
"He told me to say please," she was looking at the ground and started to cry. Negan placed his arm around her, hugging her, then placed his hands on her shoulder and crouching down so he can be at her eye level, extending his gloved hand to the man gesturing him to hand over whatever it is, he was holding.

In a second the man gave up, giving him a handful of green balloons, Negan looked at his hand frowning.  
"What is your name girl?"  
"Enid"  
"Ok, Enid, is this what this all fuss is about? Tell me, why are these things so important to you?"  
Enid looked at him and then at the man whose face was now turning read, "I…. They just are."  
"No good enough kid. Now tell me why?"  
"They…they just remind me of someone who is gone, that's all. Now can I please have them back," she pleaded.

Negan look at her, "Yes you can. But first tell me kid did this man touch you, even just to hold your hand?"  
Enid was looking at the ground again not wanting to face any of them, Negan placed his index finger on her chin slowly lifting her head to look at him, "don't be scared of us girl, we don't hurt kids, just tell me, did this man touch you?"  
"Yes..yes he did," she nodded, letting her eyes fall to the floor again. Negan stood up, sighing, handing the balloons back to her.

"You know the rules people. Doll, take care of this will ya."  
"With pleasure boss. Bye, bye, pedophile"

And with one swift move she was behind the man, cutting his throat and making the blood flow all around him, she was holding his head as he was falling on his knees, not letting go, watching him take his final breath, with the same smile on her face, looking at some point in the distance, feeling his body twitch underneath her hold, only when he was not making any more sound she let go of him, letting his limp body it fall on the ground, planting her machete in his skull, making sure he doesn't come back.  
"Sleep well you sick bastard," she spat at him while turning around and going at Negan's side.

Rick and Carl were standing there looking at the dead man, and then at Enid who was still looking at the balloons in her hand.  
"I don't have all day Rick, did you found my guns?", Negan called for him.  
Rick snapped out of it, handing the black linen bag to him, "well would you look at that, they were here all along, funny how some 'holy shit someone going to die' lights a fire under everyone's ass. Now tell me Rick which one of yours fine folks almost cost Olivia the rest of her days"  
"It doesn't matter anymore?"  
"Oh, but it matters. See you need to get everybody on board, everybody, or we just go back to square one. Do I make myself clear?"

Rick just nodded as Negan turned to Alice, who was still breathing heavily of all the adrenaline from a few minutes ago, "c'mon doll lets go home, I don't want to overstay our welcome"

 **They were** at the gates of Alexandria when Alice turned around and saw a black woman with dreadlocks, she remembered from the woods, standing in one of the abandoned houses outside the compound, looking at them. She came closer to Negan tugging him to turn around, he and Ricked, looked at the direction she was pointing.  
"I'll take care of this, just give me a minute", Rick told them while jogging towards the house.  
Not long after a woman came carrying a deer, with Rick at her tail bringing a gun and giving it to Negan. Alice was sitting on the hood of a car with Daryl standing right beside her watching as Dwight was straddling around 'his' new bike.

"You can have it back just say the words," he was now standing near Daryl smirking in his face.  
"Go away Dwight," Alice told him while keeping her eyes fixed at Negan and Rick.

"I wanted to ask you something, now that we showed you we can play by your rules will you let Daryl stay?", Rick asked Negan, Alice straightened her back, leaning a bit forward waiting for an answer.

"Not happening," Negan told him, "I would never break my dolls heart and separate her from her new best friend."

Rick's face fell, looking at the place where Alice and Daryl were, trying to figure out what is actually going on there. The woman freaked him out, there was no question about it, what he saw her do today made him think she is worse than Negan, but at the same time, the way she was leaning towards Daryl looked like she was trying to protect him of every look that was not directed towards the two.

At that moment Negan's voice broke him out of his thoughts, "you know what, I don't know, maybe Daryl can plead his case; maybe Daryl can sway me… Daryl?", Negan was now looking at Daryl as well, leaning closer to Rick, knowing exactly what he will get just waiting to see the reaction of everyone else from Alexandria when he gets it.  
Daryl just looked down, leaning closer to where Alice was sitting, avoiding the eyes of everyone around him.

That made Negan laugh, his doll was delivering more than he expected, "well you tried. now what you got to do is get over that tall wall of yours and try harder out there, earn for me, because we are coming back soon and when we do you better have something interesting for us or Lucile, she going to have her way. Arta, grab that deer, it's getting late, let's go home."

The woman that came from the woods just let the deer fall from her shoulders on the ground, and walked away looking at the spot where Alice and Daryl were.

"Man, I love the gal who buys me a dinner and doesn't expect me to put out. Alice doll lets go"  
They were about to leave when Negan turned around to Rick again, "see, nobody died, well at least not one of your own, see we can be reasonable and good people, once you get to know us. Now I think a little 'Thank you' is at hand"

Rick looked at him, trying to pull the words out of his mouth like the dentist trying to pull the tooth  
"Thank you."  
"I didn't hear you, what did you say?"  
"Thank you," Negan started to laugh again, leaning backward and throwing his head, then took one long step and was in Ricks face again, "in case you haven't caught on, I just slick my dick down your throat and you thanked me for it"

Alice was already in the driver seat when Negan came, closing the door behind him and blowing the kiss in Ricks direction when the truck started to move.

Alice was watching him in the review mirror, smiling to herself.  
"Damn, he looks miserable. But I don't think he looks miserable enough to make up for thirty dead people."  
"Oh, we're getting there doll, we're getting there. "

 **When they** came to Sanctuary, Simon was already waiting for them, looking at the things they brought, when someone tackled him, jumping in his arms.

"I told you to go with the walker, doll," he heard Negan's voice and laughter, "you pray to God I lose this bet, I am not bailing you out of that mess," that was the last thing he heard Negan shout before his face was overwhelmed with kisses. Before he could even figure out that it was Alice, she took his head in her hands and pulled it down to place a kiss on the top of it.  
He had to grab her by her upper arms to make her calm down, she was looking at him with wide eyes and even wider smile.

"Damn it, mustache man, I missed you. I can't to shit without my sidekick."  
"What the fuck happened to you psycho? Is that blood?"  
"Oh, you got to hear this man," she grabbed him by his arm and lead him to the direction where Negan was standing and starting to talk so fast he had to pretend he understood half the shit she was saying just so she doesn't start all over again.


	11. Our poor bleeding hearts pt1

**Notes:** Here is a double chapter I promised for today because on Monday I won't be able to update, hope you like it. Alos next Friday I will probably do the same thing, Mondays of this month are really not my thing apparently.

Songs used in this chapter:  
Peggy Lee-Johnny Guitar  
Frank Sinatra- Blue Moon  
(I ripped of FalloutNewVegas soundtrack)

and happy easter to everyone who celebrates it :)

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **For one quote more:** "The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear." - Stephen King

* * *

Negan was walking around the compound, he was pissed and worried at the same time, he was trying to reach Alice thought the radio for the last half an hour but to no avail, he went to check on her in her room but didn't find her, he went to Daryl's cell thinking she might be there chatting him up but Dwight told him he haven't seen her that entire day, even Simon didn't know where she might be.  
This was strange, she would never be too far away from her radio, the worst thoughts were coming to his mind, if she is hurt someone will pay dearly for it and if she is fine she will pay dearly for it, ' _who does she think she is, making him worry like that,'_ either way, he was out for blood.  
He just walked in the big hall where common people would usually trade, if anyone saw her then someone from there did, those people were like rats, everywhere and nowhere at the same time, when the sound of a guitar made him stop, he looked down and saw no one was kneeling, no one was even looking at his direction, he leaned on the stair rails trying to pinpoint the source of the sound, and then he saw her.  
Alice was on one of the unused beads sitting in the corner, she was wearing her military baggy jeans, black tank top, her hair was tied up in a high messy bun, her face shield was around her neck, she was holding black acoustic guitar and singing.  
Negan came down the stairs and was now standing on the resting spot looking at the group but not making a sound, lost within the melody of her soft voice, ' _how can someone with the voice of angels, be capable of things that would make devil feel ashamed.'_

 _..._  
 _"…Play the guitar, play it again, my Johnny…..Maybe you're cold but you're so warm inside…..I was always a fool for my Johnny…For the one, they call Johnny Guitar…Play it again, Johnny Guitar…."_

When she was done everybody started clapping their hands and that made her smile wider than ever, with little wrinkle forming around her eyes that were glowing from happiness.  
Negan just stood there for a long moment admiring the view, he would love to let them be and just watch them in silence but the problem was he could never stay quiet for long, so he started to clap a bit louder than everyone else trying to get everybody's attention.  
"Bravo! Bravo, doll, that was amazing."

Everybody turned around and saw him standing there with a big smile on his face, all of the sudden the room was filled with tension and everyone was kneeling, even Alice, waiting for him to lecture them or punish them for not noticing him sooner. He got down the rest of the stairs and walked past them all, coming to the place where Alice was and popping himself on the bed while taking a guitar that was now sitting there and placing it on his lap.

"Ok, everyone, you can get up now. I just came to enjoy the show…I've been looking for you everywhere doll, you got me worried sick."  
"Fuck, sorry boss, shit, I left my stuff where I found this thing… I ...fuck...Sorry… Was it something important?"  
"Relax doll it was nothing I just missed you. Come sit with me," he tapped the place beside him, she came at his side, he took a guitar from his lap and handed it to her.  
"I didn't know you could play doll."  
"My brother thought me, saying I need at least one skill that doesn't involve shooting things."  
"Hahaha, you brother was a smart man."  
"Yeah, he was," her face fell; she was looking at the little boy that was sitting on the floor near the bed and looking up at them, he was the only one sitting that near, being too young to know what fear is.  
Negan reached for him and placed him on his lap, starting to make giggling noises and funny faces, a boy started laughing, grabbing him by the nose and pulling on his beard.

"God damn it, I really need to shave this shit," he told her with a grimace of pain on his face. "Play something for us, doll, and I will forgive you for making me worried sick."  
"As you say, boss," Alice gave him a military greeting and started to play

 _'…Blue moon….You saw me standing alone….Without a dream in my heart….Without a love of my own….Blue moon….You knew just what I was there for…..You heard me saying a prayer for…Someone I really could care for...And then there suddenly appeared before me...The only one my arms will hold...I heard somebody whisper please adore me...And when I looked to the moon it turned to gold...Blue moon...Now I'm no longer alone...Without a dream in my heart...Without a love of my own...'_

They were like that for an hour, she was playing anything she could think of and Negan was sitting on the bed looking at the way her fingers moved and before they knew it, it was time for dinner, the group sitting around them just dispersed. Thin, pale woman slowly approached them, looking at the ground and mumbling something they couldn't make out.  
"You will have to speak up, woman, I can't fucking hear you," Negan told her while leaning closer, with his left ear first and placing a hand behind his earlobe.  
"The…the boy... it's my son. I need to feed him."  
"Oh, that, well why don't you say so, here take him," Negan lifted a boy up and gave him to his mother, calling for one of his men to come closer.  
"Give this kid and this lady here some fresh fruit and clean clothing and make sure it is done I will check on it later," the man bowed and lead the boy and his mother in the direction of the kitchen.

"Will you keep that thing doll?", he now turned to Alice who was caressing the smooth surface of the guitar not paying attention to what was going on around her.  
"If no one wants it," she shrugged her shoulders, trying to make it look like she didn't particularly care for the instrument.  
"Well even if they did, they would have to out-play you first with me being a judge. Now, I won't say I would play favorites, but you know me doll…"  
"You can never say no to a beautiful woman."  
"Haha, damn right, I can't."  
"And what if a woman challenges me and she is prettier than me?"  
"C'mon doll, that is fucking impossible."  
"Smooth boss, very smooth… ok, then I will keep it."  
Negan stood up, extending his hand to her, she took it and he pulled her up, wrapping his arm around her waist.  
"Want to have dinner with me, doll?"  
"Sure boss."

They went up to her room so she could leave her backpack and guitar and then they went to his room, he took a seat on the sofa while Alice was sitting in one of the new armchairs he got from Alexandria yesterday and replaced the other sofa with them. They fitted nicely with the interior and gave the visitors a bit more privacy.  
Not long after Misha came, wearing a thigh red dress with a wide smile on her face, a smile that fell the moment she saw Alice sitting there.  
Alice waved at her with a smirk on her face, enjoying every second of woman's reaction to her intruding her private hours with her 'husband'.  
"Misha, be a lamb and get us something to eat and make it nice, also a lot of fruit and a bottle of Whiskey and some Rum," Negan told her practically oblivious to the way she reacted to Alice, "anything special you want, doll?"  
"No boss, it's fine."  
"Ok, then that will be all, you may go," Misha bowed her head and left them.

Alice was sitting there looking at the sun setting behind the horizon, letting her mind run freely to the places she didn't let it wander for a long, long time. Negan was looking at her quietly, not wanting to break her concentration, he had a feeling something important was on her mind and she needs time to process it and maybe, just maybe, let it break her walls and come to this side of reality for him to witness it, for the first time ever.

About ten minutes after Misha came back, bringing them scrambled eggs with beckon, some fruit and then leaving just to come back five minutes after with a bottle of Whiskey and a Rum.  
"Thank you, sweetheart, now please leave us alone, and tell everyone not to disturb us, unless this fucking place is on fire," Negan told her while getting up and taking two clean glasses from a bar and bringing it to the table. Misha just bowed her head and left them, closing to doors behind her.

"Want some Rum, doll?", Alice snapped out of her thoughts, looking at Negan and two bottles of liquor now resting on the table.  
"Would you mind I take some Whiskey this time?", Negan raised his eyebrows at her and then just smiled.  
"Of course I wouldn't mind doll," he poured her a glass and started to eat his dinner.  
She took a glass from the table and held it with both of her hands, resting it on her lap; she was looking at the glass, shifting it slowly in the circle and watching how the liquid played around its edges.

"This was my father's favorite drink, you know? Every night he would sit on the front porch of our home, reading a book or cleaning his gun and drinking it. Every night, one single glass, no more, no less," she looked up at Negan who now stopped eating and gave him the weakest smile he ever saw on her. He wanted to say something but didn't know what, one wrong word and the doors that finally started opening will be closed shut again, to remain like that forever.

Thankfully she didn't wait for him to break the silence; she did it for him, turning to look at the sky that was now completely deprived of the sunlight, "I wasn't always like this, you know? I mean I was always a bit different but I wasn't always like this."  
He took a sip of his own drink, cocking his head to the side, furrowing his eyebrows,  
"Like what doll?", he asked her because he was now genuinely confused with what she was referring to.  
"You know, all kuku in the head and shit."  
"Fuck, doll, I don't think you are crazy, a bit strange, yeah, but not crazy."

She started to laugh at him, covering her mouth with her hand, "it is ok Negan, I know how I am. But that was not what I was aiming at," she sighed looking down at the glass and emptying it in one long sip.  
"I was a strange child, that much is true," she continued, "well, I can blame that on being the first child, daddy's little princess. By the time my brother came to this word and that was only two years after, I took that throne and held it so tightly that even a cute little baby couldn't take it away from me. And believe me he tried, every night, he would cry on and on and on just to get some attention and mom gave it to him, but my father's love was only for me. I was always a selfish bitch what can I say. I remember one night I was sitting with my dad on the porch he was cleaning his gun and I was watching him, asking him everything that would pop to my mind when my brother started to cry his lounges out, my mother shouted from the other side of the house for my dad to go and see what's wrong and I yell at her, telling her that, that it's her baby and that she should take care of it and that we have important business to attend to and that we don't have time for baby bullshit. I wasn't allowed out of the house for a week after that, but man, it was worth it," Negan laughed at that, shaking his head and burying himself in the sofa.

Alice took a bit of pause taking a piece of bacon from her plate and eating it, Negan didn't say the word, giving her a signal that he would like to hear the rest of her story.  
"My mother was a vegan and my dad was a huge meat lover, my mother was something like a flower child you know, love, compassion and all that shit can cure the world, man was she wrong, she would be fucking pissed at the work we are doing here. My dad, he was a retired military man, tall, strict, proud, he loved his country and would give his life fighting for it without a second thought, how those two made it work I think not one God knows. When I turned seven my father bought me my first bow, well I wanted a gun because by then I already knew everything there is to know about guns, but my mother was against it and the government and my father, something about me being too young. Can you believe that shit?", she puffed some air out shaking her head and taking a mouthful of her eggs.

"Anyway, by the time I was ten I had at least twenty gold medals from all kinds of competition they were dragging me to. I really didn't care for that, but my father was so proud of me I couldn't just say no, it would have broken his heart, so I went along, as much as I was pissed with getting a bow before, till that time I loved it more than anything in this world. I was twelve by the time my father let me use one of his guns, oh man, I don't have to tell you, my mother was fucking pissed, she didn't talk to us for a week, but I didn't really mind, no one ever talked to me, in school there were maybe two or three people that I could call something like friends. So you see, boss, for a good part of it, my childhood was nice and peachy until everything went to shit," her face now darkened, she poured herself another glass, tugging it down in one sip and looking at Negan.

He was sitting there silently listening when he saw her change her mood, she was now looking down at the empty glass and spoke with a voice few tones darker than a minute before…  
"It was all because I was stupid, I should have died that day not him," Negan flinched at that seeing where it is going and wanting to stop her but knowing that this is something that needs to get out and by the way she was handling it, it looked like this is the first and the last time this truth will ever see the light of the day.

"I was stupid girl, about fourteen or fifteen years old, fuck I don't ever remember anymore," she chuckled at that, wiping away single tear that escaped her, "we had a lake house, that weekend I wanted to go there, I had a huge crush on one of the boys from a town nearby, Drake, he had a pickup up truck, bunch of tattoos, real bad boy and shit, he looked like a dream come truth, but my brother got sick, chicken pokes, I was sooo mad at him… _'how does he dare intervene with my plans'_ , I thought to myself. So I lied to my dad that I wanted to spend a weekend with him, you know fishing and shooting bottles and he fell right into my trap, how can he say 'no' to his little princess, so my mom stayed with my brother, with great protest by the way and we left," she paused there, looking at Negan and sighting.  
"Why am I telling you this, like you would want to hear it? I am sorry, you probably wanted relaxing evening and here I am pouring my pathetic story all over you," she took a sip of her drink, "I should probably leave."  
She stood up getting ready to go, when Negan grabbed her by her wrist swinging her around and pulling her closer to himself, "you won't leave now, you started this story and you will end it. Yes, I wanted relaxing evening but I also wanted to know more about you ever since you came here. I need to know the woman behind this charade you put up for the rest of the world. I didn't want to make you talk, but now that you started on your own, you are going to fucking finish it even if I have to make you do that."

Negan didn't want to force this on her, but he saw she needed to get it out of her system and that she was only now chickening out, that was not something she did and he would not accept her doing it now.  
Alice sighed, sitting back in her previous position and taking another shot of whiskey, she looked up at him, "so you want to hear a story about how I killed my father, ok then buckle up boss, this is going to be one hell of a ride," she told him with voice full of hate.

Negan looked at her not sure was that hate directed at him or at her own past, but it didn't matter now, he went back to his spot on the sofa, pouring them each a glass of whiskey and preparing to hear the rest of her story.

"We were at the lake house before the sun even set down, my dad was drinking his whiskey and cleaning a gun he had there, while he was distracted I sneaked out and went to meet up with Drake, he promised me one hell of a ride, and man, he was right, from the moment I got into his fucking truck to this day I feel like I am living Dante's nightmare, riding through all circles of hell with things and torments only getting worst. That night we got stoned and I lost my virginity to him. Hahaha, what a fucking cliche, right? I lost track of time and got home maybe a little before the dawn. My dad was there waiting for me on the same spot I left him, his eyes were full of tears, he thought I drowned or something, he was fucking furious when he saw me in the state I was. We got into a huge fight, the first and the last one in our lives, I told him I hated him, that I wanted to come only to be with Drake, not him, that he is stupid to think I wanted to fish and shoot some pathetic bottles with some old man. At that moment his face twisted, I saw it then man, I broke his heart, I fucking broke his heart. I stormed past him, didn't even want to look him in the eyes, just left him there to stand and watch as his princess turns her back on him. He went swimming that morning, he did that whenever he was angry or nervous or when he just needed to think, he would be gone for an hour or two and then come back like a new man but that time he never returned," she stopped there, looking at her nails and then brought her hand through her hair, untying her bun and looked up at Negan, with eyes full of tears but not one escaped her.

"They found him, a day later, on the other side of the lake, he got a heart attack while he was swimming and drowned," she smiled weakly, "you see, man, I broke his heart that morning and he died. The only person I had in this fucking world that loved me and I killed him with a single sentence. Now, how fucked up is that shit? You are not supposed to be able to do something like that, man."

Negan was looking at her, not sure what to say, she was blaming herself for something she did not have any control over, even if he told her that it is not her fault, he knew that would be something she probably heard too many times already and never believed it.

"But you had your mother and brother, they didn't love you?",he finally spoke, trying to get around the awkward silence.  
She looked at him and smiled, "oh, they adored me, their little pet project, the screw up to be fixed. After my dad died I didn't speak for month or two, my mother dragged me to all kinds of therapy but nothing worked. First time I spoke was with the man named John, he was our family friend, served with my dad. He talked about the days when they were young and all the crazy shit they did, that was the first time I learned that my dad was kind of a bad boy, he almost went to jail because he beat up some rich guy's son, that's when he signed up. John told me that it was the only reason they both signed up, never thinking that they will find themselves in the military. He talked for hours and when he would get to the most interesting parts, that fucker would just stop talking, waiting for me to ask him to continue," Alice smiled at the memory.

"He was the one that thought my brother to play guitar, the song I played when you came to find me today was actually a first song my brother thought me. I loved it, it always reminded me of John, he died six years after my dad, from cancer, by that time I was a long way from home and everyone I knew. I didn't even say goodbye to him, but he wasn't the first to whom I did that and he certainly was not last."

She reached for an orange sitting on the table with the rest of the fruit and started pilling it, concentrated on the task.  
"My mother never blamed me for what happened to my dad nor did my brother, but it didn't matter I blamed myself, I still do. When I turned eighteen I left my home, going nowhere, I just packed my things and left, I found a job in a little PC shop, in a god forgotten town, about ten hour drive from my hometown, there I learned how to fix computers and stuff and started to actually earn pretty money, living on my own, but I was drinking, doing drugs, sleeping around, anything to dull the pain, so I lost that job, never got the new one. I would fix things for people and they would pay me, even got some social help after I was diagnosed with PTSD, now that my man was a bunch of horse shit, but hey I took the money, not my fault they were stupid. I would talk to my brother from time to time, never going home, I didn't fit there anymore, my mother and brother were people of peace and I was a child of war, made in the image of my Dad. I got in all sort of trouble, I had money yeah but not enough, never enough, so I started running around with gangs, robbing shit and people, just so I can fix myself up real nicely and forget, I couldn't sleep without being drunk or drugged, every time I would close my eyes the image of my dad's face when I left him that morning was coming back to me. It was like every good memory I had of him and my life before was just wiped away and replaced with that single image, it was a nightmare, "she shook her head looking down.

"Didn't the doctors gave you some kind of pills or something?", Negan finally asked, this was not the story he was expecting to hear, he knew that she had a bit of fucked up history before the apocalypse, even a fool would see it but he would be lying if he said that this was a story he expected to hear.

"Oh, yeah, they did", she continued not looking at him but turning her head towards the window again. "They gave me all kinds of shit, I never took them, I preferred to know what kind of drug I was taking and they were just too vague when I asked them."  
"What exactly did you ask them?"  
"Well you know, what kind of drug is it? Will it make me just sleepy and slow or pump me up with adrenaline? Will I know who am I fucking if I take it before sex, will I remember it afterward? You know the regular question. "  
"Hahaha, doll, people don't normally ask them that."  
"Yeah, I figured that one out too late. Anyway, they told me I will remember everything I did and not to worry. So I never took them, I was doing all that shit to forget not remember," she told him with a faint smile on her face.

"Anyway, I was around twenty-three when I hit a rock bottom, I didn't have any money, the police was on us, so I pawned my childhood bow, the one thing I had left from my past life, the same bow my dad gave to me," she now looked at him, searching his face for some signs of judgment or disgust, but there was none to be found, just the same sad look he was giving her that entire evening.

"That night I came home, and looked at the stuff I bought for that money, I broke down, that was the first time in eight years I cried and the last time to this day. I took everything I got and injected it into my veins, trying to silence the memories. I started to lose my conscience when some instinct kick in, I didn't want to die, fuck, I wanted to live, I didn't know why but I wanted to live so fucking much. I somehow got up and went outside my apartment banging at my neighbor's door, when the old woman opened up I fell into her arms, crying, telling her I don't want to die but I will if someone doesn't help me. She called 911, and next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital room, alone, with no one to call, with no one who cared, that was the moment I realized I needed to change. I went to the rehab and was clean ever since I did drink from time to time but never went beyond that," she smiled at him, pouring them both a drink, taking her glass and raising it in the air. Negan followed her gesture leaning closer to her and making a toast.

"What happened next?", he asked her while finishing up his drink.  
"What makes you think something more happened?"  
"Call it a fucking hunch, doll. Please indulge me."  
Alice looked at him like she was trying to decide will she continue or not, will she run away or stay, the hell with it, she got this far, might as well make it to the finish line.


	12. Our poor bleeding hearts pt2

**Notes:** So this is the second chapter for today, I really hope you like it.  
 **Negan's _story is relied on what I know from_ comic _books, I_ can't _get them where I live, so it is_ basically _what I had a chance to google, so if any of you don't want it spoiled or anything like that, I will mark the beginning and the end of it so you can just skip that part._**

That is about it, I think :) see you next Friday for another double chapter. And again thank you all for reading this and your support.

 _The song at the end is: Johnny Cash- Ain't no grave.  
_ **  
DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended. _  
_

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "The past can't be changed, can it? It can just be forgiven." ― Elizabeth George

* * *

"I got out of rehab when I was almost twenty-four, so you can say that this shit and that shit was pretty close. It took me around six months to manage enough courage to go home and visit my family, I got into my truck and just drew there, I still remember seeing my mother face when she opened the door with me standing outside," Alice smiled shaking her head.

"She didn't recognize me, man! Hahaha, my own fucking mother didn't recognize me. She was standing there for whole two minutes scanning me, hahaha, man I could feel her brain overheating while trying to figure out, why is something telling her that she should know the woman standing right in front of her," Alice stood up, walking to the window and glancing at the moon, she was silent for a long minute, just looking up at the sky, then she slightly turned around to look at Negan who was watching her not making a sound, waiting for her to continue.

"How could I blame her man, she didn't see me for six fucking years, I didn't have any right to expect of her to recognize me in the minute, I didn't have any fucking right to ask that of her, and still I fucking did," she shook her head in disapproval while turning to the window again.

"I was pissed at her just standing there, looking at me with her perfect shiny green eyes and her fucking perfect long red hair, standing at her perfect fucking doorstep, wearing long flowery dress, looking like a fucking princess that just came out of fairytale, just standing there looking at the only imperfect thing she had in her life, and not fucking recognizing it. She didn't fucking recognize me, man! "

Alice said with a bit louder voice, trying to fight away the tears that were not starting to burn her eyes, trying to break free, she felt arms locking around her waist pulling her closer. Negan was now standing behind her, looking at her reflection in the glass, remaining silent and waiting for her to continue.

" 'It's me Alice, mom.' I told her. 'Alice, who?', she didn't remember she even had an Alice in her life. 'Your daughter mother ', and then it hit her, she wrapped her hands around me pulling me into firm embrace and she started to cry, collapsing in front of my feet, hugging my legs," Alice continued, keeping her eyes wide opened not blinking, like she was traveling in her mind to that place and time and voicing everything she saw there.

" 'My sweet Alice is back', she wept, kissing my knees still not getting up, and me, I was just looking down at her and all of the sudden I didn't feel a thing man, not one damn thing. What kind of monster doesn't feel at moment like that, Negan, please tell me what kind of monster you have to be not to feel your fucking heart breaking at a sight of a woman who gave you your fucking life, crying and shaking like a baby, while knowing it is your fault she is like that, What kind of a fucking monster just stands there, looking at her, not even reaching down to hug her, when just a minute ago that was the only thing it wanted to do? Fucking tell me, Negan, what kind of a monster am I?", she turned around, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him, demanding the answers he did not have.

"I don't fucking know, doll, I wish I did, but I don't, I fucking don't know," he told her while pulling her in a hug and squeezing her as tightly as he could. It took her five minutes to stop shaking, they just stood there in silence, for a long time, she broke away from his embrace and took a sit on the same spot she was before, taking now half empty bottle of Whiskey and taking a sip right out of it, completely neglecting the full glass sitting right in front of her.

"Finally I found my voice and called for her, telling her to get up, I just placed my hands on her shoulder and tapped them," she laughed at the memory, Negan came to her, sitting on the coffee table, he placed his index finger on her chin lifting it up.

"You don't have to continue doll, not if you don't want to."  
"I don't want to, but I have to, please, bear with me for a little while longer," she cocked her head to her left, with pleading expression on her face.  
"This is hurting you, Alice. I don't like seeing you hurt."  
"It always hurts, Negan, there is not a day that passes where it doesn't hurt. But I need to tell it someone and you are the first one I can speak to."

Negan sighed, looking at her, trying to read her expression, trying to figure out is it wise to let her bring all those memories out or not, but before he could even form a question in his mind, she started to speak again, after taking another sip out of the bottle.

"She led me into my house; I didn't recognize it, new furniture, new wall paint, everything new, even a new husband. Oh, that one was fucking hard to swallow, but it was something I had to do. Later that day my brother came, he was still living in the house, having his own apartment above the garage. I asked them about their life, they told me the truth, they asked me about my own life, I lied, until no one could ignore the big elephant standing in the room, that one big question, 'Why haven't I come home sooner?', and fuck, I didn't have an answer to that, no ever a good lie. I told them I don't know and fuck it man, they forgave me, they fucking forgave me without me even asking for their forgiveness. I was there for two weeks, the bow you see me carrying, my brother gave it to me, he told me he bought it years ago as a welcome back present, leaving it in my room to wait for the day I will come home. But the thing was, that was not my home anymore, so I left again, leaving the bow there as a promise that I will come back to pick it up and just like that I was gone. It was ok after that we talked a lot, I was fixing some computers for people, they would pay me, I had my social care check, life was looking better and better, Until one day, my mother called me, telling me about some weird virus going around, asking me to come home, to be with them, while the crisis is over, but I told her not to worry, that I'll be fine, and that it was just government making a fuss out of nothing again. After two weeks, that old lady that saved me tried to kill me while I was coming home, she died in her apartment and turned, I pushed her down the stairs and run past her, not even turning around to get my stuff, I took my truck and drove home. It took me two fucking days to get there, with all the road block and patrols, people started to panic and everyone was running, but no one knew where they were running to or from what. All we knew was that we need to keep our distance from sick people and if they attack us to aim for their head," Alice sighed, taking the orange she peeled a while ago and starting to eat it, giving a few pieces to Negan who was still sitting on coffee table in front of her listening.

"When I finally reached home, the doors were opened, I assumed they already left but I decide to get into the house to look around and get some food, when I reached the top floor, I heard a noise coming from my mother's room, I came and slowly opened the door, at that moment something came at me, I was pushed against the wall hitting my head hard, I extended my arms trying to keep the attacked away, I hear a growling sound and in that second I opened my eyes and saw my mother coming at me, trying to kill me, She had a bite wound on her neck, I pushed her and run out of the room and directly to the kitchen, I found a knife there and went back up, she was in the hallway, turning around herself, not being sure where to go. Then she saw me and started to run in my direction, I just threw the knife at her, it went right in her right eye and she collapsed, dead. I fucking killed my mother, that was two out of two when it comes to parents, now that my man is one fucked up end to a family. I went back to my room and found my bow lying there on the bed, I picked it up and went to see is my brother up at his apartment, when I got there I found him lying there, with the knife in his head and blood around his mouth, I could only assume what happened there, at that moment everything went dark, I lost people I loved again and all because I was too slow and too stupid to come home in time and maybe, just maybe save them, with that thought every issue I had before resurfaced again, but I didn't have any drugs or alcohol this time I had to fight for survival, and if there was one thing my dad thought me then it was how to survive, it was like he was preparing me for this life since the very beginning. Who knows maybe he knew what was coming, maybe he just had a hunch, but everything he thought me kept me alive and in some way he saved my life. He saved a life of a person that killed him. That is just fucking sad, man."

"What about your step-dad?", Negan finally spoke.

"Don't know, I never found him, maybe he is alive, maybe not, fuck if I care."

When she was done she looked at Negan, he was sitting there on the table looking at the floor. She was expecting his judgment, expecting of him to chase her away or to embrace her, she was ready for anything except the thing she got after he spoke.

* * *

 ** _Negan story_**

"I was married before", he looked at her, "I was a really shitty husband, oh doll, it there was a reward for something like that, I would win without the competition every time. She loved me, she fucking loved me more than anything in this world, and I cheated on her, made her feel small, made her feel like she was not enough and still she stayed, never thinking about leaving me, not once even mentioning it, and she knew it all, every woman I fucked, when I fucked them, I wouldn't be surprised if she knew how I fucked them, " Negan took a bottle from Alice and tugged it down, taking five long sips out of it, then looking at Alice with a broken expression on his face

"Her name was Lucile," Alice tensed at that looking at the bat resting on in the corner of the room. Negan look at the same direction, smiling, he stood up and walked towards that same corner, looking down at it.  
"Not long before this shit went down, she was giving me a lecture about good behavior, after I scared the shit out of some neighbor kids before she collapsed before my feet, we called 911 and they took her to hospital, that is when we found out she was sick, cancer, and that she didn't have a long time to live. Alice, doll, I made her sick, it was all my fault. "

Negan turned around looking at Alice, with eyes full of tears, but he didn't hold them back like she did, they were running down his face like a rain, sliding down his throat and disappearing behind the tip of his white shirt. Alice stood up in a second, and within three long steps was at his side, hugging his as tightly as she could, running her fingers through his hair. She wanted to say something to make him feel better, say that is it a fucking stupid idea that he could give someone cancer, but she kept her mouth shoot remember all the times somebody told her that is was not her fault the way her father died and remember all the times she told them they could shove their fucking opinion up their asses.

"I manned up then, left my mistress at the time and just become devoted husband I should have been in the first place, but it was fucking too late, doll, I was losing her, and in that moment I realized that she was big, that she was brave and she was enough, fuck she was more than enough, but what good were those words to a dying woman," he continued, after leaving her's embrace and looking at the bat, resting there.

"She was in the hospital taking her last breath when doctor came yelling at me to get out, that the hospital is being evacuated, I told him to fuck off and leave me with my wife, and they did, they just left me there," Negan now walked passed her, turning his back on the bat and Alice, sitting on the sofa and tugging the Whiskey down, looking at the bottle before throwing it against the wall and smashing it.

Alice came to his side again, looking down at his hands trying to see if he had cut himself, he was looking down at her, wrapping her hand around her chin and lifting her head up to make her look at him.  
"I talked to her for hours, doll, and at that moment I heard people shouting, I looked out of the window and saw a bunch of patients around a car and a man in it screaming, then they just broke the window, pulled him out and started eating him, fuck it doll, they started to eat a living men,I fucking freaked out, I barricaded the doors and was trying to get my mind around what I just saw when I felt something moving behind me, I turned around and Lucile was looking at me, fuck I thought she came back to life, that these past months where just one sick joke and that she will be ok, but then I saw that her eyes were white and she was growling at me, like feral animal before she threw me on the ground trying to bite my neck, I pushed her away and stood up, pushed the table away from the door and run out of the room. I was at second floor when I saw two men attacking a kid, I just grabbed the fire extinguisher and smashed their heads, killing them, I didn't know what I was doing, when it was all done I looked down realizing I murder two people," Negan laughed at that.  
"How mundane it seems now what was such a big deal back then. The kid thanked me, and I asked him could he do the same thing to a woman I know, he said yes, and so I led him to Lucile's room and watched as he smashed the head of my wife."

When he finished the story Negan let go of Alice's chin, letting his hand fall on his lap, looking her in the eyes, he was silent now, waiting for her to process what he just told her.  
Alice was looking at him, cocking her head to the side and running her hand through his beard, he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.  
"Aren't we one fucked up duo?", she finally spoke, it made Negan laugh, he hugged her and pulled her to sit with him on the sofa.

 **end**

* * *

She was sitting on his lap, with her head resting on his shoulder, while her hand was still playing with his beard, she was watching him, the way he leaned into her touch, the way her eyes playing behind his eyelid.

"Why are you here?", he finally spoke, and she lifted her head up looking like someone just poured the bucket of cold water over her.  
"You want me to leave?  
"Fuck, what? No,", Negan run his hand over his face only now realizing how his question sounded, "I meant why did you join us? You didn't want to join any other group and now you are here with us, acting like you were here from the very beginning and don't get me wrong, I fucking love every minute of it. But why did you chose us?"  
"I didn't choose the group, I chose you."

Negan look at her, trying to figure out what is she trying to say, "but that was the worst possible option for you, doll," he looked down at the table, trying to avoid her questioning gaze.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I told you my story so you could see that I am as fucked up as you are, doll, I can't make things better, if nothing I could only make them worst. You'd be better off in Kingdom or somewhere like that, where you wouldn't be surrounded with fucking psychopaths, some place that would bring light and peace to your world. Fuck doll, you deserved it more than anyone and that is something I can't give you. "

Alice looked at him, furrowing her eyebrow, her eyes were filled with tears again and her lower lip was starting to shake, "are you telling me to leave?", and after voicing that question her entire body started to shake, she was having a panic attack, she was choking, waving her hand trying to catch some air that somehow refused to come into her lounges.  
She stood up from his lap and started pacing around the room, from one end of the wall to another, running her hand through her hair and pulling it down, mumbling something incoherent, Negan panicked, looking at her, not sure what to do.

"Alice,.." he called, "Alice,…" nothing, "Alice!" he yelled and that made her stop, she looked at him, her eyes were red, her lower lip was still shaking and she wasn't voicing a word, just standing there looking at him, opening and closing her mouth like a fish that was just pulled out of the water.

He finally stood up, wrapping her arm around her and pulling her as close as he could to his chest, she was shaking like a leaf on the wind.  
"Fuck it doll, no, I don't want you to leave. I am one shellfish old bastard, I forbid you to leave. I know someplace else would be better for you that was all I was trying to say, but fuck it I will first die than let you go there," she broke away from his embrace, looking him in the eyes and bringing her hands close to his face and running it through his beard.

"There is no place better for me than here," her voice finally found the way out, it was weak and raspy but it was there, "I don't need the sun to lighten my life, fuck it, I don't want to look at the ruins of what I once had, I need the moon to light a way out of, without punishing me with memories. I need this," she told him while pointing her fingers and him.  
He smiled at that, "well doll, you fucking got it."

They were both sitting on the floor now, wrapped around each other and leaning on the wall right beneath the windows passing a bottle of rum to one another, they looking like two wounded soldiers, resting after the battle of their lives, Alice was humming some old tune her mother would sing to her every time she was sick and Negan was resting his head on the wall, with his eyes closed.  
"I should probably go now, it's getting late and you need to rest."

Negan slowly opened his eyes, not responding in the second, just looking up at the ceiling, "will you be my wife doll?", he finally spoke, not looking at her.  
Alice chuckled at that, sitting up from his chest and turning to look at him, "how many times will you ask me that?"  
"As long, as it fucking takes for you to say, fuck yeah."  
"I tell you what, you keep asking and maybe one day I will say, fuck yeah."  
"And when will that day come, doll?"  
"The day I will know you are safe or the day you will let your wife tag along on every trip you take, no matter how dangerous it is."  
"So basically on my death bed?"

Alice's face darkened, she took his face in her hand and made him look at her, speaking in low menacing tone, while keeping her face only inch away from his, "don't you ever say something like that, ever again."

He was taken aback at this, not being used to people speaking to him like that or order him around, especially not her.  
"I will pretend that what you just did, didn't happen and that you didn't fucking tell me what to do, do you hear me?", he was now the one threatening her, they looked like the two predators, competing to see, who is the stronger one, who will dominate and who will submit. And then in a moment, they both burst into laughter, they laughed so hard the tears started running down they cheeks. Alice looked up at Negan and kissed him, before standing up and going towards the door.

"This was really nice evening boss, thank you. See you tomorrow."  
"Alice, doll, wait?" Negan called for her while getting up himself.  
"Yes, boss."  
"Next time Simon goes to Hilltop I want you to go with him?"  
"Hilltop? Why?"  
"I want you to get the know the communities we are dealing with, you will need it if you are to be good left hand. After that, I am planning to send you and a few runs when we go and meet people from Kingdom as well."  
"If you say so, boss. Good night," she smiled as she left the room.

When she came to her room that night, she saw a guitar laying on her bed, she picked it up as she was sitting down and placed in on her lap, caressing the smooth surface of the instrument and looking at her dim reflection on it. It as the first time ever she saw her mother in it, saw her look in her eyes, her nose, her lips, her red hair falling around her face, and she smiled. She never felt so much at peace as she did that night, like all the years were lifted away from her shoulders, she still felt guilty for everything she has done and all the people she had hurt, but somehow, the guilt was now there just to remind her that she must do better this time around and not to smother her. The guilt became her friend, for the first time in her life. She took her guitar and started to silently sing

 _"….Well meet me, Mother and Father…Meet me down the river road…And Mama, you know that I'll be there…..When I check in my load…Ain't no grave…Can hold my body down…There ain't no grave…Can hold my body down."_


	13. red lies pt1

Another double update Friday is here :) thank you all for waiting on me and I hope you like a new chapter. 

**DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **for a few quotes more:** "Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure." - Jalaluddin Rumi

* * *

"What a lovely day, don't you think, bad boy?", Alice was standing near the fences where Daryl was working, finishing up her apple and looking up at the sky, Daryl was side eyeing her not giving her a pleasure to think she had his full attention, her hair was down, she was wearing her black tank top, her military jeans and sunglasses, he didn't even realize he was staring when Walker came at him, he moved just in time, pushing him back, while the other two men were tying him back against the concrete pole.

"You should be more careful, boy, I would hate to see you hurt."

"Then you shouldn't be here," Daryl told her while coming back to the place she was standing.

"Hahaha, what? Am I distracting you? And here I was thinking it would be nice to share this lovely day and my good mood with you, lord knows you are in dire need of it. Look I even brought you something, " she reached into her pocket and pulled out an apple, handing it to him, he looked at her hand and then at her, like he was wagering his options, knowing everything in this place had a price.

"This one is on me boy, here, take it," she slipped an apple into his hand, not even caring does he want to take it or not.

"Shouldn't you be with Negan?"

"No. Not at the moment so I decided I should visit you. Isn't that nice of me?", Alice smiled.

In truth Negan was up in his room suffering the worst hangover of his life, avoiding the sun at any cost and although Alice was the only one aware of what's going on, he gave her a leave to get some sleep and for the pills she found for him to kick in, all that with a fair amount of rumbling around about how she was not sick and he looked like a 'fucking train wreck'. Making a joke about their age difference apparently wasn't a good way to lighten his mood, so Alice was glad when he told her to go and let him rest.

At that moment Dwight approached them, wearing a plaid red shirt and the bike vest with the wings on its back, carrying a crossbow in his hand, "and what are you hunting Dwight?", Alice looked at him, leaning on one of Daryl's shoulder and resting her other hand on her hip.

"Did you see Mark anywhere? I need him for the guard duty tonight and I can't find him."

"No man, sorry, just a bunch of dead fuckers here."

"Shouldn't you be with Negan at this time of a day?", Dwight asked her while shifting his eyes between her and Daryl, trying to understand what is going on.

"No," Alice just told him, slowly shaking her head and smiling at him.

"Ok. You don't slack, this is not a vacation but a job duty," he told Daryl before he left them, going to find Mark.

"Wow, he really has a thing for you. That jacket is yours; he wears it all the time. Creeeeeepy if you ask me," Alice was now leaning closer to Daryl, speaking into his ear so no one else could hear them. "What's up with you two anyway? I would ask if you, I don't know, side-eyed his girl or fucked her right in front of him, but seeing how Negan is practically doing that to his ex and Dwight is still up in his ass so high you can barely see the tips of his shoes, which is by the way annoying as hell, makes me wonder, what the fuck did happen between you two?"

Daryl just looked at the ground, turning to go a do his work, deciding that his conversation is over, he was getting too comfortable around the enemy and that would do him no good in the situation like this.

"What you're not gonna tell me?", Alice now leaned in the direction he was facing, popping her head in front of him.

"No," he just turned his face to the other side, trying to avoid her gaze.

"Oh, c'mon, tell me, tell me, tell me," she was tugging his slaves, bouncing in place, acting like a child in the middle of the grocery store trying to whine out a candy out of one of the parents.

"No," he told her again, now looking at her.

Alice just stood there, letting her arms fall at her sides while pouting her lips, "you are one mean, mean boy, you know that? Lucky for you I like you, so I will try to get a story out of Dwight, I am sure his version will do you much, much credit."

At that moment Joseph showed up out of nowhere, smiling like he just robbed a bank and got away with it.

"Alice, hey Alice!", he called for her, she turned around crossing her arms and standing in front of Daryl while shifting her weight to her right foot.

"Oh, hey Joseph," she tried to sound as polite as she could, the events from the day she went to visit Daryl the first time were still on her mind and her opinion of this man a bit changed, he still looked like a good person, but this world left a trail of dirt on him she just couldn't look away from. Sure she was a bad person, Negan was a bad person, Simon was a bad person, hell even Arat looked like she had her share of dinners with devil himself, but with them you know what you get, there were no surprise, no sneaky kicks, their cards were all out for everyone to see.

"I found this movie on our last supply run, it is on VHS but it works, so some guys and I were thinking of having something like a movie night up at my room, you are welcome to come."

"Sure why not. If Negan doesn't find me something to do, I'll be there."

"Really?", Joseph's face lightened up, with dimples appearing on his cheeks. "Great, great, see you there then."

"Sure, bye," Alice greeted him with a smile and turned her attention back at Daryl who was now trying to put another walker back to its place. When he saw that Joseph is gone, he slowly came back to her side, while limping on his left leg. That was the first time Alice noticed it, furrowing her eyebrow she looked down at his feet like she was trying to figure out did something happened since they came back from Alexandria.

"Why are you limping?", the concern in her voice took him by surprise, by now he figure out that she was nice to him because Negan asked her to be, but some little gestures she would make or the tone of her voice she would use made him think from time to time that she was genuinely concerned about his wellbeing and although she was annoying as hell he had to admit to himself that these little talks they had almost every day were the only thing keeping him sane at this moment, that and his desire for revenge. That notion was the thing that kept him awake at night, because he knew if he even got a chance for revenge she will be the one standing on his way and if he stays much longer there with her close to him, he was not sure will he be able to go through her and that would be his death sentence, because he was sure she didn't have that kind of doubts no matter how much she like him she would not blink before killing him to save Negan, even a fool could see who takes the first place in her book, and he was not the one to judge her, knowing that he would do the same when it comes to anyone from his group.

"It's nothing," he finally spoke, that made her squint.

"Fuck if it is nothing, you are limping and you did not limp the last time I saw you."

"I stepped on a stone and hurt my foot."

"Really? A stone?"

"Yes."

"You are lying to me again, why?"

"I am not lying."

"Did anyone hit you? I gave them all strict orders not to do so unless you try to escape or kill one of them. So I will ask you one more time, why are you limping?", she was now in his face, trying her best to scare the answer out of him. He called her bluff, speaking through his teeth.

"I told you I stepped on a stone."

She was looking at him for a while longer, scanning his eyes, trying to find a twitch or something she could use, but giving up, she really didn't have time for that now.

"You know what, I don't even give a fuck! If you won't tell me, fine, it is just one more of your stupid decisions, but don't say no one tried to help you," she backed away from him, looking up at the sky, seeing it is probably well past noon.

"Anyway, I got to get going."

"Yes. You have a big date tonight."

"Fuck you, Daryl. But this was nice, we should do it again sometimes and don't be jealous you are still my number one boy, "she lowered her sunglass a bit and winked at him, before turning around and leaving.

II

She went up to her room, making a sandwich and some lemonade, out of that powdery thing Negan loved so much and went up to his room, she knocked on the door, but all she got was a grunt and a low 'fuck off', she smirked to herself, to say she liked seeing him like this would be wrong, but to say she wasn't proud of being the one that drank him under the table would be a lie.

She straightened up, trying to keep a straight face and entered his room, she lightly knocked again, just to let him know she was there, "how is my favorite patient doing?"

"I told you to fuck off, Alice," he told her under the sheets.

"What, no doll, no sweetheart, nothing? And you knew it was me and you still told me to fuck off, you are hurting my feelings boss," she told him with a hurtful voice, placing a sandwich and a bottle of juice on the night stand.

She slowly grabbed the end of his sheets and pulled them away from his head, Negan grunted, placing his forearm over his eyes, his hair and beard were all messed up, with a strains pointing in every direction possible, Alice smiled at that, combing his beard with her fingers while he was silently grunting something she couldn't make up, probably just a long strings of all the curse words he could come up with.

"Damn it, woman, you will get a fucking iron if you don't leave me be."

"No, I won't, and you need to eat something."

He now lowered his arm, letting it fall over his chest while turning his head in the direction where the nightstand was, looking at the bottle of juice and a sandwich.

"Is that a lemonade?", he asked with a cuddly voice, so low and soft you would never guess that the man it came out of could be capable of things he did.

"Well of course it is, boss, I know what you like, but first you need to eat something," he now looked at her with the best puppy look she ever saw anyone make, she regretted that Simon wasn't here, he would enjoy this too much.

"I'm not hungry, I will only have a lemonade."

"No, you need to eat and that is not something for a debate. C'mon man stop acting like a big fucking baby and take this fucking sandwich, " at that moment she realized she sounded like her mother when she was trying to make her eat something, with fewer curse words and a lot more eloquence, but still the same.

"Why can't you leave me to die in peace, woman, what did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing and I will leave you to die in peace after you eat this. C'mon boss you know I only want the best for you."

"The best for me? It is your fucking fault I am like this in a first place."

"Hey, hey, don't blame be for the fact that you can't hold your liquor."

"Fuck you, Alice."

"And fuck you to boss, now eat."

After he practically devoured his sandwich, he was sitting on his bed looking through the window with Alice on the sofa reading a book she picked up from Arat, Negan now turned his attention to the book she was holding, trying to read the title, his vision was still a bit blurry but after a few attempt to process what he saw on its cover he couldn't keep his mouth shoot any longer.

"The Zombie survival guide? Are you fucking kidding me?", Alice looked up at him, with a smile widening on her face

"hahaha, yeah, can you believe it. Apparently, they found it on one of the supplies run, it came out a few years before this shit went down, it is not bad, it has lots of pictures and very useful tips. Did you know that the first step in surviving a zombie attack is evading him?"

"Huh, that is some profound shit."

"I know, right? Anyway, if you are done I am going to leave you to die in peace. Want something specific for dinner?"

"What going on in the compound?", he asked her while looking down at his hands that were resting on his lap.

Alice smiled at this, "fuck, you're cute when you're sick."

"What I am not cute every day?", he was acting hurt now.

"Well you are something, but a word 'cute' is not something I would use," she now got up from the sofa, walking toward the bed and sitting on the side of it, looking at now empty bottle where juice once was.

"Boss, there was a half a gallon of lemonade there? Now you will get a stomach ache along with a headache. "

Negan just shrugged his shoulders, lifting his hands a bit and shaking his head in defeat, "hey, I am a man of many weaknesses."

"hahaha, yeah I can see that. Well in compound let me see, let me see, I was with Daryl today."

"Oh, so how is our Daryl holding up?"

"Good, good, lost some weight but I think he is still afraid we are going to poison him or some shit, but he is good. Didn't want to tell me why Dwight loves him so much. He really is not a good gossip company. I should have found Simon instead. Joseph came around inviting me to some movie night he and some guys are throwing up. Oh, yeah and Dwight came looking for Mark."

"Really, Mark?", that caught his attention, "he's been disappearing again? "

"Apparently, what's up with him anyway?"

"Oh, nothing doll, he has a low level of respect for authority, especially me. But I am not blaming him, I did take his girl away from him."

"Amber, right?"

"Yes, her mother was sick and needed meds so I told her if she will agree to be my wife I will take care of her mother, so she said yes. Hell, what could I have done, she was not fit for runs and rules are rules. "

Alice was looking at him, lost in her thought about the night she caught Mark and Amber sneaking around, she gave Amber her conditions on keeping quiet about that, but the fact that Mark was disappearing again made her think that those conditions were not being met.

"Fuck it doll, why that expression, my priorities are people that can defend this place and then the weak ones, fuck it, lines of defense are more important that anything today. "

"What?", Alice was brought out from her thought, only then realizing how she might have looked at him, "Oh, no boss, that was not what I was thinking about. Just trying to figure something out."

"Something important?"

"You'll be the first to know if it turns out to be, boss."

Negan looked at her suspiciously but his headache and strange feeling in his stomach made him let go of it, he was really feeling bad and needed all the rest he could get.

"I'll leave you now, you need to sleep. I told everyone including your wives that you asked not to be disturbed today and that if they need something to find Simon or me, also here are some pills for your headache, I prayed them out of Carson telling him I am having woman's problems."

"Really, a period pills?"

"Oh, don't be a big baby, they help with all kinds of pain and it not like your dick will fall out if you take one or two."

"If that happens, doll, I am holding you responsible."

"Don't worry boss, I'll help you find it."

After she left Negan's room first thing Alice decided to do was to find her favorite mustache on this whole wide world and ask a little favor of him, after that she killed an hour or two helping Arat around in the armory and after that made sure Dwight found Mark and brought him up to speed with his new schedule, he had all night watches for next ten days, courtesy of Alice, she had little to no problem convincing Simon to do that for her, all she needed to tell him is that she has some suspicions that need to be confirmed. Before she even knew it the dinner time has already come, she picked up a tray of food and a pitcher of water and headed towards Negan's room.

She expected do find him in his bed, still moping around, but instead was greeted with a sound of a running shower. Negan came out of the bathroom wearing only his denim jeans while drying his hair with a white towel.

"Well now, look who's up from the dead, looking delicious boss," Negan was startled, he didn't see her sitting on one of the chairs with her legs crossed and a wide smirk spreading all across her face.

"Alice, doll, don't sneak on older people like that."

"Well, you don't look that old from where I am sitting."

Negan laughed at that while taking a black shirt and pulling in on, he reached for a comb and started combing his hear back, fixing it up with a moss.

"Now, I have to ask. Who's the lucky lady you are going to visit tonight."

"Oh, I am not visiting anyone, but taking someone with me."

"Oh, and who that might be and where."

"Well, you doll, of course," he was now standing next to her chair and extending his hand for her to take it.

"Oh, me? And where are we going?"

"Well, you said Joseph is throwing up a movie night and I didn't see a movie in far too long, doll, shall we?"

There was something suspicious in his smile, Alice could feel it, "you've been sick all day, how is it you feel better all of the sudden?"

"Miracle doll, what can I tell you."

"Aha," Alice was biting her lower lip, still looking up at him, not giving him her hand. She didn't even plan to go to that party tonight, knowing that everyone will think she was there to spy for Negan and as much as everyone was polite to her, she knew what they thought about her and her relationship with him and being the one who practically executed one of them not two days ago didn't play in her favor.

"C'mon doll, don't tell me you will say no or was this supposed to be a date and I am just intruding?"

Well, it looks like the rabbit decided to show its ears, after all, at least she didn't have to beat on the bush too long.

She finally gave up, giving him her hand and letting him pull her up as he always did, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"It was not a date, boss. But were you jealous just a minute ago?"

"Me, doll? And what makes you think that?"

"Oh, let's call it a fucking hunch."

Negan laughed at that, kissing her forehead and letting her go, wrapping his arm around hers and leading her out of the room, "shall we, doll?"

"You promise you will be nice to everyone there?"

"When am I not nice, doll? You fucking wound me."

"You'll survive."


	14. red lies pt2

And this is the second chapter for today, I hope you like where this story is heading.  
I am dealing with a little writer's block but I think it will go away with this crazy month :) it still won't affect my update schedule because I am two chapters ahead, so next update is coming on Friday.

Thank you all for you reading this, for your fav, follows and reviews, especially reviews because they really help me move along with the story.  
Also if you see any grammar, spelling and other mistakes please let me know so I can correct them, English is not my 1st language.

See you next Friday and enjoy :)

 _ **Italic are thoughts and dreams**_

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **a few quotes more: "** I would enter your sleep if I could, and guard you there, and slay the thing that hounds you, as I would if it had the courage to face me in fair daylight. But I cannot come in unless you dream of me." - Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn

* * *

They were at Joseph's room when Negan wrapped his arm around Alice's waist, pinning her against his hip and knocking on the door, not a second later the man with wide smile opened them, "oh, you made, I…, boss!", and the smile was gone.

At that moment Alice felt really bad for the man, his face was drained, his smile fell but his mouth remained a bit opened looking at Negan like he just opened the door to his own death sentence.

"Boss, Alice?", he was not looking at her with a million question look, Alice just shrugged her shoulders not sure what to say, she did understand that Negan coming tonight was a surprise to everyone but she didn't understand why Joseph looked like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Well, aren't you gonna invite us in?", Negan broke the moment with an amused smile spreading from one side of his face to another.

"What?", Joseph looked at him, confused at what he was asking, "oh, yeah, yeah, sorry boss, didn't expect you to come."

Negan walked pass him, with his arm still placed around Alice's waist and leading her in, he stood in the middle of the room, there was a pack of beer on the table, some snacks, a bowl of popcorn and a tv placed across from the small sofa. Negan looked around the room then at Joseph, running his hand through his beard.

"My doll here told me you are having a party tonight, so I decided to come with her, I didn't see a good movie in ages," he told him, while still looking around himself.

"Where is everyone, by the way? And isn't this a bit too small sofa for more than two people, even the regular size ones?"

"I…I… yes… I thought so, but….aaa… it was the best option we had."

Joseph was lost, Alice was out of Negan's arms, already sitting on the sofa, taking a few popcorn in her hand a watching the show, she now understood why she didn't feel a need to watch that movie tonight, her life since Negan came into it became one.

"Shit, doll, you didn't tell me we need to bring something," Alice snapped out of her thought, looking up at Negan

"What?", she asked

"What?" Joseph asked

"Well, that small pack of beer won't do for three of us let alone more guests," Negan now walked past Joseph opening the door and calling for a guard standing not few feet's away.

"Hey, go get us a pack of beer and tell Amber to make me some lemonade and to bring it down here, oh yeah and get Simon, tell him we are having a party at Josephs place."

Joseph looked at Alice, still not sure of what is going on, "really, more lemonade," she grunted to herself, _"I will start dreaming that damned powder. "_

"Ok, where is everyone let's get this party started," Negan clapped his hands, smiling at Joseph while letting himself fall at Alice's side, resting his arm on her shoulders.

"I'll, I'll go check where everyone is," Joseph left them not even closing the doors behind him. Negan stood up, walking towards the door and swinging them shot while turning in a half circle and coming to lean on one leg, looking at Alice.

"And that my darling is how you cock block, someone," he bowed.

"You are one mean, mean man."

He laughed again, falling in the same place where he was just a few moments ago, leaning closer to Alice, tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing it.

Few minutes after Amber came holding a pitcher of lemonade, "well thank you, sweetheart, tell other wives that I won't be able to screw any of you tonight, sorry, I am not sure how long this will take. So you are all free tonight," Negan winked at her while filling his glass with juice.  
Amber's face fell to the ground, she just nodded, with a faint smile ghosting on her lips, Alice saw it, cocking her head to the side, suspiciously looking at the blonde woman, she was about to turn and leave when Alice spoke to her.  
"Hope you have a nice evening, Amber," woman looked at her with a stone expression on her face, and just nodding before she left.

"And here comes a Jin-man, ready to drink you all under the table," Simon came, bringing a bottle of Jin with him. "Ok, boss ready to get wasted, and why the fuck are we here? We have a perfectly fine hall for this kind of crap."

"I am clean tonight," Negan told him raising his glass of lemonade at him, "and it's Joseph's party, you will have to ask him why he didn't choose a bigger space."  
"And where is Joseph?"  
"Went to find more quests apparently," Alice told them while scanning the snack on the table, "and I hope some chips, I don't eat any of the shit we have here."  
"You are getting spoiled, little psycho."  
"Oh, it is not my fault, talk to the man in charge."  
"Hey, I take care of my people," Negan raised his hand in defense, "if that is a fucking crime then punish me," he leaned toward Alice, pushing her head a bit with his.  
"If you two invited me up here to watch your foreplay, I am not interested."  
"You can always join us mustache man."  
"No, he can't", Negan turned to her, with a panicked expression on his face.  
"What, the more the merrier."  
"You worry me sometimes doll, and where the fuck is Joseph."

Simon took a glass from the table and filled it with his drink, while taking a seat beside Alice, pinning her in a sandwich between him and Negan.  
She just giggles like a little girl, placing her hand on her mouth, looking at both of her sides, "I wish I had a camera, so I can have a picture of us," she told them with a dreamy voice.  
"And why the fuck do you want a picture of us?"  
"Because we are fucking beautiful, that's why."  
"If you say so, doll, if you say so," Negan looked at her, before standing up and opening the door, he called the guard standing there and whispered something in his ear.

At that moment Arat came, looking at Negan, placing her hand on her hip and puffin the loose strain of her hair from her face, while she was holding some strange looking liquor in her other hand, "is this where that famous party is?"  
"So the legend goes."  
"Didn't expect to see you here, boss."  
"You know me Arat, I am a man of many surprises, please do come in."

They enter the room just to catch Simon adding some Jin into Alice's lemonade, "doll, are you drinking?"  
Negan asked her barely managing to hide his surprise, he was barely standing on his feet as it is from the hangover, and there she was starting another round if he ever felt old than it was at that moment.  
"Is it a problem boss?"  
"No, no, there is no problem at all, I was just thinking, you told me you didn't feel well this morning."  
"Oh don't worry, boss, breakfast solved the problem. Oh, you brought Arat, now I'm loving this night," Alice squinted when she saw Arat coming from behind Negan, placing the bottle she brought on the table and sitting on the foot of the bed.

"You could have told me we are having a party tonight, Alice, not let me be the last one to find out."  
Alice drank half of her drink before looking from her glass at the woman, "I thought Joseph invited you all already, this is his party after all."  
"Well, he did not, he told me not fifteen minutes ago, then told me to say I was late and to fucking apologize. Can you believe that shit?"

Negan laughed from the other side of the room still waiting for the guard to come back, Alice just looked at him, trying to signal him to keep quiet and then turned to Arat again.  
"hahaha, well if that is the case, you don't have to worry you aren't the last to know"

Finally, the guard came holding a camera in his hand and handing into Negan.  
"Ok doll, you wanted a picture," he snapped the photo of her looking down in her glass with a disappointed look on her face.  
"Hey, I wasn't ready!"  
"I can fucking see that doll," he laughed when fresh photography popped out of the camera.  
"Fuck you, boss."  
"Promises, promises,"Negan smiled while walking past the bed and giving the camera to Arat, before sitting back in his seat.  
"Ok, Arat, doll here want a photo with me and Simon, because we are apparently fucking beautiful, so I need to indulge her."

They took a few photos that Alice jealously took for herself, not giving them a chance to look at them twice, before the room finally started to fill with people. Gary was the last to come with Joseph practically dragging him in, and finally, it was time for a movie.

Joseph was fiddling around the cables, trying to get the VCR to work, it was taking longer that everyone expected, and by the time the tape was ready to play everyone except Negan, Joseph and somehow Alice were already half drunk.  
"If this is some kind of bullshit movie, I am out of this room without the second notice," Gavin was the first to protest, sitting on the floor right beside Simon.  
"Nothing but a little mermaid would do for him, just so everyone knows," Laura retorted, sitting on the bed with Arat. Taking another shot of tequila and lying on her back.  
"Oh, c'mon people, he was just trying to do something nice for us," Alice added while being safely tucked beneath Negan's arm, with one of her legs resting on Simon's knees.  
"And why do you get to sit on the couch?" Laura smiled at her, with her hair falling all over her face, while she was bending over to get the bottle from the floor.  
"Because I was here first," Alice stuck out her tongue at her.

She was actually feeling comfortable around them, most of the Saviors that came were mind your own business kind of people and that was probably the reason why they were at the top of the food chain.

"Ok, everyone, quiet, quiet it is starting," Joseph yelled at them while sitting on the floor right in front of the table.  
"Move your big head from there," Simon threw popcorn at him, trying to get him to move, Joseph was up, grunting and cursing while moving to sit on the floor where the bed was.  
Not long after they realized it is some kind of catch me if you can, massacre, college, B- rated movie, with more nudity than real action, and just some psycho trying to kill them all with an ax.

...  
"Oh, c'mon we could have gotten a real porn instead of this shit," Alice yelled at TV while taking a handful of popcorn and trying to fit it all at once in her mouth.  
"Alice, doll, shhh," Negan told her while pulling her back to himself.

…  
"Aaaa, c'mon that is not how you hold the gun! Really?! Who made him a cop,"  
"Psycho, be quiet, I can't hear shit."…

…  
"No, really people, that is not ever the right caliber for that gun, I can't believe this, who filmed this shit!?"  
"Alice stop yelling, we are trying to watch the movie," Arat was now the one to protest, with Laura passed out behind her back.

...  
"Yeah, run upstairs, there must be a safe exit there, movies like this are the reason why so little people survived this shit."  
"Ok, boss, I will strangle her, I am serious, " Gavin was the one to talk now, looking directly at Negan, who was smiling like a cashier cat, Alice just squinted in his direction, moving closer to Negan.

"You know what doll if they decide to kill you, I won't even try to stop them."  
"Oh, c'mon boss, they wouldn't do that."  
"We would," they all yelled together while turning and looking at Alice, who was now literally sinking against Negan, who was concentrated at the movie, pretending to ignore all the threats sent her way.  
"Preposterous," Alice spat at them while taking her drink from the table and nuzzling herself back at Negan's side, keeping quiet for the rest of the movie.

When the movie was over, they continued to drink and talk until late at night, Simon was out of it, smiling and telling stories about his youth and all the women he 'conquered'  
"I am telling you, people, I was smoother than boss here," everyone started to laugh, shaking their head in disbelief.  
"Hmm, well I can see that being truth, with all the hair on your head," Alice told him while reaching for a bottle on Jin, and realizing it was empty.  
"Oh, don't be so mean little psycho, I know you would have been all over me back in those days."  
"I would be all over you even now, but you drank all the liquor and that shit is not something gentleman does."

"I…I…I can't believe you are sober, bitch," Laura was now awake, tapping around the bed trying to figure out where the salt is.  
"And I can't believe you are all drunk… such weak, weak people."

In all that interaction Alice felt something is missing, she looked up at Negan, and he was leaning on his elbow and sleeping, she smiled at that, realizing he is probably still sick and exhausted.  
"Boss…boss," she shook his shoulder slowly, trying not to scare him, "boss…boss."  
"Go away woman," he mumbled from his sleep.  
"Boss, wake up," it took her more than a minute to call him to the awake state, he was still a bit out of himself, when she helped him to get up and lead him out of the room, saying goodbye to everyone.

"That was nice, we should do it more often."  
"We should, but not while I am sick, sitting there and nuzzling lemonade was not my idea of a fun time, doll," Negan told her, now fully awake but still leaning on her shoulders.  
"Well, you could have stayed in the bed, no one forced you to come."  
"Hah, and not be the one to blow Joe plan in pieces, no fucking way doll."

She now stopped walking, hearing some strange sounds coming from the room they just passed by, "what is this room for?", she asked Negan, who was trying to figure out why they stopped.  
"I don't fucking know doll, I think janitors storage, or some shit like that, why?"  
"Shhh, come here and be quiet, " she led him to the door, leaning her ear against it, trying to make out the sound coming from the other side.  
"Someone inside is fucking," she smiled, looking at Negan who was now leaning on the doorframe, not ever trying to hear something.  
"I don't fucking care, even if every person in this compound was inside having an orgy."  
"Really," she made her what the fuck face, "you wouldn't be even a little course of how that would look like?"  
"I will pass out doll, I fucking don't care. I am going to my room if you want to play some sick pervert, be my guest."  
"Spoilsport," she was about to leave the pair alone when she heard a woman's voice moaning name Mark, and she froze in her spot, widening her eyes with her brain working overclock trying to figure out her next move.

Negan saw her shift of the mood, and came closer to where she was standing, " is something wrong, doll?" , and at that moment the louder 'yes, Mark there,' came from the other side of the room.  
"Mark is in there?", she told him, trying to prolonged the events that are about to play out.  
"I can hear that doll, but with who? Did he found new sex toy? Oh, now I want to know," he smiled, now being the one to lean on the door, trying to make out who was in there with Mark.  
"I don't think that is his new sex-toy, but the old one," Alice told him, deciding to stop playing charades, they overstepped their boundaries and now she didn't care for the consequences.

Negan looked at her with a deadly serious expression, leaning even closer to the door, trying to figure out is it really who he thinks it is on the other side of the door.  
At that moment Simon came, swaying around and smiling like an idiot at them, lifting his finger to say something before Alice grabbed him by his hand and pinned him to the wall, placing her hand over his mouth and shushing him, he sobered up in a minute, clearly aware that something was wrong.  
"What the fuck, psycho, what is happening?"  
"Shush, Mark is in there, looks like I was fucking right man, " she told him while turning her attention back at Negan, who was now looking at the door, trying to figure out the best course of action. Alice came to his side, wrapping her hand around his upper arm and making him look at her.  
"Simon and I can take care of this, boss, just put them in the cells, it is a five-minute job, you can go up to your room and decided what to do next when you feel better.  
"But what if you people are wrong what if someone else is with Mark," Simon asked them finally.  
"We'll he is on guard duty tonight, so whoever he is fucking he shouldn't be doing it outside his free hours."  
"You sneaky little fox," Simon smiled at her now realizing why she insisted for Mark to have more than a week long night shifts.

"No, fuck if I'll do that, I will make a fucking example out of them," Negan interrupted them, like he wasn't even listening to what they were saying and just came back to reality with his decision, Alice smiled at him, deep down inside she was hoping this will be approach he would take.  
"Then we better start making it, I would hate for him to finish before he sees us."

II

Simon kicked the door opened and stepping aside to let Negan and Alice enter the room before him. Negan came first whistling at the scene in front to him, Alice just popped from behind him, looking over his shoulder, hopping up and leaning her chin on it, "let me see, boss, let me see."

Amber was bent over the table, resting her face on it with her skirt lifted up, and Mark banging into her from behind at rapid pace, sweating and cursing something under his chin, then they both saw Negan, Alice and Simon looking at them, but didn't stop what they were doing, just stared at the trio, trying to figure out are they real or just a premonitions from the ecstasy.

"Attaboy, hahaha, he is not ever stopping!", Alice laughed at them, now standing at Negan's side, leaning her elbow on his shoulders.

"Did I make her all wide and comfy for you boy? It did take some time and really hard work, but seeing how you are sliding in and out with such easy makes me think I did an amazing job," at that moment Mark and Amber realized that the people standing in front of them were very much real and that they were very much screwed.

Mark stopped his pace, still inside Amber and looked at them, no sure how to react, while the woman started to squirm beneath him, pushing him away from her and fixing her dress back in place and running her fingers through her ragged hair, like she was trying to erase all the signs of the act everyone just witnessed. Mark was still standing at the same place with his pants down around his ankles, too petrified to even move.  
Amber started to walk towards the door, trying to get out of the room that was now crowded, keeping her eyes down and her pace steady, she walked past Alice, when she grabbed her by her upper arm, swinging her in half circle and throwing her back into the room.

Amber came head first slamming her entire body against Mark, who hugged her with both his hands, keeping her close to him, her face was now in his chest, not daring to face the judgment that awaits them.

"Can someone tell him to pull those pants back up, I swear I will puke and this alcohol is not making thing easier for me," Simon was the one to break the silence, pointing at Marks pants while turning his face to the side.  
"I very much like the sight of his blue balls," Alice told them, keeping her arms crossed.

Negan was silent, looking at the pair, not making a sound, that got Alice worried, knowing how bad he felt that entire day and now with this playing out, she leaned closer to him, so no one could see her hand on his back, tapping it slowly, trying to call him back to reality.

He just turned and looked at the Simon with a dead serious expression on his face, "call for the guards, take him to the cell."  
Simon just nodded leaving him and Alice alone in the room, Amber started to scream, "you can't do that."  
"Yes, I, can!" Negan shouted at her, with his voice filling the room and making everyone shiver, even Alice jumped a little at that moment, looking him in the face trying to read how far gone was he, but there was nothing to read, his face was empty, no emotion written on it, not even the anger.

"Then take her with me, she knew about us all along," Mark finally spoke, pointing his finger at Alice.  
"You lying bastard!", Alice yelled at him, wishing she could slice him in half at that moment.

"You knew about them?", Negan now turned to look at her in disbelief.  
Alice shivered at that moment, feeling him and his trust slipping away from her, and for what, for a mother, her only child cared so little for that would risk her health for a good fuck.  
"No, I didn't know he is fucking her!", she yelled, she didn't want to yell, but that was all she could do now, if she talked any lower no sound would come out, seeing how her throat was clenching from anger.  
Negan was looking at her, trying to figure out was she telling the truth or not, his head was pounding, all he wanted was to sleep, he cursed himself for not taking Alice's offer and let her and Simon deal with this.  
"But you knew something?"  
"Yes," Alices looked him in the eyes, not once deflecting his accusing stare, she was ready for whatever punishment he would find fit for her, she knew she made a mistake, "I saw them talking the other day behind kitchen, I interrupted them and escorted Amber back to your room," when the words were out of her mouth, she felt like a huge weight was lifted from her heart.

"Alice came to me today, saying she wants Mark to have all night shifts for next ten days, and told me why, " Simons told Negan, while coming back with the guards, he heard entire conversation from behind the corner and first time since the world went to shit decided to stand up in someone defense.  
"That is the thing I told you, you'd be the first to know if it turns to be truth."  
Negan was now looking at Mark and finally, the smile broke on his face, "Take him."

When the guards dragged Mark to the cell, Negan turned to leave, telling Simon to escort Amber back to her room and not let her out, Alice just stood there looking after him, she wanted to move, to say something, but she couldn't.  
"Negan…", she called for him  
"I am tired, I will go to bed now," and he left her there, she was looking at him while he went around the corner not giving her a second glance, she was left alone in the hallway, with empty walls echoing with silence, she went back to the Janitors room, closing the doors behind her and curled in the corner, bringing her legs close to her chest and resting her forehead on her knees.

If he had yelled at her she would have taken it like a champ, if he locked her in the cell she would take it like a champ, if he sent her to work the fence she would have taking it like a champ, but him just turning away from her, without saying a word was something she couldn't take like a champ, moments like this were the moment when normal people would cry, but she was not normal, she didn't know what to do with the stone that was now forming inside her chest, making it hard for her to breath.  
She wanted to kick something, to kill something, to shoot at something, to yell, to run, to swim, to fuck, anything just to get those thoughts out of her head, but she couldn't to any of those things, all she could do now is to wait for morning to come, and for night to pass, and it was a thousand years long night.

 _III_

 _Alice was standing in the white room, walls around her were shining, she took a few steps and saw the surface of the floor moving, making_ tiny _waves around her feet, "careful doll, don't want to lose you," the voice echoed around her, she knew that voice, she looked around herself trying to find a source of it, but there was no one there but her._

 _"You are all already dead," she heard a new voice, one she didn't recognize filling the_ room _like it was talking on a speakerphone._

 _She turned around again and saw a black lock on one a_ wall _behind her, but it_ wasn't attached _to any doors, it looked like it was just glued there and left, she took a few careful steps towards it, carefully placing her hand on it and turning it around. She heard a click and entire room she was in started to shake, the silence was now filled with gunshots and screams, then a red liquid started dropping down from the wall that was in front of her, soon those few drops became a stream, splashing the red liquid all over her, she looked at her hands and realized it was blood coming from every crack in the wall, crumbling it down._

 _She cover her eyes with her arm, trying to protect them from the growing stream, then all of the sudden it stopped, she slowly let her arm fall, looking at the spot where the wall once was, in front of her she was a room, almost identical_ to _the one she was in but with black walls, Negan was standing in the middle of it, swinging Lucile, "Negan," she called for him._

 _"Doll you made it, oh, am I glad to see you," he spread his arm, letting Lucile fall to the ground and started walking towards her side of the room, with a wide smile on his face._

 _Then all of the sudden he stopped, like his feet_ were _glued to the floor, "what the fuck," he tried to free himself, "Alice, doll, a_ little _help here."_

 _She started to run towards him, but didn't make a_ step _before hitting on something that looked like an invisible wall, Negan started jerking his legs up with more force, but nothing happened, he couldn't move, he looked up at her, she was hitting the wall with her leg but to no avail. She_ _stepped away from it and slammed her entire body against it, with all the force she could manage, but nothing, she couldn't hear a crack forming._

 _She looked at Negan when a loud growl filled both rooms, she started to hit on the barrier more urgently, when Negan looked at her, tilting his head to the side, with eyes filled with tears "sorry doll," and with that, large white jaws came from the dark and_ bitten _down on his neck._

 _"Nooo!" Alice yelled, slamming her body against whatever the fuck was in front of her, trying to get to him, she saw something dragging him in the dark, leaving a trail of white blood on the black floor.  
And everything around her was silent once more, now only Lucile was left in the room in front of her, laying on the place he let her fall._

 _Alice fell on her knees, sobbing, "No, not him. Not again," she let her head fall to the floor before she started to scream, "fuck you, you hear me, fuck you, fuck your big plan, fuck all of you. I will kill every single living person in this fucking world. Do you hear me, fuck you!"_

 _She felt something touching her hand, she opened her eyes, and saw that once_ white _floor was stained with red drops, she swept her cheek with her hand, trying to dry the tears away and saw a trace of blood on it, she stood up, "what the fuck?!"_

 _At that second something grabbed her by her ankles, she looked down and saw a white hand reaching from the floor and grabbing her, then another one appeared grabbing her by her calf not soon after dozen of hand were reaching for her pulling her down and she started to skin into the white surface of the floor, and more she sank down, the floor became more and_ more red _.  
She didn't fight, she let them sink her limp body down, keeping her eyes locked on the Lucile that was still laying on the same place. She felt nothing, not anger, not joy, not fear nor peace, she just stared at the bat laying on the floor before everything went dark._


	15. Red lies pt3

**Notes:** hello,hello, yeah it is Friday again and a new update is up. Hope you all like it, leave a few reviews, tell me what you think, I love talking to you people.  
Thank you all for reading this, following it, favoriting it and for all your reviews :)  
I am not sure when will next update be, with a 1st may around the corner and crazy week ahead, but it will be sometimes during a week, that much I promise :*  
 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

Lyrics used in this chapter are from a song Drunken Whaler, it's from a Dishonored game soundtrack, and it can be found on youtube if anyone is interested.

* * *

 **For a few quotes more:** They say, the sun brings life to the world. The sun will rise and look is it not a corpse? Everything is dead and there are corpses everywhere. Just people and around them silence…that is the world! Love one another…who said that? Whose command is that? The pendulum swings unfeelingly, antagonistically. It's two o'clock at night. Her slippers are standing by her bed as if waiting for her….No, seriously, when they take her away tomorrow, what shall I do?

—Fyodor Dostoyevsky

* * *

Negan woke up that morning, with his headache gone and his body back to normal, but his mind was now in the worst state than his body was yesterday. He didn't care for Amber, nor did he care about her fucking someone else, as long as she did break any rule while doing so, he hated to feel disrespected and he hated disloyal people, but even that altogether didn't disrupt him as much as the knowledge that Alice may have known about it all along, he talked to the Simon last night before turning to go to bed, and he reassured him she didn't have any knowledge about them sleeping together, trying to put his mind at ease.

He was about to leave the room, standing beside the window looking out at the compound, trying to get his thoughts in a line that made at least some sense, when the doors slammed opened with Alice storming into the room.  
She just stood there, looking at his bed, then falling on her knees beside it and starting to weep, "No, no, no, it was supposed to be just a dream, no, no, no."  
He was watching her, not sure what to do or what to say, he slowly started to walk toward her, trying not to scare her, she looks like she was sleepwalking, he was now standing just a feet away from her, debating in his head should he touch her or not.  
"No, no, no, it was just a dream, a dream. You bastard you should be alive, just a dream, a dream, a dream, a dream."  
" Doll?", he reached for her, placing his hand on her shoulder.  
She abruptly stood up, turning around and looking at him with wide eyes, she then took one long step toward him, closing the empty space that was separating them, she placed her hand on his chest and closed her eyes.  
"It's beating," she smiled, with one single tear falling from her right eye, "you are real."  
"Doll, I'm too fucked up to be made up."  
Her smile widened, she was still looking at her hand resting on his chest, "you are breathing", she looked up at him with eyes sparkling with joy, resting her other hand on his beard and running it through it.  
"It was just a dream."  
"Doll are you alright?"  
"I am now," the tone of her voice was so low, it sent shivers down his spine, he felt like it was not her standing there, like it was not his Alice but just and empty shell, like an urn filled with ashes of who she usually was. There was no passion in her voice, no emotion to match her face, just a flat tone with not one vibration in it.  
"Fuck it doll, snap out of it."  
And in a second she took his head in her hands pulling him closer and planting a long kiss on his lips, he was taken aback by that but not a second after he relaxed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer.  
"I…I dreamed I lost you," she told him while resting her forehead against his, running her finger across his lips and looking at them, and with that sentence, he saw her coming back to life.  
"It was just a dream, doll."  
"No, Negan it was a warning, not a dream. What if I lose you, what if…."  
"Shhh, doll you won't lose me. It was just a dream," she looked at him, with another tear leaving her eye.  
"I am so sorry, I truly am."  
"I know, doll, I know."

Alice was back to her usual self in a matter of minutes, pacing from one side of the room to another while Negan and Simon were sitting at the coffee table, Negan's head was down in some papers while Simon was tracking her pace with his head.  
"Hey, psycho, psycho, will you stop?" , he called for her but she was just looking down, biting the top of her thumb and mumbling something under her chin.  
"Hey, psycho?", he called again for her but there was no use.  
"Give it up Simon, she doesn't hear you," Negan finally told him not lifting his head from the papers.  
"The fuck she does not, she is right there."  
"Believe me, man, she is not here."  
"Is she always like this when she is thinking."  
"Yes, all the fucking time."  
"How the fuck you don't get dizzy with her walking around like that. I swear I am seeing double."  
"You get used to it. And most of the times I don't suffer from a hangover," Negan now looked up at him, smiling from ear to ear, seeing himself from just a day ago sitting across the table.  
"How the fuck was I supposed to know she can drink like a fucking pirate and still stay sober. The plan was to get her drunk."  
"You live and learn man," Negan let his head fall again, trying to figure out new plans for rerouting the walkers when he heard a familiar giggle coming from beside his.  
He looked up and Alice was standing at his side, looking down on him, with a wide smile spreading all over her face, showing her toothy white grin, he knew that smile and he knew exactly what comes after it.  
"Ready doll?"  
"Oh, I am ready," she told him looking at Simon now, "this is going to be so much fun!"  
She practically jumped of joy, Negan laughed while Simon ran his hand through his hair, getting ready for whatever plan her mind twisted up.

The hall with the furnace was full, with everyone from the compound gathered there, in the middle of it was a blue folding chair, people that were standing there formed a circle around it not daring to come close to it. That chair has become an ominous sign, every time it would show up to stand there someone died or wished that he was dead, sometimes it would just stand there for days with no one moving it and everyone walking wide circles around it.  
When they woke up this morning it was already there, no one knew who put it and who's the one for whom the seat was meant for, past few days were relatively calm, everyone was still freaked out with a new girl that came along not more than two weeks ago, but with time they learned to adjust to her stares, her popping out in the most unusual places when she wasn't with Negan, looking around compound, sometimes even just silently standing and listening to them talk, one man even swears he saw her sitting on one of the trusses and looking down at them while they were eating, that theory everyone discarded fast, because the source was pretty unreliable and it was almost impossible for someone to climb so close to the ruff.

The top door opened, Negan was the first to come in with Lucile resting on his shoulder, after him, Simon came standing at his right side and tucking his thumbs into his belt, they were both standing on the upper staircase, looking down at the group gathered there.  
They were all kneeling, looking down at the ground, when Negan spread his arms and laughed, "you may stand up now," he spoke to the group.  
"Ladies and Gentlemen's, we are gathered here today for not so pleasant occasion," he began his speech.  
"Last night, something very dreadful occurred, very, very dreadful, and you know what it was?", he asked the group, leaning a bit closer to the rail, waiting for a reply he knew he was not going to get.  
"No, one? Well, I'll tell you what fucking happened last fucking night, last fucking night the fucking rules were broken! ", his voice echoed through the hall, making everyone jump in their place a little.  
"And you know I am a sucker for rules, hey, I can't help myself, that's just the way I fucking am! And when someone breaks them, what do they get.?!"  
"AN IRON!" everyone said in unison  
"That's right people, they get a fucking IRON. And we all know what kind of nasty business that can be," he laughed, ghosting his finger over his beard and glancing at Simon.  
"That is why we are fucking lucky today is not that day! Are you people surprise? Confused? Let me fucking explain to you why today is not that fucking day. "  
He looked around the hall, taking his time to look at everyone staring there, he lifted the hand in which he was holding Lucile and pointed in the direction of the door, at that moment two men came with Amber walking in front to them, she was shivering and crying, wrapping her arms around herself.  
She came to Negan's side and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to him, "Shhh, I am not going to hurt you, I would never hurt one of you," he whispered in her ear before kissing the top of her head.  
Then he looked down at the crowd still standing there, letting Amber go, and walking one step close to the rail.  
"Last night fucking rules were broken, but something else happened, last night someone tried to break a fucking trust between two people, and for fucking what? For trying to save his own fucking stupid ass, and that fucking hurts and you know why it fucking hurts! Because a loyalty and trust are two most precious things left in this screwed up world! If the rules are here to keep us alive, trust and loyalty are the things that uphold those rules, they are their foundation, with those two fucking things gone rules would fucking collapse, and what would we have then? Nothing, we would have fucking nothing! So it pisses me off when someone jeopardizes what we are building here for his own fucking pleasure! And you all know how I am when I am pissed, but there is on person here who is far worse than me and look at the coincidence, that person is one of the to be damaged parties. Luckily we managed to avoid any serious damage, but lessons must be learned, two crimes were committed last night, and for one the guilty party will be punished today. But not by me, no, I will let the victim take this one on, the way she finds it fit. Bring the fucker that made us come here today and made me skip my noon fuck!", Negan yell at his two men standing beside the lower entrance.

At that moment doors opened and Mark came into the hall, with his hands tied behind his back, he was accompanied by two men, they made him sit on the chair, holding his shoulders so he couldn't get up, Negan was looking down at him, with his pearl smile spreading across his face, he turned to look at Amber whose face was down, looking at the ground, not wanting to see what comes next. Negan leaned closer to her, "you may want to pay attention to this, sweetheart."  
She looked at him, her big eyes were red and full of tears with her pale face matching them, "please don't do this," she pleaded, with a shaky voice, glancing down to the spot where Mark was.  
"Oh, but I ain't doing shit sweetheart, I am here to watch just as you are."

Her face changed million face expressions at once and even more colors in a second, she looked down at the crowd trying to figure out what was he talking about, then it hit her, someone was not with them, she look back down, that someone was not down there, then she looked at Negan with petrified expression on her face. Finally, the words he spoke just a minute ago started making sense, she knew Alice was the one Mark told on and she knew what Alice did to one of their men just because he was looking wrong at a fifteen-year-old. Her eyes widened, shaking her head and looking down at Mark, she wanted to say something but she lost her voice, Negan just cocked his head, while a satisfied smile on his face, making a clicking noise with his tongue before the lower doors opened again.

The sound of metal scratching over concrete was heard, people moved away to make a passage for Alice to pass, but she didn't come that way, she circled around them, walking close to the wall and dragging her machete over it, getting everyone attention with the sound, she was wearing her thigh leather pants, her leather jacket that was covered with her long ragged vest, her face shield was around the neck, she had her knives with her and her Eagle was now strapped to her other thigh.

When she made a half circle around them she started moving through the group towards where Mark was and smiled at him, "well good morning Mark, hope you had a good night sleep. Mine was dreadful, but I think this day will make up for it. "  
He was watching her while breathing heavily through his teeth, Alice turned around and looked up to where Negan, Simon, and Amber were standing, Negan's smile became even wider than it was a few minutes ago, while Amber was sobbing beside him, looking down at her and shaking her head slowly, trying to get at least some kind of compassion from her.  
Alice winked back at that, taking a step forward with her one leg and making a full wide bow, with her forehead touching her knee and her machete extended in front of her with both of her hands resting on its handle and leaning on it, she looked up at them again not leaving that position, this time she smiled at Negan, who just nodded at her.

She stood up, turning her full attention to Mark now, she was just staring at him for a full minute, without any expression on her face, then she looked around the group standing behind him and saw Daryl there, with a mop and a bucket of water, he was looking directly at her while Dwight was standing at his side, looking up at Amber with a destruct expression..  
"Daryl, come here, I need you closer," she gestured with her free hand for him to come to her side.  
Dwight looked at him, he was standing there still leaning on the handle of his mop, now looking at the floor, when he pushed him to walk forward, making him almost fall.  
"There is no need for that!", Alice's voice rolled like thunder trough the silent room, Dwight looked at her, heavily swallowing whatever he wanted to say and taking a step backward to blend in the crowd.  
Daryl bent down to take a bucket filled with water, "there will be no need for that either, leave it there," he looked up at her, letting the mop to fall on the ground and slowly coming to stand by her side.  
"How are you, boy, is your foot any better?", Alice asked him, loud enough for everyone to hear while concentrating her eyes at Dwight and the rest of the guards standing near him, Daryl just nodded, letting his head fall again.  
"Good, we are having enough problems with the guards as it is!"  
She looked at Mark, he was looking up to where Amber was standing with Negan's arm around her waist, Alice looked up and smiled, "no, no, I am standing right here, you will be looking at me! While you still have eyes to even look!"

Amber sobbed loudly at this, trying to leave Negan's embrace, but he was holding her tightly with his arm, not letting her move.  
"Don't go sweet thing, I was just kidding," Alice looked up at her and chuckled, "some people just don't have a sense of humor," she told Daryl while giving him her machete to hold.  
"C'mon man, take it for a second," he peeked through his bangs at her, while taking a machete and loosely holding it in his hand, "oh, c'mon, boy, if that is how you hold everything, I would not be surprised you not having a nice gal waiting for you to come back."  
Alice turned around, not even looking at his reaction at this, and looked at Mark again, she took her vest and jacket off, remaining only in black tank top, she took a machete from Daryl now, and gave him her clothing, signaling him to move away.  
"Helo again, Mark, remember me?"  
Mark was looking at her, his face now turning red from anger, "wow, men, you look like your head is about to explode, careful there."  
She pointed the end of the blade of her machete at him, "I wouldn't want this to be over before it even starts."  
Alice gesture for guards to move and let go of his shoulder, she started slowly circling around the chair where he was sitting, humming some tune to herself.  
 _"What will we do with a drunken whaler?_ _What will we do with a drunken whaler? What will we do with a drunken whaler?... Early in the morning._ _"_

She was now standing behind him, bringing her machete over his shoulders and leaning her chin on them, looking at the place where Negan and Amber were standing, continuing to sing in his ear  
 _'Way-hay, and up she rises._ _Way-hay, and up she rises. Way-hay, and up she rises, early in the morning."_ _  
_"And she does my dear Mark, almost every morning, with a smile on her face, especially when leaving Negan's room. ", she chuckled in his ear, lifting her machete up to his throat and straightening her back, looking up at Negan.  
 _  
_ _"Stuff him in a sack and throw him over._ _Stuff him in a sack and throw him over, Stuff him in a sack and throw him over, early in the morning?"  
_ She was now singing out loud so everyone can hear her, Negan smiled, pulling Amber closer to himself and shaking his head. Alice shrugged her shoulders, moving machete away from him and walking towards the place where Daryl was standing, taking the handle of it between her middle and index finger and giving it to him.

She was circling around Mark again, with her hands locked behind her back, she was standing at his right side, turning to look at Simon this time, _"Feed him to the hungry walkers for dinner. Feed him to the hungry walkers for dinner. Feed him to the hungry walkers for dinner, early in the morning?" ,  
_ Simon just shook his head, straightening his back.  
"Early in the evening?", she now asked Negan with a playful voice, he just laughed and shook his head. "You're no fun," she smirked, looking at Amber.

She now took her Eagle from its holster and learned it close to Marks temple, pushing his head to the side with it, she titled her head to her right, stretching her lips over her face, then walked to stand in front of him and brought her gun close his chest,

" _Shoot to the heart with a loaded pistol. Shoot to the heart with a loaded pistol. Shoot to the heart with a loaded pistol, early in the morning,"_ she pulled down the safety when Amber yelled "No", Alice turned around looking at her and smiled.  
"Ok," she lowered her pistol down and walked towards Daryl again giving it to him.

She now reached for one of her knives and pulled it from her belt, looking at it and smiling at Daryl, giving him a wink and turning around and walking towards where Mark was sitting, with his head falling down and sweat dripping down his forehead. She took a fistful of his hair in her hand, standing behind him and pulling his head back, placing the tip of her knife on the side of his throat and looking him in the eyes.

 _"Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver. Slice his throat with a rusty cleaver, early in the morning?"  
_ She then looked at Daryl, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head, "Nope, not worth cleaning the blade."  
She patted Mark on his cheek and unstrapped her belt from her thigh, throwing it to Daryl, he caught it and placed it beside the rest of her things.  
"I am all out of weapons and ideas here," she spoke, turning around herself with her arms spread.  
"What do I do with you?", she asked Mark, standing feet away from him, bending down so she could be on his eye level, taking his chin in her head and forcing him to look at her.

"You can suck my dick," he hissed at her and she started laughing, planting a fist in his abdomen and making him lose his breath.  
"It is a bit late for propositions like that, don't you think!? I mean, did you even clean your dick from last night? Or you expect me to suck other woman's juices from it?", she now made him straighten up, straddling his lap, taking his head in her hands and making him look at her again.  
"Cause I would rather lick them right out of her," she smiled, now being all up in his face, "but you see, I can't and do you know why I can't!?", she yelled, " because she belongs to another man and that is just a fucking degrading thing to do yourself."  
She punched his ribs before getting up and stepping few steps away, looking at Negan, he was looking at her with serious face expression, before softening a little; she titled her head to her right, faintly smiling at him.

"Do you know what is an even more degrading thing to do?!", she yelled again, not turning around, keeping her eyes locked with Negan's, "to try and break a trust between to people just to save your sorry ass."  
Her face fell on the ground, remembering the way she felt last night, remembering the moment Negan turned his back on her and the dream she had.  
She swiftly turned around, lifting her leg and hitting Mark in a chest with her foot, he fell on his back with a chair, the sound of metal falling down on the floor and his scream filled the room. Everyone gasped, Alice was now straddling him again, holding him by the collar of his shirt and lifting him from the ground just a bit.

Dwight had the clearest view, her face was red, her eyes were even bigger than they usually are when she is mad, and her irises were completely black, she was breathing heavily through her nose, looking at Marks' face, not blinking

"You tried to take something away from me, something that was not yours to take! You fucking lied! You fucking snaked around! You broke the fucking rules, the rules ever a dummy should understand, giving how simple they are! You endangered everyone here by leaving your fucking post! What is your fucking excuse!", she was now yelling so loud people on their guard duties could hear her, shaking him by his collar "Tell me you pathetic waste of air! What is your fucking excuse?"

"ALICE!", the voice broke to her, Negan left Amber to stand on her own, standing close to the rail and looking down at Alice. Alice looked up at him, standing up and leaving Mark so the guard can lift him up and put him back in the position he was before, she took a few steps toward Negan, they were looking each other in the eyes when Mark spoke.

"He took something from me, it is only fair I take something from him," Alice turned around, Mark was sitting in the same position again, looking up at Amber, Negan tightened his jaw looking at him, they were exchanging looks for a few second with tension growing. Negan wanted nothing more than to go down and finish what Alice started and was about to leave his position when Alice burst into laughter getting everyone's attention, she started to hysterically laugh, wrapping her arms around her belly and wiping the tears that were running down her face. It took her entire minute to get a hold of herself during which time everyone was staring at her and exchanging looks amongst each other, not sure what is happening, even Negan was confused, not expecting her to react the way she did.

"He took something from me, it is only fair I take something from him," Alice mockingly repeated what Mark said just a minute ago.  
"He didn't take anything from you, you fucking imbecile. Are you really that fucking stupid?"  
Mark opened his mouth to speak, but Alice was faster, "Did he make this fucking world the way it is? Did he create this fucking virus that brought us the end days? Did he take away your home from you? Did he kill you family and everyone you know? Did he burn down your house?"  
Alice was not yelling in his face, "No! He did not, all he did is fuck your ex after she agreed to be fucked! Suck it up, you fucking wimp!"

"And what was she supposed to do, let her mother die?"  
"Why didn't you fucking provide then, you seem capable, you can fight, why the fuck didn't you step up?"  
Mark was silently looking at her, not knowing what to say, "I will tell you why you didn't because you are a fucking wimp! You are so used to getting everything you want without an effort with that pretty face of yours, it fucking blows your mind that now you need to work for something to get it for yourself and working to get something for someone else is an idea your brain can't fucking comprehend. "  
"That is not how it should work! Meds are too expensive and it is wrong for some to have them and others don't'."

Alice looked at him and smiled, "I have a few questions for people that don't go on runs and work for points. How many of you can fight that is not part of the run teams?", she spoke to the group standing around them, no one made a sound.  
"How many of you want to go and fight outside these walls?", no one made a sound  
"How many of you had regular meals before you got here?", no one made a sound  
"How many of you have children here?", more than a dozen people lifted their hands.  
"How many of you want to have children here?" few people lifted their hands.  
"How many of you can defend this fucking place if we were to be under a fucking attack?", no one made a sound.

She then looked at Mark, still smiling, "See, weasel, there is one thing you need to understand and everyone who has your fucking level of stupidity should also understand. People with privileges here are people who can defend this fucking place, and without them, this place falls, they put their asses on the line every fucking time they go out to bring you people something to eat, and you fucking think you even have a right to ask why they are privileged. Are you really that fucking stupid?!"

"You are just tyrants! Nothing more! And you are just as same as he is if not worst, it is easy to torture people who are tied up and looking self-righteous. You are sick woman, and in normal world, you would be locked down, not let run loose!", Alice looked at him, her face turning red, he hit the spot no one should touch and she was losing it.  
"Alice, doll, do whatever you want with him!", she turned around and saw Negan, his face was red as well, he was clutching his jaw, with his hands tightly holding down on the rail.

"Untie him!", Alice told the guard, still looking at Negan, he tilted his head, not sure of what was she trying to do.  
"If he wants to prove how tough guy he really is, he will have to beat me," she now turned to Mark, "let's see how will it look like when a girl beats your ass. What will that do to that swollen ego of yours?"

Guard came behind him and untied his hands, Mark stood up, rubbing his wrists and confusingly looking at Alice, not sure of what to do or how to react, she was standing there with her arms crossed, leaning on one leg and smiled at him, "today would be nice."  
"I am not going to hit a woman."  
"No, you are going to hit the tyrant as you called me, a few moments ago."  
He looked up at Negan, he was pinning him down with his stare, sending a clear message of what will happen to him if he oversteps the line.

"Well c'mon!", Alice taunted him, he looked at her, straightening his posture and not moving.  
"Really, man, you are going to let me strike first?", Mark was silently looking at her, and not a second has pass he felt his breath was kicked out of his lungs and saw her foot coming to his abdomen again, he fell down, curling himself on the ground trying to catch a breath, while Alice was circling around him, looking down at him with the same relentless smile on her face.  
"Get up you bag of shit!", she spat on him, trying to make him angry, "you fucking challenged me, now get the fuck up and call your own fucking bluff, or what did you think I was a coward just like you and that I wouldn't see through your game."  
Mark looked up at her, she was standing on the other side of the circle, smiling at him, he looked around at people who were standing behind her, they were all smiling at him, whispering something to one another, he looked on the other side the same thing, he looked up, Negan and Simon were looking the same way at him with Amber keeping her eyes to the ground not even glancing at the spot he was lying, he felt humiliated, he looked up at Alice again, and growled "you fucking bitch" while getting up and charging towards her.

She was smiling at him as she saw him coming to attack her, just a second before he would tackle her, she moved making him fall into the audience gathered there, few men kept him from falling on his nose and straighten him up, he looked around himself trying to find Alice, she was now on the other side standing at Daryl's side.  
"Looks like a puppy does have teeth," she was talking to Daryl, not even paying attention to him making his anger only grow.

"I will kill you!" he yelled at her, she just laughed at that, shaking her head.  
"I would love to see you fucking try," she was unnaturally calm.  
Mark run in her direction again, this time ready for her to move away, but she didn't, she moved towards him, crouched down and extending her leg, making his stumble, with no one to catch him, he fell on his nose.  
Alice took him by his legs and dragged him in the middle of the circle, she stood over him, crunching down and taking a fistful of his hair in her hand, lifting his head and making him look at the direction where Negan was standing, "you only mistake here is trying to take something I care about from me, I would slit your throat right here and watch you bleed out like a pig you are, but unfortunately my order are different, congratulations you get to live," Alice whispered in his ear before letting him go.

"Good thing I don't have such orders," he told her before grabbing her ankle and making her fall down one her back and hitting her head, he was straddling her in second with his hands over her throat.

Negan looked down, trying to understand what is happening then looking around himself, trying to find a fast route down, but being unable to move, like his legs were glued to the ground, he tried to give orders but his voice gave up on his, all he heard was a buzzing sound and all he saw was Alice's face turning read as she was losing her breath.  
"Doll," he whispered.


	16. red lies pt4

NOTES: so this update is on Thursday, why, well why the hell not :) in truth, I don't know what I am doing anymore :D  
Thank you all for your reviews, you had some amazing ideas about what should happen to Mark, (I loved every single one of them) but for the sake of the story, I had to go this way. I promise it will all make sense in the end at least I think it will. ;)  
PS: not in the end of this chapter, but in the end, end. Ok, I talk too much.

Also, I need to send my special thanks to few of you that review regularly on this story, **Lalilou10** , **SillyGabby** , **TwilightHeart** **xxxx** and that one **Guest** (whose reviews always brings a smile to my face, I am not sure is it the same person or not, if it is not then thank you all, if it is then, thank you) It is a hight time I thank you all, if there weren't for you I am not sure I would keep up with this.

And also thanks to every single one person who favorites this and follows up on this story. I love reading the reviews but I know how sometimes people just don't want to review and are too shy, so I won't push on it, and I really appreciate every single click on that follow or favorite button. But I have to say it would be nice to hear from the rest of you.  
Thank you all, and enjoy.

 _Next update will be sometime next week, but it will be there, the next chapter is already written and just waiting for me to edit it._

* * *

 _ **for one quote more:**_ I hurt myself deeply, though at the time I had no idea how deeply. I should have learned many things from that experience, but when I look back on it, all I gained was one single, undeniable fact. That ultimately I am a person who can do evil. I never consciously tried to hurt anyone, yet good intentions notwithstanding, when necessity demanded, I could become completely self-centered, even cruel. I was the kind of person who could using some plausible excuse, inflict on a person I cared for a wound that would never heal."

― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

* * *

"Doll!" finally his voice found a way out, Mark looked up at him, with Alice's throat still in his hands, he smiled at Negan and then looked at Simon who was furrowing his eyebrow trying to figure out what is he seeing while Amber looked petrified, clearly aware of the consequences of his actions.  
Negan looked at Daryl who was nervously looking at the place where Alice was lying, shifting his weight from one foot to another, fighting in his head what he should to, Negan hoped he will be able to catch his eyes and somehow signal him to help, but his eyes never drifted from a place where Alice was.

Alice's world went dark the moment her head hit the floor, all she could see was black all she could feel was her throat tightening and her breath failing her, as the world became clearer she felt a weight of another person on her and hands around her neck. She opened her eyes and saw Mark was looming over her, but he was not looking in her direction, she averted her eyes and saw Negan and Simon standing there, they looked like two statues, not moving, Negan face was distorted, he was opening and closing his mouth, like he was calling for someone, but she couldn't hear a sound, seconds felt like hours, then finally she heard him yelling her name.  
 _"Why is he yelling, what's wrong"_ she thought to herself, then the realization hit her like a train, she is dying, Mark is killing her and Negan is watching, the jolt of adrenaline rushed through her body, she looked at Mark, his attention was now on her, as he became aware that she regained her conscience, and he tightened his grip even more.  
"You die today."  
Alice heard Negan calling for her again, and at that moment she managed to bend her leg and bring her knee hard into Marks genitals, making him scream, he let go of her, falling to his side and going into fetus position, holding his crotch.  
Alice stood up, holding her neck and coughing, she stumbled few steps backward, when she felt a hand on her, moving her hand from her throat and examining it.

It was Daryl, he was now standing in front of her while her things were on the ground, he run his fingers over her throat looking at it,  
"Are you ok?",he asked her.  
"Alice can you hear me?", she was just looking at him, still feeling Marks hand on her, the breathing was painful, she leaned on Daryl, bending down trying to puke, but nothing came out.  
"Alice, can you speak?", Daryl was panicking when he felt someone coming from behind him and pushing him to the side.

"Alice, doll," Alice felt another hand on her and felt a familiar smell of leather, she looked up and saw that Negan replaced Daryl.  
"Speak, doll, please, fucking speak," his face was red, he looked like he just aged ten years, the lines on her forehead and around his eyes were dipper than this morning, and his lips were so thin you couldn't even see them beneath his beard.  
Alice nodded, looking over his shoulder and seeing that Mark was getting up and stumbling toward them, at that moment she pushed past Negan and stormed toward the man, planting his fist into his stomach, making his fall again.  
"I am not going to die," she kicked his back making him arch in another direction, "not by the hand of a weakling like you," she leaned down kicking his ribcage with her elbow, "you pathetic excuse of a human" this time she kicked his stomach again.

She was at it until he lost conscience and she got tired, she looked up at people around them, they looked like they just saw a devil coming back to life, she puffed her hair from her face looking at them, breathing heavily, then she turned around and saw Negan and Daryl looking at her, waiting for her next move.

She looked down to where Mark was now lying, spitting on him and walking toward the spot where Daryl dropped her stuff and started to get dressed.  
"Take him in the cell, let Carson fix him up until I decide what to do with him," Negan told his men while walking towards where Alice now was, placing his hand on her shoulder and making her turn.  
He looked at her neck, moving her face shield over her head and throwing it down on the ground, he ghosted his hand over it not daring to touch it, his eyes looked heavy, he was looking at her neck and then looked at her.  
"Are you ok?", he asked her in a low tone.  
Alice nodded, closing her eyes when she felt his fingers running over her neck skin, "does it hurt?"  
She smiled, "nothing I am not used to by now."  
"What were you thinking?"  
"Nothing, I wasn't", she admitted, letting her head fall.  
"Go and rest, we'll talk later," Negan told her, placing a kiss on her forehead and leaving her.

II

Alice was in her room when she heard a knock on the door, she stood up from her bed and opened them, to find Daryl standing there with a tray of food.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Negan told me to bring you this," she looked down at the tray it was filled with every kind of fruit they had in the compound, carefully sliced and arrange on a big plate.  
"Who told you that?", she was suspicious, events from the last night reminded her of something she somehow forgot and that was the fact that everyone is on its own and no matter how good someone is to you or how good you are to them, they would drag you to the same pit they were in, if nothing just so they wouldn't burn alone.

"Negan told me and he also said to tell you that if you like someone will make you some lemonade as well."  
Alice laughed at that, moving to the side and gesturing for Daryl to come in and leave a tray of food on the table.  
"Of course he did," she smiled, sitting at the foot of the bed, "it is ok, I think I will survive without it."

"You almost died," Daryl spoke, looking at the radio instead of her like he was speaking to it.  
"That's truth," Alice smiled at him, catching his eyes, "don't tell anyone, ok."  
"Was it worth it?"  
"What?"  
"Almost dying was it worth the point you were proving there?"  
"You bet your sweet ass it was."

Daryl was silent, looking around her room, he saw a few pictures hanging on her refrigerator and saw the one of her and Negan alone, smiling.  
"I once knew a pair that loved each other so much they would have done anything for one another."  
"Yeah, and you don't know them anymore?"  
"There are not together now, Negan killed one of them and I caused it then she died from the aftermath.  
Alice's face fell, she remembered that night, and the face of the woman the moment Negan's second victim fell, " _Maggie, I'll find you",_ she shook her head at the memory.  
"Do you think he found her?"  
Daryl looked down at her, tilting his head to the side, waiting for her to explain her question.

Alice stood up, walking towards the tray of fruit and looking down at it, every slice was carefully placed making a perfect rainbow of colors, it looked too beautiful to even eat, no one in the kitchens would make something like that and that brought a smile to her face.

"That night, your friend told his wife he would find her," she turned around looking ad Daryl, "do you think he did?"  
Daryl narrowed his eyes at her, "what kind of question is that?"

"When she died, do you think he found her in the after. Do you think an after exists? ", Daryl was silent, looking at her, she was now standing on the other side of her room, holding her Eagle in her hand and running her finger over its engravings.  
"He didn't know she will die after him, he thought he would be able to find her while she still walked this earth, do you think he could have? Did he saw her taking her last breath? Did it hurt him or was he glad they would be reunited?"

"Why are you asking me this?"  
"I was just thinking, can we find people we love if we go away and they stay here, can we still be at their side, to protect them, to guide them? And if they die, do we feel guilt like it was our fault, do we feel pain, happiness? "  
"Why?"  
"Why, what?"  
"Why would you think about something like that? "  
Alice smiled at him, slipping her gun back inside its holster and taking a slice of apple from the trail, "probably just a consequence of the lack of oxygen. Come sit, I will make you something to eat."  
"I really don't think it's a good idea, I should go."  
"I just got myself almost killed, believe me, making you something to eat is not such a big deal, and what's the worst thing that could happen? Dwight gets the heart attack if he goes looking for you, big deal."  
Daryl smiled at that, taking a seat by the coffee table, while Alice fumbled around the refrigerator trying to figure out what is the fastest thing she could scrabble up.

When Daryl left her, Alice decided to take a nap, feeling the exhaustion of the day getting to her finally.  
She was sleeping when she felt a finger moving over her neck, she felt her adrenaline rising, she abruptly woke up, taking a knife from beneath her pillow, tackling down whoever was sitting on the bed and bringing the knife close to his throat.  
"Woohoo, easy there, doll, it's me."  
Her vision cleared out, and she realized it was Negan laying beneath her and smiling at her reaction, she straightened up a little lowering her knife.

"Fuck it, boss, sorry, you frightened me there."  
"It's alright doll, good to see you have fast reflexes. Now, will you get off me or?"  
"Do I have to?"  
"Well, fuck no. But I won't be responsible for what comes next."  
Alice smirked at that, wiggling around for a bit, earning a groan out of him, before standing up and going to sit on her bed  
"You are the devil, doll," he told her before getting up himself and looking around her room, he saw now half empty tray of fruit on her coffee table and a half empty glass of rum.

"Did you like your fruit doll?"  
"Yes, it was really nice, thank you, boss."  
"Oh thank the ladies from the kitchen, they picked it up."  
"Yes, but you prepared them."

Negan smiled, "and how do you know that?"  
"Call it a fucking hunch. Why did you tell Daryl to bring it?"  
"He is the only one besides me, Simon and Arat that I know you can stand to be around. Hope he made a good company."  
"He is a nice person to talk to when he is not shooting dagger at you."  
"Hahaha, yes, I think he picked up that look from Rick."  
"Probably, but I think he is a better person than Rick."  
"That is not a hard thing to be, doll."  
"Yeah, I guess not. Why didn't you come instead of Daryl?"  
"You needed your rest and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shot."  
Alice looked up at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about, he walked around the room and saw a picture of her, Simon and him making their best funny faces, pinned on her fridge, he smile at that, taking a photo in his hand and looking at it, it felt like ages have passed since it was taken and it wasn't even a full day yet.

"Why did you do it?", he finally spoke, looking at Alice, she narrowed her eyes at him, trying to figure out what exactly did she do.  
"Do what?"  
"You know damned well what I am talking about, down there, you untying him?!" his tone took her by surprise, she jumped a little in her seat, looking up at him, his lips were sealed tight and eyes wide.  
"You told me to do whatever I want with him."  
"Yes, but I didn't tell you to get yourself almost killed!"  
"What was I supposed to do, he humiliated me, he humiliated you. He was questioning this entire place, what was I supposed to do? Let that fucking bug he planted in people heads grow, even more, no fucking way! "

Alice's voice grew louder, almost matching Negan's, he was looking at her when she stood up and came to standing right in front of him, with the tips of their noses touching.  
"You can't get emotional over things like that, they will get you killed."  
"And you were not emotional at that moment," she tilted her head, looking him straight in the eyes, "I saw your face when he said what he said. I saw it in your eyes; you felt the same way I did"

Negan let his eyes fall down on her lips, he placed his hand on her cheek, caressing it with his thumb, and she leaned into his touch closing her eyes.  
"I saw you laying there," he whispered to her, "you were turning red, doll, your face swelling, you were dying."  
He tilted his head and placed his other hand on her cheek, "you were dying and he was killing you. I wanted to move, but I couldn't, I couldn't make a single step. I wanted to give an order to get him off you, but I couldn't fucking voice anything except your name. I was standing there like a fucking idiot, losing you and just watching him take you away. "  
Alice moved her head closer to him and kissed him, he lowered his arms, locking them around her waist and pulling her closer.  
He led her to the bed, laying down with her never breaking the kiss, placing himself on top of her, Alice slowly broke his lips letting her tongue slip inside his mouth to play with his, their kiss deepened as he was pinning her down like he was trying to completely merge their bodies.  
Alice let her hand drift beneath his shirt feeling his skin when he broke their kiss, her cheeks were red and her lips swollen, her green eyes were clear and sparkling, he was just looking at her, not moving, not letting her move.

"Fuck it all doll, you are perfect," he told her before the started attacking her neck, kissing and biting down on it. Alice moaned as she arched her back, wanting to be as close to him as possible, running her hand underneath his shirt and pulling it over his head, throwing it down to the ground, he smiled at that looking at her face and running his hand through her hair,  
"I want you safe, I never want to even get close to what almost happened today," he whispered to her as he was about to make another attack on her neck and cupping her breast with his hand, Alice stopped him, pulling him up and making him look at her.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I am telling you that I will find you nice quarters away from my wives and you will be safe there, no more running around with me, I need you safe, doll. "  
"Fuck if I will!" Alice was furious, pulling him away from her and getting up to move as far from the bed as possible.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Negan asked her trying to sound as calm as possible while reaching for his shirt and pulling it back on.  
"What the fuck is wrong with you? What makes you thing I would say yes to something like that?" Alice yelled at him, not even thinking about trying to sound calm.

Negan run his hand through his hair, looking down and the floor and sitting on the edge of the bed, he was quiet for a minute, while Alice was leaning on the kitchen counter, with her hand crossed, waiting for the answer.

"I can't have you running around with me, I now see it is too dangerous," he sounded so calm that for someone who didn't know him as well as she did, it would sound like this argument didn't even faze him, but Alice knew him, she saw it in the way his lips tightened, his eyes widened and the tips of his ear turning red he was boiling up inside and she was glad because she was boiling up as well.  
"I didn't get hurt running around with you I got hurt here in the compound by my own stupid mistake, it has nothing to do with us or with our arrangement."  
"It has everything to do with us, didn't you fucking hear me! I! DON'T! WANT! TO SEE YOU! FUCKING! HURT!", Negan was losing it slowly, she was the only person that could make him lose control like this and the only person who would ever even think about disobeying him.

"Well, too bad, because I don't want to see you hurt as well, and you must be crazy if you think I will sit on my ass while you run around swinging that bat of yours and pissing everyone off, making everyone want to kill you."  
"Oh, I am fucking sorry, if I made this sound like you have a fucking choice."  
"What, you are going to force yourself on me!?"  
This made Negan stand up, he was not standing right where she is, pinning her on the kitchen counter, he took her by her hips and hopped her up to make her sit there, placing his hand on each of her sides and going up in her face.  
"Do you really think I would do that to anyone, especially you?"  
"No, you would not, but if you do this it would feel just as same."  
"I don't give a fuck how it would feel, it is not the same, and all I care about is not seeing you die, you will be mad at me for a week, maybe a month but at least you will be breathing."  
He ghosted his lips over hers, placing a small kiss on them then looking her in the eyes. "are we fucking clear."  
Alice placed her hand on his beard running her fingers through it, while opening her legs and wrapping them around his waist, pinning him closer to her, she kissed him as it was the least time she will be doing it, bringing her hand behind his head and pulling him closer, she was at it for a full minute, fighting her urge to breath.  
Then she broke the kiss, looking him in the eyes, "No, we are not."

Negan hissed, slamming his hand on the kitchen counter and moving away from Alice, going to stand on the other side of the room, resting his hands on his hips and looking down at her green carpet. Alice was still at the same place she was just a minute ago, she was not moving, just looking at him, waiting for his reaction, she was now ready for anything.

"Why do you have to make this hard for everyone?", he finally spoke.  
"Why do you have to demand it?"  
"I told you that."  
"That's not a good enough reason."  
"I told you, Alice, this is not up for a debate."  
"Well, fuck what you said, it is my life and it is up for a debate when I say it is."  
"You will fucking listen to me, I am the boss where!", he lost it, swiping the books for the counter near the door, making them fall over the room.

"And what are you going to do, kill me," Alice hopped down from the counter, walking toward Negan and pinning him to the door, "torture me? Send me to the fences? Throw me out? Put me in the cell? Give me an Iron? You can do all those things, I don't give a fuck, but it I won't stop me from shadowing you and I won't stop carrying what the fuck happens to you. And everything is better than sitting on my ass all day dwelling on the fact my panties and my bra don't match."  
"What do you want from me woman?! Fucking tell me! You want me to let go of my wives, I'll do it, if you fucking want that, I will fucking do it right now!"  
"What? No! I mean yes, I mean, fuck it, man! That is not what this is about, yes, I want that, but I still won't be sitting around and play housewife for you!"  
"Why can't you just live with it?"  
"And for what, just to wake up one day with someone telling me that you are gone and that I won't see you ever again, no fucking way."  
"I won't die doll, I promise, just do this for me," he placed his hand on her cheek, tilting his head with a pleading expression on his face.

"I promise, I won't die neither if you let me go with you, does that put your mind at ease."  
"Of course it doesn't doll."  
"Then how do you expect you promise to reassure me."  
"I…I… you almost died today."  
"But I did not."  
"Fuck this shit," Negan gently pulled her away from him, "I don't need you to be one of my wives, fuck it, I have enough of them. Fine if you want to go out and get yourself killed then do it, fuck it all if I care. Now if you will excuse me I have wives to fuck."  
"My thought exactly."  
"You are fucking impossible to talk to!" Negan stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Alice stumbled on her bed, sitting on it and looking at the door, she was just sitting there, not moving, not crying, not feeling anger, nothing, just looking at the door, waiting to see it opened and Negan standing on the other side with a Lucile on his shoulder and smiling down at her, them not fighting and a things being like they were just a day ago. But it didn't happen, what did happen is her hearing the sound of moans and a bed hitting the wall and the sound of a woman crying out Negan's name, and she could swear it was Amber, she was using the same tone she used last night when they caught her with Mark.  
That made her sick to the stomach, she started collecting the books he threw around the room and putting them back to their place trying to phase out the sounds echoing through the hall, her urge to puke and her anger growing when someone knocked on her door.

She opened it, hoping against every rational thought that it was Negan but she found Arat standing there looking in the direction of the Negan's room.  
"How the fuck do you stand this every day?", she asked Alice while taking a step into her room, not even waiting to be invited.  
"You get used to it, sometimes it helps me masturbate," Alice told her trying to sound as cheerful as possible.  
Arat looked at her, then at the stated of her room, "what the fuck happened here?"  
"Oh nothing, just rearranging the shelf's, you need something?", Alice asked her while picking up a few books still laying on the floor.  
"No, just came around to see how are you doing, things got really messy down there."  
"I'm fine," Alice told her while scanning the book on the shelf trying to figure out are the in the right order.  
"You don't sound fine."  
"Hahaha, you didn't notice by now that I never sound fine," Alice had her back turned on Arat when she felt her coming from behind and placing a hand on her shoulder.  
"Is there anything I can help with?" Arat asked her the moment another loud 'yes there Negan' echoed through the hall.  
"Actually there is," Alice told her while turning around grabbing her by her shoulders and trapping her between her and the wall.  
She started kissing her, while her hand roamed underneath her shirt and cupping one of her breasts, Arat was taken aback for a minute before relaxing and reciprocating the kiss.  
Alice swung her around throwing her on the bed and coming on top of her, removing her shirt and attacking her breasts.

The feeling that was driving her now was different than the feeling that was driving her with Negan, with him it was hunger, this now was anger, with him, was like coming home, warm, familiar, safe and this was like renting the room for a night, unfamiliar, cold but a good place to rest one's head,

When that thought came to her head, Alice stopped what she was doing, she collected herself and looked at the woman that was now flushing underneath her, this was her friend before anything else _, 'what the fuck am I doing'_ when the bed from a few room away started hitting the wall again and woman started to moan and scream and at that moment it was like someone closed the shades on her mind, Alice just smiled at Arat while unbuckling her jeans and pulling her hand inside of them, finding the same spot she like to be touched and started to massage it in circles.  
Arat arched her back, letting her head fall back. Alice looked at her and smiled, running her other hand through woman's hair and removing the headband and letting her hair fall freely.  
Alice pulled her hand out earning a disappointed groan from a woman at what she smiled and started to pull her pants off, when Arat stopped her, placing her hand on hers.

Alice looked up at her, smiling, "what is it sweet thing?", she purred.  
Arat looked at her, trying to figure out how to voice her question, she was biting her lower lip while leaning on her elbows, "what about Negan?"

Alice's face fell, she remember what happened not an hour ago and she remember with whom who he is now and it made her blood boil in a second, filling her with adrenaline, there was not a thing in this world she wanted more than to march into that room, throw that woman of him and take on his offer, but it was not something she couldn't do, not while his conditions remained the same.  
In that moment she felt like their relationship was a thing of a past and that made her feel like someone just ripped out her insides and left her there empty, then she looked at the woman beneath her, the woman that was waiting for an answer.

"What about Negan?" Alice finally asked her, hoping that her tone will show that the topic is not opened for discussion, but this was not Negan and this was not Simon or Daryl, Arat never saw this side of her and did not read her right.  
"Well, I thought you and him are… you know. And now you and I are…well it is pretty obvious what we are doing."  
"What we are doing here has nothing to do with Negan and me," Alice told her with a strict tone trying to put an end to this conversation.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes I am, this has nothing to do with me and Negan. I need to fuck someone and if you are not up for it then fucking tell me so I can find someone who is."  
Alice didn't want to sound the way she sounded, but she was angry, she was furious and she felt betrayed, so the way she sounded to people around her was the last thing on her mind. Arat just looked at her, figuring out what to do herself, before she nodded and pulled Alice closer for a long kiss.

Alice smiled at her, "Good girl," before going back to where she was just a minute ago.


	17. red lies pt5

**Important-Please read this before proceeding to this chapter:** Before today this story has been updated on May the 4th ('be with you' sorry I just couldn't resist) due to the error on this site that was fixed yesterday, most of us are still not sure is it completely fixed, the update email were not being sent, so I strongly suggest for you all to go one chapter back, just to make sure if you have caught up with that update.

^S^

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended

^S^

Thank you all for reading this, taking you time to review, follow and fav this story :)

Next update is sometime next week, hope you like this one.

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "They knew each other. He knew her and so himself, for in truth he had never known himself. And she knew him and so herself, for although she had always known herself she had never been able to recognize it until now."

― Italo Calvino

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"Hot diggity dog, if this is not the hottest thing I saw in my life," Alice was woken up with Negan voice, she turned around to see him sitting on the chair with his leg resting on his knee while Lucile was resetting on his lap, he was smiling at her, she looked at him and smiled back when someone moved beside her, she turned around to see Arat was sleeping naked with her in the bed.  
"What the..f", Alice whispered trying to figure out what is happening, when memories started coming back to her, Mark, Negan, Amber, Arat, it was enough to give her headache.  
She then turned around looking at Negan who was smirking at her, it made her skin ache.  
"What the fuck, what is he doing here?", Arat screamed while pulling all sheets to herself and wrapping them around her chest leaving Alice butt naked on the bed.

Negan laughed seeing their reaction, and it made Alice even more mad, _'how does he dare to laugh after last night and what he had done_ ', she looked at him, not even trying to hide her anger much less caring about the state she was in.

"The door was unlocked, I thought it is a free invitation," Negan told them gesturing in the direction of the door with his hand, not letting his smile fall.  
"What?", Arat was confused.

Alice straighten up, sitting on the side of the bed and not letting her eyes leave Negan's, "relax, Arat, this is a regular occurrence"  
Arat was looking at Alice and then at Negan, they looked like two wild cats evaluating each other's strength, before engaging in combat.  
"Well, with door regularly unlocked, I was sure you don't mind doll."  
"I don't mind, boss."  
The tension that filled the room could be cut with the knife, Arat bent down collecting her things and deciding to get the hell out of there before the whole hell breaks loose.  
"You are already leaving sweet thing? Not up for another round?", Alice called for her with cuddling voice but not looking in her direction but keeping her cold stare locked on Negan.  
"Yes, I am, I mean no I am not, fuck it, see you later."  
"We are going on a run around noon, be ready, " Negan told her not letting his eyes avert away from Alice.  
"Understood."  
"Speak with Simon he will fill you in, you, me, him and my doll here are going, we have a new outpost to check out, it should be clean. We need to make a list of the things we are going to need to get it up and running so we can try and find them when we go to our next community runs. Did I make myself clear."  
"Yes, sir," Arat told him, not even being sure should she respond to that, seeing how he didn't look at her for one second and it looked like he was talking to Alice all the time, she left them, slamming the door shut and running in the direction of her room.

"Had fun last night?"  
"I sure did, boss, and you?"  
"I had a blast."  
"I know, the entire compound heard you."  
"Hahaha, I am a passionate man what can I say."  
"I am sure you are."  
Alice told him while breaking their staring game and getting up to get her clothing off the floor, then walking towards her closet throwing it in and getting her gear out, examining it.  
Negan was looking at her the entire time, scanning her body, "you look good naked."  
"I know," he laughed at that, running his hand through his beard.  
"I am hurt doll, you could have invited me to have fun with you two last night."  
"I would have, but you were too busy fucking Amber and I didn't want to interrupt."  
At that moment his smile fell, and his face darkened, Alice just turned her back at that and started to get dressed.  
"I had to remind her, what she was risking to lose with her behavior."  
"I am sure you did an excellent job at that."  
"Are you jealous doll? That could have been you last night."  
"This has nothing to do with jealousy and no, that couldn't be me, I could never be someone like Amber"

"I know, I learned that last night," he stood up walking toward the door.  
"Good," she didn't event glance in his direction, "why did you even come?"  
"I wanted to talk about what happened last night."  
"There is no need for that, it is pretty obvious what happened last night."  
"You're right, I guess it is. Be ready by noon, we have a fuck load of work to do, bring the sleeping bag we are probably spending a night there, I am not risking traveling after the sunset."  
"Understood," Alice told him, trying to sound as cold as possible, she felt him standing there and looking at her, but she didn't dare to turn, one wrong move and she would be showing her weaknesses and this world has no place for things like that.

Negan was looking at her, trying to get at least a glance of her face, trying to figure out what is she thinking but it didn't work, she was staring in the direction of kitchen, just standing there, not deeming his worth even a glance, he let his head fall and slammed the door behind him.

When she heard the door close, Alice leaned on the counter, trying to keep her balance, she was breathing heavily and her legs were giving up on her.  
"Get a hold of yourself woman," she told herself, trying to suppress the upcoming panic attack, at that moment she looked to her left only to see a photo laying there, she picked it up and looked at it, the image of her, Negan and Simon, it made her want to break out of her skin that felt like a prison at that moment.  
She took a few deep breaths, gathered her gear and deciding to go outside, being around people would at least force her to keep her charade up.

Negan was pacing around the room, trying to collect his thoughts that were running in hundred different ways, making his head hurt, when someone knocked on the door, he opened them violently only to find Simon standing there, looking surprised at the way he was received.  
"Everything alright, boss?"  
"No it is not fucking alright, nothing is fucking alright," Negan told him while turning his back on him and pacing back to his room, taking a shot of whiskey and throwing the glass against the wall.

Simon flinched at that, he saw Negan like this only few time before, the last time was when he found out about one of their outpost being attacked and his people slaughtered and the first time was when he found out his people killed bunch or children and men trying to teach one of the communities under them a lesson, lesson that went poorly because not long after that entire community disappeared and no one knows where.

"Anything I can help with?", he spoke quietly trying to avoid antagonizing Negan ever more.  
"There is nothing anyone can do about this particular problem?"  
"Are you sure, boss?"  
"Yes, I am fucking sure, Simon!"  
Negan took a deep breath, falling down on the sofa and resting his head on his hand, massaging his forehead, Simon took a seat across from him, patiently waiting for a clarification of current situation, the thing he was not sure he will get, because with Negan you can never know, sometime he would reveal most mundane things, while the crucial ones he would keep to himself, making everyone's life even more difficult.

"Everything ok with our run today?" Simon decided he is done waiting and he needs to know what is going on before they leave the compound today.  
"You tell me, it is your fucking job, not mine."  
"As far as I know everything is going according to plans, that is what got me confused, I thought you know something I don't."  
"It has nothing to do with a fucking run."  
"Good to know."  
And they fell silent ones more, Simon was looking around the room, trying to avoid making any eye contact with Negan, he would just leave but he was not sure was that the thing right thing to do, he hated moments like this, he felt like a child after being scolded by his dad for something he did not do..

"I am a fucking idiot, Simon," he finally spoke, and Simon couldn't help but smile to himself, he knew that look and he knew those words; he saw many of his friends from the past wearing it after their wives or girlfriends would throw them out of the house for something stupid they did. It was that moment of revelation that it was their fault, after all, Simon always found amusing, and this little slip up remained him of a life before and brought him hope that things could get back to normal after all, if people even in the middle of apocalypse, especially people like Negan, still had time to dwell on things like that.

"And what makes you think that, boss?"  
"Don't give me that look, Simon. You know bloody fucking well what makes me think that."  
"I have a few hunches, but I don't want to base anything on assumptions."  
"I fucked up everything and now I don't think I can fix it."  
"Everything can be fixed boss," Simon smiled.  
"Not someone being an idiot, that shit is permanent."  
"I am sure you will figure something out, boss."  
"That is the problem, me trying to figure something out, that is a thing that caused all this shit."  
"Is she really that mad?"  
"She is so discussed by me she doesn't even want to look at me."  
"That bad, could, I don't know, try to apologize. That could work."  
"With her, no fucking way. The thing is I am not sorry for what I said to her, all I wanted was to keep her safe, she is just too fucking stubborn to realize that everything I am doing I am doing for her own fucking good. And if I go and apologize for something I am not sorry about, she will see right through it."  
"I don't get it, boss, you say you are sorry but you are not sorry at the same time?"  
"I am not sorry for what I asked of her to do, I am sorry for what I did afterward."  
"How bad is it?"  
"I'll I can say is that if someone did that to me, the Iron would be heating up right now."  
"Well, at least this trip will be interesting."  
"Well, I am glad someone will enjoy themselves."  
"You find joy where you can boss."  
Negan laughed at that, "Yes, finding joy, where I can is a thing that only made this shit even worst."  
"I am sure she will get around, I am not even sure you two can walk without being joined at the hip."  
Negan gave him a sad smile, "I fucking hope you are right, friend, I really do."  
"When am I ever wrong?", Simon stood up, patting him on his shoulders, "I need to get going now, have to make sure our truck is checked and running. See you outside boss."

Simon was roaming around the compound waiting for a noon to come, they had an hour before they were to depart for a new outpost and everything was already set in place and ready, the day was bright and warm, many of people that worked around the compound were out, working around the plants and fences, the sanctuary is getting more and more crowded, he suspected that soon they will need to relocate some of the people living there so they could accommodate them better and maybe increase their food growth, some place like Hilltop would be perfect for that but they had a hard time finding it and this new outpost, that was in a matter of fact a huge school with a big courtyard and tall fences was a jackpot.  
It wasn't too far from their base but isolated enough to keep a wandering scavengers and other groups away, so keeping it safe wouldn't require of them to send a lot of their guard away and that was a big plus because they were short of people as it is and finding capable staff that was ready to take orders, was a challenge on its own.  
He was walking around the entrance when he glanced toward the main building just to see someone sitting on the top of the fire escape ladders, it didn't take him long to figure out who is mad enough to even climb there yet alone sit there.

"What are you doing here psycho?", he asked Alice while trying to catch his breath, he was seriously out of shape for someone who was supposed to be Negan's top general.  
"Just watching the compound, the view is nice from here you can see almost everyone on this side of the building."  
"How to you see a thing from this height?"  
Alice smiled at him, waving around with a pair of military binoculars before handing them to him, he took them, looking around the compound and truly seeing everyone and everything.

"Where did you get these?", he asked her.  
"I had them with me all along," she told him, before fixing her view on some point in the distance, completely ignoring the fact that he was standing right next to her.  
Simon sighed at that, sitting beside her and quietly looking into the distance, scanning the entire area around them.  
"You come here often?"  
"Every day, it is a good place to watch while not being seen and a good place to think."  
"And what are you thinking about?"  
"Stuff, things, you know usual crap."  
"I don't think your usual and my usual crap, fall under the same definition."  
"I don't think they do, no."  
"What's wrong, psycho?"  
"What makes you think something's wrong?", Alice asked him not even turning her head to give him a side glance or a smile.  
"You are not usually this quiet. "  
"I decided I talk too much."  
"Most of us like the things you say."  
"It only because they make you laugh. Things I say make other people happy and leave me empty, the same thing is with the things I do."

"I am not sure that things you do leave many people happy," Simon joked, trying to lure at least a glance of her smile out, but to no avail.  
"I am not sure either," Alice's head fell.

"Alright psycho, you are freaking me out, what's wrong?"  
"I told you nothing is wrong."  
"Don't insult my intelligence, Alice."  
She let out a deep breath, turning her head and looking him in the eyes, he then saw that her eyes were red, like she was about to start crying any second, but he knew her better than that, he knew that crying is something she would never do in front of someone else, he was not sure was it something she ever did even while she was alone.  
"I'm a fucking idiot, Simon, that's what's wrong."  
Simon couldn't help himself, he started to laugh his heart out, earning a kick in the shoulder.  
"Stop laughing you moron, it's not funny. "  
"Oh, you have no idea," Alice just frowned, turning her attention back to the same point in the distance.  
"Sorry, sorry psycho, it was uncalled for. Do you want to talk about it."  
"No, I don't fucking want to talk about it, not while you are making fun of me."  
"I apologize. And believe me I was not making fun of you, I just came to the conclusion that I found funny that's all."  
"And what fucking epiphany did you have?"  
"I promise, one day I'll tell you."  
Alice was looking at him, trying to decide should she talk or stay quiet, part of her wanted to get away from there and not say a single world, but the other part of her, the bigger one, needed to talk to someone and Simon was the closest thing she had to a brother there and besides Negan the only person she trusted completely.

"I fucked up everything and I don't know how to fix it."  
"Oh, I am sure it is not that bad."  
"You have no idea how bad it is, man."  
"What did you do?"  
"I was told to do something I refused to do because it was an idiotic thing to even ask of me, and that is not the thing I regret, I regret everything I did after saying 'no'. I should have softened the blow, but no I just went on pounding my decisions in someone's face, until I broke everything we had, and then I went on and made an even bigger mess. And now I feel like shit, I am sorry but I am not sorry at the same time."  
"I am sure you two will sort everything out in no time."  
"How can I sort something out with someone, when I can't even bring myself to look at him, I am angry and ashamed at the same time. Like I know that saying no to the thing he asked of me was a right thing to do, I don't give a fuck what he thinks about that, all I want is for him to be safe or at least as safe as he can be, he is just one stubborn bastard who refuses to understand that ,and I am not sorry for refusing to do something that would jeopardize his safety. But I am sorry for what I did after he left, I fucked everything up so bad and I don't know how the fuck do I get out of it. Fuck it all Simon, why am I this stupid."  
"Well, you could I don't know, apologise?"  
"Fuck no, that would never work with him."  
"You're right it's too simple to work with you two," Simon muttered under his breath, but Alice didn't hear him, preoccupied with her own thoughts.  
"This is fucking idiotic, I shouldn't be even dwelling over the mundane thing like this in a world like this, but still I am, I am a fucking idiot and that is my main problem."  
"I wouldn't say it is mundane."  
"We'll it certainly isn't of life importance"  
"Are you sure?"  
"No", Alice sighed, letting her head fall again. "What the fuck do I do now, Simon?"  
"Estimate the damage and find the fastest course of action towards fixing it."  
"I am not a fucking miracle worker, be more specific."  
"Believe me, psycho, no matter what you do, all will fall into place."  
"I would never take you for such an optimist."  
"I am more of a realist, sweetheart, now I need to go, and you need to go also, pick up you gear we are leaving in fifteen."  
"Well, this should be the interesting trip at least."  
"Oh, you have no idea how much I am looking forward to it."  
"Fuck you, Simon."

Alice went on and picked up her weapons from the weaponry and marched towards the truck, she saw Simon and Negan standing there, looking down at some papers and discussing something, at that moment Negan lifted his head and looked in her direction and she froze, she felt her heart just skipped a beat and some strange feeling filling her stomach, like someone was tickling her guts and making her feel warm inside, she felt a heat going down in between her legs and hitting that one spot that sent a tingling feeling all over her.  
 _'shit, am I getting sick'_ , she thought to herself _, 'fuck it, that is the the last thing I needed now.'  
_ She straighten up and cleared her throat before continuing to walk in their direction, she came to stand on Negan's left side as she always did, lifting her chin up and scanning the people around her, trying to evade making eye contact with him and fighting off the sudden urge to pee.

Most of their guard were with them, loading the gear and food into the truck and checking the engine one last time.  
"Ok, people listen up," Negan called for everyone's attention, "we are leaving for a day, we will check out new outpost we found and see how many of you can live there, then we will make plans about relocations and the things we will need to make this work. So the visits to other communities will be paused untile we get back. We need to get this set up as fast as possible, we are growing and we get more and more new faces every day, so to accommodate everyone we need more places like this one we found a few days ago. While Simon and I are gone Dwight is in charge, if we don't come back until tomorrow night, you go and look for us. Did I make myself fucking clear."  
"Yes, "everyone said in unison.

Alice glanced around to find Daryl, and he was standing not far from the truck, looking down to the ground, she came closer to him and smiled.  
"You'll be here when I come back?"  
Daryl looked at her, with dead serious expression, "like I have any choice."  
"Ouch, you hurt my feelings, boy. I mean you are completely right, but still, it hurts my fucking feelings."

At that moment Dwight approached them, "don't worry Alice, this one is not getting away from here anytime soon."  
"It's rude to eavesdrop, Dwight," Alice was not sure what annoyed her more him interrupting her conversation and or him listening to it.  
"I wasn't eavesdropping, you were just talking loud enough to be heard."  
"Well, isn't that convenient."  
"Alice, doll, we need to leave. TODAY." Negan called for her.  
"Coming boss," Alice approached Dwight, leaning into his ear.  
"You better make sure he is here when we get back, and on top of that, you better make even more fucking sure he isn't missing a single hair from his head and packing up with another set of bruises. I am having about enough of everyone's shit around here and my last friendly advice to you is, 'don't fucking test me'."  
Alice tapped him on his shoulders and left him to stand there, looking at Daryl, who had a vicious smirk on his lips even though he didn't hear a single word Alice whisper to Dwight, Dwight face expression alone was good enough to make his day as good as it gets in a place like this.

"Done scaring the shit out of everyone?" Negan asked her.  
"Yes, boss. I had my fill for a day."  
"Good to know, Simon is driving with Arat in the front, I think you and I need some relaxing in the back," he winked at her, Alice weakly smiled at him, taking a back seat, before Negan tapped on the top of the truck, signaling everyone it is time to move.  
Alice side eyed him, feeling the same strange feeling's she felt not long before, _'fucking great'_ she sighed, Arat looked up in the mirror, looking at her face. Alice's cheeks were flushing, "Alice are you alright?", she asked her.  
Negan turned his face in her direction, questionably looking at her, Alice was uncomfortably shifting under everyone's questioning steers, only Simone looked in the review mirror and smiled.

"Yes, yes, I am fine, just I think I am coming down with something."  
"Are you sure you are up for this today?", Negan asked her, clearly concerned for her health, and not knowing why Alice snapped.  
"Yes, I am fucking sure. I survived under fever completely alone out here; I think I can manage a simple stomach ache"  
"Well, sorry for fucking caring," Negan told her, turning his attention back to the road, Alice mentally kicked herself while doing the same.

Simon was watching them in the review mirror, rolling his eyes at their conversation.  
"Yeah, simple is just too complicated sometimes," Simon muttered under his breath.  
"Did you say something?", Negan asked him.  
"No, boss, not a thing," Simon smiled fixing his attention back to on the road.


	18. red lies pt6

Hello, new chapter is up, hope you all like it, I am planning on posting another one by the end of the week, probably during the weekend :)

Thank you all for reading this, fav and following my story.

Song used in this chapter: Rednex-Cotton eyed Joe

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "Might as well try to drink the ocean with a spoon as argue with a lover."- Stephen King, The Drawing of the Three

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The drive went on quietly, with Negan and Alice not even looking at each other, yet alone speaking, Arat was shifting in her seat clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation while Simon kept his eyes on the road, looking at the back seat from time to time, trying to figure out did the situation change, even for worst, but at least changes, but nothing, they looked like kids who just quarrel over the toy.  
"Arat please open the glove compartment and give me that brown bag ."  
Arat looked at Simon suspiciously, before obeying his order and doing as he asked her, he stuck his hand inside the bag and dug through it until he found what he was looking for.

Alice was watching the road, while catching Negan reflection that would come up on the glass of her window, he didn't look in her direction even once and that annoyed her as hell, it was his fault they are at odds like this, not hers, she just wants to help him, it is his fault he was a stubborn bastard incapable of seeing that.

Negan was deep inside his thoughts, analyzing everything he had done in the past twenty-four hours, trying to figure out when in the hells name everything started going downhill, up to the point where a simple, 'how are you', would turn into a fight, he just wants to help her it is her fault for not being able to see that.  
When at that moment the loud sound echoed though the truck;  
 _'Iiiiiiif it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I'd been married long time ago …Where did you come from where did you go …Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe'_

"I will fucking cut/kill you, Simon, turn that shit off," Alice and Negan yell at unison at Simon, while he was dancing in his seat with a wide smile on his face, following the rhythm of the song while tapping his fingertips on the steering wheel.

He laughed at their reaction and the expressions on their faces, Simon never saw two people so annoyingly alike and them being at odds was so stupid that he decided there is nothing else to do than to make theirs suffering his fun.  
"C'mon, don't be a pair stuck up, enjoy the art."  
"That is not a fucking art Simon, turn that shit off or I swear to God I will feed you that tape," Alice was growling,  
"You will announce to every walker in the ten miles radios that we are coming," Negan was now the one yelling at him.  
"As if walkers would come near that shit. You could use it for fucking rerouting them, it would work better than those explosives."  
"That is a nice idea, doll, and if it doesn't work we can always feed Simon to them."  
"I will get my knives ready."  
Simon looked at them and smiled, nothing brings people together faster than mutual hate, he turned off the music, looking hurtful.  
"The lack of appreciation of the fine things you two have is disturbing."

Two hours later they were in the middle of nowhere, Alice was standing on the top of the truck, scanning the area with her binoculars while Simon and Negan were fighting over the map that was stretched over the hood.  
"I fucking tell you, this is where you took the wrong turn." Negan was pointing at the map with Lucile and growling at Simon, who was standing there looking confusingly at the map with his hands resting on his hip.  
"It's impossible, they told me to get here, the school is here."  
"There is fucking nothing here, Simon, look around yourself, do you see a fucking school anywhere near."  
"Even if we see a school there, I am not fucking sure I want to visit it," Alice told them while hopping down to stand at Negan's that moment Arat came out from the woods, looking disappointed.

At that moment Arat came out from the woods, looking disappointed.  
"There is nothing there, not even a single walker."  
"Well, at least some good news," Negan told them while looking down at the map again.  
"Not a single walker?" Alice asked Arat.  
"No, not a single one."  
Alice nervously looked around herself, shifting from one foot the other, "we should go," she wrapped her hand around Negan's elbow, tugging him in the direction of the truck.  
Everyone looked at her like she is mad.  
"I fucking agree with you doll, but where. We don't have a fucking clue where we are, much less where we are supposed to be heading."  
"It doesn't matter, just let's move," Alice came close to him, looking him in the eyes and whispering, so no one who is just a feet away could hear them.  
"What the fuck is wrong, psycho?"

Alice looked around herself once again, while running her hand over her ponytail, "there is not a single walker here, as Arat said, but still someone is here."  
"I told you there is no one here, I would have seen someone, I have eyes Alice," Arat was getting angry, she never liked people questioning her judgment especially at things as simple as scouting.  
"I didn't fucking say that you don't have eyes, but eyes can't help you see everything."  
"What are you talking about, are you saying that I am incompetent?" Arat was in Alice's face, her nerves were stretched as it is and Alice's attitude didn't help the situation.  
"I didn't fucking say you are incompetent, but you never saw me coming, did you? Neither did Simon or Dwight or bunch of people surrounding you. I am telling you someone is there; if it was a walker or some idiot you would have seen him. The fact you didn't see anyone proves that the person or more of them are experienced, smart and probably not peaceful, especially if we are intruding on their territory."

"How do you know someone if there. You saw someone?" Simon was the one to talk now trying to filter out the tension growing between two women, he had enough shit to deal with when it comes to Negan and Alice.  
"No."  
"Oh, if you tell me you are psychic, I am going to flip out I swear," Arat was not calming down.  
"C'mon sweet thing, for what do you take me for?"  
"I don't fucking know, for what should I taken you anymore."  
Alice sighed at this, she should have seen something like this coming, she looked at Negan, his face was unreadable, he was looking at her, not saying a word, just listening to their interaction.

"Something moved out there, I heard it and saw the branches shifting, " Alice was now talking slowly and quietly, while standing in between the trio, not looking at anyone directly.  
"Maybe it was just a wind?" Simon looked around himself spreading his arms.  
"Don't be so fucking obvious, someone is looking at this direction, Simon," Simon turned back at Alice, looking confused and petrified, this reminded him of a start of every horror movie he had ever seen.

"It was not the wind, it didn't move in the right direction to be the wind, I should know it, I am much better at shadowing people than this person is. I am telling you, this forest is not empty, please let's move."  
"Well, so what if it is a new community, even better, new people, to work for us."  
"C'mon Simon, there is just a three of us, be reasonable, we need to move. Now!"

"Enough!" Negan interrupted them clearly having enough of their shit, "it doesn't matter if there is no one here, or even if there is a new community around, we didn't come for that today. Let's turn around and fucking take that turn I told you to take ten miles ago."  
Simon nodded, folding up the map and taking the driver's seat, with Arat by his side. Alice was about to take her seat when Negan wrapped his hand around her elbow, pulling her closer to him.  
At that moment the same feeling in her stomach appeared again, but this time it was even stronger, making her want to giggle at the feeling and making her cheeks burn, Alice was confused, not knowing what the hell did she pick up, she never felt something like this, at least not with this intensity and it wasn't even constant, it kept coming and going, _'I really hope this is not contagious.'_

Negan looked at her, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes, "your face looks like it is burning up, are you sure you don't have a fever?", he asked her while placing his eye on her forehead trying to feel her temperature.  
"I am sure, it comes and goes, probably stress."  
"Aha, anyway, are you sure someone if out there now?"  
"As sure as I can be, someone is out there and I don't think that someone is friendly."  
Alice told him while moving to stand in front of him, letting him come in the truck first, while she was still glancing around the area, trying her best to see someone, at that moment she saw a walker standing between the trees, not far from the place where Arat emerged a few minutes ago, but something was strange about him, he wasn't moving, just standing there looking at her, not even trying to go in her direction and attack, it felt like he was watching them, evaluating them, she felt like her heart just fell into her stomach.  
"What the fuck."  
"What is it doll?", Negan looked at her, Alice turned not sure how to say what she just saw and even less sure she wasn't imagining things.  
"I…I," she turned to look again at the place where the walker was just standing, but no one was there, she rubbed her eyes, ' _God, I am going mad'._  
"Doll?"  
"Nothing, it was nothing; I just thought I saw something, but I guess I was wrong, let's move _."_

They were driving back to the crossroads they passed, Alice was silent during the whole drive, thinking about what she saw in the wood, something was off and she couldn't pinpoint what, but the mere thought of Walkers becoming conscious being and evolving above their nature to act purely on instinct filled her with dread. Them evolving was something to be expected with time sure, but it has been only a few years since the world went to shit, surely things like that never happen that fast, that is just not natural, but then again neither is the state of the world at this moment.

"Where now, and please take the right turn this time," Arat's voice brought Alice back to the reality.  
They arrived at the crossroad and stopped, Simon had his map spread over the steering wheel with Negan looking over his shoulders trying to figure out where they should go next.

"Where the fuck did they tell you that school is," he looked at Simon.  
"Here," Simon pointed at the map, clearly losing his patient, he wanted to go back to Sanctuary and strangle the person who gave him direction.  
"We were already there, there is no fucking school in that area."  
Alice glances over Arat seat, looking down at the map for the first time, "here, there is a school here," she pointed at the place on the map, east from where they were.  
"What?", Simon looked at her clearly confused.  
"I saw it about a year ago when I was scouting the area, but never got too close to it, at the time it was swirling with walkers."  
"Why the fuck didn't you tell us that earlier?" Negan asked her.  
"Well no one fucking asked and how was I supposed to know that's the school you are looking for, remember you two had this all plan figure out."  
"Well, apparently we fucking didn't!" Negan looked at Simon.  
" Hey, I lead us to where they told me to go, it's not my fault those people are incompetent of telling sides of the world."  
"Will we start moving already?" Arat was now the one to interrupt them.  
They all looked at her, sliding back to their seat, "Ok, let's go," Negan calmly told Simon.

"What up with you anyway Arat, if I hadn't caught you in Alice's bed this morning I would swear you were on your period."  
"You caught her where?", Simon looked at Alice, almost driving off the road.  
"Watch the fucking road!", Alice yelled at him.  
"You can't bomb me with info like that while I am driving boss. Well now Arat, you naughty girl, how was it?" Simon looked at her, with a wide smile on her face.  
"Ughhh," Arat rolled her eyes, covering them with her hand.  
"Hey, I wasn't that bad!" Alice yelled from the back seat.  
"Really? You really want me to go into details?"  
"No," Alice frowned, making Negan laugh.  
"It's not funny," she looked at him.  
"I bet to differ, doll, I bet to differ," he smiled at her, tilting his head to the side and winking.

Not an hour later they arrived at their destination, they got out of the truck, looking around, the place, one thing their people didn't lie about was the size of the place, the main courtyard was huge with pine trees decorating every corner of it, the main fence wasn't really a fence but a tall concrete wall, spreading all across the yard, made to protect the place of any curious eye. On the entrance there was a small white cottage, with a counter, that was used by the local security. The gate was lying on the ground, it was a big black fence made of steel with pointed ends.

The school itself was enormous, with red façade that was falling off the walls, the entrance of the main building was decorated with two statues of water nymphs that were holding the structure of the balcony above them, in the middle of the entrance was big round fountain, the entrance doors that were made completely out of the glass were shattered but oddly the iron frame was still standing. One the east side of the main building there were few smaller ones that were used for parking garages, with doors oddly untouched and closed.

The place was breathtaking but eerily quiet, they all reached for their weapons while entering the main building, Alice stood at the counter that was once use by the secretary and slammed her hand on it a couple of times, but there was no sound of someone moving. They exchanged the glances and divided into separate groups, with Alice and Negan taking the second floor while Arat and Simon went to check out the first.

Alice and Negan checked few of the classroom before finding a large oak doors, Alice reached for the gilded lock, pulling it down quietly and revealing what is hidden on the other side, she glanced inside the room, there was a big table in the middle of it with tall leather chair, the floor was decorated with red carpet and one the windows you still could see the remains of white now moth-eaten curtains. The window spread all across the room, with the view of the of the entire courtyard, with glass doors that were leading out to the balcony.  
Wow, this place is magnificent," Alice was standing by the window looking at the wide opened space with all kinds of sports fields, from the football field to tennis, on the far side you could see a big building, Alice looked through her binocular reading the big blue sign, "Main pool".  
"They even had a fucking pool here, come look at this," She called for Negan who was looking through the big pile of papers, before turning his attention to her.  
He came to stand behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder, the movement that came naturally to him that it took him a few moment to remember that they were at odds at the moment, but seeing how she didn't protest at his closeness he decided that on the end it didn't matter.

"I can't believe this place is empty," he told her while savoring the sight in front of him and already making plans in his head for the best way to use it.  
"Yes, it's almost too good to be truth. We should be careful."  
"Relax, doll, enjoy the fucking moment."  
"I can't."  
"What the fuck is wrong now? Did I say or do something again?" , he asked her, while turning her around and making her face him.  
"What? No, no, it's nothing like that."  
"Then what the fuck is it?"  
"It's just," Alice looked down, figuring out how to tell him what she wanted to tell him without sounding like a complete madwoman.  
"C'mon doll, you know you can tell me everything."  
"Back in the woods," Alice took a deep breath, "I saw a walker standing not far from us."  
"And that got you so wired up? What the fuck doll, we see walkers every fucking day, we even keep them as fucking pets back home, that can't be a thing that freaked you out this much."  
"You don't get in Negan, he was standing there, just standing and looking at us."  
"So what?"  
"Ah, come, the fuck on, boss, you are smart; you know they don't just stand and look pretty, they attack. But this one was different, he didn't attack us, he was watching us like he was evaluating us deciding how strong we are or how big of a threat."  
"That's fucking impossible, doll. They don't think."  
"I know that they usually don't. But what if some of them are different, or just this one is, what if they are regaining they conscious? Think about it, if they become at least intelligent as an average dog or a cat we are fucking screwed."  
"C'mon doll, something like that won't fucking happen."  
"And how do you know, that's the exact thing you would've said five years ago if someone told you that the world would be like this today."

Negan looked at her, running his hand over his face and through his hair, looking at his side, trying to figure out how to react to what she just said because she was clearly imagining things.

"Listen, doll," he placed his hand on her shoulder," you had a few stressful days and probably didn't sleep well, when we get home I want you to take the day off, just relax, and to put your mind completely at ease I will take the day off with you. Ok?"Alice looked at him, tilting her head to the side, "I am not seeing things, Negan," she whispered to

Alice looked at him, tilting her head to the side, "I am not seeing things, Negan," she whispered to him, trying to keep her feelings under control for once.  
"I didn't say you were seeing things doll, I am sure you saw a walker there, but it was an ordinary walker," he whispered, clearly aware that she is getting all boiled up again and trying to calm the upcoming tide.  
"Don't fucking patronize me. It was not an ordinary fucking walker, I know what I saw. He was standing there, fucking looking at us."  
"Maybe he was stuck and couldn't move."  
"We have 'stuck' walkers back home, they fucking move. They move even when you stick a pole through them, they move when they fucking fall apart. They fucking move all the time, to the point where it becomes annoying just looking at them, moving, this one didn't."  
"Alice, that's impossible!"  
"I can't believe you don't trust me, you, of all people, you think I am seeing things, you think I am going mad!"  
" Calm down doll, you said it yourself, you don't feel well today."  
"My stomach ache has nothing to do with this. It is just a fucking stomach ache, it has nothing to do with my head or with the fact that you don't trust me."  
"You are not fair, doll."  
"Me! I am not fucking fair, what about you!? You think you are fair!?" Alice was yelling again while poking him in the chest with her finger.  
"I was more fair with you than I was with anyone in my life."  
"Well, lucky fucking me! You still don't fucking trust me."  
"It's a crazy talk, Alice! A fucking conscious walker, what is next, speaking dog!"  
"I can't believe you," Alice was looking at him, while shaking her head in disbelief and slowly backing away, just when she thought he couldn't say or do anything to hurt her more, she find out that not only he doesn't trust her but he thinks she is mad as well.  
"Doll,', Negan called for her, "Alice," she just turned around storming out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

Simon and Arat were back in the hall where they all agreed to meet once they made sure the place is safe and then together find the best room to spend a night in when they heard yelling from the upper floor and saw Alice running down the stairs with Negan at her heels.

Simon sighed, "and here they go again."  
"What's exactly up with them?" Arat looked at him.  
"I don't think even God knows."

Alice was seeing red, trying to get out and get some fresh air as soon as possible, her mind didn't work and she was never sure what she would do or say at moments like this, when she felt a hand wrapping around her elbow and pulling her in opposite direction, the hand moved to her upper arm holding her tightly in place.

"Where, the fuck, do you think you are going?!" Negan growled.  
"Away, I just… I need some time away from you. I," she tugged away from his grip, puffing some loose strains of her hair from her face and looking him in the eyes.  
"You know what, I don't fucking owe you any explanations, I will do whatever the fuck I feel like doing, just the same as you."  
"Did I ever asked of you to fucking explain anything to me. Did I ask you why I found Arat in you fucking bed after what happened between us? Did I fucking say a thing about that! Most people get an iron for that shit and I just let you off the hook, like nothing happened. Is this a way you repay me, acting like a fucking child."  
"It is you damn fault I ended up with someone else in bed, not mine. Don't you fucking see what you're doing here!? Are you really that fucking blind! Do you see further than you nose reaches?! And you don't get to patronize me about who is in my bed, not when every night you have a fucking buffet of women to fuck. "  
"You could be the only one if you just say fucking yes! But no! You prefer running around acting hurt!"  
"I am fucking hurt, you ignorant bastard!"

Negan fell silent, looking at her, Alice's breathing was heavy, it looked like she will pass out any second, her eyes were gleaming with uncried tears, while her lips were stretched opened, showing the perfect line of big pearl white teeth.

"I am fucking hurt, you hurt me, you hurt me when you don't trust me when I would believe everything you say, you hurt me when you turn your back on me while I would walk to the end of this cursed world for you, you hurt me when you don't listen to a word I say when I would spend my entire life listening to the sound of you voice. You hurt me you bastard, and the worst part is, you don't even fucking see it. You just go around pointing fingers at everyone, except pointing one finger at the mirror, it's fucking you, it's all you, this damned mess we are in, it is all on you! And don't you fucking think that for one second I am to blame, because for what could you blame me, ha, for fucking what!? For not wanting to be one of you bimbos, sitting on my ass all day not doing a damn thing with my life except speeding my legs when commanded, and believe me, they do it because they are commanded not because they fucking want to! Blame me for wanting to be at your side and protect you because I am one person, who actually cares about you, and not because you are impossible to care for but because you don't show it to anyone, you don't even show it to me, but I see it, I fucking see it, I see everything you do and I see every expression you try to fucking hide I see it all, and you are blaming me for refusing to let you go through all that alone, do you see how fucking absurd that shit is!""Alice, doll," Negan tried to stop her.

"Alice, doll," Negan tried to stop her.  
"No!" She screamed, "this is my time to talk and this is your time to mother fucking listen. What am I to blame for, for trying to find a bit of consolation in someone else's arms, you blame me for that? You blame me for, as you say 'not wanting to be yours' thinking I want to belong to someone else. Don't you fucking see, you stubborn bastard, I don't want to be yours, I want to be with you, where ever you go, whatever shit you stir up, I want to be there to see it through. And you say no to me and then you get mad, what the actual fuck man."

"I fucking want you safe, you stubborn woman, I just want you fucking safe!" Negan's voice echoed through the empty halls of the school.  
"There is no 'safe'; it doesn't exist, not anymore!" Alice yelled, pushing him away a bit and running down the stairs, pushing her way between Simon and Arat and running outside.

Simon looked up at where Negan was standing, he was looking in the direction where Alice disappeared, "Simon, go, make sure she is safe, while Arat and I see what we can scavenge from this place," he told them with cold voice, like nothing happened, turning around and going back in the direction he came from.  
Simon looked at Arat, "good luck girl, you are going to need it."  
"What a mess," Arat told him while turning to go upstairs.

Alice was sitting on the edge of the fountain playing with one of her knives when Simon found her,  
"Are you ok, sweetheart?", he approached her slowly, sitting now far from her and looking at the horizon.

"Just peachy," her voice was so low that if one didn't listen to her he wouldn't hear it.  
"What's up with you two anyway?"  
"You really need to be more specific, which two, because I am pretty sure I am in big trouble with Arat as well."  
"Hah, that you are, but Arat is a mild breeze, compared of to the shit storm you and the boss there are."  
"Hahaha, we are both full of crap, aren't we?", Alice smiled looking at him.  
"You two could tear down entire cities within a moment, I am glad I am on your side."  
"Then you are crazier than both of us combines, man."  
"Hahaha, maybe, sweetheart, maybe."

They were sitting there for a long time neither of them speaking, Alice was caressing the engraving on her Eagle while Simon was quietly looking at the distance, letting her have her moment of peace and clarity.

"I should go," she told him, not averting her attention from her gun.  
"Yeah, we both should get inside, it's getting dark and to be honest cold."  
"No, I was thinking leave, I should leave Sanctuary."  
Simon looked at her, trying to figure out did he hear her right, "you can't be serious, psycho."  
"But I am, I should pack my bags tomorrow morning while you are asleep and just leave."  
Alice looked at him, and at that moment he realized she was not joking and that she was serious.

* * *

 **note for a Guest:** The act of burning Marks face was really important in the TV show but I really can't say how it will be here, because of the upcoming chapter, and to be honest I sometimes don't know what will happen in a chapter I am writing at a moment much less the one to be written, and I don't want to say anything that might not be true. But bear with me ;)


	19. red lies pt7

and here it is, a new chapter, I really hope you liked it, please review I would love to know what you think about it :) you won't wait long for a next one, it is already written, just need to edit it.

Thank you all for reading this and for all you support. :)

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "If I stayed here, something inside me would be lost forever—something I couldn't afford to lose. It was like a vague dream, a burning, unfulfilled desire. The kind of dream people have only when they're seventeen." ― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

* * *

Alice was just sitting there, acting like the words she just said didn't come out of her mouth, she was humming some tune while swaying in circles, looking like she just lost her mind. Simon was silently sitting there, she looked like she would break down if anyone touches her, but he needed to know was she serious or just playing around with him.

"Don't even joke about it, psycho. Boss would flip out."

"Would he? I am not sure he would, he is probably tired of me anyway, tired of always fighting with me."

"If that was the truth you would be long dead."

"He can't kill a woman."

"Yes, it is a thing he rarely does, but if any woman was ever close enough for him to kill than it is you, I mean the shit that comes out of that mouth. It is just magnificent."

"Fuck you, Simon."

"I love you two, psycho, but please tell me, are you really serious about leaving Sanctuary."

Alice just shrug her shoulder letting her head fall down, "I don't know Simon, I am hurting myself, I am hurting him, maybe it's for the best."

"You could really leave us? No, regrets…just wake up one morning and disappear."

"To leave you, completely? No, I couldn't, ever. But to keep my distance, that I could do, you know, make sure you are all safe, but not cause any more distress to anyone. I mean look at what happened, I fucked up with Negan, I fucked up with Arat, hell, it's a matter of time I fuck up with you. Then what? I end up adding, even more, names to the list of people I hurt and be left with nothing but more regrets. "

"And what about you? Who will make sure you are safe?"

"Hahaha," she laughed, looking at him, shaking her head, "same demons that always made sure I am safe."

"Fucking sake psycho, you sure know how to freak out a person."

"Yes, I'm a natural."

"Listen, sleep on this, think about it, you had a few bad days, maybe tomorrow all will be ok, maybe not everything is as grim as you make it out to be. Wait, don't make any rushed decisions, and if after some time you feel the same way you do now, then leave, I promise I won't tell anyone about this conversation and I won't go looking for you… I mean, I probably will, Negan will make me, but I won't look too hard."

Simon smiled, bumping his shoulder against hers, winking, Alice looked at him and smiled back, pulling him into a tight embrace and kissing him on the cheek, making him blush. He wasn't used to people showing him any kind of affection, especially not this warm and kind, he didn't want Alice to leave, not only because of Negan but also because of him, she became like his little sister and he had lost too many close people to go through that again. But he knew if she stayed with them under this circumstances she would burn out fast and a thought about that scared him more than a thought about her just leaving.

He cleared his throat, "ok, now that we have a deal, let's get in, it's fucking cold outside and the last thing I need is for you to get sick," he pulled her up, leading her inside the school.

As they got inside Simon called for Arat, just to hear her voice coming from upstairs, they got up and walked inside the room Alice and Negan found.

Negan and Arat were standing behind the table running over the bunch of papers spread over the surface when they saw Simon and Alice coming in.

Negan looked up at Alice. she was standing with her back straight and her hands locked behind it, her head was held up high and her eyes were cold, she looked like a soldier standing in front of his general, he almost smiled at that, _'that's my girl'_ but decided against it.

"Everything alright?"

Simon opened his mouth to speak but Alice was faster, "Everything is in a perfect order, boss."

Negan looked at her, cocking his eyebrow and letting the wide grin spread across his face, "Good to know doll. Ok, let's find us a nice room for an evening and get some rest, we have a lot of ground to cover before we leave tomorrow midday," he grabbed Lucile from the table, before walking past Alice, winking at her and leaving the room, expecting them to follow.

They scavenged what they could out of the main building, there wasn't any food to be found but that was not surprising, places big like this were scavenged first when the outbreak started, but they found some clothing and blankets in one of the classrooms that was rearranged to be made fit for living, with desks moved to the sides to make a room in the middle for what it looked like campfire, there were obvious signs of fighting in it, with blood splattered all over the wall and bloody footprints leaving the room.

Alice kneeled down looking at the blood and running her fingers over it, "this shit is ancient, but it looks like someone did live here for some time."

"I wonder what happened to them?", Arat asked while looking through the pile of clothing resting on the top of one of the desks, "there is even child clothing here."

"Same thing that happened to many others," Alice told her while looking around the room, "I think this would be a suitable place to camp of an evening,"

Simon and Negan only nodded while already putting their backpacks down and looking around the room themselves.

They unpacked quickly, blocking the windows with some old wooden boards and barricading the door, they used the legs of the tables to set their camp fire on and made themselves comfortable around it.

They were all eating, except for Alice who was going through the pile of clothing scattered around the table.

"Alice, doll, dinner is ready," Negan called for her.

"Yeah, yeah, in a minute," she told him, waving her hand at them still concentrated on the task.

"Alice, what the fuck are you doing?" Negan asked her, with a hard voice.

"Arat was right, this is mostly child clothing here, we should pack it up and bring it with us."

"What? Are you planning on having one?" Simon asked her, just as Negan was taking a bit of his food, making him almost choke on it.

Alice couldn't help but laughed at that, coming to his side and tapping his on the back, "relax, boss, he is just kidding. And no, Simon, I am not, but we have a lot of kids back home and I think it would be a nice gesture to give this clothing for free, you know, sing of good will. People are super sensitive when they see someone loves kids or dogs. I mean a person can go and kill twenty people and then save one dog and he is cool in everyone's book."

"From where do you even get conclusions like that?" Arat looked up at her.

"Life experience sweet thing, life experience," Alice told her while tilting her head to the side and making her best half smile while scanning the woman from head to toe, Arat shifted in her seat, clearing her throat and continuing to eat.

In the pile, Alice found a black sweatshirt with white Harley-Davidson logo on the front side and white chopper on the back, she immediately thought of Darryl, being sure he would love it, one day when he comes to his sense.

"Look at this shit, it's neat, can I have it?" she turned around looking at Negan while holding it over her chest.

He looked up, chewing on his food, and surveying her, "well, fuck me, doll, you know you can take whatever you want. Why are you even asking?"

Alice smiled at him, swaying her head from one side to another, "just for a good measure, boss."

She took a sweatshirt and looked at it again when she felt something heavy in left pocket, she reached inside it, just to pull out a long key chain with over a dozen different keys on it, every single one labeled.

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Look at this people."

She threw a key chain toward Negan, he caught it without and effort and started examining it.

"Where the fuck did you find this?" Simon looked at her, placing his sandwich on the ground and leaned closer to Negan for a better look.

"In a pocket," Alice smiled at the absurdity of the whole situation while stuffing the sweater into her backpack.

"Here is a key of the garage," Negan triumphal held up one key amongst the dozen of them, smiling and looking at them.

"Can we have a look inside?" Alice jumped up.

"Tomorrow doll."

"Oh, c'mon boss, don't tell me you are not curious about what could be inside."

"Well, I fucking am, but it is getting dark outside and…"

"Oh, c'mon, don't tell me you are afraid of the dark?" Alice smiled at him, pulling the keychain out of his hand and running towards the door, pulling the barricade from it, she stood on the doorstep looking at Negan with a wild smile on her face, " the last one to the door, cleans my floor," and run out of the room.

It took Negan a second to collect himself," fucking shit, you crazy woman! Simon, grab Lucile we are checking out that garage," he told Simon as he ran after Alice.

He was out of the building when he saw her standing in front of the fountain, with her arms crossed, smirking at him, "tch, tch, tch, you are slow, boss."

"You better pray to God, I don't catch you," Negan told her while running in her direction, Alice squeal at that, before starting to run in towards the garages.

She heard a footstep approaching her, and in a moment she was on the ground just a few feet's away from her objective, she couldn't help but laugh as Negan turned her around, straddling her and pinning her arms above her head.

"Now, about you punishment, " he wickedly smiled, as he lowered his head to her neck, tickling her with I beard and making her shiver, just before she felt a jolt of pain go through the body as he bit her neck, making her arch her back and let out a loud moan.

Negan laughed, "well aren't you a kinky one," he whispered into her ear, tickling her with his breath, before kissing her earlobe, making her flustered.

At that moment Simon and Arat came, Simon just walked past them, bending down and taking a key chain from the ground, feet away from where Negan and Alice were lying "really, people, you two almost lost the keys."

He tried to sound strict, fighting a smile that was creeping on his face as he was looking down at them.

"Well, why the fuck do I keep you around Simon than to fix everything I break," Negan looked up at him, with a smile on his face, not getting up from Alice.

Alice took advantage of his moment of distraction, freeing her hands, taking him by the shoulders and swiftly turning him around, making him lay on the ground as she came to be on top of him.

"And once again, the victory is mine," she announced to everyone, bringing her arms up and kissing her biceps.

"You fucking cheated, doll." Negan protested.

"Hey, taking advantage of enemy's distraction is not cheating."

"So are we checking this garage or should I and Arat go back inside while you to finish, then you call for us... or…?" Simon asked them while already unlocking the lock on the first door.

"Alright, alright." Alice stood up, extending her hand to help Negan get up as they both walked towards Simon.

"Let's see what's behind door number one," Simon looked at them while bending down and getting ready to pull the door up, while Arat, Negan, and Alice held up their weapons, getting ready for whatever comes out of there.

As the door opened the waves of warm air and dust struck them, making the cough and instantly bring their arms to their eyes, as cloud cleared out, it revealed a big, yellow bus with black stripes, in front to them.

"Well, well, look at this beauty." Simon smiled while going in the garage.

"I can't fucking believe it, a school bus," Alice smiled while going around the vehicle and running her hand over its black stripes.

"Well, didn't we hit a fucking jackpot," Negan laughed, leaning backward with Lucile loosely resting on his shoulders

"Does it work?" Arat asked them, not even entering the garage.

Simon was already inside looking around with the battery trying to find a key.

"Here, try this one," Alice unbuckled on of the keys from the chain and threw it to him. Simon caught it, slipping it inside the steering wheel and turning it around, it took him three times before the bus started to work, making them all cheer.

"Shit like this just tickles my balls," Negan turned around, flaunting towards the second door and waiting for Simon to come."

"Ok, one down, two more to go," Simon took the key chain from Alice, pinning the bus key back on it and walking towards Negan.

The same case was with next two garages, almost new school buses parked inside, in working condition and with the tank full of gas.

After they were finished, they all got back to the room they were before, barricading the doors anew and throwing a few logs they found outside on the fire.

"I just don't get it, how are those busses intact and still there," Arat was the one to voice the question everyone else was asking themselves.

"I don't fucking know, god bless small miracles," Negan told them while sitting behind Alice, extending his legs on each of her sides and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"Something is not right about this place," Alice told them while looking at the flames in front of her.

"Fucking shit, doll, enjoy the moment," Negan nudged her head to the side with his, with a big smile on his face, kissing the side of her neck, where the hickey he left her was starting to show.

Alice smiled at him, wrapping herself in his arms and deciding to let go of the nagging feeling for once in her life, there was not much she could to about it anyway, so she might as well just enjoy the evening, after the last few days she had, she really needed it.

Later, on they exchanged the blankets between themselves and decided to go to sleep early, with no one on the guard duty, they were in the middle of nowhere and with barricaded door and windows, the rest was more important than the unnecessary precaution.

Negan shifted in his sleep, the sound of thunder and rain roaming outside woke him up, he was feeling hot and while coming to his senses, heard someone humming not far from him something that sounded like a lullaby, he reached out for Lucile and swung her in the direction from where the sound was coming from, just to see Alice sitting beside him, and looking at some point on the wall, her legs were close to her chest with her arms wrapped around them, he looked down to where he was sleeping and saw that her blanket was now over him.

"What the fuck doll, why aren't you sleeping?", he whispers, startling her from her thoughts.

Alice looked down at where he was sleeping, " I can't," she told him before going back the to position she was before.

Negan fixed himself up in sitting position, resting his back on the wall and rolling his head in her direction.

"You will freeze, why did you put your blanket over me?"

"You were shivering, I thought you were cold, I was not."

Her answers were robotic, Negan saw her in that state before, it would usually occur after she would wake up from a nightmare and usually wouldn't last long.

"Well, are you cold… now?" he lifted his hands, waving them over her figure.

"No."

"Fuck, doll, had another nightmare? Do you want to tell me?"

"No."

"No fucking what, Alice snap out of it," he snapped his fingers close to her face trying to bring her back to reality.

"No, I didn't have a nightmare, I can't sleep."

"Are you…" he was carefully stepping on this turf, "…thinking about what happened today. Listen, doll, what I said to you…"

"I don't want to talk about it, we are good now, right?", she looked at him and Negan just nodded, "and no it has nothing to do with my insomnia."

"Then what the fuck is wrong, doll, don't fucking scare me."

"I just. I don't know… I have a bad feeling in my chest... Like I should stay awake and wait for something to happen and I don't know what."

"Oh, c'mon doll, come here," he lifted his blankets and gestured for her to come closer.

Alice looked at him for a long moment before giving up, she curled beside him bringing her head into the crook of his neck, while playing with the hem of his shirt.

"What were you humming before I interrupted you?" he asked her while playing with her hair.

"A song my mother used to sing to us when we couldn't sleep."

"It sounded nice. Sing it to me."

Alice looked up at him and smiled, placing a kiss on his chin, while placing her hand on his chest and continuing to hum the same melody until she fell asleep.

The loud sound of car siren pealed through the school waking her up, Alice looked around herself trying to figure out what is happening, she looked down where Negan was, shaking him to wake up.

"Fucking shit, Alice, will you ever let me sleep."

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Fucking listen."

Negan tried to figure out what is she talking about while coming back to the reality, when he heard the sound, "what the fucking fuck is that?"

Alice was up in second, putting her gear on, tugging her face shield over her nose and started to break down the wood planes that were nailed over the windows.

Negan followed her lead, getting up and waking Arat and Simon.

"What the…" Simon mumbled while rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Everyone get the fuck up! Now!" Negan yell, while going to help Alice.

It took them more than five minutes to pull down enough plates to look through the windows, Alice stood there with her eyes wide opened, "what the fuck!"

Negan came at her side looking through the windows and for the first time in a long time feeling petrified, the once empty courtyard was filling with Walkers, their truck was now right at the entrance with the siren on and doors closed.

"How the fuck did our truck get there?", Arat whispered like she was afraid someone will hear her.

"Well it doesn't have fucking legs, someone moved it!" Negan yell, trying to figure out what to do next, he was there with three people he couldn't stand to lose and the place was filling with more and more dead as each minute passed.

"You didn't get a talking dog but looks like you got a walking car."

Alice was unusually calm, taking her binoculars and looking through the window, scanning the area, looking for any clue about what happened while they were asleep.

"It's not time to make jokes, Alice, we are in a fucking trouble!", Negan yelled at her, feeling annoyed with the calmest she was taking this.

"It is not, but it is also not the time to lose heads. Ok, we need to think clearly."

"Fuck clearly, they will get into the school soon! And we are all dead!", Simon was now the one to yell, running his hand through his hair and pacing from one side of the room to another.

"There must me a way out" Arat puffed some air out of her lounges while shifting her attention between everyone in the room.

"There is," Alice told them with a smile on her face.

Negan looked at her and he couldn't help himself but smile along, something told him he will like what he was about to hear.

"See, the truck is parked right below the balcony?" Alice pointed in the direction of the truck, "it has a roof window, all we need to do is go back to that big fancy office, opened the balcony door, jump down on the roof, blow the window opened, get in and drive the fuck away from this place."

"Wow, we only need to do that?!" Simone looked at her, not believe what he is hearing.

"Well fuck me, Simon, you got any better ideas?" Alice looked at him.

"No, but c'mon, Alice that is insane, we will never make it."

"If we stay here what fucking chance do we got and we will fucking make it, I am not losing any of you! " Negan yelled at them, trying to put the stop the growing argument and looking at Alice, "any of you, so no playing a fucking hero, do you hear me!?"

"Yes," Alice let her head fall, he was talking to everyone around them but she knew that little remark was meant for her.

"Ok, everybody move!. Let's get to that balcony; I want to be in my warm bed until this day ends."

"I hear that," Alice told him while checking her gun.

"Are you joining me, doll?"

Alice looked at him and smiled, "survive this and you'll see."

"Well now, doll, you sure know how to kick man's will to live up," he winked at her, with a wide smile on his face, showing his pearly whites, as he swung Lucile down from his shoulders to rest by his side, ready to attack. Alice took her backpack from the floor, and ran towards Negan, as they all left the room.

Inside of the school was oddly empty, few walker managed to get in, while the rest was stuck in between the iron mesh of the door frame.

They easily disposed of the few strangles that were inside the hall, and went towards the upper floor, opening the office doors and getting inside, Alice was behind the big desk trying to push it forward, but it wouldn't budge.

"Will someone fucking help me with this?!"

"What are you trying to do Alice?" Arat looked at her, not coming to her help.

"Dance a fucking tango, what does it look like I am doing, c'mon we need to barricade those doors."

"Leave it, doll, we don't have fucking time for that!" Negan called for her while smashing the balcony doors opened with his foot.

"We need to keep safe, no rushing things, c'mon someone fucking help me?!" , Alice yelled at them while trying to push the desk one more time, at that moment Simon came at her side to help her.

"C'mon people, she won't leave until we do it," he said out loud while focusing all his strength to the task at hand, Negan and Arat, looked at each other, while shaking the heads and coming behind the desk themselves.

With their strength united the desk moved with easy, they placed it right at the door, making sure it is as close as possible to the door before walking towards the balcony.

"Why the fuck did we just do this," Negan ask Alice.

She just shrug her shoulders, shaking her head, "I don't know, I just felt I should to it."

"Fucking sake doll, you weird me out sometimes," he smiled at her while walking to the edge of the balcony and looking down at their truck, it was surrounded by walkers, that were pounding down on it, trying to see if there is something inside.

The sound of the siren was even louder outside, making it almost impossible to think.

"Ok, so I will jump first, break that window open and turn that fucking siren down, the rest of you come immediately after me, alright?", Alice looked at them, Arat and Simon nodded their heads while Negan was looking at her, clearly displeased with the way she wanted to go.

"I said no fucking heroics, Alice."

"Well, someone has to go first, and I am the leanest one, don't worry Negan, this isn't my first jump like this."

She came close to him, bringing her hand behind his head and planting a long kiss on his lips. Negan wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her even closer to himself and deepened the kiss.

Simon looked at them, clearing his throat and looking at Arat, who was unnaturally calm, giving the situation.

Alice was the first to break the kiss, winking at Negan before turning around and jumping down from the balcony onto the truck's roof.

She landed on her feet, keeping her balance with her hand while in the other she held on her machete, swinging it around and killing all the walker close to the roof, letting them fall over the truck as the obstacle for the rest of them.

She looked up just to see Negan, Arat, and Simon looking down at her, at that moment she felt a hand on her boot, pulling her closer and biting down on it.

"Alice, look down!" She heard Negan yell, the moment she looked and saw a walker trying to penetrate the leather of her boot and come close to her skin.

"You ruined my boots, you fucker!" she yelled while bringing her heel to his head, kicking him down from the roof.

"I'm ok, I'm ok, not bitten!" she looked up at the balcony, signaling them that everything is alright.

She took her Eagle aiming it towards the truck window and shooting the glass, it dispersed in peace's, all over the front seats, "fuck, I didn't think about this," she muttered under her breath as she crawled in.

The inside of the truck was the same as they left it, with exception of something that looked like an old broomstick, tucked between the driver's seat and steering wheel.

"Well, what a fucking invention," she rolled her eyes, taking the broom and throwing it outside through the roof window.

"Ok, everyone, ready!" She yelled, coming back to the roof and waiting for Negan, Simon, and Arat to jump.

First one was Arat, Alice caught her as she was about to storm past her and go head first into a herd, that was now growing even bigger, coming from all sides to the truck.

Alice was swinging her machete at them, trying to keep them at bay as long as possible as Simon jumped down, taking his knife and helping her, while Arat was trying to turn on the truck.

At that moment another walker came, somehow managing to climb up and attack Alice, making her fall on the front windows, trying to push him away from her as dozen other walkers were reaching for her.

"Simon, Alice!" Negan yell from the balcony, as Simon turned and planted his knife into walkers head, making him fall to the side, Alice was up in no second, looking around herself at the growing herd.

"How the fuck are we going to get out of here!"

At that moment she saw a flare bomb flying over there head and landing on the other side of the courtyard, distracting the part of the walkers away from the truck.

"Go, now! Go!" Negan yelled from the balcony.

"What, no!" Alice yelled, "You said no fucking heroics, you bastard!"

"Simon, get her out of here!"

Alice looked at him, trying to figure out is he serious. Negan tilted his head to the side,

"I am fucking sorry doll."

"No, I am not leaving!" Alice was struggling, as Simon took her by her waist and started to push her to get into the truck

"You will get us all fucking killed Alice," Simon growled at her, as she scratched his cheek with her fingernails.

"I don't fucking care, I am not leaving!"

"Get the hell out of here, you fucking hear me, listen to me for once in your fucking life! Go! Go! Go!"

"No, not this again!"

"This isn't your fault, doll, do you hear me, this isn't your fault! Now get her out of here Simon, are you fucking deaf?!"

At that moment Alice felt a hands on her calf, it was Arat pulling her down and making her fall on the back seat.

"Fuck this shit, I am not leaving," Alice was about to reach for the window as she took a blow to her abdomen and making her lose her breath.

"You will! Don't make me do it again Alice," Arat pleaded as Simon was turning on the truck and trying to push past the walkers.

They were out of the courtyard in a matter of a minute, Alice looked through the window just to see Negan standing there, waving them goodbye and looking down at growing heard, as they drove off.


	20. red lies pt8

Here it is, I really hope you like it, let me know what you think and enjoy :)  
Next update will be at the beginning of the next week :)

Thank you all for your follows, favorites and especially your reviews.

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure." - Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons

* * *

Alice was looking through the back window, only to see more and more walkers getting into the courtyard, she felt numb, angry, disappointed, she didn't know what she felt, entire storm of feelings was growing inside of her ready to swallow everything on its way, she knew, she should get out of that truck and go save Negan, but she also knew there is nothing she could do now, except to die herself and that didn't seem like such a bad option at the moment.

"We need to go back!" she looked at review mirror, to catch the glimpses of Simon, his eyes were red like he was crying.

"There is nothing we can do about it now."

"Fuck that shit, there is always something to be done."

"Alice, get a hold of yourself and reality, there is nothing that can be done, he is gone Alice," Arat turned to her, taking her head in her hand and making her face her, "he is gone. Do you hear me."

Alice shook her head while hitting Arat's hand from her face, gripping her by her collar and pulling her as close as he could from in between the seats with so much force that it made Arat grip on Simons' shoulder to defend herself making him almost lose control over the vehicle.

"No, he is still there, I can save him," Alice growled, Arat felt her hot breath on her face and read the madness that was now etched into her eyes, it made her skin crawl as she fought against her grip but was defenseless, Alice was holding her too tight, tilting her head to the side with an unreadable smirk on her face, she looked like she was contemplating hundred and one way to kill her.

"Psycho, there is nothing to be done, please calm down," Simon yelled

"Fuck you!" , Alice looked at him, and it was that moment of distraction that Aras used, hitting her over the head and making her fall unconscious.

"Wtf, did you just do!" Simon yelled, turning to look at Alice's unconscious form, now lying on the back seat.

"She needs to cool down before she does something that will get us all killed," was all Arat said before turning to look at the road, Simon didn't say a word just looked at Alice one more time.

ooo

Alice fell on the back seat, one moment she was in the truck the next she was in the dark, looking around herself, at that moment she saw a face of a woman that looked just like her, with long red hair, green eyes, and full plum lips, smiling at her.

"Mom," she whispered, reaching to her.

"It's time to wake up darling, you'll be late."

"Late for what, where's dad?"

"Late for the rest of your life," the woman smiled, acting like she was entertained for being the one to point out the obvious.

"Are you coming with me?", the woman just shook her head and started to fade away as the ray of light appeared behind her.

"Mom," Alice whispered before opening her eyes and coming back to the reality.

She saw a roof of the truck before letting her eyes fall down and look at the Arat and Simon, they were driving silently, not minding her, then she glanced at the clock on the panel, just to see she was out for more than half an hour, they probably didn't expect her to wake up so soon and she didn't expect to be out for so long, it was too long, every minute was a minute too long in her books.

She looked around herself slowly, trying not to signal them that she was up, trying to figure out what she should do, with every passing minute the courtyard was probably getting more and more filled with Walkers and with every passing minute she is another minute of drive away from him, time didn't play in her favor, the numbers didn't play her favor, nothing played in her favor but still she knew she needed to go back.

At moment she was looking at passing trees, thinking all she could do is jump off and run toward the school, it would take her some time, but she would get there, and he would be alive and then what?

Millions of thoughts were rushing through her head, she winced at the pain, she run her fingers over her neck, feeling the spot where Negan bit her, it was probably blue now and it hurt when touched but all it did was make her smile at the memory and at that moment she decided she will go for it, fuck it all, she will just jump, get there and figure something out along the way, anything is better than running in opposite direction.

She was about to reach for the backpack when she saw a keychain they found last night hanging from it.

"Hello there old friend," she whispered while taking it in her hand and looking through the labels.

Simon was lost in his world, not being sure is this really happening, is Negan really gone, is he the one in charged now, and the thought that frighten him the most, is he the one to calm down Alice after this and keep her in line, when he felt a cold metal on the back of his head and a clicking sound of gun safety.

"What the fuck?" Arat looked at the back seat, aiming her gun at the Alice, who now had her Eagle resting on Simon's nape.

"Stop the truck," she growled, not even paying attention to Arat.

"Fuck it psycho what are you doing?"

"I said stop the fucking truck!" Alice's voice filled the cabin, making his skin crawl, it didn't sound like her, it looked like another person was sitting there, and that person wasn't their friend, that person was no one's friend, he wasn't kidding himself, he knew she would shoot him, she would kill Arat and take their truck for her suicide run.

"Arat, holster your weapon, we are stopping," Simon ordered, slowing down and going to turn the truck off.

"Keep the engine running," Alice told him while opening her door, and going outside, always keeping him on point with her gun.

She opened the door for him, gesturing for him to get outside, "you to, Arat, don't kid yourself I will shoot."

Arat was out of the vehicle in second, keeping her gun still on Alice, not minding Simon's order,

"So this is how it is, you play friend with us until the first opportunity arises for you to betray us?"

"I betrayed no one, my loyalties were always known and don't try to stall me, drop the fucking gun!"

"Arat do it!" Simon ordered her again, praying to God for the first time in his life, hoping she will listen to him.

"No, this is bullshit, she will take our truck and go God knows where, and what will we do."

"I am going to get Negan, now drop the fucking gun down or I will fucking shoot both of you, I don't have time for this!"

"Fucking shit Arat, do it!?", Simone yelled.

"He is dead Alice, get a hold of yourself!", Arat tired calling her to her senses one last time.

"If he is, you must be mad to think I will let him be like them, I will kill him, but I won't let him walk around this world like those empty shells, stripped of all dignity! I…I want to at least get a chance to bury him! Now put the fucking gun down!"

"That is a suicide run, no, I won't let you."

"You are no one to let me!" Alice was fuming, she pulled the trigger making the bullet fly right over Arat's shoulder, "next one goes to your head!'

"Arat put the fucking gun down!", Simon was on the edge of his nerves, he didn't survive the horde just to be gunned down by one of his own.

Arat couldn't believe her eyes, couldn't believe that this was the same person she shared a bed with just a two nights ago, the person she called a friend, person who made her smile, was this the person who filled Gavin's socks with peanut butter as a prank.

She heard people talking about her 'other side' after the incident in Alexandria she somehow missed to witness, but she always thought they were just over exaggerating, blowing things out of proportions and even if that other side did exist she would have never expected her or Simon to be on a receiving end.

"Are you fucking deaf, put the gun down now or I swear I will kill you!", Arat snapped out of her thoughts, lowering the gun down slowly, keeping her eyes on Alice, who looked like a feral dog.

"Good girl, now put those pretty hands on your head, and go kneel near that tree, you to Simon," Alice gave them an order, shoving Simon in Arat's direction, keeping them both at gunpoint but on safe distance from her, so none of them had a chance to disarm her before falling to her bullet.

"I am fucking sorry about this," Alice told them while opening the driver's seat and getting into the truck, turning around, looking at them, "here, here is all you will need to get safe back home," Alice told them before throwing out three backpacks with all the food and water they had and driving in the direction they came from.

"Why did you let her do it?" Arat snapped when the truck was out of the view looking at Simon.

"And what should I have done? Let her kill us?" he told her while getting up and shaking the dust of his pants.

"She wouldn't have done that, she was just bluffing"

"Arat she would, there's not a person in this word she wouldn't kill in this situation."

"I fucking know her Simon, I don't believe that"

Simon shook his head as he was reaching for one of the backpacks Alice gave them, "you don't know shit, Arat, now let's get home."

"Wait, we are not going after her? She will get herself killed."

Simon smiled at that, looking at the direction the truck disappeared, "wanna bet?"

ooo

Alice was driving as fast as she could hoping against all hope she will make it on time, there is no way dead broke through inside the room where Negan was, she knew it, not with the barricade and the staircase that were separating him from the first floor , the only thing she feared is that Negan would get tired of waiting for dead to come to him and decide that he will be the one to go to them and take out as many as possible before falling.

As she was driving she tried to figure out how is she supposed to pull this one off, she knew what she wanted to do, but she didn't know how will she do it without screwing something up, she only gets one chance with this and she better not blow it, or they would both end up dead.

ooo

Negan was sitting on the edge of the balcony, looking down at the walkers beneath him and whistling a song Alice always hummed when cleaning a gun, or trying to concentrate on some task.

He was thinking about her ever since they left, hoping she is fine, hoping that she will make it through without blaming herself for what happened, hoping that Simon will take care of her and have the patient he didn't have to put up with all her little quirks, the patient he now wished he somehow mustered.

People use to say that when a man is about to die he regrets things he didn't get to do and not the ones he did. When thinking about this theory, he always thought that his last thoughts will be with Lucile, his life before, regretting the way he loved her, wishing he did it differently, more tenderly, more passionate, being grateful he will die soon and that all the feeling of guilty will finally disappear.

But now while he was sitting there, looking down at his death, all he could think of is Alice, regretting he didn't keep his mouth shot more, regretting he didn't kiss her more, tried to understand her reasoning's behind what she did, things she said.

He tried to put her into gilded cage, even though she wasn't a type of bird who is able to live in one, and he knew it, but he was selfish, he wanted to look at her through pretty gold bars, admiring her beauty for a distance, not letting the world touch her, up until the day she would start plucking out her own feathers in gruesome attempt to get out, up until the moment she would start hating him for what he has done to her, for what he has turned her into, and he would still keep her there, knowing pretty well it is harming her, but not caring, better that then to lose the sound of her song forever, to let the world take it away from him, just as it took so many things before.

He smiled when he thought about the way she would freak people out, the faces they would make after talking to her, the way she use to sing every time she thought he wasn't listening to her, how she would drink everyone under the table and make them tell her their dirtiest little secrets which she would then keep jealousy to herself, never telling anyone, the way she disobeyed him, fought with him over every little thing she didn't like, and then half an hour later act like nothing happened, he had to admit to himself while looking down at his death, he will miss his life, he will miss her.

"Fuck, just when things were looking up," he swore under his breath, before taking his gun and killing one of the walkers in the distance.

At that moment he heard a music in the distance, he stood up, looking in the direction it was coming from, "what…the….fuck."

 _'Iiiiiiif it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I'd been married long time ago …Where did you come from where did you go …Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe'_

The song was getting louder and louder, he was sure he is losing his mind, before he saw a black truck, jumping up on every little crack on the road from the force of the speed it was going.

"Fuck it, Alice," he was sure it was her, no one was crazy enough to come back except her, at that moment truck stormed inside the courtyard, driving past the main building and hitting the tree in the back.

"Alice!", he yelled, getting inside the room and looking through the window at the place where truck crashed, the front hood fell off, with a smoke coming from it, the front doors were opened, but no one was there, "where are you, you crazy woman," he mumbled while running outside and looking around the courtyard, but there was no one there.

The song coming from the truck didn't stop, averting walker's attention from him and the front entrance, he thought about jumping down, but there was a big chance the fall wouldn't go without consequences and he would rather not find out which.

ooo

Alice wasn't sure what to do, when she looked down at the instrument panel, still not happy with the speed she was going, "c'mon you fucking piece of junk ," she was hitting the steering wheel, while holding down the gas with as much force she could, at that moment her eyes flew over the brown bag that was resting on the dashboard, she smiled, reaching for it and placing it on her lap, she dug through it for a second, before feeling with her hand what she was looking for.

"I fucking love you, mustache man," she looked at the tape in her hand, thinking about Simon and hoping he won't be too mad about her pointing a gun to his head and threating to kill him.

She was close to the school, she drew slowly past it, evaluating the situation, it looked like the horde was scattered now, walking aimlessly around the courtyard, Alice felt her heart sink as she looked around trying to see will she spot Negan amongst them, but he was not there, then she finally mustered the courage to look up at the balcony, and there he was, sitting on the edge, resting his head on one of his hands, looking down at few of the walker that were still trying to get to him.

"There you are," Alice jump in her seat of joy, laughing out loud and hitting the steering wheel, "yes, yes, yes," she couldn't remember the last time she felt so overwhelmingly happy, she turned around and went back in the direction she came, getting on top of the hill and looking down in the direction of school.

"ok, time to get you out of there," she clapped her hands while popping the tape into the player and turning the volume up.

She hit the gas and went down as fast as she could, trying to keep control of the vehicle long enough to get in the courtyard and near the school garages.

As she turned around sharply, struggling with control, while she was already hitting a few of the walker that were on her way, she looked ahead, seeing a tree in a perfect diagonal line from her, "ok, it's time to rubble," she smiled, hitting the gas one last time before opening the passengers door and jumping out of the moving truck.

She rolled few feet's away from where she landed, before stopping and rashly standing up, few of the walker already saw her trying to grab her, she quickly dispose of them before running in the direction of the garages.

ooo

Negan was running from one side of the balcony to another, looking all over the courtyard, trying to figure out where Alice is, he didn't understand where the fuck could she have gone, when he heard a sound of engine running and saw one of the garage's doors flying across the yard and landing on the few walkers on the other side.

"What..the…fuck," he turned in the direction of garage only to see one of the school bussed coming to him, he couldn't help himself, he started to laugh like a maniac at the site of Alice on the drivers seat, with her mad grimace on, she was moving her lips like she was cursing, and he was sure she was, he only felt sorry he wasn't there to hear it.

The Bus stopped just below the balcony as the doors opened and Alice came out, swinging her machete at the walkers that were trying to get to her, before looking up at where Negan was standing.

"What the fuck are you waiting for, jump!", she yelled at him, sounding even angrier that he anticipated her to be.

"As you say doll," he smiled jumping down on the roof of the bus and then on the ground, coming to stand on her side, with Lucile in his hands, taking down one walker at the time.

"Get inside now," Alice yelled, while pushing him in the direction of the bus as she came inside after him, tapping down the bottom for closing the doors and taking her place behind the wheel, "let's get out of this fucking school, I had enough of this place, "she told him, before hitting the gas so unexpectedly he almost lost his balance, and flew across the bus.

They were driving silently, Negan wanted to ask her something, anything, but he couldn't voice a single word, he didn't know what to say, so he was just sitting in the front seat one of his legs resting on his knee, and Lucile on his lap, looking at the scenery and still coping with the fact that he will live.

"Where are we going now?", he finally spoke, and he knew it was the dumbest question he could have asked her.

"To wonderland, but first we need to pick up a few more passengers, I really hope….," Alice face changed a million different expressions, while she straightened up, looking in front of herself, "what the…"

Negan turned his attention to the road and saw a walker standing on the side of it, looking at them as they passed.

"Is that?", he couldn't believe his eyes, Alice was right.

"Yes, it fucking is!" Alice told him while putting the gear in reverse and driving back to the standing walker.

They pull near him, Negan couldn't believe his eyes, Alice was right all along, the walker was just standing there, looking at them like he was about to speak and ask them for a drive.

Alice rolled down the window, placing her hand on her Eagle and looking at him.

"Did you have anything to do with the school and walkers?", Negan couldn't believe she was trying to talk to it.

But walker just smiled and nodded and to Negan surprise, Alice smiled as well, nodding back.

"Is there more of you?" she spoke again and walker just shrugged his shoulders.

"Are they looking at us now?", walker just nodded.

"Good," Alice grinned, taking her eagle and fired out of it, shooting a walker straight between his eyes.

"You don't mess with Saviors, you fucking abominations!" she yelled before hitting the gas and driving away, not even once turning to look back to where the walker was now lying.

ooo

"God, damn it doll, you are hot when you are mad, I love it!" Negan said, throwing his head back and starting to laugh as a madman, before standing up and kissing her.

Alice stopped the vehicle in a second, making him fly forward.

"Damn it, doll, stop doing that!"

She stood up, coming close to him and slapping him so hard he also turned a full circle, he looked at her confused, her face was red, with her eyes wide opened, she was breathing heavily through the nose, while keeping her lips tightly shot, to say that she was fuming would be a big, big understatement.

"What was that for?"

"What was that for?! What was that for?! Really, you don't have a fucking clue what could that be for?!", Alice yelled while going to stand in the middle of the bus.

Negan was silently looking at her, deciding that speaking at this moment would do him no good.

"Nothing," Alice waved her hands, "not a damn thing comes to your mind!?"

She laughed running her hand through her hair and letting her ponytail loose, "what in a fucking hells fucking name, did you fucking think you were fucking doing back there!?"

Negan couldn't help but laugh at the number of time she used the word 'fuck' in one sentence.

"What the fuck is so funny?"

"God, damn it doll, you have worst vocabulary than me," he told her while slowing approaching her.

"This is not a fucking joke Negan, you almost died there!"

"Would saying 'I'm sorry' make things better?", he was now standing in front of her.

"No, it would fucking not, not when I can clearly see you are not, what were you thinking! "

"You," he placed his hand on her face, slowly running his thumb over her lips.

Alice leaned into the touch, closing her eyes, feeling the anger and pain slowly fading away, then the memory of him telling them to leave struck her again.

"No, you are not smooth talking yourself out of this one," she opened her eyes, backing away from him and his touch, "I want to know, why?!"

"I am not smooth talking myself out of nothing, I saw that if we waited any longer none of us would make it out alive, I made a decision every good leader should make, it was me or all of us, I chose me."

"Fuck you and your good leadership, what use are you to us dead?"

"Well I can't die with a stubborn woman like you at my side, I am sure you would go to hell just to drag my ass back so you can lecture me."

"You bet that sweet ass of yours that I would," she told him while closing a gap between them and suddenly kissing him.

Negan was surprised, as she threw herself on him, pushing him around and pinning him to the doors, never once breaking apart their lips, she grabbed his jacket, pulling it down from his shoulders and throwing it on the other side of the bus.

Negan smiled under the kiss, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer, he broke the kiss, looking at her, "really doll? Here and now?"

"Yes, here and now?" she told him before starting to kiss his neck.

"Are you sure, doll?"

"Will you stop talking already," she told him, in between the kisses.

"As you wish," he laughed, before removing her vest and unzipping her jacket, throwing both of them towards the driver's seat.

He started kissing her along her jawline, while putting his hands underneath her shirt and pulling it up, leaving her only in her bra, she tried to do the same to him but he just shook off her attempt, "tch, tch, tch, not yet," he smiled and she let go of frustrated grunt.

He placed her on the floor in between the seats, unzipping her boots and removing them, before coming slowly on top of her, tracing the line from her belly to her jaw with his tongue, making her back arch, as she ran her fingers through his hair and tightly holding on to it. He was now, face to face with her, smiling and biting his lower lip at the site of her flushing face and trembling lips.

"C'mon, man do something," she pleaded and he rubbed against her through his jean, making her feel him.

"No, not yet, now that I have you like this I will savor it, " he laughed before starting to kiss her neck again and unbuckling her pants, tucking his hand into them and finding the bundle of nerves he was looking for and started massaging it in circles.

Alice was out of herself, arching her back as the wave of heat run through her body, making her heart race and her legs tremble, Negan was pinning her down with his entire weight, kissing her neck and playing with her, she felt dizzy and weightless, closing her eyes and falling into oblivion, before she felt him stopping what he was doing and getting up.

She opened her eyes just to see him kneeling in between her legs, with a satisfied smirk on his face, "did you liked that," he purred as he reached for her pants pulling them off together with her panties and leaving her bare in front of him.

He placed his head in between her tights, finding the same spot again, running his tongue over it, and she couldn't take it anymore, she jolted up, letting out a loud moan, squeezing his head with her legs, trying to get him even closer to her, she was out of herself, but at the moment she was about to fall apart, he stopped, coming back to his kneeling position, looking at her.

"Did I ever tell you, you look beautiful naked?" he asked her while running his hand over her lower belly, but not moving it down, teasing her.

Alice just looked at him, not being able to find her voice, only nodding, Negan laughter at that, biting his lip again and running his tongue over his perfect teeth, "I don't fucking hear you, doll."

"Yes, yes you did, now will you fuck me already or what?"

"And here I was, thinking we were making love," he told her with a hurtful expression on his face.

"NEGAN," she growled, she wasn't the most patient person in the world and he knew it, but that only made playing around with her more fun.

"Ok, ok, sweet lady, your wish is my command," he told her before unbuckling his pants.

ooo

Half an hour later they were lying on the floor of the bus, with their clothing scattered all over, Alice was resting her head on his bare chest, fighting her urge to drift into sweet oblivion as Negan's hand trace the line of her spine up and down, he was oddly quiet, Alice looked up at him, his eyes were fixed on some point on the bus ceiling.

"Everything alright?" she popped herself up, looking down at him.

He tore his eyes from the spot he was fixating them for some time and looked at her and smiled, "everything is more than alright, doll. Why do you ask?"

"You just seem distracted, that's all, I just assumed…"

"You assumed something is wrong?" his smile turned into a wide grin.

"Well… yes."

"Everything is perfect, doll," he told her before turning her around and coming on top of her again, "I was just thinking what the fuck did I ever do to deserve this. I mean I was thinking I will surely die just two hours ago and now look at me, butt necked in a school bus with you. Even you have to admit that is one big fucking miracle. I just can't believe this is fucking real."

"Well now, I have a few ideas about how to reassure you it is," Alice smiled, pulling him closer and kissing him, "ready for another round."

"What only one?", Negan started to kiss her neck again, as she turned him around, placing herself on the top.

"You are cheating again, doll," Alice wickedly smiled while running her hand down, before he stopped her.

"Ok, doll, I just have to ask you something, or I will think about it the whole time and I fucking don't want to think about it the whole time, where are Simon and Arat?"

At that Alice's face turned serious, "oooh, shit, shit, shit, shit!"


	21. red lies pt9

**Notes:** Ok, this is the longest chapter I ever wrote, let me know if you like it. Next one is coming hopefully by the end of the week.  
Thank you all for your reviews, fav and follows :*

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "Last night I wept. I wept because the process by which I have become woman was painful. I wept because I was no longer a child with a child's blind faith. I wept because my eyes were opened to reality...I wept because I could not believe anymore and I love to believe. I can still love passionately without believing. That means I love humanly. I wept because I have lost my pain and I am not yet accustomed to its absence."

― Anaïs Nin, Henry and June: From "A Journal of Love"

* * *

"Where are Simon and Arat?"

"Oooh, shit, shit, shit, shit", Alice quickly stood up, taking her clothing and starting to dress, Negan propped himself on his elbows, clearly confused at her reaction.

"What the fuck got into you doll?"

Alice looked down at him, "C'mon man get up, we need to find Simon and Arat."

"What do you mean, find them? Alice where are they?"

"I don't fucking know, I left them somewhere along the road."

Negan couldn't believe what he is hearing, trying to understand, how in the hells name she managed to just lose two fully grown people.

"Alice, how did you lose them?" Negan was up, buckling his jeans and trying to find his shirt.

"Well, I didn't loseeee them," Alice run her hand through her hair, turning around herself, clearly trying to find something as well, "but I did lose my bra, where the fuck is it?"

"Here you go," Negan told her while taking her bra from a steering wheel and throwing it back to her, "now you were saying?"

"Thank you, boss. I was saying what?" she asked him, trying to avoid the subject entirely.

"Alice, doll,…"

"Alight, alight, I threw them out of the truck somewhere along the road, but I didn't lose them, I know where I left them, I just don't know where they are now. So technically they lost themselves, right?"

Negan couldn't believe what he is hearing, she just threw them out, he let his head fall with a chuckle, he tried to imagine it, but just couldn't.

"So you just told them to get out and they did?"

Alice walked past him, with her head held down, sitting behind the steering wheel and ignoring his question, "are you going to sit down, we need to move."

Negan complied instantly, not willing to test her patients and his balance.

They were driving in silence for five minutes before Negan couldn't take it anymore, the curiosity was killing him, "alright doll, I fucking need to know how you managed to throw them out of the truck?"

Alice looked at him for a brief moment before fixing her attention back on the road, "with a gun," she quickly blurted out.

"A gun," Negan looked at her, not believing what he heard, "a gun, that gun?", he pointed at her eagle, that was resting on her tight.

"Well, yeah, that's the only gun I have, it would be tricky business with a knife and I left my bow back home not that it would be much more practical," she shrugged her shoulder, never averting her attention from a road, hoping she will spot them at any moment.

Negan started to laugh, hitting his hand against his thigh and throwing his head back, "God damn it, doll, I love you," he mumbled before turning his attention back at the passing landscape, deciding to keep further questions for after they find Simon and Arat.

Alice just looked at him, he looked like he wasn't even aware of what he said, so she just smiled, not wanting to make any remarks on that.

ooo

Simon and Arat were staggering along the road, with a noon sun beating down on them, it was a hot day and the lack of shade made it only worst, all the water Alice left them was now warm, not good for killing thirst or heat.

"God damn it, still not signal," Simon was beating down on a radio in his hand, when Alice's backpack fell off his shoulder, making him even angrier.

"Are you sure it even works?", Arat was out of herself, hoping they will find at least a bit of shade, to rest.

"Yes, Alice uses it all the time to talk to the boss."

"You mean she used it."

"No, I don't mean that," Simon turned to look at Arat trying to make a point when Alice's backpack fell off his shoulder once again, "Goddamn it, Alice, I will kill you!"

"You have a hard time grasping the reality just like she did, no wonder she was about the only person you could function with."

"Fuck you, Arat," he told her while taking a large sip out of the bottle they were carrying, "God, this shit tastes like piss."

At that moment he heard a something like a car siren coming from behind them, he turned around and couldn't believe his eyes; a yellow school bus was coming their way.

"What.. the…" Arat was sure it was some kind of mirage.

Simon just laughed, "here comes our ride."

The bus stopped just to their side, with front window coming down and Alice's head popping out of it, "need a ride, kids?"

Arat reached for her gun and pointed it at her.

"Whoo, hoo, easy there sweet thing, I come in peace."

Simon reached for Arat's hands lowering them down slowly, "this really isn't a place or time for a catfight."

"What, there is a place and time to stop a cat fight?", they both heard a male voice before they saw Negan coming from behind the bus, with Lucile resting on his shoulder and one hand in his pocket, with smug expression in his face.

"Holy, fuck, you're alive, boss," in three steps Simon was already standing in front of him, giving him a quick tight hug and pat on the back.

"Look Arat, I told you she will bring him back," he looked at the direction where the woman was standing with a dumbstruck expression on her face, smiling his widest grin.

Arat slowly approached them still not sure was it all real or her mind playing tricks on her, "boss?", she asked slowly and cautiously.

"Yessss, Arat?", Negan looked at her.

She just cleared her throat looking up at him, "good to see you are alive, boss."

"Good to be alive Arat," Negan smiled looking at Alice that was not standing at his side with a proud smile on her face.

Arat just looked at her, scowling and pushing past her to get into the bus, she took her place away from the front seat waiting for the rest of them to come in, Alice just turned in her direction, smiling.

At that moment Simon approached her and instantly her head fell down, she didn't feel bad about what she has done to them, but she felt bad that Simon was one of them.

He just smiled at her, placing his hand on her shoulder and pulling her into an embrace, "glad to see you are still alive and kicking."

She felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders, "I'm sorry, Simon," she whispered.

He started to laugh, pushing her away from him and looking at her, "no, you're not."

"Shit, no I'm not, you got me mustache man," Alice smiled as he walked past her and went in a bus.

"Told you he won't buy it," she looked at Negan, who just smiled, clearly amused with the whole situation.

They were driving in silence for some time before Negan decided he is bored and it is time to find out what exactly happened after they left him.

"Soooo, Simon, Arat... How did my doll here exactly threw you out of the truck?"

Alice almost lost control of the vehicle when she hear him voice the question, turning her head to look at him, trying to figure out what he is trying to do, but he was just side eyeing her with an evil grin on his face, and then it became clear, he was just fucking bored.

"I really think this is not the time to talk about it, boss," Alice gave him a clear sign to stop, but he just laughed at that, throwing his head back over his seat to look at Arat and Simon, who were exchanging glanced between each other.

"She fired at us," Arat was one to speak, looking at Alice.

"I fired only at you, not Simon," Alice retorted.

Negan wasn't expecting to hear that, as he smiled, looking at Alice and shaking his head.

"That's only because he listened to you."

"No, that's because he is smart enough to know when to back down."

"So I am a fool because I didn't want to let you go out a kill yourself."

"No, you're a fool because you thought I would get myself killed."

"You're not a fucking immortal, Alice!" Arat raised her voice.

"And how the fuck do you know? It hasn't been proved different so far?"

"You are impossible to talk to," Arat just frowned, before falling back to her seat.

"Good job, boss," was all Simon said.

"Hey, don't blame me, how the hell could I have known Alice actually shot at one of you."

"I did not shot at her, if I shot at her she would be dead. I shot past her, just for a little scare, she was moving her butt too slow," Alice continued, annoyed that Arat actually questioned the integrity of her actions.

"I said we are done talking about it," Arat looked at her.

"For now," Alice mumbled while turning her attention back on the road, trying to get home as soon as possible and be done with this trip.

"Anyway guys, what took you so long to get to us?" Simon decided to break the tension.

Alice and Negan exchanged the looks, trying to figure out what to say, "well, fucking rescue mission takes time mustache man."

"And apparently no underwear," Alice froze, reaching inside of her pants trying to feel her panties and they were there, she glances at Negan and saw him doing the same and obviously looking confused on what Simon was referring to.

They both turned around to see him sitting there, with his legs up on a seat in front of him and his hands locked behind his head, knowingly smirking at them.

"Gotcha."

ooo

About three hours later they arrived back to Sanctuary, the gates opened with a bunch of their man already waiting for them, with guns in their hands, Dwight and Daryl were amongst them.

Alice pulled the bus, getting out of it in a second, wishing she wouldn't have to see it ever again, she looked around herself to see all the man around them kneeling, it was the first time in her life she was actually grateful for that, when she felt an arm being locked around her waist pulling her close.

"Welcome home boss," she smiled.

Negan leaned towards her smelling her hair, with Lucile resting on his shoulder and his other hand around her waist, "God, damn it, it's good to be back."

He then glances around his people, the people he took under his wing, the people he needs to keep alive, his burden and his pride, and for the first time in a long, long time he was grateful to be where he is, in that place and moment.  
Yes, it was a fucked up time to be alive, but when wasn't it, he glances at Alice, the woman how gave him all this back, the woman who did exactly what she said she would do, live to keep him alive, and he just smiled.

"You may all stand up!", at that moment the place started to live again, with everyone going on about their business, except for a few of the saviors that were expecting to unload the loot.

"You are all dismissed there in no loot except for this bus, Dwighty boy, go find mechanic, check this shit out and see if it will need a bit of polishing," Negan turned to look at the Dwight that was standing at Daryl's side, glancing at him, clearly uncomfortable to leave his side.

"Don't worry about Daryl, I am sure my doll wouldn't mind escorting him back to his little piece of heaven."

Negan looked at Alice, who just smiled, she was happy that the first thing she will get to do it check on Daryl and make sure her orders were followed.

"No, I won't mind at all," she crossed her hands, cocking her eyebrow at Dwight, who's head fell as he took a few steps backward before turning around and going to find the mechanism.

Negan brushed her hair away from her ear, leaning closer to her, "dinner at my place?"

She turned around and looked at him, scanning him from head to toe, before leaning closer, with a dirty smile on her face, "Netflix and chill?"

"You are reading my fucking mind doll," he kissed her, before turning around with Lucile on his shoulder and gesturing for Simon to follow him.

Alice turned to find Daryl and saw him standing there with Arat not far away, looking coldly at her before starting to walk in her direction.

Alice straighten up, waiting for a shit storm to hit her, but the woman just walked passed her and went on her way, Alice turned looking at her, sighing, that is one problem that needs fixing and one problem she didn't feel like fixing at all.

At that moment she felt someone standing close to her, just to turn around and see Daryl not feet away, looking at the same direction she was, before looking at her.

"Everything alright with you?" he asked her.

"Yes, why?" she didn't even try to hide her surprise at his question, he was the one imprisoned here, with more than a half compound treating him like shit, and still he is the one asking her is everything ok when clearly it should be another way around.

For an answer he just shrug his shoulders and Alice wasn't even surprised at that, he was one of those people who would talk only when forced and even if it was tiring from time to time, it was one of his features she like the most, giving how much she liked to talk and how much she enjoyed the sound of her voice and her monologues it was nice for once not having to fight for a turn to speak.

"Come, let's take a walk."

Daryl looked at her, surprised that he wasn't going back to his cell just jet, but not saying a thing as he walked by her side. She led him away from a parking and towards the stairs, that were going up all the way to the rooftop, he silently followed, looking behind himself every once in a while.

This side of the building was turned towards where the fence with walkers was, he knew this part of the compound like a back of his hand, and why wouldn't he; he was there every day for the past few weeks, keeping walkers in check and fighting for his bear life.

They were up all the way to the roof where one of the saviors he recognizes from their visit to Alexandria was keeping a guard.

"Hey, Garry how are you? Good to see you are the one on duty here." Alice smiled at the man.

"At least someone finds it enjoyable," Gary looked at her while wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"It's hot as hell today." She looked around the roof, taking her sunglasses and putting them on trying to protect her eyes.

"Tell me about it," man scolded, "saw you coming not long ago. Nice ride."

"Fuck you," Alice flipped him, making him laugh.

"So I take that the place was not suitable?"

"It was if you don't mind sharing a neighborhood with a bunch of dead pricks."

"I am sure they are better than my neighbors before this shit went down. Anyway, why are you up here with him?", he pointed at Daryl who didn't even care for they little talk, standing a few feet's away from them and looking at the distance.

"Just taking a stroll," Alice shrugged her shoulder, the man looked at her for a moment longer and decided to let it go, he tried to understand her for full two days after she came, then just gave up.

"Well, ok, try not to fall," he turned around and started to make another walk around the roof.

Alice came at Daryl's side, tugging him in the direction of a small shack, it was worn down and clearly not used at this moment but it was tall enough to give them a nice shade.

Alice sat on the ground, bringing her backpack in between her legs, before tapping the place beside her, gesturing for him to sit as well.

Daryl obeyed her, knowing that it is much easier than to argue when on the end she always gets what she wants.

"How are you, bad boy?" she turned and looked at him, searching for any signs of mistreatment, but to her delight, there were no new ones to be found.

"Fine,"

"Good to know," Alice fell silent, as they both turned their attention towards the distance, enjoying a moment of peace.

They were like that for a long time, before Alice finally spoke, "do you think they will ever be able to think?"

Daryl looked at her, "they?"

"Yeah, they," she gestured toward the fence where the walkers were.

"No."

"They will evolve with time, that is a way of nature, but what do you think, how long it would take?"

"I am not the one to be asked something like that."

She just smiled, "I think there is no one suitable I could ask about it alive anymore, we have to make do with that we have."

"Back home," Daryl stopped there, surprised at himself that he considered Alexandria home, "there is a man, smart one, name's Eugene, he knows all about that kind of crap."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I should talk to him then when we go back there."

"I am not sure that would help you."

"Why?"

"He is hard to comprehend, at least I never could," Daryl smiled at the memory of Eugene and him bubbling around.

"Nevertheless, I should try," Alice was fixated at the walkers once more, letting her thoughts drift at the strange group still out there, she knew that it won't be the last time they saw them, all she could hope for was that the next time they will be the ones with upper hand.

"Oh, I almost forgot," she reached for the backpack, pulling out a black sweatshirt, "you like it?"

"What's that?" Daryl's eyes drifted across the shirt.

"Well, it's for you," Alice smiled, "I would give it to you now, but I can't you know, rules. But I will leave it in your room, so you can have it once you, you know, decide to join us."

Daryl looked at her through his bangs, trying to figure out what she was up to, but at this moment, it looked like it was nothing, just her, being, well her.

"I told you already, Alice, it won't happen, you should keep it."

"You can't live like this forever," she just tucked the shirt back to her backpack, and to his surprise, she didn't look mad, she looked disappointed.

"I can't… so I will escape or die."

Alice laughter at that, shaking her head and looking up at the sky, "I won't let you do any of those things."

Daryl was silent, he didn't know what to say to that, he knew he couldn't live like this and to say that from time to time, in the dead of the night, he didn't think of just giving up and joining them would be a lie, when he was just like them, a monster, a person who cause his friends death, maybe he belonged there after all.

Alice stood up, extending her hand to him and helped him up, "we should go, I have big plans for tonight and you need to rest. Did you eat?"

"Yes."

"Her, take this," she reached into the front pocket of her backpack, pulling out a sandwich and giving it to him, he took it without complaint, hiding it in his pocket and following her lead.

They were about to leave when she saw Gary, baking in the sun, she approached him, taking her sunglasses off and giving them to him, he looked down at her hand.

"Here, you need them more than I do, today. But I expect them back or I will cut you," Gary took them and smiled, nodding as a thank you.

ooo

She escorted Daryl back to his cell and swung pass his 'to be' bedroom, leaving a sweatshirt neatly folded on the pillow before turning around and going toward her room.  
She passed by Arta's room before stopping and turning around, she really needs to deal with that and to procrastinate would only make it harder later, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door, hoping no one is inside.

Her hoped were shattered fast and the door swung opened with Arat on the other side, when she saw Alice there she tried to close them but Alice was faster, pushing her way inside without any effort.

"What do you want Alice?" Arat looked at her, holding the door opened now, expecting of Alice to leave the room.

"To talk," Alice looked around the room, it was smaller than hers but not much, with a lot more stuff in it, from little figures as decorations to shelf's filled with books.

"I told you we are done talking."

"And I said, 'for now', and 'for now' has passed."

"There is nothing to fucking say, Alice, you pointed a gun at me, threatened my life and now you come here expecting what, forgiveness, kiss and forget?"

Alice looked at her and smiled, "I don't give a flying fuck about your forgiveness, yes, I care about you, but I won't ask of anyone to forgive me something I don't regret doing. And besides, did I ask you to apologize for smacking me over the head?"

Arat looked at her, biting her lower lip, "no."

"And why do you think is that?"

Arat was silent; she didn't know why Alice never mentioned it before or why she didn't ask for her to apologize.

"Because you did something you thought was right, I jeopardized your life and you defended it, the fact that your life is important to you is something I can't take against you, hell, it is something I even envy. But don't judge me for doing what I did to save a life that's equality important to me. I didn't come here for your forgiveness; I came to see can we function as comrades. That's all."

"His life is more important to you than your own?" Arat asked her, almost whispering like she couldn't believe what she was hearing, maybe Simon was right, she didn't know anything about the woman standing before her. How could she? All Alice ever did around her was joke and flirt.

Alice shrugged her shoulders at her question, "yes."

"So you…"

"Yes."

"Then why did you… why did we?" Arat was dumbstruck; she didn't understand a thing that was happening at this moment. She saw them around each other, but she thought it was just Alice being Alice and Negan being Negan, they were both flirts.

"It was just sex, nothing else."

"Yes, so you said," Arat looked around herself, coming to sit on her couch and looking up at Alice, "alright, we can be comrades. But don't expect us to be friends again."

"As you wish," Alice told her before turning around and leaving the room.

To say that she was disappointed, would be wrong, she expected the conversation to be much worst, but she did felt a sting of guilt, not because what she did back on the road, but because she was the one who put Arat in the position between her and Negan and she knew it was unfair, hell, she knew it even while she was doing it, and still she went along.

ooo

She was in the hallway, deciding to go to her room and take a quick shower and a nap before her dinner with Negan, she needed rest and she needed a clear head, but when she was in the hallway, she saw a few Saviors going out of her room with her things in their hands.

"What the…" she quicken her pace, "what the fuck are you doing?", she asked a bearded savior that was holding a box with her underwear in it, that he obviously packed himself, she took it from him, frowning.

"I fucking asked you something, speak!"

Savior just looked at her with an unamused expression on his face and that ever pissed her out more.

"Do you fucking know how to speak?"

"Ask the boss," was all he told her before taking a box from her and going in the direction of Negan's room.

Alice practically marched in the same direction, only to find Negan in the hallway, looking at her with a big smile on his face, extending his hands to embrace here, "and here comes the love of the rest of my life."

"Don't try to butter me up! What the fuck is happening Negan?"

"You're moving?"

"Moving, where?" she felt her heart sink, after all, they have been through will he do to her what she feared the most.

But he didn't talk, just placed his hand on her back and lead her towards the room where his wives lived, and Alice couldn't move, she just stared at the door and then at him, with a petrified look on her face.

She shook her head slowly, letting out a weak "no"

Negan pulled her closer, whispering in her ear, "do you trust me, doll?"

She looked at him, she was trapped, she trusted him but not with this and how could she after the last few argument they had, but she just nodded weakly, it was a first time in her life she felt defenseless and she hated the feeling. Negan just smiled, leading her into the room.

All the woman inside looked at them, standing up and coming to approach Negan one by one, as they always did, but he just held his free hand up while his other hand was still resting on Alice's back.

"Please ladies, sit down," he told them with a serious tone. Alice glanced at him, swallowing heavy, she felt like she will faint at any second, her legs giving up on her. Negan also felt it, wrapping his arm around her waist and leading her to one of the chairs, sitting her down.

"Bear with me, doll," he told her before kissing her forehead and turning his attention back to the women around him.

"Dear wives, I have an announcement to make," he looked around the room and then at Alice, winking at her and giving her his widest smile as a reassurance before running his hand over his long face and letting his eyes fall down, he was silent for a long moment before looking up at them again smirking , "I want a divorce."

And with that entire room fell silent, no one talked for a full minute, women were exchanging glances not sure did they heard him right, looking at Alice who was confused as they were, looking at Negan, not tearing her eyes from him.

"What? What do you mean?" Misha was one to speak first.

"I said...I want a fucking divorce, what wasn't there to understand?"

"You… you can't do this to us?"

"Well call the fucking layer."

Alice was silent, not sure what it happening, looking at the faces of women around her, some were petrified, some were smiling and only Sherry was standing there cold as the stone.

"Is this because of her?!", Musha yelled, standing up and pointing at Alice, who's eyes were now back at Negan.  
"Yes, it fucking is, not sit the fuck down before I lose my patience!"

"So you finally got what you came here for, dog," Misha continued, but Alice didn't even mind her, she didn't even hear her, all she could hear was a buzzing sound in her ears and all she could see was Negan talking. She tilted her head to the side, trying to figure out was this a dream or reality, she was on her way to her room to sleep, but she never got there, did she?

"I said sit the fuck down, Misha!" Negan yelled, running his hand through his hair trying to get his composure back.

 _'I didn't come into the room, I would know',_ Alice turned her head to the side _, 'this is not a dream, is it? Ok, if this is a dream let the flying monkey poop on someone's head,'_ Alice looked around the room, everyone was sitting in their place except of Negan who was talking, no yelling at somebody _, 'why does he alway yell,'_ Alice thought to herself, then looked around the room again, no flying monkies appeared, _'this is real, fuck! get a hold of yourself woman'_

"But don't worry, I am a standup guy," was the next thing Alice heard as she came back to reality, "you will all get your alimony, damn, what kind of a monster would I be just to ditch you all after serving me so well. So you all can stay here, you will not need any points for food, up until a moment you decide to find another man that will take care of you, then you will leave, get a nice job and a chance to make your own life with a man you choose. But I don't want any hanky-panky on the side and I will not be no one's sugar-daddy while you screw half the compound while you are here, when you decide to leave, tell me and I will make it happen. Until then, the rules about fucking around with other people still stand. I think that is only fair? "

He turned around, not waiting for their reaction as he took Alice by the hand, helping her get up and leading her out of the room.

She was silent the whole time, looking at him, not minding her steps, "what did you just do?", Alice whispered.

Negan just smiled ignoring her question, as he led her to his room, opening the door and gesturing for her to come in. She saw a few boxes with her things and her guitar sitting in the corner waiting to be unpacked, Negan approached her from behind, locking his arms around her waist and leaning his chin on her shoulder.

"You like your new set up?"

Alice turned around looking at him not sure what to say.

"Damn it doll, speak."

"I…I…I just don't know what to say?"

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

Alice just shook her head, fuck, she didn't want him to think he has done her wrong, but she wasn't sure what to say or do, everything that has happened in last few days was overwhelming and now this, she was lost, glancing around his room like this is the first time she was there. Everything looked different now and still, everything was the same.  
She looked at him again, "I...I... never have dreams like this...so this is real, right?"

He smiled at that, hugging her tightly and lifting her up, taking a few step towards the bed and placing her gently on it, with him coming on top.

"I told you doll, I am to fuck up to be made up. So, Alice, will you be my wife?" and that was all she needed to hear to know she is not dreaming.

"Hell yeah," she smiled before hugging him and rolling him around to be the one on the top.

Negan just laughed at that, moving her hair away from her face, to have a better look, "this is going to be a shit load of fun! Welcome home dear wife."


	22. The only thing worth fighting for pt1

**Notes:** Sooooo, I hope you like this one, a bit different than the last few chapter, but there has to be calm before the storm.

Thank you all for lovely reviews on my last chapter, I am really glad you like it :D  
Also, I would love to hear from some of you who don't review but hey I won't push it ;) new chapter hopefully around midweek or Friday.

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 **DISCLAIMER:** This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended

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 **one quote more:** "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

― Friedrich Nietzsche

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Alice turned around in the bed not opening her eyes, wanting to stretch before getting up and getting ready for the day, when her hand hit someone's face.

"What the…" she opened her eyes just to see she was in Negan's room, still confused she propped herself on her elbows and looked at the other side of the bed, just to see Negan there, running his hand over his face.

"Damn it, doll, are you trying to knock me out," she smiled, remember why she was there and all the events from yesterday.

She turned to his side, looming over him, "can you blame a girl for wanting you stay with her in bed all day?"

"Well, fuck no doll, but what good am I to you unconscious?"

She wickedly smiled at that, wiggling her eyebrows, "you know what, doll, I don't even want to fucking know."

"Spoilsport," she quickly kissed him, before standing up and going in the direction of the bathroom, when she was pulled back and thrown on the bed.

"And where do you think you are going?" Negan purred into her neck.

"To shower," she pushed him away, getting up again.

"Can I join you?" he was up in second, standing behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer, placing a long kiss on her shoulders.

"Do you think you still need to ask for permission?" Alice turned around, smiling.

"Well, fuck me doll, I'm a gentleman," he smirked, before scooping her up and carrying her in the direction of the bathroom.

When they were out, breakfast was already waiting for them on the coffee table, a large plate with vegetables and scrambled eggs, Alice took her seat on the large sofa with Negan at her side.

They were both starving, not having a proper meal all day yesterday so they eat in silence, practically choking on their food, when they finished Alice poured them both a cup of coffee, leaning into Negan's embrace and looking as the sun that was slowly coming up and with it, a sound of people roaming around the courtyard.

"Simon is leaving for Hilltop later this morning," Negan spoke.

Alice straighten up a little, turning around and burying her head in into the crock of his neck, "Oh, really?"

"Yeah," Negan sounded distant as he ran the tips of his fingers through her hair, "I want you to go with him."

Alice now completely straighten up, looking at him with a smile etched on her face, "really?"

"Fuck, yeah, doll," he smiled, "why are you so fucking surprised? I told you a few days ago that I want you to see other communities we are working with."

"I know, I just… I was…" her eyes fell, she was playing with a helm of his shirt, trying to find right words to express herself.

"I told you last night to trust me, didn't I doll?" he took her chin into his hand, lifting it up slowly and kissing her.

ooo

"So, what do I need to know about this community?" Alice asked a few minutes later, looking at the place on the map where Hilltop was located.

"Not much, I know their leader is a huge pain in the ass so try not to kill him and that they deliver supplies on time."

"Huh, guess I'll talk to Simon then."

"I don't think he will be much of a help doll, this is actually his first visit there as well."

"How so?"

"The group that was dealing with them was the same group Rick ,the prick, and his people butchered."

"Oh," Alice narrowed her eyes, "so the people your people killed few days before that, were actually from Hilltop?"

"How do you know about that?"

"I saw it happen," Alice blurted out, concentrated on the map.

"What?"

Alice looked at him, not sure why does he sound so surprised, "well, yeah, you know I did shadow you all for quite some time."

"And you were there?"

"Yap," she reached for her coffee, "had a front row seats no less, I remember your people took one of them as a hostage and let three of them go, don't know what it was about. I didn't come back there for a few days. When I did come back was when I saw strange trucks approaching the outpost and I got curious, I thought I would finally see famous Negan but it wasn't you, it was Rick and his people.

"So you never got close to Hilltop?"

"Nop, those people looked too boring to care. The only comminute beside Alexandria I saw before coming here was Kingdom?"

"And what were you doing there?"

"Nothing, I spent few days in one of the houses outside of the walls."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you stay there."

"Well, fuck it man, when you are on your own you take any chance you get to spend few days out of the cold, the house I stayed in was relatively nice, it had a barbecue, so I used it to cook what I could kill in the woods nearby and because community didn't let walkers close to their walls the place was really clean."

"What did you hunt?" Negan ask while scooping her up and positioing her to sit on his lap.

"Animals, people, it depended on the day," she was looking at his hair, running her fingers through it and measuring how long it was.

"People? Really?"

"Yeah. I should give you a haircut."

"You ate people?"

Alice looked at him, not believing what he just asked her, "What? Noooo, I killed them and took their food. Really man?"

"My bad, doll, it's just... people are capable of many things to survive."

"I know, I saw the best and the worst examples."

"So how many did you kill?"

"A lot."

Negan looked at her, she was lost in her thoughts again, still playing with his hair, "what was it like, I mean after your first kill?"

Alice looked at him, "you mean my first person, not the walker?"

"Yes."

She concentrated again on his hair, "hmmm, I don't know," she shrug her shoulders, "it was thrilling, the adrenaline, feeling of power, victory, there is something about holding one's life in your hand and taking it, especially if you know they deserved it. "

"Did they all deserve it?"

"Yes," Alice nodded.

"And how do you know?"

"Because I killed murderers mostly, I will never forget my first kill, I found them in the woods, they were raping a little girl, not more that seventeen, it was a gruesome thing to look at. They didn't even see me coming and I wasn't even careful, I was a rookie at the time, but they were too busy enjoying themselves while torturing that poor little thing, an army could have walked on them and they wouldn't know it. The satisfaction of seeing them fall one by one, while the rest fled in fear, it's priceless man. The last man, I didn't kill instantly, that was one I caught going at her when I came, I chopped off his thing and left him to bleed to death,I always wanted to do it to a rapist, just to see them lose their weapon of choice," Alice shook her head like she was fighting away the memories.

"And the girl?"

"What girl?"

"The one they were...you know? What happened to her?"

Alice's faces darken then, "I killed her," she looked down, "when I came to her, she was barely breathing, the things they did to her… I just wish I made them suffer more. I…I just had to do it, you know man? I was alone, no way I could have helped her, I think not even Carson would be able to save her, I put my old gun on her template and used my last bullet. I looted them of all they had and buried her. Not a mile later, I saw a little boy and an older man, they were freshly turned, crawling on the ground because their legs were smashed, I run my machete through their heads, and then I looked through their possessions I found man's wallet with a picture of him, his wife, that little boy and a girl I killed not long before in it. I dragged their bodies to the place I buried her and did the same thing for them."

"I'm sorry doll.", Negan moved her hair and kissed her temple.

"For what, you didn't do any of that shit? Don't apologize for things you can't control, I never did. And on that day I found my purpose, see if I wanted more families like that to survive, to get a chance my family never did, I need to kill more people like those fuckers in the woods. And that was what I was doing the first time I run into Simon."

They were silent for a while after that, with Alice getting ready to leave and find Simon and Negan going through the guard list and planning their shifts.

"How many did you kill?" Alice disrupted him, practically falling into the sofa.

Negan laughed "God, doll, I don't know, since I started leading this place I stopped counting, it helps me sleep at night."

"And before?"

"Before," Negan rubbed his forehead, before throwing his head back and looking up at the ceiling, "not much to be honest, at least not the living, not like you, not before this. But I saw many die," he turned his head and looked at Alice, who was sitting there waiting for him to finish his story.

"First two walkers I killed in the hospital, I told you about that, the kid that helped me, I watched him die not long after, while we were at the parking lot, that was my first meeting with death. After that I stumbled around, meeting all kinds of people and somehow they all ended up dead with me still standing. I thought they were stupid, you know, incapable of knowing what to do, but with time I just realized they were not stupid they were weak, they didn't know how to fend for themselves, they needed someone to take care of them. I saw them all fall, doll, like flies, one by one," he looked in the direction of the window, imitating a splatter sound and flexing his fingers in the air.

"That's when I found a group, Dwight, Sherry and her sister were in it, I joined them, one thing led to another and I made this place, people would come to me, weak people, asking for my protection and I fucking delivered, in the beginning there were no rules and soon it all became one big mess, it's hard for people to accept that they are weak, that they don't have what it takes to survive and incidents were accruing more that they should, I lost a lot of good people trying to keep order, so I decided that I will protect them from their own pride by killing it completely, and I made rules, rules you see today. It was hard for some to accept them, and well they were dealt with property, some of them you can even see on fences now, as a daily reminder to the rest what happens when you don't obey. "

He turned his head to Alice looking at her with eyes filled with unexpected sadness, "I fucking know I am too strict sometimes and that the punishments are too brutal, Ićm not stupid, doll, but it's better for them to fear me and live than love me and die. In times like this respect is more productive than love."

Alice came closer to him, sitting up on the sofa and bringing his head to her chest, trying to give him at least a bit of love and understanding she thought he deserved but never got.

"You know," she spoke quietly, "yesterday you told me you didn't know what you did to deserve the rescue from a certain death. What you don't realize is that this is what you did that made you deserve it, this place you made. You could have killed Rick's group, take all they got, move few of your people to Alexandria, make it your own and be done with it, but you choose to kill only one person, I know it was two but the second one was not in your original plan, but you still let rest of them live. And that is something no one would have done, I wouldn't do it, hell, ever the saint Rick wouldn't do it, but you did it and I know the world won't give you credit for that, fuck the world, you are doing something amazing here, you are protecting your people and doing it with much less brutality many leaders would and you are fucking successful in that. "

She felt his grip tightening; pulling her closer, she kissed the top of his head and remain quiet for a while, letting him grasp his mind around the idea that he isn't the monster everyone is taking him to be but just a human doing the best he can to keep everyone around him alive, even his enemies.

Five minutes after, the knock on the door startled them from their thought, Negan quickly let go of her, taking his notes and looking down at them, with Alice standing up and going to get her knives for the night stand.

"Come in," Negan said and not a second after Joseph came bursting into the room, with a usual smile on his face. A smile that fell the moment he saw Alice sitting down on the side of the bed in her tank top, with her hair still wet, strapping her knives around her thigh.

His eyes fell down on her cleavage and he got lost, not even hearing Negan approaching him and snapping his finger in front of his face.

"Joe, my eyes are up here," he told him while moving closer to the man, Joseph tried to make a step backward but only hit the door.

"I…I…", the man stuttered, averting his eyes from Negan trying to minimize the damage his stare was doing to him, but only made things worse when he glanced towards where Alice was sitting, her arms locked onto her chest and looking at Negan with an amused smile on her face.

"I told you something Joe," Negan growled.

"Ï…I.. just came to…" Joseph couldn't even remember why he came, "I…I…"

"Why did you come, Joseph?" , Alice finally decided to intervene, as much as it was amusing to watch Negan scare people with his jealousy fits, after a few minutes it became a torture to look at Joseph sweating under his gaze.

"Simon told me to let you…boss…know that he is leaving in an hour and will be in his room," Joseph finally spoke.

"Thank you for letting me know, now get out", Negan spat at him not moving to even give him space to open the door properly.

The man struggled around, trying to feel a doorknob with his hand, still not daring to look away from Negan, it took him around half of minute to opened the door just enough so he could squeeze himself out of the room, not even closing them properly before starting to run away.

"You, mean, mean man," Alice came from behind him, locking her arms around his waist and sliding her hand into his pants, "but fuck it, you are hot when you are jealous."

"I was not jealous," he growled, before letting out a heavy breath when he felt her hand on him.

"If you say so," and with that she moved away, reaching out for her boots and pulling them on.

"What the fuck are you doing, doll," he turned around confused.

"Well, going to find Simon and get ready for today."

"You are going to leave things unfinished like this?", he looked down.

"Well, I got things to do, man," she grabbed her backpack, and started to leave before turning around and pulling him closer, "and that what I started I will finish when I come back, don't you dare start without me, " she winked giving him a quick kiss on the lips and disappearing from the room.

ooo

Alice was standing in front of Simons room, staring at the knob for two minutes now, taking deep breaths and trying to muster enough courage to knock on the door.

She knew he was not really angry at her, at least it didn't look like he was yesterday, but still part of her was nervous," you can't stand like this forever Alice" she mumbled as she took a final deep breath and knocked, but no one answered, she knocked again still nothing.

"Shit Simon where are you," she ran her hand over her ponytail and decided to look inside, maybe he fell asleep or something.

She popped her head inside of the room and saw him sitting on the edge of the bed with his back turned away from the door and his head down, holding something that looked like a picture in his hand.

Alice knew that he was having a private moment, but damn it all if her curiosity was ever left unsettled.

She knocked again on now half opened door, "While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door."

Simon was startled, suddenly turning around and looking at Alice, "what the fuck psycho you scared a shit out of me."

She only smiled while coming in, not waiting for an invitation.

"What did you say?"

"Didn't you hear me rapping?"

"What?"

"Rapping at your chamber door?"

"What chamber door," Simon turned around, looking at now closed door and then at Alice, who was now sitting on the bed next to him, "you know what psycho, never mind. Did you need something?"

"Yes, Negan told me you are leaving for Hilltop, and," Alice looked down, rubbing her palms over her thighs, "and, surprise I am coming with you!" she enthusiastically yelled, trying to cover how nervous she really is, apparently threating someone with his life is not good for friendship, she really needs to remember that one.

Simon just smiled at her, shaking his head and looking down at the photo he was holding, "yes, I know, he told me last night."

"Soooo, are you good with that?"

Simon glanced at her, "as long as I don't end up at gun point again, we are cool."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Alice's eyes fell on a photo in his hand, there was a blonde, hazel eyed pregnant woman on it, wearing a wedding dress and Simon, who looked at least twenty years younger, wearing a tuxedo and standing next to her, with a wide smile that made his eyes glow. He looked different, he looked younger, carefree, happy.

"It's ok, sweetheart, you did what you had to do, it was my fault I stood in your way, by now I should have learned it is not good for health," Simon let out a heavy sight.

Alice didn't know what to do at that moment, she wanted to console him but she was not sure what he was grieving over so she just nudged him to the side, "you are lucky I have a soft spot for you mustache man."

He laughed, not looking at her, still concentrate on a woman in a picture, "yeah, I guess I am."

"Who's that?" she finally decides she is done beating about the bush, her curiosity started hurting her.

"My wife."

"You were married?"

"Yeah, briefly, long time ago."

"She is beautiful."

"Yes, she was, most beautify girl in the town," Simon smiled, looking at Alice, "and she had eyes only for me. I was one lucky bastard."

"Well, I can see why. You were also one good looking bastard."

Simon laughed, "it's because of the tuxedo, Mary told me, I will have to wear it every day, now that she saw how good I looked in it. But I think she was just jerking me around, I mean I looked good in everything, she just knew how much I hated the ties."

Alice laughed, "I really have a hard time imaging you tying it."

"It was clip-on."

"hahaha, I figured."

"I did wear it once again, not long time after that."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Simon looked down at the picture again, "at their funeral."

Alice felt the chill going down her spine, she looked at Simon, not sure what to do, to hug him, that was just stupid, she is not a hug-hug person and neither is he. To say, 'I'm sorry,' we'll it was a bit too late, she hated situations like this, damned her and her curiosity, why didn't she just let it go.

"How did she?" if she could only kick her own ass, now would be a perfect time for that, _'really Alice, more question?'_ , she berated herself.

"At the childbirth, there were…some complications."

"And the baby?"

"Stillborn."

"Oh…"Alice looked away, "how old would…"

"She…it was she… I don't know, shit, fifteen, I think, it's hard to tell time nowadays."

"Yeah, it is," Alice placed her hand on his, tightening it.

"And the rest of your family?" she tried to change the subject.

"I had…I have… fuck, I don't know, a baby sister, she married in Virginia, I don't know is she alive, we didn't talk after Mary died."

"Oh…"

"Yes, she looked like you, tall, green eyes but she had a honey hair and was very strict. After Mary died, I drank a lot, and we kinda fell apart. She told me once that she would rather not hear from me ever again, than to watch me destroy myself, and she left."

"I…I…fuck…I know how it is…to want to die," Alice couldn't remember last time she had to struggle for words as much as she did these past few days.

Simon looked at her, with a faint smile on his face, "yes, nowadays it seems that only people like us survived. That's one fucked up irony."

They sat there for a while longer, Simon poured them a glass of Jin and they talked about nothing skipping from subject to subject killing time, before one of the Saviors came to let them know they are ready to do.

Simon and Alice went out when they saw Negan waiting for them, leaning on a black pick-up truck Simon chose to take on this run, "sooo, ready to go?", Negan asked them, spreading his arms, with a foxy smile on his face.

"Yes boss, everything is in order and this train is ready to leave the station," Simon was the one to speak.

Negan chuckled at that, coming to Alice and placing his arm around her lower back, "honey, no killing people unless they ask for it? Ok?"

"Yesss," Alice rolled her eyes, acting annoyed.

"And if someone is annoying that doesn't mean they are asking for it."

"Alright, Alight, I get it, 'Alice don't kill their leader' I received the memo"

"That's my girl," Negan leaned, kissing her temple, "I will be waiting for you to finish that thing we talked about," he whispered, before letting her go and walking away, with Joseph at his heels holding a bunch of papers in his hands. Negan stood in his steps, straightening up and looking at the man, with Lucile loosely hanging by his side, man bubbled around clearly trying to explain something to him, before Negan leaned a little saying something that made Joseph face changes dozens of colors as he turned around and ran towards the factory.

Negan just started laughing as man jogged away, before looking in the direction where Alice was, just to see shaking her head with a grin on her face.

His smile widened at that, showing his whites, he winked at her as he swung Lucile up to his shoulder with his other hand in his pocket and turned around slowly straddling away from them.

"Are you done staring psycho? We need to move?"

Alice turned to Simon, who was already standing one foot in the truck holding himself up, "yes, but I am driving."

Simon smiled at that, "no you're not."

"Yes, I am, you had a whole glass of Jin, you are probably hammered already."

"ha-ha-ha, very funny Alice."

"I am not joking, now shoo, " Alice pushed him away as she took the driver's seat and started up the engine.

They were driving for five minutes before Simon started to dig through the glove compartment.

"What the fuck are you doing Simon?"

"Trying to find some tapes here, seeing how you lost the one I had on our last run."

"Hey, that thing saved lives."

"Really?", Simon gaped at her.

"Yes, man, when I turned it on all the walkers just dispersed from the courtyard. How else do you think I saved Negan yesterday?"

"ha-ha-ha, very funny Alice, look at my face," her ghosted his finger around his dead serious face, "this is a face of fun."


	23. the only thing worth fighting for pt2

**DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them." ― Jack Handey

* * *

"So, the group that was dealing with Hilltop is dead?", Alice broke the silence after a half an hour drive.  
"Yep, those poor fucks Rick slaughtered."  
"Hilltop and Alexandria were in some kind of conspiracy or?"  
"We think so," Simon shrug his shoulders, "but how knows. It's kind of a big coincidence that Alexandria group attacked our outpost just a few days after we had problems with Hilltop's weekly contribution, to actually be a coincidence."  
"Well, did we do anything about it?"  
"Yes, psycho, what do you take me for" Simon smiled, "I used a trick I saw yesterday morning back at that school and last night sent them a similar message."  
"What?! You had fun without me?"  
"And what you were bored last night?", he wiggled his eyebrow at her.  
"Touché, mustache man, touché."

As they arrived at Hilltop, Alice looked around; it was one of the smallest communities she has ever seen, with not more than a dozen small shacks that surrounded one big house.  
People there looked weak, good fed, but week, the lack of wear and tear on them showed that they didn't see much of a fight since the outbreak started which made their suspicion about them conspiring with Alexandria to take the Saviors down only stronger, how else would they get rid of them than with the help of a stronger community, probably for some food and goods.  
Simon was first to leave the truck, looking around as he marched towards the main building; Alice pulled her face shield and hood up before she fell into steps with him.  
It was that moment when she realized how many Saviors did actually come for this run, it seemed a bit over exaggeration giving the size of the community, but she knew it was a statement being made.  
"So did we bring the entire army with us or?"  
"Just the best part of it," Simon smiled as he knocked on the doors of the main building.

The tall, older man peeked behind the door looking at them, before opening it completely to let them in, Simon was the first to enter with Alice at his heels. She scanned the man standing on the door then looked around the house. It was one of those big farm houses made for bigger families, with tall white walls and ceiling decorated with more chandeliers than necessary, the wooden floor was decorated with rich carpets, windows with thick linen curtains and walls filled with paintings.

Simon walked around the room, looking around himself in awe, this place looked like it didn't belong in this world, hell, it looked like it didn't even belong in the community it was housing.  
Alice saw a big golden mirror near the entrance door, she stood there looking at her reflection.  
"Admiring the view?", Simon asked her.

"No, just thinking how good this thing would look in Negan's…my room," Alice smiled beneath her shield at that sentence. Simon just glanced at her with a smirk of amusement on his face, he was about to say something when they heard an unknown male voice behind them.

"Hello, there," spoke the leader of Hilltop community, Simon and Alice turned around, the older man was surveying everyone then fixed his eyes on Alice.  
"Hello," Simon was the one to speak, "you're Gregory, right?"  
"Guilty as charged. Welcome to Hilltop," the man smiled extending his hands to shake Alice's but she just looked down at it, crossing her arms over her chest making him clear his throat with embarrassment written all over his features before going to stand in the middle of the room.  
"Well, at least he easily admits the guilt," Alice rolled her eyes as she followed Simon. The man was already getting on her nerves and she wasn't there for five minutes.  
"Be nice psycho," Simon told her, before fixing his attention to the older man.

"Thank you," Simon smiled.  
"Do..a", man glanced at Alice one more time, smiling, "make yourself at home."  
"This isn't a social call," Simon came to stand in between the man and her, not fearing for her, but trying to prolong the life of an old fool and save himself unnecessary headache, knowing Negan, if she was to kill him it would be his ass on the questioning table not hers. He already saw a picture, Negan standing in front of them fuming and Alice just shrugging it off like I was nothing, saying he got on her nerves and going her way, leaving him with Negan to explain why did he let the man get on her nerves, just imagining the situation gave him a slight headache.

"Oh, I…I wouldn't think it is."  
"We need to talk," Simon told him, with a wide smile, "It's getting a little claustrophobic in here, right? Let's talk in your study, I wanna see that painting, can't remember who told me about it, but… I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter now anyway. Don't know if you heard what happened?"  
"What…what happened?"  
"Our brothers and sisters in arms, they were removed from the field of operation."  
"They were killed," Alice spoke, Simon turned around flashing her a look of warning. Alice shrugged her shoulders, "what, he fucking knows what happened!" pointing at the old man, who looked like he will piss himself at any moment.  
"Brothers and sisters, what do you mean?" man scratched his beard, trying to act confused and badly failing at it.  
"It means we need to talk," Simon shouted, leaning his arm on man's shoulder and leading him to his office. Alice started going with them before Simon opened the office doors, pushing the man inside and signaling him to wait for a second before turning around and coming closer to her.

"Alice, you are not going inside," he whispered to her so the rest of their man couldn't hear them.  
"Yes, I am," she leered at him.  
"I am not Negan, you don't have to watch over me."  
"I don't do it because I have to, I do it because I want to."  
"Doesn't matter Alice, you are not going inside."  
"Well, I am not standing here waiting for you to finish, so either I go inside or I go take a look around the compound. Now I would recommend you choose the option where you can keep your eyes on me because who knows what I might do, you know how unpredictable I can be."  
Simon heavily sighed, running his hand over his face, "Jesus Christ, how can one person be so stubborn. Alright, you come with me, but behave and don't scare the man the last thing we need is him getting a heart attack."  
"You hurt my feeling mustache man, you know I'm always nice."  
"Yeah, yeah… ok, let's go."

ooo

The office was like the rest of the house, with tall windows, wooden floor, the big oak table in the middle and big painting decorating the surface above the fireplace.

Alice popped herself on the table, sitting on it with her legs folded and going through the papers that were on the side of the desk.  
Gregory looked at her, "that's the oak you are sitting on."  
"Funny thing, it looks like a table to me," Alice turned around herself.  
"I mean the table, it's made of oak."  
"And I mean, I don't give a fuck," she was grateful the rest of her face was covered so he could only play a guessing game about how much he really got on her nerves.

"Oh, how rude of me, I didn't introduce you to Alice, she Negan's left hand," Simon spoke, looked around the room with his hand resting no his hips.  
"Is that so," Gregory smiled at her again, "you must be a very capable woman then," he placed his hand on her thigh.  
Alice almost planted one of her knives in it before Simon intervene,"Oh, yes, you probably would like to take that hand away from her, she will chop it and I won't stop her."

"Oh," man took his hand of Alice, taking a few steps away from her, "soooo, she is a feisty one?", he asked Simon, acting like she is not even in the room and that made her nerves only cringe a bit more.  
"More like insane, but call it what you want to call it," Simon turned around.  
"WOW, look at that guy," and went to have a closer look at the painting on the wall, Gregory glance at Alice one more time, with the same creepy smile on his face he was giving her ever since they came, before joining Simon.

"Wooooow, isn't this a beauty, psycho?"  
Alice just looked up from a book she found on the desk, "yeah, I guess, I'm not a painting person."  
Gregory cleared his throat, shifting his eyes between Alice and Simon, "in regarding the last night, message received, loud and clear"  
"What was the message?" Simon asked him, still admiring the painting, the old man just looked at him confuse and then at Alice, who wasn't batting an eye at them, concentrated on the book in her hand.  
Simon looked at him, arching his brow, waiting for an answer, "you said it was loud and clear."  
"I…I…I just thought you were showing us who's the boss, hmm", Alice chuckled at that, the man turned to her but she didn't lift her head from the book, it looked like she found something funny in between the pages, which was odd giving the nature of the book she was holding.  
"Ouuuhh, that," turned to painting once again, "it's…it's just breathtaking, See that management by example, the crap you gotta deal with."  
"hah," man snorted, "you're telling me."  
"Soooo, last night, that was us," Simon pointed at Alice then himself, "working our asses off, to provide you an example, you gotta nice place, tall walls, people in here probably forgotten how the corpses look like," Simon continued, turning around and leaning on the table by Alice's side, he glance for a second at a book in her hands and then back at Gregory, "what they smell like. Now we were gonna killed them for you to remind you of a service we can provide… buuut you cleaned up the mess yourselves. Good on you."  
"Well, we must have picked up some skill from your people."  
"Oh, sweet Jesus," Alice mumbled, not lifting her head from the book but burying her face in it… the man just continued oblivious to her annoyment.  
"sooo, when you think about it, you still saved us."  
"Really?!" she finally decided to join in the conversation, "Really?! Can I kill him already Simon?"  
"No… that is really nice way to look at it, and we appreciate it," Simon tilted his head to the side trying to calm her down.  
"Yeah, yeah," she rolled her eyes, turning the page of the book and fixing her attention back to it.

A man was horrified, sitting down on a sofa near the table, pulling the collar of his shirt that suddenly felt like it was choking him.  
"I…I'm a team player, I think that's why people chose me."  
"What the..." Alice was back at it again "they chose you?"  
"Well..yeah…"  
"Simon, these people are on some kind of drugs here and I want a piece of that," Simon chuckled, tapping her thigh and going to sit at Gregory's side.  
"Other people of ours, the ones you were dealing with, I think they got spoiled working with a guy like you," Simon continued his sweet talk, "might have made them a little soft or butchered."  
"They are really dead," the man gasped.  
"very, very dead, extremely dead," Simon nodded.  
"If I wasn't there when all that shit went down, after meeting you, I would swear they committed suicide," Alice mumbled while turning another page.  
Simon turned to her, clearing his throat and signaling her to stop, she just sighed, rolling her eyes and making a 'zip it' gesture with her hand, telling him that she won't utter another word.

Gregory glances at her for a moment, then turned to Simon, leaning closer to him and lowering his voice, "tell Negan we understand the benefits of crossing the aisle."

Alice leaned closer trying to hear what they were talking about, Simon chuckled, shaking his head, "no, no reason for that."  
"Noooo" man confusedly turned his head to Alice but it looked like she wasn't paying attention to them.  
"Because for now, I'm your Negan, because that's what Negan wants", Simon gloated," but thank you, it means a lot that you recognize what we bring to the table. That's why you are here and others aren't…understand?"

A man started rubbing his hands off on his thighs, looking at the carpet; he was like that for a minute before nodding in agreement. He looked like he was fighting himself over something and as easily Alice picked it up from afar so did Simon.  
"Is there anything else you want to tell us, any hitches in the giddyup we should be aware of?"  
Gregory fell silent, not turning his head to Simon, not giving him the answer just looking at the same spot on the carpet.  
"Gregroyyyy," Simon called for him.  
"Actually there is" the man finally broke, took a few deep breaths before standing up, "will you please come with me."  
Alice was already on her feet when Simon came to her side following Gregory as he led the outside of his office.  
"Well this should be interesting," Alice mumbled.

She looked around the room, all their men were still there holding their weapons ready to attack at the command, at that moment she spotted a shorter man, with long hair and blue eyes standing with the group.  
Alice didn't remember him coming with them or seeing him around the Sanctuary, so she could only assume he was one of the residents of the Hilltop, but he looked familiar and it was eating her up because she couldn't pinpoint where exactly she saw him.

Gregory lead them to the closet in the hallway, he looked around himself like he was debating should he open the door or not, then he glance over to the blue-eyed man, Alice picked it up and tried to understand the silent conversation they were having, the man just shook his head, clearly disapproving Gregory's actions. Alice wasn't sure what is happening behind the curtains, but something was fishy, she came to stand at Simons side, taking one of her knives from her belt and getting ready for any surprise that might come out as Gregory took the handle and abruptly opened the door.

"Are you serious?" Simon jaw dropped, Alice tensed at that coming closer to him with a knife in her hand, looking inside.  
"What the…" she turned to Simon, not sure what to say, then she looked at the man who was standing among the Saviors and he just smiled.  
"Simon, am I seeing right or are those just boxes of liquor there?" she whispered to Simon.  
"Yap," he nodded, clearly trying to understand what is happening.  
"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, Simoooon."  
"Shush, Alice, first we take the liquor then we solve conspiracy theories."

Gregory pulled the half drank bottle out of the box on the top and turned around to show it to Alice and Simon.  
"Amy, Simon this is…"  
"It Alice, are you dense and we can fucking read it's scotch."  
"Well…not just…"  
"I hate this stuff," Simon interrupted him, "tastes like ashtrays and window cleaner, I am more of a Jin-man."  
"And..you dear…Kelly?", Greogry turned to Alice.  
"Who the fuck is Kelly," she turned around herself, "Kelly! No, no Kelly here!"  
She heard a few man in the group letting out a chuckle, "it's fucking Alice, ALICE, do you want me to carve it on your hand so you can fucking remember?! And I also hate it, I'm a rum woman."  
"Soooo, you both hate it?" Gregory asked them, hugging the bottle and bringing it close to his chest.  
"Yes, but Negan will love it? What do you think psycho."  
"He will be delighted! Thank you, Gregory," Alice walked around the man and took the box from the closet, "Oh, yeah, please put that bottle in the box, my hands are kind of busy at the moment."  
He looked at Simon, who just stood there, grinning at them, "you heard the woman. I would recommend you not wait for her to ask twice. "

Alice called out for one of the Saviours to take the box and put it in the truck while Simon was wrapping up business with Gregory.

"Alight gentlemen, get to work! Take half of what they have, but remember only half, and yes, take the painting," Simon came at her side ready to leave, when Alice turned around, smiling at Gregory.  
"One more thing," she took a few steps toward the man, "can I get a kneel out of you?"  
"What?" , man was at lost, trying to understand what she was telling him to do  
"I said, fucking kneel." She got into his face, grinning at him.  
"You want me to kneel?"  
"Yes, I fucking want you to kneel, do you fucking speak English? If not I know few more international languages," she took one of her knives and run his blade gently over man's cheek.

He obliged her, slowly getting down and kneeling before her, he looked around himself all the Saviors were mockingly grinning at him, enjoying the view.  
"That's one solid kneel, Gregory," Simon smiled, "what do you think psycho?"  
"Nah, I saw better," she didn't looked amuse, "practice for the next time," she leaned close to the man, coming to his ear, "Just so you know there are few things I hate more that weasel and the only reason you are alive is because I got strict orders not to kill you, but man you are on thin ice, you better make sure you convince me you are worth keeping alive," she tapped him on the head and turned to leave.  
Before stopping again, "Oh, yeah, I'm taking the mirror and the book. You there," she called for saviors standing on her right, "take that thing to mine and Simon's truck"

ooo

Alice and Simon were in the courtyard, watching their man as they loaded the goods, making sure everything is packed properly when Alice realized that the task is too boring for her and decided to go and look around the community.

"Where are you going, Alice?" Simon called for her.  
"To look around, be back soon."  
"Alice…do not…"  
"Yeah, yeah, Alice don't kill anyone, I got the message," she turned around and left him to tend to his business.

She was walking around the compound for a while, it was amazing how these people manage to grow such large amounts of food in such small space, she wanted to go and ask who was supervising their planting and growing process when something caught her eye.

In the back of the courtyard, there were two unmarked graves, that looked like they were freshly dug, she came closer, crouching down and taking a fistful of dirt, when she heard a muffled footsteps approaching her.  
She stood up, taking one of her knives and swinging it around to man's throat, it was the same man she saw in the house, he was holding his hand up, signaling her that he was unarmed.

"You should never, ever sneak up on people like that," she snarled at him.  
"They usually don't hear me coming," he smiled.  
"Well, one of the hounded cases can get you killed."  
"Duly noted."

He didn't speak after that, just looking at her, Alice choose to ignore him and went back to examining graves.  
They were silent for a few minutes before she heard his voice again, "Something interesting to be found among the dead?"  
"More than among the living," she whispered.  
"Is that so?"  
"Yes, but that's not why I am fascinated about these particular graves."  
"It's not," man locked his hands behind his back.  
"No… what I find interesting is the fact that you don't have a graveyard, it has been almost three years since the outbreak, so you must have lost more people that these two here, now, that leads to two possibilities, a: you are really good at defending yourself: which I highly doubt seeing people here and b: you burn your dead; which is practical and smart thing to do nowadays. So why are these two special? "  
"They didn't want to be burned, that's all, nothing special about that."  
"Why?" Alice stood up coming to the man and slowly circling around him.  
"Their religion prohibited the cremation."  
"Huh, that a bit mundane thing to worry about now isn't it?" she came to stand before him.  
"It was their wish, we obliged."  
"Yeah, you leader looks like a very reasonable man."  
"More than yours."  
Alice laughed, shaking her head, "you got some guts, what's your name?"  
"Paul, friends call me Jesus"  
"Jesus.. really?" she arched her eyebrow at that "can you turn water into wine?"  
He chuckled, "no,"  
"Well, then you're just Paul."  
"Fine by me, it's not like we would be friends ever if I could turn water into wine"  
"You're right, we wouldn't, I hate wine."

Alice stood in front of the man quietly for a long moment, trying to figure him out, the fact that she couldn't remember where she saw him before still bugged her but it didn't peak her curiosity not nearly as much as his attitude did, he was looking at her with small, blissful smile, keeping his arms crossed over his chest.

"Where do I know you from?"  
"Nowhere."  
"No, I saw you somewhere, but I can't pinpoint where. All I know it was not here, I never got close to this community before."  
"Sorry, can't help you with that puzzle."  
"Hm," Alice came closer to him, "no you can't, but don't worry I will figure that one later, I'm a smart cookie, or so I have been told. But there is another puzzle you can solve for me."  
"Oh, there is?" man was still smiling, making her return the gesture; he amused her alone more than this entire community altogether.

"What did Gregory thought was in that closet earlier today?"  
Jesus twitched at her question, "exactly what you saw."  
"So your leader sacrificed his liquor cache, which he was obviously hiding away from us all this time, just to butter us up?"  
"What can I say, he is a man of many virtues."  
Alice laughed, "he is a man of many something, but not virtues."  
She was quiet for few second, waiting for him to answer her question with an answer she could actually believe is the truth, but it did happen.  
"You know Paul, I don't appreciate you taking me for a fool or insulting Negan by even comparing him to the worm your leader is. But we have rules, one of the rules is, the first one is for free and I happen to find you extremely interesting, so I will overlook even the second one. But don't make the third one. Now I'll ask you again, Paul, what did Gregory expect to find in that closet? And please realize that this is a question I ask out of courtesy because if I don't get an answer I will order our man to ransack this entire place, even if it takes us a week, we will find what we are looking for. "  
Jesus was silent for a long minute before letting his eyes fall to the ground, "weapons."  
"Really, weapons?"  
"Yes," he sighed, "we moved it without telling him, it was the cache we found a few days ago and didn't get a chance to give you the half of it and after the last night's attack we were not sure we should."

"Really, weapons?" Alice didn't look convinced.  
"Yes," he nodded.  
"Show me that cache?"  
Jesus signaled her to go with him as he led her through the compound to one of the old dumpsters in the back, Alice called for one of the Saviors to follow her, when they reached the dumpster, Jesus lifted up the lid and there is was, the wooden box filled with weapons.

"Would you look at this," Alice smiled, reaching inside and taking the box out of the dumpster.  
"It looks like you were not lying after all, funny thing, I am usually right about shit like that," she went through the content of the box, "Wow, this is some quality merchandise, we will take all of this, you know as the payment for those two strikes from before.."  
She turned around and gave the box to the saviors standing at her side, "take this to the truck, Negan will love this addition to the weaponry."  
"Thank you, Paul, you truly are a saint," Alice tapped him on the shoulder before turning around and going to find Simon.

"Where did you disappear, Alice?" Simon was waiting for her by the truck ready to leave.  
"Oh, I went shopping," she smiled, pointing at the box Saviors was putting into the truck.  
"What's that?" Simon came close to take a peek, "holy shit, psycho, where did you find this."  
"Let's just say it was a gift from God."  
"Negan will love the result of today's run," Simon smiled.  
"Yes, he will, speaking off Negan, are we ready to leave yet?"  
"In a hurry, psycho?"  
"Kind of, yeah," Alice blurred out while getting into the truck and turning on the engine.

ooo

They were half way from home when their truck radio turned on, "Simon, we have a problem. Over" it was one of the drivers.  
"Shit, don't we always," Simon cursed, before turning the radio on, "what seems to be the problem. over"  
"Main truck shot down. Over"  
"Shit," Alice cursed, "can't one run go without hitches."  
"No," Simon shook his head, before signaling the rest of the convoy to stop.

"What the problem?" Simon approached the driver.  
"Engine stopped working, I can fix it but it will take time."  
"Fuck, it's almost sunset; we need to get back to the compound."  
"We can't stay here all night," one of the saviors spoke.  
"We can travel after the nightfall." Alice intervened, "I am sure we can fix this in no time."  
"No, no traveling after the sunset, light attract walkers, " Simon run his hand through his hair, trying to figure out what to do.  
"I will stay, fix this and I will get to the Sanctuary first thing in the morning," driver spoke.  
"Are you sure?" Alice really didn't like that idea, but it looked like it was the only way to go.  
"Yes, I am. Don't worry, one truck doesn't attract much attention."  
"Is there no other way?" Alice looked at Simon.  
"No, there's not, I don't like it either but there is nothing we can do about it."  
"I'll stay with him."  
"The hell you will."  
"Two is better than one Simon."  
"I don't give a fuck, I am not leaving you here. Negan will chop my head off and play pool with it if I would to return without you."  
"You are over exaggerating, Simon, he wouldn't do that, we don't have a pool table."  
"I am sure he would improvise, you will not stay."  
"I'll stay," another man came to them, "I'll stay with him and the rest of you go home."  
"Happy now?" Simon looked at Alice.  
"Yes, I am," Alice smiled, truth be told she didn't really want to stay there all night but she just couldn't leave one man alone out here, so this solution was the best she could have asked for.

ooo

The sun started to set when they came back to the compound, to her surprise Negan wasn't waiting for them with the rest of the Saviors, so she didn't wait for Simon to even give the orders to the men before she marched up to their room, but her wasn't there either, she only found a note on the bed;

" _Doll, I went to market, some shit with point got screwed up, stop freaking out and don't you dare go looking for me, rest. Be back soon."_

She smiled at the note and decided to go and get a shower, it was a long day and bumpy ride back home.  
She turned on the shower and allowed the warm water to relax her muscles and clear the thoughts, she was still thinking about Paul trying to understand where did she see him before, something was telling her it was important to remember but she couldn't, the crucial piece of that puzzle was missing and she didn't know where to look for it.  
She was shaken out of the thought with a hard knock on the door, she quickly wrapped herself up with a towel and got out of the bathroom.

Two Saviors were on the other side of the door, holding a big mirror, "Simon told us to bring this up."  
"Oh shit, I forgot about that thing, leave it on the sofa, was there a book with it?"  
One of them nodded, as they left the mirror he reached into his pocket and gave her a book she picked up in Hilltop, "thank you, you are free now," she smiled.

She put on a clean black tank top and a pair of boxers and went to sit on the bed with her legs crossed, opening the book and continuing from where she left off back at Hilltop.

Half an hour later, the door of the room opened, with Negan coming inside with Lucile in his left hand and a tray of food in his right.  
"So, my queen is back," he smiled leaving a tray on the coffee table, not letting his eyes drift from Alice, who was looking at him over the edge of the book.  
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he fell on the bed beside her, moving her hair back and kissing the side of her neck, "had fun today, dear?"  
He took a book from her leaving it on the nightstand and pushing her in lying position, with him looming over her.  
"Yes, I did."  
"Simon told me you were really nice to everyone there," he started to bit down on her collarbone.  
Alice couldn't help herself, she burst out in laughter, Negan prompted himself on his elbow, not sure what got into her.  
"Ok doll, whatever I did here, this isn't the result I was fucking aiming for."  
"No, no," she couldn't stop laughing, "it's... Simon really told you that?"  
"Yes, why?"  
"It just…" she couldn't stop, "I could swear he wanted to kill me more than once today, hahahha…I… hahaha… he is precious…hahaha."

"Alight doll," Negan stood up, "I will go take a quick shower and let you cool down a bit, but then you will finish what you started this morning," he gave her a quick kiss before leaving her to fight her laughter down.

When he came out of the bathroom, Alice was back to herself, reading the same book again, "what are you reading, doll?" he looked at the covers, " 'Thus Spoke Zarathustra', where did you found that thing?"  
"Oh, at Hilltop, it was on their leader desk, I always wanted to read it but never got a chance," she closed the book, coming to stand on her knees and pulling him closer to her, "now, let me remember where did I stop this morning."  
"What the fuck is that doll?"  
Alice turned around to see what was he referring to, "what?"  
"That thing on the sofa."  
"It's a mirror."  
"Well, I can fucking see that doll."  
"I thought it would look good in the bathroom. You don't like it?"  
"No, no, it's very nice, it's just…it's just one big fucking mirror."  
"What can I say I am a fan of big things," she purred, locking her arms around his neck and pulling him down.  
"I figured you for a fan."

* * *

 _ **Hope you liked it, I know there are not much event's in it, but I really need time to get to them so sorry if the two last chapter were a bit boring. I've been struggling what I would love to call writer's block, but I'm not sure is it the right name for it, because I have this entire story already planned out, just the words are not really coming to me. So I spend more time editing everything than I do writing it, so sorry if there are more spelling or grammar mistakes than usual, I tried to get them all but you can read the same thing only a few times before you get sick of it. I do hope it will go away soon.**_

 _ **Thank you all for your fav, your follows and reviews. Next update will hopefully be up by the end of this week or Monday. It is done, I just need to edit it, again. xD**_


	24. The only thing worth fighting for pt3

**note:** I am so sooo soooooo sorry about late update. Last Saturday I squeezed my hand finger with the door and it was in a really bad shape for days. Also, the things at work are heating up with the upcoming project so I have been exhausted and working overtime almost every day.

Here is one long chapter to make it up.  
I hope you like it, let me know what you think and see you soon :*

 **on the side note:** I've been asked about what will Alice do after Negan it captured, I have few ideas in mind probably will try to combine them I didn't find much fanfic that go for that long but I read few and all I can say is I will be going in the very different direction, but still it's long way go till then. All I can hope for now is I won't lose inspiration along the way.

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** **:** This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

That morning Alice woke up just before the dawn, she turned around just to see Negan on the other side, laying on the stomach, with his right hand loosely hanging from the bed and his face buried in the pillow, she thought about waking him up and having some fun but the picture of him in blissful sleeping was too cute to shatter, not that she would ever use the word cute while he was awake. She slowly got up and went to the bathroom; freshening up a bit before she decided to go for a walk around the compound.

She was going down the stair when she saw Sherry standing there with a cigar in her hand, lost in her thoughts. Alice would probably just go the other way, she was not in the mood for a chit-chat, especially with one of Negan's ex-wife's, even though she never had anything against Sherry, it was just awkward, and she doesn't do awkward, but she wanted to go out in the back and that was the only way. She hoped she would just pass by her, with a greeting and nothing more but as always her hopes were short-lived.

Sherry saw her coming down, straightening up and looking at her, Alice walked past her, "good morning, Sherry," and continued her way before woman's voice stopped her.

"Alice, can I talk to you."

Alice rolled her eyes, even though she wasn't in the mood for a chit-chat, she respected woman and some duties come with respect.

"Sure, Sherry, what's up?" Alice turned trying to cut the conversation as short as possible.

"Where's Negan?"

Alice frowned, _'what the fuck do you care?'_ , "In his room, sleeping, I didn't want to wake him up."

"Oh… he never sleeps this long," woman was surprised.

"Yeah, he sleeps much better lately," Alice was fed up with this, she didn't see where this conversation was leading but she could feel she won't like the place, "please Sherry, cut the chit-chat, I am not in the mood, what do you need?"

Woman cleared her throat, shifting her weight from one foot to another, "I want to talk to you about Amber and Mark."

"Aaaand this conversation is over," Alice turned to leave.

"Please, Alice, listen to me."

"No, I am not listening to you and I am not talking with you or anyone else about those two pieces of trash."

"Amber made a mistake, I know."

"Well, that's, to put it mildly."

"I know you tried to help her, I am sorry you got caught in all that, but please talk to Negan, ask him to go easy on her."

"No."

"Alice, please, you're the only person he listens to."

"I fucking said no! I am not talking to Negan about that, I am not even mentioning it to him, and those two deserved everything they will get. I don't give a shit and I would recommend you stop giving it as well, it will end badly for anyone who gets involved in the crap those two ungrateful fucks stirred up."

"Alice, she knows she made a mistake."

"Well, good, guess she is not as stupid as she looks."

"How can you be so cold?"

"You'd be surprised how easily I manage that."

"You really are just like him."

"hahaha, oh honey," Alice was up in her face, "if you were only that lucky. I am much, much worse."

Sherry backed away, taking one step up trying to get her personal space back, but Alice followed her, taking one step up as well.

"Tell me, Sherry, why are you still here?"

"What do you mean?" woman's voice was trembling.

"I mean, why are you still up in that room when you are free to go back to your man?"

"I…I" woman's eyes fell, "I don't deserve him."

"Why, because you were with Negan for some time? Why would that bother you? You were with Negan even before you became his wife, back when you and Dwight were a happy couple."

Sherry's eyes widened, "he told you about that?"

"Hahaha, no but you just did." Alice chuckled.

"I…I… that was…"

"Whoa, easy there, woman, I don't give a fuck what it was and I certainly won't tell Dwight about it, if you didn't notice, I don't like him very much. All I was trying to say is that you should worry about your situation, not Amber's. Now if you will excuse me, I was about to go out and get some fresh air," Alice went away, leaving Sherry speechless on the stairs.

ooo

The morning was bright, with a mild summer breeze cooling everyone down, Alice was standing near the fences where walkers were, watching man struggling to keep them in check when she felt an arm coming around her waist.

She turned her head to the side, to give Negan a kiss on the cheek as he leaned to rest his chin on her shoulder.

"Where did you disappeared, doll? I didn't like waking up in a cold bed."

"Sorry about that, I was up early and I didn't want to disturb you so I went out to get some morning air."

"Well, this is not the most romantic view to start your day with," he whispered to her, nuzzling his nose into her hair.

"Good thing I have you to romance it up for me."

"You are one lucky woman, I'll give you that."

At that moment the door that led to that side of the compound opened, with Daryl being pushed out with Dwight coming behind him, Negan felt Alice twitch.

"Easy there Dwighty-boy, we don't have medical supplies to waste on unnecessarily broken noses, " Dwight turned around to see Negan looking at him.

"As you say, boss," he scowled as he untied Daryl's hands and led him on the other side of the fence.

"Thank you for that," Alice whispered.

"You know doll, I might get fucking jealous on that soft spot you have for Darryl, over there."

"Good thing it turns me on, then," she side eyed him with a half smirk.

"Good thing, indeed," he pushed her head a bit, biting her earlobe.

She felt his beard tickling her, sending shivers down her spin, she locked his arms tighter around herself, pulling him closer, "I think we should head back to the bedroom, I have something to show you."

"Oh, yeah, and what's that?" he nipped her neck.

"Well, you will have to come and see," she moaned as she untwined herself out of his embrace, taking his hand and leading him back inside, they were in the hallway when they ran across Simon.

"I was looking for you everywhere, the truck with supplies from Hilltop will be here in ten."

"Jesus, fucking, Christ can't a man get a moment alone with his wife."

"Don't be like that," Alice purred, "there are two boxes of goodies from me and Simon in there."

"Will you two tell me already what is it exactly you found in Hilltop, except from one big ass mirror that is now taking up half of the bathroom wall," Negan continued as they walked outside.

"You said you fucking like it!" Alice looked at him.

"And I do, it still doesn't change the size of that thing."

"Well, if you don't want it there, we can take it off."

"You two sound like an old couple," Simon chuckled.

"Fuck you, Simon," they both said simultaneously.

They were out in the courtyard when Simon left them; going to check on storage units to make sure everything is accounted for before the new goods unload.

As the truck pulled into the courtyard, Alice felt relieved to see that the both men they left were unharmed and ok. They were about to walk to the back of the truck when Joseph came running, with the same papers he was holding yesterday in his hands.

"Slow the fuck down, Joseph, you will give yourself a heart attack," Alice looked at the man, his face was red and he was fighting for his breath.

"We have problems with rerouting the Dead, we are on it now, but it got screwed up again" the man looked at Negan, who was scanning him with a dark look in his eyes.

"And whose job was that, Joe, "

"Well, I…I…"

"Can I take a look?" Alice turned to Negan.

"Be my guest, dear, I am already fed up with that problem," Negan was about to turn and walk to the back of the truck when the gunshots were heard.

Alice threw the papers in the moment, jumping at Negan's side, and throwing him down on the ground, covering him with her body.

"Drop, your weapons, I only want Negan. He killed my friends"

"What, the…"Alice looked to the side only to see a driver lying dead and the rest of their man holding their hands in the air.

"As much as I like this position, doll, I think we should first handle the problem at hand," Negan chuckled, Alice couldn't believe he is laughing at this.

"Is that… I heard?"

"Yap, Ricks son, get up dear, we should prepare for our guest."

Alice stood up," great, a kid with a gun, again. I miss the days when all they would do is throw eggs at my window."

"Now that's the story I need to hear, later," he started to go to the back of the truck when Alice grabbed him by his upper arm.

"Where are you going, man?"

"Well, I was about to go and fucking greet our guest, where else."

"He has a gun Negan, c'mon man, don't do this to me again."

"I'll be fucking careful, doll, don't you worry," he winked at her as he strolled away toward his men, whistling.

"Why the fuck does he always do that," Alice mumbled as she looked around herself trying to figure out what to do.

ooo

Negan saw the driver lying on the ground, dead, while the rest of his men stood petrified as Carl swung his weapon left and right, trying to keep everyone at bay. As much as he was mad about his man being taken down again by someone from Alexandria, that shit was already getting old, he had to admit to himself, the kid was a badass and a survivor, something he admired the most in people and the fact that he was no more that fifteen probably even less, only made his admiration twice as big.

"Damn…" he smiled, "you are adorable. Did you pick that gun 'cause it looks cool? You totally did, didn't you?" he looked up to see Alice standing on the top of the truck, looking at him with a smile on her face, she gave him a wink and then focused on the kid, she was right above his head.

"Kid, I ain't gonna lie, you scare the shit out of me. Dear wife, take care of this." Carl was confused, as one of the Saviors ran toward him trying to take his weapon, he shot the man, when something heavy fell on his, knocking him down on the ground and kicking the rifle away from him.

He felt hands on him, turning him around and cold metal being brought close to his throat, as he opened his eye he saw a woman from the woods looming over him, holding him down with one of her knives.

"Surpriseeeee," she smiled.

"Dear, don't scare the kid," Negan came behind her, giving her his hand and helping her get up, "this is why neighbors don't talk with us. I told you before."

"I know, I know, first offer them a hot beverage then pull out the knives. I always get it backward," Alice looked down, grinning, "so kid, wanna glass of cocoa?"

"C'mon kid, let me show you around," Negan extended his hand to Carl, who just looked up at him shifting his eye between the pair, trying to figure out what to do.

"He reminds me of someone, scowling like that," Alice spoke, bending down a bit to get a better look, "I just can't remember whom."

"hahaha, I know doll, he does the same stink eye his dad does, but his is only half as good, because well he is missing an eye," Negan told her, still holding his hand in front of himself, waiting for Carl to take it.

"Oh, yeah, I see it now," she straightened up, looking down at the men on the ground, with a sting of anger.

"Really kid, you are not going to take my hand, because you are lucky you even have a hand," Negan continued, "same as your boy Daryl over here now that I think about it."

Alice turned to look at Daryl, who was leaning on the fence, focused on them, not minding a walker not inches away from him.

"Daryl, please do be careful."

"Yes, Daryl, watch out for that thing, it is trying to take a bite out of you," Negan looked down at Carl, "it's a fucking nasty business, trying to keep those fuckers in line. It would be even nastier with one hand. What do you think, Carl?"

It took Carl few moments to process the threat, before backing down and taking Negan's hand.

"Smart kid," Alice smiled, "must have picked that from his mother."

"Dwighty boy, grab Daryl over there and get some snacks for us, will you? Doll, would you mind checking that problem Joe has while I give Carl a grand tour."

"Are you?", Alice took a step coming closer to him.

"He is unarmed and he is on our territory, please doll, stop worrying that much," Negan whispered to her.

Alice turned around to look at Carl, he was standing few feet's away from them, carefully watching them.

"Alight," her head fell down, "I'll be in our room."

Negan took her chin, lifting her head and kissing her, they were like that for half a minute before they parted away, "and you won't worry while you are there?"

She wrinkled her nose, looking up to the sky, "I won't, I promise," she turned around collecting papers Joseph brought from the ground.

"Alight boys change of plans, first burn the dead then unload the truck." Negan turned to Carl, "Damn it, kid, I won't have time to screw my wife today."

He heard someone clearing his throat when he turned around Alice was looking at him, with her arms crossed over her chest, arching her brow while tapping her foot.

"Ok, maybe a quickie," he smiled.

"I don't do quickies, lover boy," she told him as she passed by him, with her face buried inside Joseph's papers.

Negan chuckled at that, leaning back and turning after her, watching her go up the stairs, when she was out of the sight, he turned to Carl.

"She is a feisty one, but kid, I ain't gonna lie to you," he leaned closer, "I love it. Now let's go I will show you around."

"What are you planning to do to me?" Carl finally spoke.

"Number one, kid, don't shatter my image about you, you are a bad ass, you are not afraid of anyone, don't be afraid of me it's a disappointment, and number two, you really want me to ruin the surprise. Screw you kid, seriously, screw you," he placed his hand on Carl's shoulder and lead him inside of the factory.

ooo

Alice was up in their room, ditching the boot and went to sit on the bed unfolding the map before her and taking Josephs notes, one of the men fell asleep and missed his rerouting check and now they have a leak that needs to be closed.

She was lost deep in the notes when she heard a soft knock on the door, "come in?" she called out, lifting her head only to see Sherry coming into the room, Alice rolled her eyes, letting out a heavy sigh.

"Can I help you with something else, Sherry?"

"Where's Negan?" woman looked around the room.

"We have a guest over for lunch, so he went to show him around. Why?"

"I need to talk to him."

"Take a seat, wait, he will be back soon. Now please, let me concentrate."

Sherry, looked around herself, sitting on the sofa, the room didn't look much different from the last time she was there all that was added to it was a new shelf with books and a guitar in the corner.

"You really don't have much stuff?" she asked Alice.

"No."

"Did you talk to…"

"No." Alice didn't lift her head from the papers.

"Are you going to."

"No."

"Please, Alice, everyone would have done the same thing if they were in her shoes."

Alice looked up at the woman, "did you?"

"What?"

"Did you do the same thing?"

"What? No!"

"See, example number one that you are wrong. Now please, sit there and wait for Negan, quietly."

After a few minutes of keeping quiet, Sherry spoke again.

"You don't know him like I do, Alice. You don't know what he is capable of."

"And you don't fucking know what I am capable of if you don't shut the fuck up!"

Sherry stood up, pacing from one side of the room to another, "Alice, please, tell him just to go gently on her, you don't have to tell him not to punish her."

"I said, no! And besides he won't do shit to her, if he wanted to punish her he would by now. He would never hit any of you or do anything to physically hurt you. Now please, sit the fuck down, be quiet or get out."

"There are worst things he can do to her than that, Alice, he is a monster. Can't you see it."

Alice was seeing red, she stood up from the bed, grabbing a woman by the throat and pinning her against the wall.

"I told you fucking once, I told you fucking twice, to shut the fuck up and still you don't listen. Now, you will leave this instant and never fucking talk to me again. Also, if I ever hear you calling him a monster ever again, I will personally cut that tongue out of your mouth. Are we fucking clear?", Alice let go of her, turning around and going back to bed.

"You were right, you are worse than he is," Sherry whispered, turning around and leaving the room.

After a few minutes, doors opened with Carl coming inside with a tray of fruit in his hands and Negan coming after him.

"Are all those women, really…"

"Yap, my ex-wives," Negan chuckled when he saw Alice sitting on the bed, looking up at them.

"Had fun boys," she smiled.

"Yes, doll," Negan leaned, kissing her cheek, "had to show him all the wonders of this world."

"Sooo, you took him to look at the titties of your ex-wives?" Alice arched her eyebrow.

"Yes, I would never let him look at yours," he pressed his forehead against hers, taking a tip of her shirt and pulling it, peeking inside, "these two babies are only for my eyes."

"You are one dirty man," Alice chuckled.

"I know," he kissed her, "and you fucking love it! By the way, doll, get ready, we are having a barbecue late."

Negan straighten up, looking at Carl and gesturing him to leave the food one the table and to sit down, Alice smiled, she's been waiting for this day too long and now it finally came.

"Sherry was looking for you."

"I know, I ran into her on my way here," Negan was sitting across the table from Carl, "she wanted to talk about Amber, but I already dealt with that shit."

"Good," Alice nodded, not wanting to ask any more questions in front of strangers, "you want me to leave you boys alone?"

"No, doll, I like to have something pretty to look at, stay," Negan winked at her, before concentrating on Carl.

"Ok, kid let's get started."

"Started on what?"

"I want to get to know you a little better…"

ooo

Alice shot down at that moment, turning her attention to the problem at her hands leaving Negan to deal with his own, he was close and that was enough to keep her mind at ease.

It didn't take more than a minute for Negan's voice to break her concentration and make her reach for her gun.

"Two men! Two men…punishment. You really wanna piss me off?" he was growling at Carl, leaning closer, clenching his jaw with a dark look on his face. Carl was shifting in his seat, turning to look at Alice, before letting his head fall as he reached for the bandage on his head unwrapping it.

Negan chuckled, "almost there… get the hair off your face, let me see…"

Alice looked up from the papers on the bed, interested more about what was going on inside the room, as Carl lifted his head and moves his hair from his eye. She saw many things in her life, gore was not something that ever disturbed her, not before when she saw it on the big screens or now when she saw it as a part of her daily routine, but this, this was something else, this was just…. she couldn't find words for what it was… kid, to live through that, it was just wrong.

"Sweet, Jesus," she just whispered, on the other hand, Negan was not so subtle, not that he ever was.

"Christ! That is disgusting, no wonder you cover that up, have you seen it, I mean have you looked in the mirror, that shit is gross as hell, I can see your socket. I wanna touch it, can I touch it?"

He heard Alice clearing her throat, he looked at her and she was staring back at him, gesturing with her eyes at Carl, Negan turned his head trying to figure out what was she referring to, when he saw Carl looking down at the table, with his mouth opened, breathing heavily and tears dripping down his face.

"Oh, damn,' Negan run his hand over his face, he knew he has gone too far, "holy hell kid, look, I…just… it's easy to forget.. you are just kid, I didn't mean to hurt your feeling or anything, I was just screwing around…"

The room was filled with tension, Negan's head was down as he was side eyeing Alice, who was looking at Car with eyes filled with sadness, shaking her head and looking down at the map on the bed. When someone knocked on the door, Alice rolled her eyes, today their room was more like a bus station than an actual room.

After a long moment of debating should he let the person in or chase her away, Negan finally spoke: "come in."

Joseph busted into the room, with wide smile on his face, holding Lucile in his hand, "Sorry to interrupt sir, but you left Lucile out by the truck"

"Really, Joseph, are you the only person left alive in this place, cause I can swear you are the only person I am seeing these days," Alice asked him.

A man turned to look at her, "what?"

"Nothing," she shook her head, looking down on the papers.

"Really?" Negan asked, " I never do that, I guess a kid firing a machine gun is a little bit of distraction. All joke aside" he looked at Carl, "you look rad as hell, I wouldn't cover that shit up, it may not be hit with the ladies, but I assure you do nobody will mess with you looking like that, no sir."

Alice stood up from the bed, going to the bathroom and deciding to take a quick shower, she had a feeling long day is ahead of them and she really wasn't in the mood to watch Joseph stumble around with words.

It took her not more than ten minutes to be done, hurrying up outside of the bathroom, just to see Negan standing in the middle of the room, swinging Lucile while Carl was singing. He came closer to her, wrapping his arms around her waist with Lucile now hanging behind her and bringing his face closer to hers, as he started to slow dance with her around the room, singing along.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away " he leaned closer to her, kissing her cheek gently with a smile on his face.

As Carl stopped singing, he released her from his embrace, leaving one of his arms on her lower back and leading her towards the table, "that's pretty good kid," he smiled down at Carl.

"What do you think, doll."

"One: how long were I in that bathroom and two: yeah, it was really good, I could teach you how to play the guitar," she smiled down at the kid, her brother was about the same age as Carl when John started teaching him how to play.

"Well, that would be cool, wouldn't it Carl? My doll here is amazing with guitar and has a voice of angels, hahaha, you two could start a band," Negan leaned back, chuckling.

"Did you mom used to sing that to you?" Alice asked him, as she sat down on the table, "where is she now?"

Carl's face fell, she knew that demeanor, she knew it all too well, "shit, dead?", he just nodded.

"Did you, saw it happen?" she asked cautiously, she knew that the turf she is stepping on now has a slippery ground.

"I was the one that shot her before she could…"

"Shit," Alice looked up at Negan, he placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it. She now understood everything that kid has done by now, hell, she would probably be that kid if the circumstances back then were the same as they were now.

"Damn it," Negan tried to cut through the tension, "no wonder you are a little serial killer in the making."

Carl looked up at him, scowling.

"That was an example of breaking balls kid," he chuckled, "get up, it should be ready by now."

"What should be ready?" Carl shifted his eye between the pair.

"The iron!" Alice elated, as she stood up, taking Carl's hand and leading him out of the room, with Negan coming after them, swinging Lucile on his shoulder as he started whistling.


	25. the only thing worth fighting for pt4

I hope this one was better than the last few and look at me, updating on time. Yeeeey :)

Btw, where are you people, I am not the one to ask for reviews, but the lack of them I received for the last few chapters really got me asking myself, is anyone reading this anymore O.o  
And if there is big thanks for all of you who stick around for so long, 25th chapter, wow, I never expected I would get there, and still have so many ideas to play with and the will to do it.

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DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

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 **for one quote more:** "I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences. But our innocence goes awfully deep, and our discreditable secret is that we don't know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don't care that we don't." ― Dylan Thomas

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The hall was full, it looked like every person from the compound was there and probably was, the news about what was about to play out, spread like wildfire, everyone already knew what happened in this hall just a few days ago, now it's time for conclusion and there wasn't a person there who didn't want to witness it. It was like a live television show, the world has changed but not people, still hungry for gossip, for drama, for something to fill their empty days and quiet nights. The greater person was, the juicier the gossip got and in this world, Negan was the greatest one of all, their king and Alice his queen and the only person people in Sanctuary feared more than Negan. With him they knew what to expect, although to an outsider it looked like he did things randomly, people here knew, it was all written down in a strict set of rules, with already determined punishment for insubordination, but with Alice, no one ever knew what to expect, one day she will be with them in the hall smiling, playing her guitar and another day she would come back from some run, covered in blood or would scare someone shitless for one wrong word. Once she slapped one woman who dared to comment on how things were run around here and how unfair the pointing system was, since then no one dared to even think let alone say something negative about Negan, fearing she was right around the corner, listening. But other than that, she strangely ignored every comment she heard about her or hers relationship with their leader or her cruelty, brushing if off with a smile and a wink, almost like she enjoyed it. So they talked for days about what happened in this hall with Mark, about the way Negan acted, showing he is a man with fears and feelings for the first time, but even events like that would lose its magic after some time and now they were about to get another dose of drama and this time no one wanted to miss it and have to hear about it from someone else.

Daryl was standing near the chair where Mark was sitting, with his hand's tied behind his back, nervously shaking his leg, looking at Dwight, who was near the open furnace, holding the rod with iron on the other side, heating it up.

The sound of bat beating down on the rail echoed through the hall, in the moment everyone was on their knees, looking up at Negan, Alice and Carl as they were coming down the stairs.

Alice and Carl walked in front, keeping their pace while Negan was slowly slowing down, surveying the people gathered there, smiling at their numbers, the entire compound was there, everyone ready to sacrifice their points just to see how the traitors were dealt with, how the justice was served, rules complied by and order maintained and that fed his ego.

The second Alice and Carl reached to the bottom of the stairs and joined the group, not kneeling but proudly standing, he started his speech.  
"You all know what about to happen will be hard to watch," he began, "I don't wanna do it, I wish I could ignore the rules and let it slide, but I can't, why?"

"RULES KEEP US ALIVE," the crowd shouted and it made Alice smile, filling her with pride, she was a part of that union and as cruel they might look to the rest of the world, there at that moment they were one, they were community and they were the strongest on of all.

"That…is…right," Negan continued, "we survive, we provide the security to others, we bring civilization back to this world, we are the Saviors! But we can't do it without rules, rules are what make it all happened, I know it is not easy, but there is always work to be done, there is always a cost, here if you try to scurte it! If you try to cut that corner! Then it is an iron for you… on your feet."

Negan came down, "hold this for me? My doll and I have a lot of work to do," he turned to Carl, giving him Lucile before bringing his arm to rest on Alice's shoulders and leading her where Mark was.

Carl looked around the hall, he was surprised with amount of people that gathered there, it was almost as twice as many then in Alexandria, he saw Negan's ex-wives standing in the front row, wearing tight black dresses and consoling the blond woman who was crying her eyes out, then his eye drifted to Daryl who was holding a mop inside of the bucket of water, he only nodded at him, giving him a sign that he is ok. The sound of giggles turned his attention back to the center of the hall, where Negan and Alice were, she was bending down and looking at the man that was tied down to the chair.

"Haiiiiiiiiiii, Mark, long time no see. How's your little pecker doing," she gestured at his groins, "hope peeing was not too painful for you these past few days."  
Man didn't speak, just breathing through his teeth. "hahaha, well that will teach you not to stick it where it doesn't belong."

"D.. is it ready?" Negan turned to Dwight, pulling the big glove on his hand and taking the heated up iron from the rod.  
"Alice, doll, I need some space?"

"Oh, sorry, I was just trying to memorize how his face looks now," she hopped a step back, giving Negan enough room to maneuver. He was about to bring the Iron to Mark's face before he stopped and turned to her, tilting his head to the side, biting the tip of this tongue, smiling.

"Where are my fucking manners, doll, do you wanna do it?"

Alice looked at the iron and then at him, she really did want to do it, but she had her turn with Mark, it was time for Negan to get his payback and that was something she would never take away from him.

"Oh, I am flattered, but I think you deserve these honors"

"C'mon doll, I'm a gentleman."

"I know, but this lady already had her first turn."

"I know, doll," he wrapped his free arm around her, "but don't tell me you don't wanna do this now," he growled in her ear.

Alice was looking down at Mark, who was nervously shifting his eyes between the pair, " I do, I ain't gonna lie, but this is your turn on him, your payback," Alice leaned closer to Negan, gently stroking the tip of her nose through his beard, kissing his cheek gently.

"Well, I want to fucking share it with you, so wanna do this together?"

Alice nodded, biting her lip and taking the other glove from Dwight, before coming to stand at Negan's side, resting her hand over his, looking at him, her eyes glistening and wide smile stretching over her face, reaching her eyes, it made his insides tingle and his mouth move to mimic hers as his face turned red for blood running faster through his veins. He stared at her for a long moment, before shaking the feelings that were rushing over him and bringing himself back to reality and the problem they were dealing with, later he will let those feeling flow free, behind the security of their four walls and king size bed.

"I am sorry, Mark, but this is just the way it has to go," Negan spoke before bringing the iron to man's face.

The room was filled with screams of agony and scent of burning flesh; you could hear some people running out of the hall, probably to throw up. Negan took a step towards Alice, trying to avoid the pool of piss that was now forming on the floor.

Carl was petrified, looking at the iron, not being able to avert his eye as Negan pulled it away from Marks' face, he couldn't believe what he just witnessed, he looked around the hall, some people were disgusted, but most of them were observing the event with unnatural coldness.

Alice giggled, as Negan gave iron back to Dwight, "what's so funny doll?"

"Oh, nothing," Alice was looking down at now unconscious Mark, biting the tip of her index finger.

"C'mon doll, tell me," Negan whisper into her ear.

"This reminded me on when back before this shit, a bride and a groom would cut the wedding cake, that's all. I just found funny how things like that were now morbidly similar to things like this."

"Fucking shit, doll, you are sick," Negan chuckled, rubbing his beard, looking at Marks' face, Alice just glanced at him with wide eyes and a big smile on her face continuing to giggle.

"Fucking, Jesus, I love it," he pulled her closer, giving her a passionate kiss, not minding the crowd around them he couldn't resist the urge to touch her, to feel her and to kiss her. When they broke apart, Alices face was red, her lips swollen of the intensity his kiss and her eyes fuzzy, she blinked a few times trying to get a hold of herself and bring back the balance of her trembling feet. When she was sure she could stand properly, she left his embrace and bent down, to take a closer look at Mark's face.  
"I can tell you one thing, we are fucking artists, baby."

"That we are, doll, that we are," he turned to Carson "Doc, do your thing we are done here," the doctor came running to the man, feeling his pulse with other Savior untying his hands.

"He pissed himself," Alice looked disgusted.

"Daryl, clean that mess," Negan ordered, before coming to Carl and leaving the hall, with Alice at their heels.

ooo

Back at their room, Negan decided he needed a cold shower and left Alice in charge of babysitting Carl. She was cleaning her gun while sitting on the floor beside the bed, Carl was watching her for some time in silence, but with Alice's luck, those moments of silence never lasted long.

"Where did you learn to use the gun?"

"My father thought me, you?", she looked up.

"Same, after this happened."

"You're good, I mean for a kid, you still need more practice, more patience. But it will come with years," she smiled.

"I'm a good shot, " Carl glared at her his nostrils flaring.

"I didn't say you that you weren't good, but you aren't as good as you could be."

"My father was a police officer, I think he would know if there is anything else to teach me."

"There is: how to fight dirty, this is a dirty world kid and only the dirty players come on top."

"Like you and your boyfriend?"

"Oh, kid, you could never be like me and my "boyfriend" " she held out the quotation signs in the air, "and believe me, you should be grateful for that."

"What are you planning to do with me?"

"I ain't planning shit, kid."

"And you should be fucking grateful for that," they heard Negan's voice as he was going out of the bathroom, "knowing my doll, she wouldn't be as easy on you as I will."

He sat down on the sofa, across from Carl with a smirk on his face, taking a guard book, opening it up and starting to plan the shifts, Alice just shook her head, letting it fall down and going back to her gun.

It passed a long time before any of them spoke again, Alice was done cleaning her gun, just sitting on the floor, her legs folded trying to figure out what to do next, Josephs papers were still spread all over the bed but she didn't have any will or concentration to go through them again, she already found a solution all it needs now is a bit of polishing and her mind was racing in hundred different directions to be able to do that.

She went to her bookshelf, she could swear was becoming fuller with every passing hour, she knew Negan was the one bringing all those books from the library, she never actually caught him doing it or figure out when did he manage the time but lately even people that went out to do regularly scavaging trips were coming back with piles of new ones, the library becoming packed with everything your heart desired, from old repair magazines to encyclopedias. She wasn't sure what exactly brought that change but she liked it, so she didn't question it much.

"Can I wrap up my face now?" Carl finally decided to speak.

"No, you most absolute can...not."

"Why the hell not?!"

"hahaha, would you look at this bad ass," Alice joined the conversation, falling down on the sofa next to Negan with the book from the Hilltop in her hands.

"I told you he is a badass doll, didn't I."

"You sure did," she shook her head, opening the book and starting to read it, she was lost in it for a few moment when she felt Carl jumping up.

She reached for her gun, in one swift moment was on her feet, with him on the gun point.

"You should jump out the window to save me the trouble of killing you," he spoke to Negan not minding her at all.

"Easy there, kid," she growled.

"What you are going to shoot me?" Carl asked her. "You would love to do it wouldn't you, you would love to kill every single person who looks at your boyfriend the wrong way… but you won't, you can't… he won't let you," he pointed at Negan, who was laughing at the scene, clapping his hand and falling into the sofa.

"That's why he isn't telling me what he will do, that's why you are not telling me what he will do. You can't kill me because he can't, not me, not my dad, not Daryl. But if you knew us better, you would kill us, but you can't, because you two are full of shit, just two cowards hiding behind the act you put on and when it doesn't work, hiding behind each other."

"Oh, sweet Jesus," Alice started to laugh, lowering her gun. "Well 'boyfriend' what do we do now?"

Negan couldn't stop to laugh at the speech Carl just gave them, wiping his tears away and trying to catch his breath, "well, 'girlfriend' I don't fucking know. we could just keep him."

Alice's mouth fell open, her eyes widening and it was all he needed to start laughing again, pulling her down on the sofa and hugging her, "I'm just kidding doll, I have enough trouble controlling your murderous tendencies to have an adolescent you to deal with as well."

"Fuck you, Negan." She tried to pull away from him, but the more she struggled he was just holding her tighter, still laughing.

It took him few minutes to get around and collect himself, during which time Carl was still standing, not sure what is happening and Alice just going limp in his embrace as a sign of protest.

When he finally collected himself, releasing Alice with a long and loud kiss on her cheek, he looked up at Carl, grinning.

"Maybe your right, kid, maybe I can't, maybe that's why my doll can't," Negan clapped his hands getting up, " so let's just fucking go for a ride."

ooo

They were out in the back courtyard when to Alice's surprise the row of trucks was already waiting for them, with around twenty saviors ready to go.

"We are ready when you are, boss," Arat came to them, holding her rifle, ready to move.

"Good, my doll, Carl and I will take the green truck the rest of you follow behind us, let's move people," Negan gave them the order, whistling and making a circle in the air with his finger.

Not far away from the first truck was Dwight, waiting for them, with Daryl at his side, Negan walked past him, before turning around, "you look worried Daryl, so I just want you to know we are taking the kid back to his dad."

"If you do anything to him… I swear…"

"Dwight, take him to his box, he needs a bit cooling down," Alice was already standing in front of Negan giving an order to Dwight.

"We will speak when I come back," she growled at him, displeased with the threat's he was sending Negan's way. As he was dragged away, his eyes were glued to her waiting for some kind of reassurance they won't hurt Carl but she didn't turn around, just went around the truck, putting her glasses on and taking the drives seat, punishing him with doubts.

"Ready to move, doll."

"Yes, boss," she turned on the truck and started driving in the direction of Alexandria.


	26. The only thing worth fighting for pt5

**NOTES:** Just a quick one, hope you like it, things will get moving soon.  
Thank you all for your reviews on my last chapter, It was nice to hear from some of you who never reviewed before, it really lightened my mood so thank you immensely, I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and review, it helps me to write and inspiration to flow.

Hopefully, I will finish the next chapter soon and be able to update again before this week end's but if nothing it will be up next week.

Love you all and enjoy :*

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"So what we are just taking him back to Rick?" Alice asked Negan while they were marching towards Rick's house.

The ride to Alexandria was surprisingly smooth, without any road blocks or walkers standing on their way, the Saviors were already out and going around the community, collecting the payment when Alice and Negan left them to go find Rick.

"Take it as a peace offering. Hopefully, it will smoothen the process of our collaboration and make it more pleasant for both sides, not just us."

"Yeah, maybe it would work with reasonable people."

"My dad is reasonable," Carl intervene, scowling, in between the pair

"Sure he is, kid, sure he is," Alice did understand what Negan was trying to do here, but she didn't believe it would go the way he predicted it would.

When she met with people from Hilltop, they looked at Saviors with fear in their eyes, ready to deliver everything they asked for, while here in Alexandria she might as well be walking with a bull's eye on her back.

They were greeted with Olivia on the door if scowling and turning red can be called greeting.

"Where's Rick?" Negan was already in the house, looking around himself while casually holding Lucile.

"I…I… I just…"

"Dooooon't care, where's Rick?"

"He's out, scavenging for you…"

"Nice to know he is not scavenging for someone else," Olivia turned around to see Alice standing behind her back, her hands resting on her hips with a devious smile on her face.

"He…we…I mean."

"God, you are cute what you are scared," Olivia's head fell, turning around trying to avoid Alice's stare.

"Good thing my doll likes you because we will wait here, for your fearless leaders return."

"He… he's gone really far… he may not come back today. We're running really low one everything, we are practically starving here. "

"Starving… you…"Negan scanned the woman from head to toe, "By practically, you mean not really."

In a moment woman started crying, turning away from both of them, burying her face in her hands. Negan was at lost, running his hand over his face, trying to figure out what to do next.

"Really?" Alice smiled, "Really? You mean, mean man, you made this poor thing cry."

She came closer to woman, tapping her back, "there, there, he didn't mean that…"

"These people don't have a fucking sense of humor, doll."

Alice just shook her head, smiling, bending down a bit trying to catch Olivia's eyes.

"Don't cry… we can make it better," Alice side eyed Negan, winking, coming to his side and taking him away from Olivia and Carl, whispering something into his ear that made him chuckle.

"Yes, we surely fucking can…" he swiftly took Olivia's shoulder turning her around to face him.

"Listen…." and he was at lost again, "I mean, listen…. the fuck is her name, doll," he leaned back, turning to Alice, with a wide smile stretching across his face.

"Olivia," Alice was barely keeping her act together as she was coming to stand behind woman again, biting her lower lip and surveying her with a wolfish grin on her face.

"Yes… listen, Olivia. I am sorry for being so rude to you just now, my doll here has shown me the error of my ways," he rested his hand on his chest, bowing his head down, waiting for a few moments for his apology to settle down, before lifting his head, looking at woman, his lips shut tight, taking a deep breath in, "it looks like we are going to stay here for a while, my doll thinks and I fucking agree, that it would be pleasurable for the both of us… and you, to screw your brains out, we are really good."

"Of course, if you are agreeable to it," Alice whispered into woman's ear.

In a moment, Olivia stopped crying, wiping her nose with the tip of her shirt sniffing before looking up at Negan and then slightly turning her head to the side to look at Alice who was resting her chin on her shoulder, before planting the back of her hand onto Negan's face, slapping him so hard he almost made entire circle around himself..

"Ouch, that looked painful," Alice whistled, taking woman's shoulder and turning her so they could be face to face, "so you like it rough, never would have thought."

Olivia tried to back away from her, only to bump into something else, she looked up and it was Negan, looking down at her.

"Just so you know, I am about fifty percent more into the idea now. What do you think doll?"

"I would love to see how she is when turned on, I bet she's a wildcat. You, my dear, are something" Alice ran her hand slowly over woman's cheek, caressing her, "Saint on the surface but so hungry for earthly sins, aren't you?"

Olivia felt trapped, standing between the pair, as Alice brought her face only inches away from hers, "Offer stands if you change your mind, but don't slap him again simple 'no' or 'yes' will do just fine."

A woman didn't speak, she didn't even breath, her face turning read as they were squeezing her with their bodies, and just like that, in a second they both backed away acting like nothing happened.

"All right, I am just going to put my feet up and wait for my stuff to get here. Olivia, please be a lamb and make us some lemonade out of that powdery stuff I left you last time."

It didn't take her more than a minute to run out of the house, slamming the doors behind her.

"Fuck, I can't get lucky today," Alice spat.

"You think we took it to far, dear?" Negan came behind her, locking his hands around her waist, brushing her hair away from her neck and grazing his lips softly against her neck, pressing his lean body against her. Alice let her head fall back over his shoulder, with a wide smile on her face, looking up at the ceiling.

"Nah, I am sure she knows we were just joking around."

"You think."

"I am positive," Alice turned to kiss him, "I am going to check on our supplies, be back in ten."

"And I am going to stay here and wait for Rick the prick to show up, if you happen to see him, tell him to hurry up."

"I will," Alice she was reluctant to leave his arms, but there was work to be done and she wanted it done as soon as possible.

She saw Arat standing near the front porch, "You will keep guard here?"

A woman just nodded, and it was enough to put Alice's mind at ease.

ooo

Alice, though she would take a look around the community, last time she was here everything was still new and fresh to her, now it would be a good time for scouting the area, but the feeling place was giving her was unnerving, she didn't know what it was about, but every time she was here or even close, the unpleasant sense of dread was washing over her and her legs had a mind of their own, leading her towards the gates.

Good thing Arat stayed close to Rick's house, so at least that was one thing that didn't beat down on her right now, although to her knowledge that was the only thing that should be beating down on her, Negan's safety was the only thing she should be concerned, and still this place made her feel like there were hundred and one things she should worry about, it felt like every house was screaming at her, every tree weight her down with its own problems and her being the only one with an answers.

"I fucking hate this place," she mumbled.

At the gate she saw Gary and Laura unloading the supplies from a car with the man she remembers from the gates first time they came around, she decided to join them.

"Is that a fucking bow?" Garry heard from across the yard.

"It is," he handed it to her as she approached.

"Wow, this is some neat shit, you found it?" she turned to the man, who was covered with dirt and blood.

"Yes, that's all me."

Alice took one of the arrow and drew the bow, aiming, "this is a good bow, not as good as mine but still. It would be fun to teach one of you to shoot."

"I'll pass," Laura and Gerry said in unison, turning back to the supplies.

Alice frowned "what? Are you saying I am a bad teacher?"

"Alice, you shouted at a woman few day ago because she was walking too slowly in front of you while you were unloading the truck."

"Me, she shouted at me," Laura scowled.

"You make me sound like a bad person in front of a stranger."

"You are not a bad person Alice, but you are not the most patient person either," Garry patted her back.

"And you don't have to be a stranger," Laura turned to look at the man, "if you keep this up, who knows, maybe I'll show you where I live, maybe buy you a sandwich."

Alice snorted at that, shaking her head and turning to Garry to look at the rest of supplies.

"just say when and I'll be there."

"You like watching haircut?" Laura shouted, making Alice look up just to see a man with wired haircut looking their way.

"Yes, I mean no."

"Beat it," Laura chased him away, winking at the man that was standing at her side and going back to unloading the supplies.

Man left them, strolling back to his home, happy with all the praises he received.

"Really, buy his a sandwich? Is that what it is called nowadays? The ultimate aphrodisiac, pickle sandwich." Alice teased Laura...

"Fuck you, Alice, not all of us can sleep with the king and eat a caviar off his dick."

"We have caviar?" Alice looked at Garry who just smiled, shaking his head.

"You know what I mean." Laura chuckled.

"I know, but it doesn't mean you have to fuck the jester."

"Can you two have a single conversation that sounds appropriate for general public." Garry intervened.

"Noooo, Is this?" Alice took a jar that inspecting it, "powdered lemonade, fuck, this shit is everywhere."

"So how is it?" Laura bumped her shoulder.

"What? This shit? Gross, I don't get why Negan loves it."

"Noo, you fool, I mean how is it, you know, to fuck the king."

"Hahahaha, oh I don't kiss and tell, I'm a lady."

"Never would have thought from the sounds coming from your room last night."

"Quit skulking around our room past midnight. In the matter of fact quit skulking around any bodies room past midnight."

"And what should I do?"

"Fucking sleep Laura," Alice patted her back, "I'll be going now. Let me know if any of you change your mind about those lessons."

ooo

Alice checked few other supplies trucks, it was a tedious and boring job, something Simon would always do, but Simon was not with them today so the task fell on her. After a few checkups she assigned Garry to watch the unloading and packing the goods and she decided to go back and see what was Negan up to.

She was close to Ricks house when she saw Negan and Carl sitting on the front porch, with Negan cradling a baby.

"What the fuck did you do and who's child is that?" Alice couldn't believe her eyes, he shaved his beard, he actually went along and shaved his beard.

"Look, doll, I got us a baby."

"Ah-a," Alice didn't even look at the child sleeping on Negan's chest, "Where the fuck is your beard?"

"You like it?" he grinned up at her.

"I…I…" she cocked her head slightly to one side, bringing her hand to his cheek and caressing it, "I.. don't fucking know, it's different."

"I look younger don't I?"

"You look like a fucking teenager, good thing this world is how it is or I would be arrested," Alice teased him, she did like how he looked now, but it was, different.

"Well look at my fucking smooth talker here."

"I learn from the best."

"Are you hungry doll?"

"I could eat a fucking horse."

"Well then, something has to be fucking done about it," Negan stood up, giving her a baby, "I saw some spaghetti in the kitchen. Let's make launch and surprise your dad," he turned to Carl leading him back into the house.

Alice followed after them holding a child awkwardly in her arms, "and what am I supposed to do with this?"

"With what, doll?" Negan turned around.

"Well, this," she held a child in his direction.

"Well, I don't fucking know, play with it."

"It's not a fucking ball, Negan."

"I'll take her," Olivia came, taking a child away from Alice with a look full of judgment.

In not more than an hour the neat kitchen that looked like it has never been used before looked like a battle ground, with floor and sauce everywhere.

They set the table, with everyone taking their seat's, the aroma's made Alice's stomach growl and mouth water.

"Are we going to eat?", she looked at Negan.

"We will wait for Rick to return then we will eat, doll, it's fucking rude not to wait and we are not a rude people."

"Well it's rude to be so late as well," she scowled, locking her arms over her chest pouting.

They all waited in silence, for what it looked like, eternity, Negan was humming some tune, Olivia putting Judith to sleep and Carl silently looking down.

"Ok, where the fuck is Rick?", Alice was one to break the silence, she was losing her patience.

"Well, I don't fucking know where he is, but I ain't waiting for him anymore, my doll is hungry and I am famished as well. Carl, pass the bread," Negan spoke, making Alice jump in her seat with excitement.

They finished their lunch, and while Olivia and Carl were cleaning up the mess, Negan was sitting in the rocking chair on the porch, with Alice in his lap, resting her head on his shoulder.

"This is really a nice place, doll, what do you think?"

"I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders.

"We could move here one day, you know, life in suburbs, big white house with garden. Have a barbecue with neighbors every Sunday, maybe make two brats of our own so they could run around, one boy so you could teach him how to shoot and one girl so I can spoil her. "

Alice tensed, straightening up and looking at him, "you are joking, right?"

Negan frowned, "what? That sound too fucking normal for you? You don't want a quite life, fucking normal life for once?"

"It's not that."

"Then what the fuck is it, doll, I don't get it. If you don't like this place, well fuck, we will find another one just like this."

"It's not that I don't want to…"

"Then what the actual fuck is it?"

"It's that I can't."

"Can't what?"

Alice opened her mouth to talk, when they heard Arat's voice, "I told you, you can't see him."

They went out, to find her fighting with the same man Alice saw on the gate's, earlier that day, he was clean now, wearing a plain gray shirt, with his hair combed back and holding a half full bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"Don't be an asshole Arat, let the man in," Negan chuckled, "look doll, we are getting a drink."

"Good, I fucking need it," Alice let out a heavy sigh.

"Hi, I'm Spencer, " man approached them with a smile, extending his hand to Negan.

"Well, nice to fucking meet you, Spence, do come in."


	27. The only thing worth fighting for pt6

Two chapter in one week, looked at me, getting shit done, I think Negan would be proud xD  
Hope you like this one, again thank you for all your support and read you next week.

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 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

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 **for one quote more:** "The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world's existence. All these half-tones of the soul's consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are." ― Fernando Pessoa

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Negan led the man to the porch while Alice went to fetch the glasses when she came out the two men were sitting in silence, Negan obviously amused with how uncomfortable Spencer looked.

"Are we having fun yet, boys?" Alice smiled, bringing the glasses to the table and filling them with the liquor.

"I do fucking hope we are getting there, doll," Negan took her hand, swinging her around and bringing her to sit on his lap. Spencer smiled at them over the edge of his glass while taking a sip of his drink.

Alice wasn't so fancy, she drank the entire glass in one gulp.

"God damn it, this is a good stuff."

"Easy there, doll, you are supposed to be the sober driver."

"Don't worry about me, boss."

"You're not the one I fucking worry about, I need to get home in that truck. Unless…" he turned to Spencer.

"The air condition, house warming gift, that settles it I am getting us a vacation home here."

Alice frowned, part of her knew Negan was just joking around, but the other part of her, the annoying part, felt that there were hints of truth in his statements. Part of him wanted everything he said to her and it was unsettling to know that she will never be able to give it to him, no matter how eagerly she wanted to, that was one thing she could never give to him, a man she would conquer the entire world for.

"You know what would make this day even better, a pool table," Negan voice brought her back to reality, and she couldn't help but giggle, thinking about Simon.

"What the fuck is so funny doll?"

"Nothing, just thinking how Simon would be enthusiastic about the game of pool."

Negan arched his brows, not sure what she is talking about.

"Actually, the house across the street has a pool table in the garage," Spencer finally spoke.

"Really," Negan couldn't hide his surprises, "you Spencer might just be my new best friend."

"So, up for a game of pool doll?"

"Hmmm," Alice wrinkled her nose, looking up at the sky, "the day is too nice to be scoped up inside of the garage, don't you think?"

"I totally fucking agree with you, doll," Negan smiled, biting the tip of his tongue. "Lucky for you, your man is one smart guy. I have an idea. Come with me."

Negan led Alice and Spencer outside, leaving them to stand on the street while he was talking with a two of his men few feet's away.

"Didn't know you are so highly ranked," Spencer turned to Alice.

She looked at him, frowning, "it's not yours to know."

"Fair play," man gave her a smile.

"We are all fair players; you and your people just need to learn how to play the game."

"I think I got a good hang of it, by now."

Alice snorted, "we'll see."

The garage doors opened, and few of their man took the pool table out on the street, Negan arranged the balls and broke them, instantly getting two balls inside. He straightened up, looking at Alice with a smug expression on his face.

"Looks like you're not the only one here with the sharp aim, doll."

Alice smirked, keeping her arms locked on her chest, "next one you play against me, big guy," she bumped him with her hip.

"Big guy, I love the nickname, doll," he chuckled before going back to the game.

"I could never do this with Rick," Negan turned to Spencer, walking around the table, "he would just be standing there, scowling."

"That's what I came to talk to you about."

"Well this should be interesting," Alice mumbled.

"Alright, talk to me Spencer," Negan hit the balls, "talk to me about Rick."

"I get what you are trying to do here, not that I agree with your methods, but I get it. You're building a network, making people contribute to a greater good, makes sense. But you should know, Rick Grimes has a history of not working well with others."

"Is that so," Alice could hear how Negan voice got darker.

"Rick wasn't the original leader here, my mom was, she was doing a really good job at that. She died not long after Rick showed up, same with my brother, same with my dad."

"Sooo, everything was peachy here, for like what years and then Rick shows up and suddenly you're an orphan," he turned around to look at Alice, stories like this would usually get a reaction out of her, but something about this one didn't move her. She was holding her arms locked on her chest, leaning on one foot and smirking, scanning Spencer from head to toe.

"That the saddest story I ever heard," he smiled, "good thing for you, Rick is not in charge anymore."

"Doesn't matter, his ego is out of the control, he will try to find a way to screw things up, to do things his way, to take over. That's what he did with my mom, that's what he will do again."

"What exactly are you proposing to be done about that?"

"I am my mother's son, I can be a leader she used to be, that's what this place needs, that what you need."

"So I should just put you in charge? That's what you're saying?"

"You'd be much better off."

Negan looked down, running his finger over his brow, glancing at Alice who was now holding one of her knives and playing with it, acting completely uninterested in the story.

"I'm thinking Spencer, I'm thinking how Rick threatened to kill me, how he clearly hates my guts, but he is out there right now, gathering shit for me, to make sure I don't harm any of these fine people that live here. He is swallowing his hate and getting shit done, that takes guts, " Negan looked down at the table, bending down and hitting the balls, with both his and a white one falling in the hole.

"And then there's you," he smiled, pointing at Spencer while coming closer to him, "the guy who waited for Rick to be gone so he can sneak over and talk to me, get me to do his dirty work so he can take Ricks place."

Alice felt where this is going, taking a step closer to Negan, as he continued to advance towards Spencer.

"So I gotta ask; if you want to take over, why not just kill Rick yourself and just take over."

"What..no….no… I don't," Negan held his finger up, shushing the man.

"You know what I'm thinking because I have a guess," he was not up in man's face, "it's because you got no guts."

And before anyone was the wisest, Negan pulled his hunting knife out of his belt and stabbed the man in his stomach, slashing him open.

Everyone gasped, even Alice was surprised, as Spencer looked down, holding his insides trying to prevent them for fallout out before stumbling on his knees and falling down on the ground, still alive.

"There they are," Alice came at Negan's side, looking down at the dying man with the cold look in her eyes.

"They were inside of him the whole time," Negan smiled, "he did have guts. I have never been so wrong in my entire life!" he yelled, glancing around the community and at all the people that gathered there, grinning like Cheshire cat.

He took Lucile from the side of the table, "someone, get up here and clean this mess up," he gave an order, but no one moved, no one even looked at him, everyone's eyes were glued to the now dead man on the ground.

"Oh, anyone wants to finish the game," he held Lucile up, pointing her in the direction of the group, "c'mon I was winning."

"Doll, you wanna start a new one, just to be fair?" he turned to Alice, holding Lucile in front of himself.

"Well…" and before Alice could even finish her sentence, one woman from the group, Alice remembered as Rosita, pulled out the gun and pointed it at Negan.

Alice looked in her direction and in that moment it felt like time has stopped, no sound except the gunfire, no one moving except the bullet, Alice turned her head, Negan was still looking at her, grinning, her smile slowly disappeared, turning into a scream, as she jumped to tackle him away from the bullet.

But she was too slow, she heard the bullet hitting something close to her, she looked down at Negan who was lying beneath her, not sure what's happening, she was looking at him for what it felt like eternity with buzzing sound filling her ears, ' _why the hell is everything moving so slow'_ , he blinked three times, with no expression of pain appearing on his face, she started tapping her hand all over him, fearing she will feel the warm and read liquid at any moment, but she didn't, it was a sign, he was not hit and in that moment time started running again.

Alice jumped up, running into Rosita, tackling her down and wrapping her hands around her throat, strangling her.

"Alice, stop," the sound of Negan voice was muffled with the buzzing in her ears.

"Alice, get off her," again his voice, it sounded so far, almost like premonition

"Alice…" she didn't obey him, keeping her eyes on her prey, squeezing her hands tighter.

She felt a pair of hands on her, trying to pull her away, but the more they pushed her the more her grip tightened, holding onto woman's throat as if her life was depending on it.

"Shit, Arat, fucking help me," Negan order Arat, "fucking shit, how can one woman be so strong! Alice, snap out of it!".

Alice felt another pair of hands on her, pulling her away, in that moment Negan face was in front of her, his hand on her shoulders.

"Alice, look at me," he took her chin and lifted her head.

"Alice, fucking look at me!", her green eyes were almost black, it was like she wasn't there, "Alice, let her go, now!"

"She shot you," Alice growled, not letting go.

"Alice, that's an order, let her fucking go! FUCKING NOW!"

Her grip loosen a bit, letting woman breath again, but her hands didn't move from her neck.

"Good girl," Negan placed his hand on her cheek, "now let her go."

"She shot you," Alice whispered.

"I know, doll, please let her go."

Alice shook her head, tears filling her eyes, "she shot you," she wept.

"I know doll, but I'm ok, not let her go, we will handle this, together."

Alice looked down at the woman, her face had no remorse to be seen, it was almost like she was daring her to finish what she started, almost begging her to do it.

But she took her hands away from her throat, scanning Negan, trying to find a bullet hole again, but there was none to be seen.

He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her up.

She was up on her feet in a second, not once letting her gaze leave Rosita, still lying down on the road.

"She shot Lucile," Alice turned to Negan who was bending down and taking bat from the road where he ditched it to get her away from the woman. He was looking down at the bat, with lines of his face hardening.

"She fucking shot Lucile!" he was furious, bringing bat close to the woman and swinging it up in the air. When it looked like he will hit her, Alice called for him.

"Negan, look at this," she was holding a bullet case in her hand, turning it around, examining it.

He turned to look at her, displeased with the interruption, "what the fuck is it?

"This bullet, it is not right."

"What the fuck do you mean it's not right?" he came closer to her.

"See this," she pointed at the bottom of the case, "this is not something that is massively produced before, this shit is home made. Someone here knows how to make it."

They glanced around the community, everyone was confused, looking at one another.

"Arat, bring that knife to her face," Negan ordered.

"Lucile's surface will never be smooth again, so why should yours? ", he brought bat close to Rosita's face, showing the bullet hole, "now unless you tell me who made this pretty little thing, I will have Arat cut that pretty face."

Alice was surveying the people around them, trying to figure out who is the manufacturer.

"It was me," the woman spoke.

Alice looked down on her, there was no way in hell it was here, "she's lying," was all she said before turning her attention back to the rest of the community.

"Is that fucking so," Negan was having enough of it, "you shot Lucile trying to kill me, and now you are lying to me! Tell me who the fuck made this shit!"

"It…was…me," woman lifted her head, bringing her cheek close to Arat's knife, scaring it.

"Wooow. You are a bad ass," Negan smiled, "but I don't have fucking time for this. Arat, kill someone."

In one swift movement, Arat pulled out her gun and shot Olivia who was standing on the porch with Carl. Alice was impressed, it was one clean shot, she arched her brow at her, smiling and giving her an approving nod.

Everyone gaped, not believing what just happened, Alice looked down at the Rosita, now standing right above her head, "you really ought to learn how this shit work's."

At that moment Rick came, with a badly beaten man leaning on him, he passed him on to one of the residents of Alexandria before looking around himself, bemused, Spencer lying sliced opened on the ground and Olivia lying dead on the porch.

"We had an agreement!" he came to Negan.

"Doll, look, it's Rick, look everybody it's Rick," Negan cheered, "your people are making me lose my voice doing all this yelling."

"Rick, how about a thank you," Negan leaned closer, as Rick was turning around himself, still not believing what he is seeing.

"I mean look, I know we started this relationship with me beating the holy shit out of your friends and that's why we won't be seating around the fire braiding each other's hair or share each other's deepest, darkest secrets, but how about a little credit, I just bent over backwards to show you how reasonable I am. Your kid he hid in one of my truck and machined gun bunch of my men and I brought him home safe and sound and I fed him spaghetti."

Alice had a hard time keeping herself not to burst out in laughter at his last sentence.

"Another one of your people," Negan continued, "well he wanted me to kill you and put him in charge, I took him out for you. Another one, here" Negan pointed at Rosita, "she shot Lucile, trying to kill me, so I gave you one mouth less to feed and by looking at her, that mouth did some major damage. I personally wouldn't pick her, but I don't fucking know, Arat didn't trust her."

Rick looked around himself again, trying to process everything that Negan just told him, "your shit is waiting for you out by the gate. Just go."

"No, not yet," Alice took a few long steps, pushing Rick away from Negan and standing in between them, "someone made this shit and almost got Negan killed," she was up to Rick's face, "who did it?"

Negan smiled at the scene, not that he would ever say it out loud but he loved this side of Alice, he let his head fall and scratched the tip of his nose, leering at Rick, "I would listeeeeen to her, Rick. She is not as half reasonable as I am."

"Who made this bullet?" Alice was holding the case right in front Rick's eyes.

"I don't know," he growled.

"I don't fucking believe you," she took a step closer to him, taking her Eagle out and pointing it at one of the residents of Alexandria, she didn't even look who, it didn't matter.

"It was me," one woman from the group stepped up.

"She's lying," Alice didn't even look at her, lifting her gun up and giving them a warning shot, she had enough of their games for she knew who she was looking and it was a male. But she didn't know who exactly is it.

"It…was…me," the weeping sound came from behind them, Negan and Alice turned to the source, the man with weird hair cut she saw at the gate was standing there, crying his eyes out.

"It was me…"

Negan turned to Alice, who was smiling at the man, "now that's our guy," she cocked her eyebrow at Negan, happy this charade game was over.

"That our guy…" Negan pointed at the man, "you fucking sure doll."

"Yes, Daryl told me a few days ago about one of those fucking geniuses from past is still alive and kicking, living here." Alice looked at Rick, gloating with his reaction to her last sentence.

Negan took a few long steps toward the man, bringing Lucille to his nose, tilting his head, "I am not fucking convinced doll."

The man closed his eyes, not being able to look at Negan directly, and started describing the process he used. He was talking fast, incoherent and not one of them understood half the things he blurted out.

Negan laughed, "Alright, I believe you."

He turned around, looking down at the bullet pierced bat, clenching his jaw and knitting his eyebrows, he was there but it looked he wasn't, his eyes darkening, closing shut as he brought bat up to his nose, "Lucile, give me strength," he growled.

"I will be relieving you of your bullet maker, Rick," he slowly twisted around to face Rick, "that and whatever you left me at the front gate and however much you scavenge, it is not good enough because you are still in serious, serious hole after today."

He was hurt, he was disappointed and he was angry, it surprised Alice he just let things slide this easily, it was obvious he was barely controlling himself, one wrong move, one wrong word and he would snap, killing everyone around him, the fact he didn't do it already, spoke magnitude about how he didn't want to hurt anyone else.

Alice took a few steps closer to him, placing her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it, he looked at her, bleary-eyed, his head sagged, she could see it, he was exhausted, broken, and pretty much done playing this game, but it was not over, they were still in the enemy territory and until they cross those gates he would need to keep a mask of the fearless leader on, all she could do now is make it easier on him. One the end it was all she could generally do, share a piece of his burden maybe take it all from time to time, but never carry it for him all the way.

"Alight, you heard the man, let's move out!"

She gave an order, which made him smile a bit in relieve, gathering the last ounce of strength, turning to Rick, "I ain't gonna lie to you, Rick, your kitchen is a god damn mess," he laughed, "I'll see you next time."

Saviors started to move, pushing Eugene in from of them, as they turned to leave, sent off by Rosita's cries and pleads to take her and leave him alone, but no one heeded her prays.

Alice looked down at her, shaking her head, "learn the rules of this game before you decide to play it."

Rosita shot her a glare, "I will get you for this," she spat.

Alice crouched down, smiling, "and I will be waiting for you."

ooo

 _ **Meanwhile at the Sanctuary:**_

Daryl was alone in his cell, resting his head again the cold wall, his mind running in hundred different directions, 'where is Carl?', 'is he ok', 'will Negan and Alice keep him safe,' hundred different questions not one good answer.

He tried to milk out a bit of reassurance from Alice before they left for Alexandria, but she was mad at him for crossing the line again, a line she didn't let anyone cross as many times as he did and still live.

'Will this be the last time she will forgive him?' , 'was this where she will turn her back on him and stop carrying how other people treated him?' , 'was this the end of their friendship?'.

He let out a resentful sigh, turning his head around, "what the hell do I care even if it is?" he berated himself. It was then when he heard light footsteps approaching the door and saw a note being swept under the door into his cell.

He took it, unsure what it was, turning it around and seeing a key glued on the back of it, he opened the note with only two words written down on it, "GO, NOW."

He couldn't believe his eyes, the key, this is a key to his freedom, his chance to get away, his chance to make everything right, his chance for revenge. But how can he be sure this is not just another trap, another test, another punishment. How can he be sure Alice is not on the other side of the door, waiting for him to fail again, waiting to deliver the final punishment, waiting to escort him out of this world, with knives in her hands and a smile on her face.

But then again, there were worst ways to go nowadays, right.

He was hesitating for a long moment, he was never a person who is scared easily so the thought of him being punished was not something that would hold him down, but if it wasn't that then what it was? He shook away the feeling that came creeping to him, 'Maybe he didn't want to leave, maybe he didn't want to leave her,' that's just bullshit, he needs to get his revenge, to stop Negan for hurting more of his people, to find a way to kill him, he needs to do it for Glen and Abraham.

He stood up, reaching for a door knob, where the familiar voice crept back to his head, "what are you doing bad boy," he turned around but there was no one there.

"Are you hungry? I will get you something to eat" again the familiar giggle and the image of her smile.

He shook his head, rubbing his eyes, she was not there, she couldn't be there, she left for Alexandria with Negan, but if she was not there then why is he hearing her, is he losing his mind. He started hitting his head with his fist, trying to chase her voice away but to no avail.

"If you continue this way, I will have to kill you and I don't want to do it, man, I really don't, but I won't flinch if It comes to that. You will be my first kill I never wanted to make," her long said words hit him like a stone, he pulled away from the door, back to the other side of his cell.

Where in the dark, images of his fallen friends came to him, the screams of pain, the gore flying all around, Lucile drenched with the brains of people he once called brothers.

He shook himself out of this thoughts, he was losing his precious time debating over something that was decided a long time ago, one of them will die, he or she, there was no way around that, she knows it, he knows it. He reached for a knob again, sliding the key inside and unlocking the door, shooting the memories of her down, leaving them in the cell he hoped he will never see again.

He was out in the hallway, looking around for the guardsman, but there was none to be seen, all he heard was a murmur of voice coming from one of the rooms, at the end of the hall. He slowly walked to it, glancing inside to see a group of men sitting around the table, surrounded by the cloud of smoke, playing poker. Apparently when Negan, Alice or Simon, weren't around this is how this place was managed.

He ran pass the door and slipped inside one of the rooms on the right, he was out of his breath, adrenaline rushing over him, he looked around the room, only to see it belonged to Dwight.

He couldn't believe his luck, he started trashing it down, letting all his bottled up anger out, punishing the room for every bruise, every push every shove, every bad word and every sleepless night Dwight gave him. He took jeans and a shirt out of his closet, slipping them on and leaving.

He was on his way out when he passed by the room he knew was meant for him, the room that was to be his prize for a good behavior, a prize he will never claim, he almost left it alone, almost, but something pulled him in. He opened the door and looked at the bed and there it was, neatly folded on the pillow, Alice's gift for him, Harley-Davidson hoody, he quickly ran inside, grabbed it and pulled it on before turning around and slamming the doors shot.

He was out of the factory, at the same place he was the last time, near the same row of bikes, he turned around himself, panicking, waiting for Alice to show up, but she never came, instead of her, the man that was looking out for him when Dwight walked towards him, eating a sandwich.

A man looked at him, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping open, with pieces of uneaten bread fallout out.

"Whoooa, whoooa,", a man raised his hands, "it's cool man, I swear, you can walk right out that back gate there and I won't say anything to anybody.. I was supposed to be there now.. I….listen… I am just trying to get by."

Not knowing why, Daryl swung the lead pipe he found in Dwight room and started bashing the man's head in, he was out of himself, he was tortured, he was left alone for hours, and the only person coming to visit him was the same person that will soon want him dead. He was sick of it all, of this world, of the way people are, everything about this was wrong, the images of all people he lost coming to him: his brother, Beth, Glenn, Abraham and finally not knowing why Alice, all of them smiling, as if they were mocking his actions.

He was brought out of his delirium with someone calling out his name, the unfamiliar voice, someone who was not a wraith of his memories.

He turned around to see Jesus, petrified and looking down at the man lying on the ground, with his head smashed to the unrecognizable state. Daryl looked down as well, "It ain't just about getting by...It's about getting it all."

He took keys from the man's belt, snapping Jesus out of his thought as they both sat down on one of the bikes and drove away.

ooo

When they were in the truck and away from Alexandria, Negan let his guard down, looking at Lucile resting on his lap, "she shot Lucile," he whispered.

Alice looked at him, he was caressing the smooth surface of bat only to stop at the bullet hole and make tiny circles with his finger around the edge of it, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in, still fighting his urge to kill everyone in the proximity.

Alice started flashing the backlights signaling the rest of convoy to stop; she took a radio and turned it on, "we are taking a ten-minute break, the rest of you go ahead we will catch you back at the base, over and out."

Negan didn't even notice they stopped, lost in his world.

"You are tired," Alice placed her hand on his cheek, he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.

"No, I'm fine," he let out a heavy sigh, giving her a weak smile.

"You know, it's ok not to be fine."

"I know, doll," he rubbed his eyes intensively, chasing away the tiredness and the tears. He knew it was stupid to fuss so much about the ordinary bat, but he couldn't help himself, it was not the bat it was a symbol, now that symbol was desecrated and it was not during the fight or in the midst of battle, but on a peace treaty mission. On a mission where all he wanted was to try and show everyone that they are good people, not monsters, they are people that survive using ruthless methods but still are capable of mercy when needed, just like everyone else.

Alice wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning closer to him and hugging him as tightly as she could, running her hand up and down his back while the other one was in his hair.

"It's ok not to be fine," she whispered, kissing his cheek.

He leaned into her embrace, bringing his arms around her and squeezing her as close as he could to himself, burying his face into the crook of her neck. He didn't speak, just holding her like that, breathing heavily. Alice didn't know was he crying or not, hesitant to part away from him and see, not like it was important anyway, this was her sharing his burdens.

* * *

 **note: I would really love to know what you thought about Daryl part, I was hesitant to put it in but went along anyway, hope I did it justice.**


	28. the only thing worth fighting for pt7

sorry for not updating this whole week, but it's summer, I hate summer and I am incapable of functioning as a human being during summer, becoming a plant.

hope you like this one, I felt a lot of pressure when it comes to Daryl's escape so I really, really hope it doesn't disappoint you all.

Thank you for your follows, fav and reviews, they mean the world to me and are basically the only thing keeping me not to crawling in some cave and waking up when September ends.

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER:** This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended

* * *

 _ **for one quote more:**_ "But the wild things cried, "Oh please don't go - we'll eat you up - we love you so!"  
And Max said, "No!"  
The wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws but Max stepped into his private boat and waved goodbye." ― Maurice Sendak

* * *

They sat in the truck for half an hour, not speaking, Alice was holding Negan in her arms, he didn't let go of her entire time, breathing heavily, when all of the sudden he parted away from her, rubbing his eyes again and smiling.

"We should go doll, I want to be the one to greet our newest resident."

"You sure you're up for that today," she placed her hand on his shoulder, knitting her eyebrow together, tilting her head to the side, concurred about him, he didn't look like he was equipped to deal with more stress today.

"We could just keep him in the cell overnight, then tomorrow you can deal with him."

"No, doll, it won't be much of a stretch, I will just greet him and pass him on to one of our people to show him around."

Alice nodded, a smile finally creeping back to her face, his plan was sensible and he was correct it won't be much of the stretch for him to do that one little thing more today.

"And we can hope his presence will soften Daryl a bit, maybe he can make him come to his senses," the idea just came to Alice's mind, Eugene didn't look like much of a threat and maybe his presence there will have more benefits than downsides.

"We can fucking try, doll," Negan gave her his signature side smirk, which always made her heart skip and legs tremble.

"So then, let me take you home, my dear sir," she smiled with a wink, reaching for radio and giving the orders to the rest of their man, "we are up and back on the road people, wait for us before releasing the prisoner. Over."

"Understood." They heard Laura's voice on the other side, "hope you had a nice time Alice, maybe share few details with me, now that I lost my chance of getting lucky. Over."

Negan chuckled at this, he was not used to seeing this side of his people often, they were always reserved around him, loosening up only when drunk.

He took a radio from Alice's hand, "Sorry, but that information is classified, Laura. Over."

"Shit, shit, shit," they heard Laura swearing on the other side and Gary laughing, "I fucking forgot he is there, shit, shit, shit."Laura continued forgetting to turn off the radio, making Alice and Negan lose it, starting to laugh like mad people.  
"Ugh, sorry, boss, Over and out."

Alice smiled, "Nice job, Laura. See you back home, over and out."

"You just got me in a shit pile of trouble, you know that right?" she turned to Negan, pulling her eyebrow together and glaring at him, with only her smile giving her away.

"Oh, don't worry dear, I'll find a way to keep her busy until she forgets all about this incident," his eyes lit and the corners of his mouth turned up, reaching his eyes, showing his pearly white teeth.

Alice knew then, he had something on his mind, and she knew then, she is going to love it and Laura won't. Shaking her head, she turned on the truck and started driving in the direction of Sanctuary, he looked better now, ready to see this day through, hopefully, all the surprises are behind them.

ooo

They were at the sanctuary not long after the rest of their man, Alice was driving like a mad woman, wanting to get this day over as soon as possible, go to their room and rest. She needed it, Negan needed it.

The group of saviors mostly the generals and top guard were waiting for them, with Eugene still in the truck with a black bag over his head and his hands tied together in front of him, you could hear him still crying as he shook in his seat.

Alice looked inside, surveying him from head to toe, it was obvious he wasn't one of the strongest people she saw, but he survived this long, so he probably had skills that made up for what his body lacked and skills like that would be very useful to them; it was easy to find raw strength nowadays but pure intellect now that was something almost extinct. Negan came behind her, looking at the shaking man, letting out a dark chuckle.

"He isn't what I expected him to be," Alice mumbled underneath her chin.

"Well, doll, talent comes in all shapes and sizes," he bumped his shoulders on hers, giving her a dirty wide smirk.

She scanned him from head to toe, raising her eyebrow and pulling the side of her mouth all the way up to her eyes, "we'll you will have to show me more examples than this one."

"You say where and when" he teased her.

She bit down her lower lip, sending him a flirtatious look as she turned around, ready to give orders to the men gather there, but before she could even open her mouth, tall, bearded Savior came running, she didn't know his name only saw him around the Sanctuary few times, she knew he was a part of Simon's scouting group but not much else, his face was red, he was breathing heavily, his words disconnected as he had to take a deep breath in after every second.

"Boss... we have... a problem."

Negan turned to the man, clutching his jaw, the color drained out of his face and deep lines forming around his eyes, he rubbed them intensively with his thumb and middle finger, taking a deep breath and looking at the man.

"What is it, Joshua."

"I..I… you better come and see for yourself."

"I'm in a fucking middle of something, so unless the fucking hoard is coming this way, I don't give a fuck."

"But… I…"

"I'll go see what it is about," Alice stepped up, she could see Negan was not equipped to deal with more than one situation today.

"Alight, doll, but be done soon, I'll go up to our room after I deal with this piece of shit here," he pointed at Eugene, who was now out of the truck and standing not feet away from them, with the bag still over his head.

"Fucking believe me, I will do my best, can't wait for this day to end," Alice took a deep breath in, preparing herself for what even is to come, as she turned around and went with the man.

"Gary, go with her, see what this shit is about and help her deal with it as soon as possible," Gary nodded, running after Alice and falling in step with her.

"Ok, now let's deal with you…" Negan took the bag up from Eugene's head, standing only feet away from him, biting the tip of this tongue, showing his pear whiter teeth.

"Welcome to Sanctuary," he grinned at the man, with a tilt.

ooo

"So what is this fuss all about?" Alice asked the man who was leading them through the factory.

"I'd rather not say anything,"

Alice scowled, looking at Gary, who just shook his head, his lips shut tight, he didn't like this anymore that she did.

"Where is Simon, why isn't he dealing with this problem?" she asked.

Man didn't even turn around to look at them, keeping up with his quick pace, "he went out with few of his man, delivering food to our outposts and then going to find something Negan asked for, don't know what, but he won't be back for few days."

"Great," she mumbled under underneath her chin, he found a great time to get lost, she thought to herself.

Man stopped walking at the exit to the other side of the compound, and finally decided to look at them, his eyes glistened with emotion, pulling his eyes brows down, "just so you know, you won't like what you will see on the other side," he told them, as he drew in a breath of air sharply and opened the door.

The sunlight hit Alice, making her view blurry, she raised her arm up, shielding her eyes from the sun, and letting her head down, just to take a step back, bumping into the Gary, who held his hands on her shoulders, keeping her from falling on her back.

"What the…" he looked down as well, furrowing his eyebrow as his mouth became agape.

Alice's face turned even paler than it usually was, her lips trembling as she placed a hand on her chest, like she was trying to keep her heart from falling out with the force it was beating on her rib cage, she pressed the heels of her hand over her eyes, rubbing them, like she was trying to erase an image before her. She wanted to sit down, but she stumbled out of Gary's hold down on the conquered floor, her eyes fixed on the man lying dead in front of her.

"Is, this," she needed to take deep breaths in, between the words, her voice becoming raspy.

"Fat Joey," man that brought them there spoke.

"Ok," Alice nodded, staring wide-eyed at the dead man, not being able to tear her eyes away, this was Joe laying there, not some random person she saw in halls, this was someone she could almost call a friend and one of the few people who actually talked to her from the very beginning. Sometimes too much, sometimes she would have to chase him away or leave in the middle of his story, but he would always come back, not resenting her for it, accepting her just the way she is. And he was now lying dead, his head smashed and only one person came to her mind who would be able to do such a thing and the thought of her being right sent shiver down her spine and brought her to the verge of panic attack. But she couldn't be right, could she, he wasn't like that, he was not like her, he had compassion in himself, she saw it, she was never wrong about things like that, no, it couldn't be him.

"It was not him," she mumbled underneath her chin as she brought herself back to reality, standing up and looking at the group gathered there, all of them looking at her, waiting for her to give them an order, waiting for her to lead as Negan wanted her to lead. And that meant keeping her emotion away from their people, not letting anyone see weakness, for things like that there were closed door and four walls behind them.

She straightened up, lifting her head and looking at everyone with a blank look, hiding every emotion away, it was easy for her to do that, she did it all the time back when the world was normal, she did it with shrinks, with her mom, with almost everyone around her.

She made a circle around the dead man slowly, watching her every step, careful not to disturbed anything, when she saw a bloody pipe on the ground, she picked it up slowly, examining it. She then looked in front of herself to see one of the bikes was missing, and the realization; that it indeed was Daryl who did this, hit her like a thunder, all the feelings of sorrow stepping aside to make room for rage, anger, betrayal.

He did this, he killed one of their man, man who was no threat to him, she was not mad about him escaping, she was not an idiot, she expected something like that to happen, but this, this was not the way it should have happened, Joseph alone was threat to no one, sure in group he would get confident and cocky, but alone, he was a man who would chicken out easily and she was sure he was not a threat to Darryl, if nothing, he would have just passed by him, letting him escape before calling for guards.

She turned to the group, her face that a few minutes ago was soft from grieving slowly changing, the contours hardening, her mouth quivering, as her hands closed to form a fists, "Go, find Dwight, this fucking moment!" she snarled the orders, her face turning red, looking like it will explode at any moment.

When no one moved, confused with her orders, her anger only grew, "I GAVE YOU A FUCKING ORDER NOW FUCKING MOVE! THIS FUKCING INSTANT! OR I WILL SMASH SOMEONE'S HEAD WITH THIS FUCKING PIPE. MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!"

She was out of the control, chasing people away in different directions, "you have one fucking hour to find that bastard, but don't tell him we are looking for him, just come back to me with his fucking location! Did I make myself fucking clear!"

Everyone nodded, as they split into the groups and scattered around the compound, looking for a blond man.

Garry came to Alice's side, looking at the men as they went away, "what will you say to Negan?"

"Shit, Negan," Alice buried the heels of her hands in her eyes, hissing, she completely forgot about Negan, how is she going to tell him this after what happened today, "fucking shit, will this day ever end."

She turned away from Garry, heading to their room, she was sure he was already there, "I'll deal with it, let me know when they find Dwight and please check Daryl's cell and make sure I am right."

"And if you are wrong?"

"Then send your thanks to whatever deity you believe in. Because if Negan doesn't kill every guard who was on duty today I fucking will."

ooo

Alice was walking slowly up the stairs in the grey corridor, trying to buy herself as much time possible, figuring out how to deal with this, unsure how Negan will react, will he blame her, she saw no reason why he wouldn't, she was the one pampering Darryl, making sure he is healthy and strong, and that was one of the main reasons why he was able to escape and why he had enough strength to beat a man Joseph's size to death.

She reached their room, standing at the door, looking down at the knob, biting her lower lip, if only she could deal with this without Negan interfering, if only she could spear him the stress she was about to put on him, she would give everything to be able to do that, but she couldn't there was no way around this, it is now or never. She took a deep breath in, taking a doorknob and turning it around, taking a step inside the room.

The daylight brighten the room, Negan was standing near the bar, his back turned away from the door, filling two glasses with whiskey.

"I thought it was you, doll," his husky voice made her shiver, but not from lust but from fear, she was afraid this was the moment she will lose him, his trust, his love, everything he has given her. He turned around, smiling, holding two glasses in his hand, he was wearing his white shirt and gray denim jeans, he ditched his jacket over the sofa with Lucile resting on the coffee table.

"Wanna drink, dear," he offered her a glass of whiskey, which she eagerly took, sipping it in one gulp, closing her eyes and shaking her head as the burning liquid went down her throat.

"Wow, easy there dear, I will start thinking you have a problem," he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer, "now, what was I planning to do to you this morning before Simon interrupted us" he smiled, biting the tip of his tongue, looking at her, his eyes shining with desire.

There wasn't a thing in this world she wanted more at that moment, as much as she wanted him, but there was no time for that now and the thought that maybe it won't even come a moment like this again, filled her with dread.

She pushed him away, as warm waves washed over her, and her throat tighten, making breathing almost impossible.

Negan saw the change in her instantly, backing away to let her breath, "what the fuck is wrong, doll," he tilted his head, eyeing her.

Alice walked past him, turning her back and putting the glass down on the table, before starting to pace from one side of the room to another, biting her nails, everything she planned to say to him before she walked into this room just disappeared from her head, leaving a blank space and empty words.

Negan was watching her carefully, patiently waiting for her to stop pacing around and talk, Alice knew he did it because he was aware how she got when worried and he always gave her enough space to collect herself, but even his patience with her had its end.

"Listen," she stopped in her step, turning to him, he was on the other side of the room, his arms locked over his chest, leaning on one foot and waiting for her to talk, "I….oh fuck…"

"What is it, doll?" his voice was soft and it only made things harder for her.

There was no way around, no way to soften this bullet, "Daryl escaped killing Joseph in the process," she blurted out, now thinking about it in retrospective she could have handled it much gracious but she wasn't gracious, she was always, kill first ask questions later, kind of person.

"What?" Negan couldn't believe what he just heard, tilting his head to the side, arching his brows.

"We found Joseph dead, his head smashed and one of the bikes went missing, I sent Gerry to check Daryl's cell and the rest of our men are looking for Dwight."

"You are fucking serious," he didn't blink for a full minute, his eyebrows falling down.

Alice took a sharp breath in, running her hand over her ponytail, "I wouldn't fucking joke about something like this."

Negan raised his finger, ready to speak when he was interrupted by hard knocks on the door, he turned his head to the side his eyes never leaving Alice, "come in."

In that moment Garry came in the room, large drops of sweat rolling down his forehead and his mouth opened, breathing like he just ran the full marathon.

"There is no one in Daryl's cell, we the door was unlocked from the inside, also Dwight is in his room, unaware we are looking for him. Just as Alice ordered," he was speaking to Negan but his eyes were glued to Alice, who looked like porcelain doll, standing on the other side of the room, her face pale, her green eyes wide opened not blinking, looking like they were made of glass and fixed in one position, looking at Negan the whole time.

"Alright, Gerry, let's have a little chat with a Dwighty boy then, gather your man and wait for me on the end of the hall."

Gary firmly nodded, leaving and closing the door behind him.

Negan breathed out sharply, his head fell down looking at Lucile, resting on the coffee table, "will this fucking day ever end."

He looked at Alice, who didn't speak, didn't blink, she looked like a ghost.

He was worried about her, it was obvious she wasn't taking this well, he took Lucile from the table and turned to leave the room when he heard footsteps following him, he turned around abruptly and there she was right behind him, ready to follow him to see this through.

But her wasn't having any of that, not this time, "you stay here."

She tilted her head to the side, squeezing her eyes shut and taking a deep breath in, opening them and shaking her head, ghosting 'please' over her lips.

"It's not for a fucking debate, Alice, you stay here!"

He closed the door behind him with her on the other side, she didn't move from the place he left her, looking at the dark polished wood, observing her shady reflection, she shook her head one more time ghosting another 'please' over her lips, but it sounded only like a whimper and nothing more. She was left alone in the silence of their room, with the sun shining on her, teasing her with no sound except her deep and heavy breathing, even her voice decided to fail her in delivering a blissful scream.

She felt like she had failed Negan, failed Joseph, failed everyone close to him who lived in this place and for what, for caring about someone only because his guilt reminded her of hers. That was a stupid sentiment from a stupid girl. , but she wasn't a girl anymore now, was she, she was a woman, no not a woman, she was a fucking idiot, that's what she was and that's what she will ever be.


	29. the only thing worth fighting for pt8

Here is another chapter, hope you like it :) Sorry for not updating sooner, work is becoming crazy and only will become crazier. I will do my best to put up a least one chapter a week, all should be back to normal until the beginning the next month.  
Thank you all for reading this and your support, it means a world to me.  
Love you all.  
Read you soon.

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "I do feel that I've managed to make something I could maybe call my world…over time…little by little. And when I'm inside it, to some extent, I feel kind of relieved. But the very fact I felt I had to make such a world probably means that I'm a weak person, that I bruise easily, don't you think? And in the eyes of society at large, that world of mine is a puny little thing. It's like a cardboard house: a puff of wind might carry it off somewhere." ― Haruki Murakami, After Dark

* * *

Negan was standing on Dwight's doorstep, with Lucile casualty resting on his shoulder as he watched his men beating the hell out of the blond man. He was looking straight ahead, his mouth set in the hard line, her forehead creased and his brows down almost fully covering his eyes.

He didn't even pay attention to what was happening in the room, thinking about Daryl and how he played them all, trying to figure out how he managed to escape, who did he bribe and whose fault it was.

He was thinking about Alice, about how she will handle this, he had no doubt she was blaming herself for what has happened, blaming that soft spot she had for Darryl and probably thinking he was blaming her as well.

Then it hit him, why wouldn't she think that, the way he had left her in their room, not giving her any explanation just slamming the doors shut right in front of her.

"God, damn it," he hissed, placing the tips of his fingers in the corner of his eyes, squeezing them shut, he took a deep inhale and looked up, what was he thinking, was he really that tired not to see what he had done.

"That's enough boys, take him in the fucking cell, he can spend the night there."

They dragged unconscious Dwight right in front of him and he didn't even look down, walking straight back to his room, with only one thing in mind, fixing any damage he has done as soon as possible.

He was wrecked today, tired, his head was heavy and he was on the verge of nervous breakdown more than once, and where was she, she was right there, taking it all away from him, shielding him the best she could, she even jumped in front of a bullet for him, again risking her life. And what did he do when the occasion arose when she was feeling bad, when she was actually having a nervous breakdown, right in front to him, he turned his back on her again, leaving her alone in the room, weighing, even more, problems on her than she should be dealing with.

"What the fuck is wrong with me," he mumbled as he marched up the stairs, to the end of the hall and two winged doors that lead to their little sanctuary.

He was about to reach for the knob when Misha came out of the room across the hall, wearing tight red dress that barely covered anything, heels so high she almost looked like she was his height ever thought she was at least two heads shorter, her lips framed with dark red lipstick, smiling when she saw him.

"Hello, Negan, can I ask you something?", she purred taking a step closer to him.

"I really don't have fucking time for this," he was about to ditch her, reaching for the doorknob again.

"Just wanted to know where Sherry is, didn't see her since you left this morning, I was just wondering did she went back to Dwight?"

"What?" Negan turned away from the door looking at the tanned woman, "what do you mean she is not here?"

Misha just shrug her shoulders, tilting her had to the side letting the corners of her lips fall down a bit, "I just thought she left us, she's probably around here somewhere."

Negan didn't pay any attention to her, pushing the door that led to his ex-wives rooms and marching towards Sherry's, barging in, just to see the room in mess, clothing thrown everywhere, boxes turned around, drawers pulled out and thrown on the bed.

All his ex-wives came behind him, gawking at the sight.

It was obvious to everyone, Sherry left the Sanctuary and she left it in the hurry, taking only the essentials. Negan couldn't help but let out a dark chuckle, shaking his head and throwing it back, looking up at the ceiling as he leaned back a bit, turning to look at the women gathered there.

"Not one of you saw her fucking leave?"

They all exchanged glances between each other, looking for answers, waiting for one of them to step up, but not one did.

Negan shook his head, lifting Lucile to his shoulder and straddling out of the room, not pushing them for further answers, he found his culprit, now it was just a matter of time to see did she act alone or had someone's help.

Misha ran behind him, catching up and placing her hand on his upper arm, making him turned around, he was surprised with her boldness, never before she had a balls to do something like that and maybe, in past, he would have found it extremely sexy, in this moment, with all the problems weighing him down, he found it extremely annoying,

"Where is Sherry?", she asked him, almost demanding the answer.

He grinned, "I don't fucking know."

Misha looked up at him, squinting, "what do you mean, you don't know?"

"It means, I don't fucking know, and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn," he was about to leave when the tiny woman stood in front of him blocking his path.

"She may be dead."

Negan was having enough of it, Alice was alone in the room across the hall, eating herself up for something she wasn't to blame and there he was in room that only brought back the memories of his lonely past back to him, back to the time when he was surrounded by all these women and still felt alone. He turned around; all his ex-wives were in the living room, looking at him and Misha, waiting for him to give them an explanation he didn't owe them.

He took a step closer to the tiny woman, gently taking her upper arm and pulling her closer to him, "I don't fucking care is she dead or fucking alive, she made her fucking choice now she will live with it. Now if you will fucking excuse me, I have real problems to attend to and don't you ever stand in my fucking way ever again, don't play a role that doesn't fit you."

He turned around, looking at the rest of his ex-wives. "Feel free to take anything you like from her room, she is not coming back up here."

He pushed Misha out of the way and walked straight to his room, taking a door knob and with a deep breath opening the door, getting ready to deal with what he will find on the other side.

ooo

He went into the room, almost to bump into Alice, there she was, in the same spot he left her, still standing with her arms loosely hanging on her side and her face empty of any expressions.

"Jesus, fucking Christ woman, you scared the hell out of me," he expected her to smile, how stupid of him, ghosts don't smile and she looked like a ghost, he berated himself.

"Alice, baby, are you there?" he cradled her face with his hands, making her look at him, only then her eyes moved and she blinked.

"Hey there," he smiled, pulling her closer to himself and wrapping his arms around her, "you know I don't fucking blame you, right?"

But she didn't move, it felt like he was hugging a corpse, only her heart racing reassuring him that she was alive.

He swooped her off her feet and placed her down on the bed, lifting her legs up and putting her in lying position as he ditched his jacket and boots and came to lay on her side, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

He slid her rubberband down her ponytail, letting her hair fall loose all over the bed as he ran his hand through it, looking at her face.

She saw still pale, but her eyes looked more vivid than they were a few minutes ago, she wasn't looking at him, letting them fall down as she leaned closer to his chest, he kissed the top of her head as he pressed her closer to himself.

"I'm so fucking sorry for leaving you like that, I didn't fucking think, I was just furious, that's all. You get that, right?"

He felt her nodding and a huge weight being lifted off his chest, he almost really screwed up this time.

The problem was he could never predict how she would react, things that would freak anyone out just brushed by her, not leaving a mark and mundane things would bring her to the brink of madness, one wrong step between her and bottomless abyss. But he saw a pattern there, for he was the pattern, only things revolving him would get to her, only him being able to bring out the worst in her, and it stung like hell, he told her once he was not good for her, he had warned her and still he was not able to chase her away, not then and certainly not now, as much as she deepened on him he deepened on her twice as much.

During this short period of time she was in his life, she became only thing keeping him sane, something like a safe harbor for him to rest and the only person he really trusted. It filled him with dread thinking about losing her, his heart stopping a beat every time the thought came to him, his insides tying into knots and his breath failing him, only hugging her and pulling her closer would make him come back to his senses. But there was one thing he feared more, the thought of her losing him, what she would do, where she would go, how she would be and every scenario he could come up with looked like the worst horror movie, with blood everywhere, everyone dead and her lifeless body on the top of that pile, smiling at her success.

He didn't want that for her, he wanted her to have peace, to be happy and to smile for the rest of her life, but the way he was and the way this world was didn't leave much chance for that. He tried to start his peace treaty today, tried to establish at least some kind of peaceful relationship with Saviors and the rest of the communities but it ended up in the bloodshed, making things only worst with consequences to be seen in the future.

He took a deep breath in, trying to stop the flood of feelings coming to him, this was not his time to fall apart this was his time to mend her, for once. Maybe one day he will say all this to her, put his mind at ease but today was not that day.

ooo

Alice felt his breath becoming deeper and his heart rate increasing, she nuzzled her face in his shirt, kissing his chest as she felt him letting out a small chuckle as he pulled her closer to himself.

"Is my baby girl back?"

She parted away from him, propping on herself elbow and placing her hand on his cheek, "you really don't blame me?", she was scanning his face, tilting her head to the side.

"Of course I am not. I didn't fucking blame you for one fucking second"

"Why?" she frowned, her eyes darting back and forth like she didn't believe him.

"And why would I blame you, doll?" he gave her a weak smile.

"I…", her head fell down, "I…" she ran her hand over the white sheet, biting on her lower lip, her frown becoming even deeper. She really didn't have an answer to his question; to say she was to blame for treating Daryl nicely and that's why he escaped was just stupid.

Her eyes widened as she realized maybe she really was not the one to blame, she wasn't here to stop his escape, she was in Alexandria, she wasn't the one holding the pipe that killed Joseph, it was Daryl, but one thing still concerned her, how did he even managed to escape and who was to blame.

She looked up at Negan, he was smiling at her, his eyes sparkling, he knew she finally won one battled with herself, saying no to her conscience.

He moved his hand lower, resting it on her thigh, moving a bit closer to her, kissing her lips softly before moving his hand back up and tangling his fingers in her hair, turning her on her back as he came to loom over her, kissing her more intensively as he pinned her down on the mattress with his weight. She clung onto him, wrapping her arms and legs around him, trying to pull him as close as possible, her tongue parting his lips sending tremors down her nerves making her back arch as she moved her hand up to his head, her fingers gripping his hair, not wanting him to part away, not now not ever, she was starving for him, the type of hunger that will never be satisfied, always wanting more, demanding more, he was like a drug, the more she had him the more she craved for him.

Wanting to stay there with him for eternity, forget that dirty world on the other side of their door, forget everyone, let them all fend for themselves.

Don't they deserve the bit of peace, don't they deserved to be left alone, why does this world need them, it screwed itself up all on his own, why does it need them to fix it. They are no one, they were not special, just two tormented souls trying to find peace, two monsters craving for a cave to crawl in and sleep for thousands of years, guarding their only treasure, each other.

ooo

The sun has set long after Alice woke up, sitting up on the bed and looking up through the window to the starry sky, she rubbed her eyes, jawing, the day came to its end, the day that looked like a nightmare, surreal. She turned around, Negan was lying on his back, eyelids closed, the deep lines of his face smoothed, his muscles completely relaxed, only his chest falling up and down, his breath deep and relaxed, he looked like a baby without a worry in this world.

Alice propped herself on her elbow, looking at him, admiring the view, running her finger gently over his bare chest, circling around his tattoos, sad smile twitching on her lips, soon he will have to wake up, soon he will have to face another day filled with troubles and struggle to stay alive, but for now he can rest, she placed a soft kiss on his cheek, wrapping herself in the bathrobe she found on one of the stands the other day and went out of the room, down the corridor and stairs, letting her legs lead her where she wanted to go.

The green door was before her, she reached for the doorknob, turning it around and letting herself in, walking into the empty room, the room that was to belong to Daryl. She looked at the bed, smiling as she saw the hoody she left there missing from the pillow.

"Aren't you a bad, bad boy," she mumbled, sitting down on the armchair and looking straight at the door, letting memories take over her.

It felt like a life time ago she was here for the first time, sitting right on that spot, looking at Negan as he was trying to get Daryl on his side for the first time.

'I am Daryl,' she smiled, remembering those words, he told them then all they needed to know and yet none of them listened.

He was never one of them, he could never be and she never blamed him for that, she could never be part of any other community but Sanctuary, she could never call herself anything else but Savior and her name could never be anything else but Negan.

She leaned back into the chair, looking up at the ceiling, he was really gone, he won't be in the courtyard tomorrow, she won't sneak some fruit to him and spend an hour teasing him over some stupid thing, trashing Dwight and making up some ridiculous scenes with him in it. She smiled weakly, letting the anger she felt go, making space for one feeling that was nagging her to come forward all day, sadness, she lost two friends today and it was something she could never imagine happening before, because before she never had anyone she could even call a friend.

"How did I come to this," she shook her head.

"Come to what?", a deep voice brought her back to reality, she stood up in an instant, reaching for a gun that was not there, panic washing over her. as she looked at the figure standing on the opened door, letting sigh sight of relieve.

"Fucking shit, you almost made me piss myself."

Dark chuckle filled the room as Negan walk towards her, placing his hand on her waist, "what are you doing here, doll?"

"Thinking," Alice wrinkled her nose, looking at him.

"Oh, would you fucking like to share?"

She smiled, taking his hand and leading him to the bed, sitting down, with him at her side.

"Remember when you brought Daryl here, asked him what's his name and shit?"

Negan looked at her, "yessss, soooo ?"

"Well, nothing, I was just thinking about that day," she shrugged her shoulders.

"Why?" he really couldn't see where was she going with this.

"I don't know, it just feels like a life time ago. It wasn't even a full week I was here when it happened and still even then this place felt like home like I was here for years like I was here with you all along from the very beginning, it's strange how time goes by now. How can we be sure how long this has been going on, some say one year, some say two, some three but to me, man, it feels like a fucking eternity. Do you even remember the world from before?"

Negan narrowed his eyes, his lips twitching up in a smile, "yes, I do. I remember the sound of cars waking me up, the smell of freshly cut grass, the children fighting over the ball in the gym, the smell of Lucile's apple pie, nights with guys in the pub, flirting with waitresses, I fucking remember it all, doll. Why?"

Alice smiled weakly, looking down at her hands, "Funny thing, I don't remember anything, I mean I do, but it doesn't seem like it was ever real, you know? It feels like some distant dream, something my mind made up. When I look around I can't believe world used to be like that, you know, it doesn't seem real. "

Negan wrapped his arm around her back, as she leaned on his shoulder, looking at their reflection in the black tv screen.

"Sherry is gone," he told her quietly.

Alice just smiled, "Oh, now isn't that a coincidence."

"Well, God works in mysteries ways, doll."

"Hahaha, he does, doesn't he. So who will hunt her down?"

"I will see how Dwighty boy will feel after he wakes up, but he or I don't fucking know, Garry."

"But.." she looked down, taking his hand and playing with his finger, biting down on her lower lip, "I want to do it."

"Why?"

Alice shrug her shoulders, "Daryl escape because of her, she put us all in danger now, he knows too much about us and about this place. I want to be the one to find her and ask her; why did she do it? Of course, I would be polite."

Negan laughed, "you polite," he bumped her shoulder with his.

"What? I can be nice when I want to. You know it better than anyone."

"Oh, I fucking know it," he leaned closer to her, biting the side of her neck, making her tilt her head and let out a girly giggle, as he placed his hand on her side letting his lips travel down her neck to her collar bone.

She let out a loud moan, lifting her head up, giving his an easier access.

"You are fucking distracting me, man," her breath hitched.

"I know," Negan let out a deep laughter, biting on her neck again before pulling away, admiring his handy work, he loved how she would fluster and turn red in minutes from his touch, no matter how innocent or dirty it was.

"I'm sorry, doll, but finding Sherry is not something I want you to do."

"Oh," Alice frowned.

"Yes, I have a more important task for you. You will be the one to hunt down Daryl."

Alice looked up at him, her lips twitching up, forming a wide smile, "really?"

"Well, fuck me, doll, you are the best choice I could think of and probably the only person he wouldn't kill on a sight. He likes you."

She frowned at that, hard lines forming around her eyes, "what?"

"Oh, fucking come on, doll, everyone could see it. I mean I don't fucking blame him, only a fucking idiot wouldn't like you and he is not an idiot."

Alice stood up, looking up at the small windows on top of the wall, before turning around, looking at Negan who was sitting on the end of the bed, smiling.

"I was just nice to him; trying to get him on our side I didn't fucking try to seduce him. Is that what you planned all along, me to seduce him so he could become one of us?"

She didn't know where her rage came from or why she even thought Negan was using her to get to Daryl but it resurfaced.

Negan looked at her as though he just saw a pig flying over her head, "what?"

He frowned but didn't yell, her accusations were so absurd he didn't even think about yelling, trying to process what she just said to him.

Alice was standing there, crossing her arms over her chest and shifting her weight to her right foot.

"You were the one to ask of me to talk to him, first. Not me, doll."

"Yes, but…" she ran her hand through her hair, "I didn't want to fucking seduce him. If that's what you think."

He chuckled, taking her arm and pulling her closer, making her sit by his side, he placed his hand on her face, his eyes darting acorns her features, soaking her in.

"You silly woman, I didn't think you did it intentionally for one fucking moment, it's just something that happened. Yes, it came with some benefits but fuck me doll, he could cut his veins open and bleed out for you, I still would be the one fucking you. And you know why? Because I would fucking cut him down before I would let him lay one hand on you. You are fucking mine, you belong to me, you always did and you always will."

Alice smiled, in past, someone saying something like that to her would usually earn him a blade in the throat, but not now. She knew the hidden meaning of his words and she knew what he wanted to say, it is something she wanted to say to him as well, for a long, long time and it was something normal people would say to each other all the time, but they were not normal people, they were Negan and Alice, and they were one of the kind.

"And you belong to me, always did and always will."

"I fucking do, doll," he kissed her gently, hugging her and placing her to sit on his lap, "I always did and I always fucking will."

She ran his hand through his hair, kissing his forehead, "so, then Laura can go, or Arat? I want Garry with me, on my hunt."

"Laura is playing host to our new guest and I don't feel comfortable sending more of my generals away until Simon returns."

Alice looked at him for a long moment, corners of her lips curling up before her laughter erupted, echoing through the room as she laid down on the bed, Negan looking at her, with a wide smile on his face, he loved the sound of her laughter.

"You fucking gave Laura the task of keeping an eye on Eugene," she wiped away tears coming to her eyes.

"Well, fuck me doll, I needed to find something to keep her busy so she doesn't kill you and seeing how I fucking killed a man she was eyeing back in Alexandria, it is only fair to find her a new one."

"Poor Eugene," Alice shook her head, looking up at the ceiling her hands tucked behind her head, "you know she will kill him, right?"

"I am quite aware of the risk, doll, but better him than you," he placed his hand on her thigh.

"Doll," he turned serious all of the sudden, "I need to ask you something and I don't want you to fucking think you are obligated to answer me or talk about it. If you don't feel comfortable with it just fucking say 'no'. Ok? "

Alice looked at him knitting her eyebrows together, she knew what he was aiming at but she didn't feel like talking about it, not tonight, not after the day they had, "what is this when you ask me for anal?"

Negan glared at her for a long moment, trying to process what she just said before turning the hard line on his face up, smiling at her as he shook his head, scanning her from head to toe, damn it all she always knew how to bring a smile back to his face.

"Shit, doll," he ran his hand over his face, "now you got me all fucking distracted."

"Really," she propped herself on her hand, bringing her face closer to his, biting his earlobe as her other hand slid between his legs and started massaging his number through his jeans.

"Fucking, shit," he hissed.

"So you were saying?" she unzipped his pants and slid her hand in.

He jumped a little, tensing and arching his back, letting his head fall back, as she continued to bite on his neck, slowly sliding down, kneeling. He looked down at her, her hand still in his pants as she was looking up at him, arching her brows, before taking him in her mouth once and stopping.

"Fuck," he let out a loud groan.

"You really need to continue speaking if you want me to continue with my plans," she took him in once more

"Fucking shit, woman, what are you doing to me," he closed his eyes, letting himself fall down on the mattress. No way is was going to speak now, fuck it all, he had no clue what he was going to ask her in the first place.

He felt her standing up, sliding down his pants and straddling him.

"Wanna make out in Daryl's bed?"

The corners of his mouth slid upwards, showing his pearls, "fucking shit, you even need to ask."

Alice bit down on her lower lip, her eyes fixed on his lips as she started attacking them, forgetting all about Daryl, Joseph, Sherry, what was to come next and how the world used to be before. It didn't matter anymore because this was the best as it ever was for her and only that mattered.


	30. The only thing worth fighting for pt9

I tried to update soon but fan fiction didn't let me upload a new chapter, don't know why or what the error was but it is fixed now. Hope you like this one and read you soon.

Thank you for all the follow and fav I received and for sticking with me for so long :)

 **question:** For some time I am playing the idea of writing new short fanfiction about Negan and Alice and how would things be if they met before, during her darkest part of life. So let me know would you like to read that. I will probably get it started in a few weeks after things at work calm down a bit. But I would love the feedback on the idea.

* * *

 _this chapter is dedicated to Chester Bennington who committed suicide last week and it really hit me, hard. He was one of my childhood_ heroes, his _music got me through the darkest times of my life and shaped the person I am today._

 ** _Thank you for everything and forgive us for not being able to return the favor._**

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

The gray corridor that leads to the Dwight cell was filled with guards; Alice scanned every face as she passed by them, following Negan.

All of them were on the guard duty yesterday and not one of them stopped Daryl from escaping, she knew it was not only Dwight's fault but theirs as well, the only problem was they couldn't punish them all, it would be bad for the moral and definitely bad for the security so all they did is give them all double shifts and a reminder that strike one is for free.

Negan was walking slowly in front of her, looking much better today, whistling the same tune as always with Lucile casually resting on his shoulder, his hair combed back, he was wearing white t-shirt his gray denim jeans and leather jacket.

Alice quickened up her pace, falling in step with him, taking glances from time to time, knowing fully well he was aware of it, as he raised his head with a big smug smile on his face, before wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer.

"When are you leaving, dear?"

"In an hour, the trucks are getting ready and guards are all up, cleaning their guns."

"Good," he nodded as they approached the cell where Dwight was, "now let's see who will be our hunter number two."

He stood at the door, leaning back a bit, looking at Alice with a big smile on his face, like yesterday never happened. He woke up this morning filled with energy, ready to take on whatever the day will throw at him and it was all thanks to her, it amazed him how one person can change everything with nothing more than a few kisses and even fewer words.

He knocked on the metal doors three times, making sure Dwight is awake.

"Good morning, sunshine," he smiled, "it is just as cozy as you remember, you've spent a lot of time on a wrong side of the door after that stupid road trip with wife and Tina. So let's talk about now. I sent some man looking for your little-failed project for a few hours just to run the parameter, and guess what, they found nothing, it was about the time I threw you in here and when I was on my way, back to my room, to comfort my dear wife who was grieving because you fucking lost her best fucking friend I find out one of my ex-fucking wife's is missing. Can you guess which fucking one?"

No sound came from the other side, Negan looked at Alice who was leaning on the wall near him, her leg propped up against the wall.

"Maybe he's dead," Negan shrugged.

"We should be that lucky," Alice snorted, she didn't like Dwight much before and now she flat out hated him, and the most mysterious part of it all was she never could pin point why. Hating him came to her as natural as loving Negan.

She leaned closer to the door, smacking on it a few times, "are you fucking deaf, Negan asked you a question."

They heard a commotion on the other side before Dwight spoke.

"Is it Sherry?"

"Of course is it fucking Sherry," it was almost painful how his attitude pulled on her nerves.

Negan placed his hand on her shoulder, calming her down.

"So Dwighty boy, know anything about that? 'Cause I got to tell you, that's one hell of a coincidence, her leaving just after Daryl took off. And he didn't force his way out, nooo, somebody opened a fucking door for him."

"It's wasn't Sherry."

"Bullshit," Alice grunted, "he is fucking lying to us," she whispered, so only Negan could hear her.

But he didn't look like he was mad, his face was empty of any emotion, which surprised her, it was almost like he believed Dwight didn't know anything about it. And it made her hate the man twice as much, he had some kind of pull on Negan she despised.

"Dwighty boy, " he leaned closer to the door, "Was it you? Did it work the other way around? You were supposed to break him, did he broke you? 'Cause let's face it, you have some pretty legit reasons. Did you change sides on me, Dwighty boy? Are you starting to see things differently?"

No answer came from the other side, Negan clutch his jaw, smacking on the door with Lucile three more time, his face turning red.

"After all this," he took a deep inhale, "after before and after. Hell after everything, I got only one question for you Dwighty boy. Who are you?"

"I'm Negan," came the voice from the other side.

Alice rolled her eyes so hard, she could almost see her brain; thankfully Negans attention was focused on Dwight so he didn't pick up her annoyance. After everything they have been through together, she never once questioned his judgment, but now, she couldn't help it, she didn't like where this was going and she didn't like the idea of Dwight being one of them.

Negan opened the door of the cell, taking one step toward the threshold and leaning on the door frame, looking down at Dwight as he stood up.

"Daryl isn't like you, he's emotional, so he is either on his way back home or coming back here to try and kill some more of us, mostly you and me. Either way, my doll here will find him and fix your stupid mistake. So, you know where Sherry went?"

Dwight looked at Alice, who was standing near Carson, her arms crossed over her chest, in her full uniform and armed to the teeth. She crooked her eyebrow at him, no smile appearing on her face as she surveyed him from head to toe, shaking her head.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Bring her back, sort it out," Negan turned his head to Carson, "stitch him up, fix what you can fix."

He gave an order as he came to Alice's side, putting his arm around her shoulder and leaving Dwight and Carson to tend to their business.

ooo

"Looks like you get Garry for your little run today, doll."

"Aha," Alice nodded as they went down the gray corridor and out in the back courtyard, with a bunch of Saviors waiting for them.

She was about to go down the stairs towards her jeep, when Negan grabbed her upper arm, making her turn and look at him.

"Give him a chance, doll," he didn't even have to name who he was referring to, Alice knew.

"You gave him enough of those to expect for me to do it too."

"Are you fucking questioning my judgment, dear wife?" he landed closer, his face only inches away from hers, contouring into anger.

Alice frowned, bring her face even closer to him, "yes, I fucking am," she growled.

Negan's eyes darted across her features for a long second, his look darkening, "and what are you fucking going to do about it?", he grabbed her by her upper arm.

"I am going to fucking respect it because that is what I will always do, you can't make me not question your decision when I see you are led by guilty or that ever emotion Dwight stirs up in you, but don't ever question my respect for them. But one wrong move from his side and I don't give a fuck what happens to me, I will gut him like a fish."

Negan only nodded, letting go of her, "one wrong move, and I will fucking give you the knife."

"Good to know," she smiled.

They walked down the stairs, joining the group, "well good morning to you all," Negan cheered.

Few of them nodded, few of them mumbled something, but all of them were scowling, it wasn't even noon and the temperature was already unbearable and air humid. No one felt like doing a thing today and no one could blame them, weather like this was only good for lying in shade or dancing naked around the fire trying to summon the rain.

"Are the trucks ready?" Alice turned to one of the Saviors, who just nodded.

"So," Negan spoke, "this is how it goes, my doll will lead a convoy to Alexandria. Just to take a peek, playing a role of a good cop first, so we can see where it will take us. Garry, you are going with her because Simon isn't here. The rest of you who don't have any shifts today are going back scanning the perimeter, check every fucking building, turned every fucking rock, Look at every dead prick to make sure it is not Daryl and most important all get back here before the sunset. Did I make my self fucking clear?"

"Yes," they all said in unison when the door opened and Laura came pushing Eugene, who was holding a jar filled with pickled, in front of her.

Alice looked at them and smiled, "so you gave him pickles Laura? Will you make him a sandwich later?" she wiggled her eyebrow at the woman, who frowned, looking at her.

"Fuck you, Alice, I will get you for this."

Alice smiled, leaning on Negan, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, "I'm leaving, see you tonight."

Negan smiled, turning after her, "Alice, dear."

"I know, I know, 'Alice don't kill anyone '", she blew him a kiss as she sat on the passenger's seat while Garry was turning on the engine."

"And here is the man of the hour," she heard Negan cheering, probably getting ready to deal with Eugene as they left for Alexandria.

ooo

They were driving for half an hour when radio turned one and Negan's voice came from the other side.

"For anyone out there who loved the obese bastard as much as I did I want to say a few words; Fat Joey was not the most badass son of a bitch, but he was loyal, he had a great sense of humor, in fact, we were just joking about oral sex with Lucile the other day. Things will not be the same now that he's dead. Without fat Joey, skinny Joey is just Joey, so it's a god damn tragedy. So let's have a moment of silence."

Alice laughed, shaking her head, "we have skinny Joey?" he looked at Garry.

"No, Alice you heard the man, now we only have Joey."

"Shame."

ooo

When they arrived. the gates of Alexandria were already opened and Rick waiting for them.

"Now, ain't this a welcome," Alice smiled, glancing at Garry, who just looked ahead, not commenting.

"God, I miss Simon," she mumbled, looked out of the window.

"What?" Garry turned to her.

"Lighten up man; nobody died," she bit her tongue at that moment as Garry glanced at her, "today."

He finally cracked the smile, shaking his head as they pulled over.

Rick was standing in front of the trucks as she came out, looking around herself, the entire community gathered there, surprised by their sudden return.

"You were here yesterday," Rick growled, looking at her.

Alice smiled, scanning him from head to toe, "And good day to you to Rick."

"We can't scavenge anything for you in a day," he was talking low, so the rest of their people couldn't hear them.

Alice didn't speak, just looked at him, her arms locked over her chest and blissfully smile spreading across her features.

Garry came to stand at her side, holding a rifle.

"Where's Daryl?" was all she said, looking around as the rest of the saviors gathered behind her.

"What do you mean, where's Daryl, Negan took him."

"True," Alice nodded, "true, but you see, he kind of escaped yesterday, while we were busy escorting your son back here. Him running away and Carl showing up on the same day is one big mother fucking coincidence. Don't you think Rick?"

Rick's head fell down as he twisted around, looking at the people gathered around the courtyard.

"Well, he didn't come here."

"Really," Alice snorted, "well good, this won't be painful then. All of you find a buddy and look around the community if you happened to find Daryl, do what ever it takes to capture him, but don't you dear kill him, call for me; I called dibs on that kill, long fucking time ago! Is that fucking clear!?"

"Yes, mam," all the Saviors agreed, as they went in pairs taking one of the Alexandrians with them.

Two of their man came to Rosita when Alice looked at them, "no, not her, she is coming with us," she smiled at the woman, approaching her.

"How's the face," she winked, as she pushed her to walk in front of them.

"I told you, we don't have anything for you today," Rick fell in step with her and Garry as they were walking through the community.

"Are you really that dense," Alice side eyed him, with a relentless smile her face.

"Relax, Rick, I don't give a shit about your pathetic contribution, I am here to find someone who belongs to me, now will you be a lamb and play a nice host for once."

"Daryl belongs to no one," Rosita spoke, turning her head to the side, her jaw clutched, looking at Alice.

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong my dear. See, I like Daryl, so Negan gave him to me so I can have someone to play with. Not that Daryl minded at all, I think he was even happy playing the role. But he was always a bad boy, so he ran away and I kinda want him back, you know what happened to runaways, they never last long out there and I would hate to see someone or something else killing him."

Rosita stopped in her step, turning around and walking towards Alice, getting into her face.

"You already took another one of our people, why don't you leave Daryl alone, so he can as you say, die in peace."

"And where's fun in that," Alice grinned, looking down at the woman.

Rosita was scanning her, scowling "you discuss me."

Alice sneered at her, "good."

They were in each other's face for a long moment before Rick came, breaking them apart.

"Enough," he looked at Rosita.

The woman glared at him for some time before backing away and continuing to lead them through the community.

They entered the garage they use as storage, the shelves once filled with food were empty now. Alice walked inside, looking around, whistling, as Garry coming behind her.

"This was full yesterday, where is your food, Rick?" Alice turned to Alexandria leader, who was standing there looking bemused, not answering her.

She moved closer to him, snapping her fingers in front of his face, making him come back to life, "I fucking asked you something."

He looked at her, his eyes red, large drops of sweat going down his face, "I… we distributed our weekly portion to everyone and nothing was left."

"Oh, really," Alice pulled her brows up, her green eyes darting across Ricks' face, she narrowed her eyes, tilting her head to the side, crossing her arms over her chest, leaning on her right foot.

"Hope you are not trying to hide it from us, Rick. You know, it wouldn't end well for you."

Rick looked up, biting the inside of his lip, hissing, before his head fell down, looking at Alice then Garry.

"I told you, we gave them to our people so we can eat. You will get your share when the time comes."

Alice smiled, tilting her head, surveying the man from head to toe, "good, we will fucking appreciate it. Now back to the problem at hand, where is Daryl?"

"I told you he is not here."

Alice pursed her lips, looking at people around her, Rick was accompanied by the black woman with dreadlock, Michonne if she recalled correctly, Carl and Rosita. She was studying them for a long moment, something changed in their demeanor and she didn't like it.

"Ok," she smiled, nodding, "then we will leave you to it. You have a lot of work to do if you want to find enough goods for us."

Alice walked towards the truck, waiting for the Saviors to gather so they can leave, glancing with disappointed when every group returned without Daryl. She didn't expect to find him, he was not stupid, he would never come back here knowing fully well this is the first place she will come looking for him. But part of her still hoped for a small miracle to happen, like a kid on the Christmas morning, opening the gift knowing it is not what he wanted, but still keeping his hopes high while unwrapping it, only to feel disappointed all over again.

When the last group returned, sitting in the truck ready to leave, she was still standing with Rick, her hands on her hips, looking in the distance, waiting for him to appear, but he never did and they needed to leave to get back to the Sanctuary before the sundown.

She let out a heavy sigh, her head falling down, "Alright people, let's move out."

She hopped in the truck, looking at Rick one last time, "just so you know, if you do see Daryl, tomorrow, in a week, in a year in a next fucking life time, we expect you to come to us or consequences will be dire for all of you, it won't end as nicely as it did the last time."

She looked at Garry, nodding and giving him the sign to move.

When they were out and away from Alexandria, she let go, hitting on the dashboard, "fuck, fuck, fuck."

Garry looked at her, "Alice, calm down."

"Don't fucking tell me what to do," she snarled, "where the fuck am I going to find him, ha? fucking shit! They knew something I saw it in their eyes, they are hiding something away from us, but what and fucking where!?"

She looked out of the window, biting her nails, "he knows too much, Gerry. He knows how we live, how we look, where we fucking sleep, how to get to us, he fucking knows it all."

"We will find him," Garry tried to reassure her but she just let out a small chuckle, shaking her head.

"I fucking hope we will, I really fucking do."

ooo

They were back at Sanctuary after sunset, Negan waiting for them at the gates.

"What the fuck took you so long, doll?" he came to Alice, the moment she was out. He was out of his mind for past hour, waiting for them to come as the sun has set down his mind started making up the worst possible scenarios, he was about to call for convoy and go looking for them when one of the saviors spotted lights and colon of vehicles approaching them.

"We were driving slowly checking the parameter, sorry."

"So you didn't find him."

"No," Alice let out a heavy sigh, her head falling down.

Negan looked at her, knitting his eyebrow together, placing his hand on her chin, lifting her head up, "you will get him tomorrow doll," he leaned closer, kissing her eyelid, "now let's go and rest."

It hurt him to see her like that, she didn't blame herself for what happened, but it was weighing her down, making her smile little less wide, her eyes little less sparkly, her laughter little less cheery.

"Did Dwight find Sherry?" Alice looked at him, bleary-eyed, he could see then how tired she really was, once she let her guard down as they left their people and were on their way to their room, with dinner waiting for them.

"He'll be leaving tomorrow, Carson told me he was not fit for a trip and need's to rest."

"Oh, ok. When is Gavin leaving for Kingdom?"

"In two days. Why?"

"I want to go with him, ask them did they see Daryl or did he pass by, that's all if it's ok with you?"

"Fine by me, dear."

"Good," she said weakly.

"You alright doll?" Negan leaned closer to her.

"Yeah," she rubbed her eyes intensively, "I'm fine don't worry," she gave him a weak smile.

He glared at her, clenching his jaw, she was not fine, he could see it, she was exhausted, he stopped walking taking her upper arm and turning her around before he bent a bit swooping her up in his arms and carrying her to their bedroom.

Alice was confused at first, then surprised but relaxed in a moment, wrapping her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulders.

When they came in their room, he saw that the dinner was already waiting for them, "hope you're hungry, doll."

But she didn't answer him, he looked at her, her eyes were closed, breathing shallow and slow, the lines on her face soft, she looked like the girl of not more than twenty with hard lines gone from her face. He kissed her forehead as he lowered her down slowly on the bed, taking her boots off and carefully pulling the sheets from beneath her. He wanted to undress her completely and make her more comfortable, but he didn't even dare to try and take her jacket off fearing he will wake her up.

He sat down on the sofa, looking at the bed and her lying form, before taking the guard book and starting to plan the shifts for the next week, listening to the sound of her soft snorting and smiling to himself.


	31. the only thing worth fighting for pt10

**Notes:** Here it is, a new chapter, hope you like it :)  
Thank you for your follows, fav and all the support. Love you all and read you soon.

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER:** This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended

* * *

 **for one quote more:** "Yes, I was infatuated with you: I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn't stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren't having any of those."

― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

* * *

Alice was driving in the front seat of the truck with Gavin and few saviors in the back; the rest of the group was following behind.

It was a small group, no more than ten men. It was strange for her, everywhere she would go a small army was always with her, no matter was it with Simon or Negan.

She didn't mind this though, she was in the bad mood ever since yesterday, when Dwight returned from his so called run, with some, make-believe story about Sherry's death. Alice didn't buy it for one second but Negan did.

ooo

 _"How can you believe such a bullshit story?"_

 _"Be careful how you talk to me, Alice!"_

 _"Me, you are telling me to be careful! He is flat out lying to you and you believe him!"_

 _"We have no proof he is lying!"_

 _"We'll we don't have a fucking proof he is telling us the truth, now do we!"_

 _"If he is lying, he will die! But I can't lose a good man over what if's!"_

 _"And when are you going to kill him, before or after he stabs you in the back?!"_

 _"Alice…"_

 _"You know what. Fine, do whatever you fucking want it's not like you listen to me anyway. But don't expect from me to sit here and keep quiet, because I fucking won't. I am watching him and one wrong move he is dead."_

 _Alice left the room after that, slamming the door shut._

 _She walked aimlessly around the outskirts of the compound, looking for Daryl, not knowing_ why. _She knew he wouldn't show up and still she couldn't help but hope for a small miracle._

 _She missed him and she missed Simon._

 _There was no one left for her to talk to and she would kill for Simon's advice or some smug_ remark _when she asked Negan that morning where has he gone to, he was strangely mysterious, not granting her the clear answer._

 _She missed spending time with Daryl, taking about nothing and just letting her mind run freely while_ at _the same time annoying Dwight and taking a great pleasure out of it._

 _The sun was down when she came back to the Sanctuary, exhausted and dirty, the room was empty when she came in so she went straight to the bathroom, cleaning herself up. She lost track of time for how long has she been in there, but when she came out the dinner was already on the table and Negan waiting for her, with Lucile_ casually _resting on the side of the sofa._

 _"Are you going to fucking talk to_ me, _doll?"_

 _"Are you going to fucking listen?"_

 _Negan let out a heavy_ sigh _, looking away from her._

 _"I don't want to fight with you, doll."_

 _"Or I with you."_

 _Alice sat down beside him turning his head and kissing him, she didn't see him all day and it was strange and unpleasant, even when she was furious with him, she still needed him close and to think Dwight was the one they were fighting over, just made her nerves cringe._

 _She despised the man._

 _They eat their dinner quietly not speaking and went to bed quietly, not speaking. They laid there in each other's arms, not one word filling the silence. Both of them knew, if one is to talk, the fight will start all over again and they were_ both too _stubborn to accept other's point of view. So in_ silence _, they agreed that over this particular matter, they will never agree. Alice didn't trust Dwight from the moment she saw Glen's photo in Daryl's cell and Negan felt he owed him a benefit of the_ doubt _when after all he has done to him; he still fought his way through and became one of his most trusted generals._

ooo

"Why so small group?" Alice decided to talk, averting her mind from everything that was going on in last few days.

"We don't need a bigger one, this is a very peaceful community, their leader, King Ezekiel, as they call him, wants to keep a fight as far away from his people as possible, we don't enter the community his people don't know about us and we get our share of goods, regularly and without any problems. It's quite a nice arrangement."

"Too nice to be believable."

"Not all things need to end in bloodshed, mam', no matter how the world is today."

"If only more people shared your opinion."

"And we don't need a bigger group, we are the best out of best," one man from behind spoke, leaning in between the seats, holding some kind of stick in his hand. He had a long hair, his beard in desperate need of shaving or grooming but not even close as his hair was in need of washing. Alice eyed him, she didn't see him much around the compound, he was familiar but not so familiar to even get a right to say he is a friend of their best people, let alone one of them.

"Why do you have a fucking stick?"

"This," he smiled, "let's call it a symbol."

"Symbol of what exactly?"

"Symbol of our power."

"That's enough," Garvin snarled at the man.

Alice could see how his face turned red and his eyes fixed on the man's reflection in the rear view mirror, he didn't like this subject but what this man said peaked her curiosity, it made so little sense, she needed to know more.

"Really, the wooden stick is a symbol of our power. Well, we are screwed then."

A man laughed, shaking his head, "see, people of Kingdom were getting cocky, so I took this from one of them as a lesson."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Quite neat isn't it?"

Alice looked at the man, not believe what she is hearing, a wooden stick, he was bragging about a wooden stick.

"What's your name?"

"Jared."

"Jared, hmmm, never heard of you before."

"Oh, I am a low profile man, I let my actions talk for me."

"Well, it seems they have been mute."

A man looked at her, frowning, before falling back in his seat and keeping quiet for the rest of the ride.

It was obvious to Alice this man wasn't quite intelligent and probably very aggressive, that's just the way people like him were, hiding all his insecurities behind the mask of a bully.

People like that were great assets nowadays, they would do all the grunt work and wouldn't ask for much, little recognition from their leaders and that was it.

But the problem with people like him was that from time to time they would act on their own if their ego was blown out of proportions and do more damage in one second that they did good in all their years of service. So as much as they were useful they were to be watched and controlled 24/7.

When they arrived at the meeting post no one was there, Alice tugged her shield up to her face and popped herself up on the hood of the truck, sitting with her legs crossed and taking one of her knives out, playing with it, she also had her bow with her, her machete and her Eagle, after what Gavin told her about this community it seemed a bit over the top but she hoped she will find Daryl somewhere along the way and even though she didn't want to use any of her weapons on him, the chances were it would be inevitable.

"Where are they," Gavin was pacing back and forth, looking down at his watch.

"You told me they were punctual."

"They usually are," he let out a heavy sigh, looking up at the sky, the sun was beating down on them and the heat that was radiating out of the concrete parking lot didn't make things any easier.

After fifteen more minutes, the trucks came and the group of man came out, led by the tall, dark-skinned man with white dreadlocks.

"You are late," Gavin addressed him and Alice assumed that was the leader.

"If you could indulge us your pardon, our path…"

"I don't want to hear it…"

"Don't interrupt the king," man that was standing near Ezekiel spoke before Jared hit him over the head with the stick he was holding.

Alice hopped down from the hood, walking towards the group, Gavin said this was a peaceful community and they didn't need any more problems than they already had.

"There are no kings anymore," she spoke, "they are long dead, along with their soldiers, as it should be. But there are leaders and the way their followers choose to address them is their own business, but out here, don't bring that 'Your Highness' shit our way, because for us there is only one king, and he is currently not present."

The group looked at her, confused, everyone taking a step back as she came to stand at Gavin's side, turning around and looking at Jared, who was eyeing the blond boy, not more than sixteen years old.

"Jared, turn your attention back here," she called for him.

"He called me a rat face," man frowned.

"Oh, for fucking sake, grow a pair."

She turned to Ezekiel, out of all strange people she encountered in her long travels; this man was the strangest one of all.

"Do pardon my language, your majesty" she smiled underneath her shield wrinkles around her eyes giving her away as she extended her arms, gesticulatory twirling her hands while making a half bow.

Gavin ran his hand over his face, letting out a heavy sigh, "this is Alice, Negan's left hand and also his wife. She has some questions for you, so please answer them to your best ability so we can wrap that up before we continue."

"Nice to meet you, my name is Alice, as Gavin kindly mentioned before and I lost something of mine, someone of mine, and I need your help getting him back."

"We will gladly be of service, dear lady, as we always are."

"Nice to know," Alice winked, "I'll make sure Negan knows that. Anyhow, back to business, I lost a man, goes by the name of Daryl, but don't bother to call him he will ignore you or pretend he is ignoring you, he is about this high," she lifted her hand little below the top of her head, "messy hair, doesn't talk much and glares at everything from butterfly to Walker, he is probably wearing Harley Davidson hoody and has a permanent, 'someone stole my ice-cream' face. Anyone saw him?"

She heard a bald, dark-skinned man who was standing near Ezekiel let out a small chuckle.

Alice turned to him, tilting her head to the side, "something funny?"

"No," the man shook his head, "I just remembered someone I used to know, before all this, that's all."

"Hmm, ok, but does it remind you of someone you saw recently, maybe yesterday or day before."

"I am sorry, but no."

"And you?" Alice turned to look at Ezekiel.

"I am sorry as well, but we cannot help you for we have not seen such a man."

"Oh," Alice's face fell, "thank you for your collaboration. I appreciate it."

She turned around walking towards their truck and popping herself back on the hood, getting out of Gavin's way and leaving him to deal with his business.

"Where are you, bad boy?" she whispered to herself, burying the heels of her hand in her eyes before turning her head in the direction of the woods, thinking she will see him standing there.

"I appreciate your cooperation with Alice," Gavin turned to Ezekiel, "and I appreciate that you've been delivering on time, every time. But things have been unnecessarily tense and that makes me unnecessarily tense, and I didn't pick this route to be tense. So let's see today's offering and get it over with."

Gavin walked towards the truck, he stood there for a long moment. Alice was getting annoyed, she didn't get what she came for and was eager to get back to Sanctuary, ever since Daryl's escape she didn't feel at ease being far away from Negan, never knowing when he might come back to get his revenge. She would scan the perimeter before the sunset, every day, to make sure no one was in the woods or close to their gates, it didn't put her mind at ease but it would help her get at least an hour or two of sleep.

"I want your guns, too."

Gavin's order startled her as she got down and pulled her eagle out, not aiming it at anyone, but keeping it ready.

"We didn't agree to that," Ezekiel turned to Gavin.

"You got a choice, same one that's been there since the beginning, I guess. You can give up your guns or you can try to use them. What's it gonna be?"

Alice decided to keep quiet, something was obviously wrong and she was interested to see how Gavin planned to deal with it. Ezekiel looked at her then at his people, waiting for them to react.

"We should give them over your majesty," one of his people spoke, the tall man who was the only one who didn't have his weapon drawn out.

"Ehhh, we should give them over your majesty," Jared mocked him, "or maybe I'll just shove this down your throat."

"That's enough, Jared!" Alice decided to intervene. She didn't understand why Gavin kept this man around; if it was up to her he would be at one of the outposts, where his 'talents' would be used to the max and away from sensitive jobs like community runs.

"Give Morgan his stick back." Ezekiel finally spoke," then you can have the guns and all of us can go on with our day's journeys."

"You are not the one to make demands here, we are." Alice walked up to the man, standing right in front of him, his gun aimed straight at her chest, "am I fucking clear."

"Gavin, what is happening?" she turned to Gavin.

"I'll speak when they surrender their guns. Ezekiel... I need you to understand the gravity of what's happening here. I gave you a choice. What is it going to be? Come on. You know the answer."

"It's fine," Morgan spoke.

Ezekiel turned to him, before ordering his man to surrender.

Alice took his gun from him, "ok, Gavin, wrap this shit up fast. I have things to do back home. That's a fucking order."

Gavin turned around, nodding, "I think I owe you an explanation, mam."

Alice rolled her eyes at this, she knew people were looking at her the same way they did Simon, if not even as someone with more power, but it got on her nerves when they would use titles around her and Gavin always did, even before she became Negan's wife.

"The reason I took the gun's away from them is that the things are about to get emotional and they have proven they don't deal well with emotions. And today they are short, we said twelve, I count eleven"

"There are, twelve," Ezekiel snarled.

"No, I counted."

"Count again."

"You count."

"I'll fucking count, god damn it, it's like kindergarten here."

Alice walked up to the truck and looked down and three small crates filled with cantaloupes, she didn't understand how they think it is profitable to come all this way down here, just for that.

"I count eleven. Did we establish that now?"

"That, that is impossible," Ezekiel came at her side, looking down at the offering, his eyes widening.

"It seems like a fucking possible thing to me."

Gavin didn't turn, still looking at the crates, "it's real. It's happening now and the problems have to end, now. You have to learn the stakes here, so we're gonna teach you."

"You don't have to do anything. We'll get you twice the tribute in an hour," Ezekiel looked at her, his eyes widening, drops of sweat going down his face as his mouth opened, showing a white line of clutched teeth, he was petrified, begging her for some understanding, for a chance, for her to intervene and stop whatever was about to play out.

"Right now is the only time that matters. And right now, you haven't held up your side of the bargain, even after we have talked about this, over and over again. So we're gonna deal with all of this... right now. Us and you, don't turn to her for help, she is here for different business and won't intervene unless completely necessary and hopefully we won't get to that."

"Right now, as in, right now?" Alice heard Jared talk.

"Yes, Jared, right now."

"Alright," he pulled out the gun, aiming it at the man he was mocking just a few minutes ago.

"Do it," a man whispered coldly like he accepted his death even before this all played out.

Jared smiled, tilting his head to the side, "Alright."

The gun shot was heard and the cry of pain came after it, Alice turned around to see is the man dead, but to her surprise, he was still standing, looking at someone on the ground.

"What," she looked down as well, only to see a young boy who was with the group lying on the concrete, holding his leg with blood oozing in between his fingers.

He was a kid, a kid, and he is dying there, shot but one of them.

Alice looked at Jared while everyone around her started to panic; he was looking down at the boy, smiling. She took a few long steps towards him, forming a fist with her hand, swinging it and punching him directly in the nose, sending him flying backward.

"What the?" man looked at her, confused as she came at him one more time, shoving him on the ground and bringing a knife to his throat.

"We don't fucking harm children, you gutless pig!"

She already made a hundred and one scenarios about how she could kill him, what she would do to him when Gavin called for her.

"Alice!"

"Take a kid back to the Kingdom, now!"

She snarled the order, before taking Jared by his collar and pulling him back to his feet, that was when she saw a stick he was bragging about on the ground.

"You there," she called for one people from the kingdom, "take this thing and give it to whomever it belongs to."

A woman came, taking it from the ground, nodding ad Alice, before running towards the truck, starting the engine and going back to the Kingdom.

When they were left alone, Alice turned her attention back at Jared, taking another swing at him, punching him in the stomach.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, we don't fucking harm kids!"

"He is not a kid," the man hissed between his teeth while bending down and holding his stomach.

"He would have been a high school student you idiot, he is a kid!"

She was about to punch him one more time, before Gavin stopped her, placing a hand on her shoulder and shaking his head.

Alice let out a heavy breath, looking at the building around them, "take him to a fucking truck; I don't want to hear one fucking word from him."

Two Saviors came, each taking one of Jared's arms and starting to pull him in the direction of their vehicle, when Alice gave them a signal to stop, going up to man's face, "you pray to God, that kid sees the dawn, because if he doesn't, neither will you ever again, at least not as a living person. Take him to the cell once we come home, he will spend the night there and tomorrow he will come with us, back here. Is that fucking clear?"

Men nodded, before tying up Jared's hands and taking him away,

Gavin came to her, his face shining with the sweat and his eyes red, " you don't have to come back here, tomorrow, with us."

"Oh, but I am. I want to kill that son of a bitch myself."

"But…"

"No, but's, I am ordering this not asking. Now take me home, I have more important things to take care of."

ooo

The sun was betting heavy on him as he was sitting on the steps of one of the cottages in Hilltop, listening to Rick as he was telling him about his plan on taking down the Saviors and killing Negan.

"It won't be easy, he has a lot of people around him, place is like a fort, and there are a lot of innocent there, woman, children, old people," 'Alice,' name crossed his mind but never his lips, she was not innocent but he didn't want her dead.

"There must be a way in, a way around, you were there for a long time, you must have figured out some way to get in, kill him and get out with minimum casualties."

"No, there is not. He is on the top floor, his lieutenants just below him and guards just below them."

"Can we get in through the roof."

"No.. I don't think so. I was never up there," he lied, he was not going to say he was there with Alice, it would raise more questions than he was willing to answer and not like it would help, he didn't know was there a way in through the roof, she never showed him enough of the compound to figure it out. Even if she did, he didn't want to bring the fight to them, in Sanctuary Saviors had an upper hand, no it has to be somewhere else. For their sake and for the sake of all the common people living under Negans protection, yes it was for them and it had nothing to do with the fact that if they were to barge in, Alice would be the one standing on their way to Negan without any way of moving her that didn't mean ending her life.

No, it was not for her safety, it was for them.

"So we must lure him out and then fight him."

"Yes," he nodded.

Rick's eyes were fixed on the kids playing not far from them, "and how do we do that?"

"We get ready and when he comes to Alexandria for supplies, we strike."

"No, that wouldn't work. What if he sends Simon or Alice?"

"Alice doesn't do grunt jobs like that."

"She did yesterday."

That got Daryl attention, making his stomach lurch, "what?"

Rick turned to him, his mouth fixed in the hard line, swallowing heavily, the shift in Daryl's attitude told him everything he needed to know, he knew this man for years, he saw him lose many people close to him and he knew every tick of his face when he felt someone he cared about is in trouble.

"She came looking for you. She thought you came back to Alexandria, she trashed the place down with a bunch of Saviors at her side, following her every order. She is looking to kill you."

Daryl's face fell down, he picked a Clover that was beneath his feet and started turning it in circles, fixing his attention on it.

"Of course she is," corner of his lip twitched up, he didn't expect no less of her.

"When the time comes, will you be able to do what needs to be done?" Rick tilted his head a bit, trying to catch his attention, trying to read from his eyes will he lie or speak the truth.

"What do you mean?" Daryl didn't look at him.

He placed a hand on his shoulder, leaning closer, "if we go out and somehow manage to get to Negan, you know she will be on the way. Are you ready to do what needs to be done?"

Daryl's eyes drifted across Ricks features, keeping silent for a long minute, this was a question he asked himself every night since he first caught himself staring at her, the same question that almost made him stay there, the only thing heavier of that question was the answer to it, and the fact was, he didn't know.

"Yes," he nodded, before turning his attention back at the clover in his hands, "it never has four leafs."

Rick looked at the plant, scowling, there was so much pain in that statement it was unbearable for him.

"No, not anymore, old friend," he tapped him on the shoulder before standing up and walking away.

 _"You really could kill me, bad boy?"_ Daryl heard her voice again, but it didn't startle him, not anymore, he got used to it, he would hear her almost every time he was left alone, and he would answer, more times he cared to admit.

"If I have to."

 _"You could have stayed back there, you know, with me. I would have protected you. But_ noooo _, you have to go out play a big fucking hero and hurt yourself even more. How stupid of you bad boy, to ruin our friendship like that. I am really disappointed."_

"Leave me alone, Alice. This is the way it has to be, there are no more four-leaf clovers."

 _"But they are, bad boy, and you would find them if you cared enough to look."_


	32. the only thing worth fighting for pt11

**It's Monday and it's time for me to update. I am really happy how the next few chapters are going and I am on the roll,yeeey, don't know is it because of extra followers, fav and reviews I go here and on AO3, but inspiration is flowing again.**  
 **Thank you all for that. xxx**  
 **Hope you like this one and read you next week.**

* * *

 **for a few quotes more:** "Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts."

― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

Alice has woken up sometime before the dawn, not being able to sleep turning and tossing in bed whole night, every time her body would give up on her and send her mind into the land of dreams, the same nightmare came to her. She tapped Negan side of the bed, but he wasn't there, she jumped up, looking around the room.

"Bad dream, again, doll?"

She turned around, Negan was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at the bathroom door.

"Yes," she whispered, letting out a sigh of relief, dropping down in the sheets.

"You'd been having them a lot lately?", he didn't turn around, his voice soft and raspy.

"Yeah, it's always the same nightmare."

"What it is about?"

"You… dying," she looked away from him, focusing on the full moon that was illuminating their room.

She heard him let out a heavy sigh and felt the bed shifting, in a moment his arm came around her waist and he pulled her closer as he sat down on the bed leaning on the headboard.

"You need not think about shit like that, doll," he told her, placing a kiss on her temple and moving her to lay over his chest.

"It just comes to me, I can't help it."

"I know," he fell silent.

"Why are you awake?"

He ran his hand over his face, stroking his beard that started growing out again.

"Bad dream."

"Really?" Alice frowned, looking at him, he usually never had them at least not since she moved in with him.

"Yeah," he sighed again.

"About…"

"It's stupid really. I dreamt of you, holding hands with Lucile, my wife, and waving me goodbye."

"Oh," her eyes fell down as she was running her fingers through his chest hair.

"You get those a lot?"

"I used to, before, you know, back when we were fighting. Didn't have them for some time now."

"Are they are back because we are fighting again?"

He chuckled slowly, squeezing her a little tighter, "probably, yeah. I am not fucking used on people talking back."

"And here I am, with always something to say."

"I would not have it any other way doll," he took her chin, lifting her head a bit and placing a soft kiss on her lips.

"You should sleep. Tomorrow is a long day ahead of us."

"'Yes, it is," she snuggled into the crook of his neck, taking a deep inhale, letting his smell wash over her and calm her nerves as she closed her eyes and drifted away once more.

OOO

"Why did you put one of our men in a cell?" Alice was about to take a bite out of her sandwich when Arat came in the room, not even knocking, looking for her.

"Well, good fucking morning to you too, Arat, don't you know how to fucking knock. What if we were having sex and you burst in just like that?" , Negan was on the other side of the room, taking one of his shirts out of the closet and pulling it on.

"I…I", Arat turned red, only then realizing how she entered the room and whose room was that. She was used on Alice not locking the door and letting her and a few chosen ones walk in and out however they pleased, she forgot the rules changed now.

"I wouldn't mind," Alice smiled, licking the tips of her fingers as she finished up her breakfast.

"And why didn't ask Gavin? He knows better than I do what Jared did."

"Who the fuck is Jared?"

"One of Gavin's people," Arat turned to Negan, her hand resting on her hips, "and I did ask him. He told me to go and ask you?" she glanced back at Alice, who was casually sitting on the sofa, her leg propped up on her knee and loosely holding a glass of water in her hand.

"Well, what a way to dodge a fucking bullet," she chuckled, "Alright, I'll take the bait," she slowly place the glass back on the table, before locking her eyes with Arat's.

"Jared is in a cell because he jeopardized our diplomatic relationship with Kingdom, he didn't follow the orders of his superiors, he intentionally antagonized people his group was dealing with and our good relationship with Kingdom is now in danger because yesterday he shot the kid in the leg. He is now in the cell because I am waiting to see will the kid make it through and then I will decide his faith. Is this good enough explanation for you? "

Arats face and mouth froze wide opened as she was scanning Alice, she was about to say something but words never formed.

"I would appreciate if you never question the way my doll does things, she will never do anything to put us in any danger. And as you see now, that man is clearly an idiot who wasn't even supposed to be there in the first place and will be dealt with as she sees it fit, without anyone interfering. Whatever she fucking orders, you all should look at it as if it came right out of my fucking mouth. Am I fucking clear?"

Negan came to stand in front of Arat, acting like a wall between her and Alice, his eyes dark and his mouth clenched in a hard line.

"I fucking asked you something, Arat."

A woman looked up at him, swallowing heavy and nodding.

I didn't fucking hear you. "Yes.. yes sir."

"Good, now be a lamb and leave us alone, morning is the only time I get to spend with my wife undisturbed lately and would like to keep it that way if you don't mind."

He showed her to the door, gently walking her outside and closing them shut before she was even able to say another word.

"Thank you," Alice smiled weakly, "I apologize for not telling you about it earlier I just didn't find the right moment, you know… with everything going on and…" she swallowed her last words.

"No need to thank me, doll," Negan took a seat beside her, taking her in his arms and pulling her to sit on his lap.

"I would have done the same thing, it's nice to see what kind of leader you are turning into, not two months ago you would kill him on the spot, but you took a harder but better way. I am fucking proud of you, doll."

He wanted to say he is happy to know she will be a good replacement for him if something happened, but he knew those words would make her go mad so he kept his mouth shut. The corners of his lips curling up and the hope that maybe she wouldn't go on a killing frenzy if he was to perish, rose up.

"Well, I have the best teacher by my side," she smiled, wrapping her hand behind his neck and pulling him closer for a kiss.

OOO

They weren't alone for more than fifteen minutes and only their underwear left between them when someone knocked on the door again.

"Jesus fucking, Christ!"

"You got to be shitting me," Alice growled, "Go away!"

"Boss, I need to talk to you," it was Dwight.

"It can fucking wait," Negan didn't mind him, starting to pull down Alice's panties, "I'm in the middle of something," he smirked as he slid down in between her legs.

"It's about Sherry."

"I can't believe this shit," Alice moved away, taking her panties and pulling them on, with her pants following them.

"I am going to start punishing people from interrupting our alone time," Negan was up as well, not bother to get dressed.

"Yeah, well, we would run out of people pretty fast that way," she smiled, placing a kiss on his forehead, "I'll go get dressed in the bathroom."

"Nooo," he pouted, "don't get dressed," he pulled her closer, making her stand in between his legs as he rested his chin on her belly, looking up at her.

"I'll ditch him as fast as I can and join you in the bathroom, what do you say?" his lips stretched in the wide smile.

"I need to go to Kingdom in an hour, and besides, I got a feeling Dwight will kill your mood the moment he walks in just as he killed mine, the moment he talked."

"I hate it when you get all business on me, but ok I get it," he pulled his hands away from her, in a sign of surrender, slapping her butt as she turned around, making her giggle.

"Big baby," she smiled, closing the door just as the knocking sound filled the room again.

"Unless you want to see my dick in its full glory, you need to be patient, Dwighty boy."

Alice came out of the bathroom five minutes later, when she saw Negan standing near the door, fully dressed now, looking down at the doorknob, his arms crossed over his chest.

"You still didn't open the door?"

"No, I am waiting to see how long he will wait until he knocks again."

Alice was standing there with him for another five minutes, watching his smile becoming wider with every passing minute.

"You know, I have places to be, and I need to get out through that door?"

"Patience is a virtue, dear."

Another two minute passed, when the knocks were heard again followed by Negan laughter, as he clapped his hands, leaning back a bit, "told you doll," he winked.

"Well do fucking come in Dwight, I don't know why were you standing there for so long. No don't tell me, let me guess, you were jerking out in front of our door, weren't you?"

Dwight's didn't look amused, shifting his eyes between the pair and then looking at their bed and sheets, thrown down on the floor, his scowl deepening.

"I need to talk to you, about Sherry."

"Well fucking talk," Negan smiled, "you want some ceremony held in her honor or some shit like that?"

"No, it's not about that," he shifted his weight from one foot to another, "I… I thought we could talk privately."

Alice tensed, she wanted to throw him out of the room, punch his stupid face and shove his boot down his throat, but she couldn't, this was Negan problem and he was the one to decide how he will approach it.

"I don't fucking understand what it is you want to talk about that my doll can't hear, I will tell her sooner or later anyway."

"I….it's private." Dwight's eyes fell down, trying to avoid Negan's questioning gaze. He didn't want to talk in front of Alice, she made him nervous, always full of questions and her stare made his skin itch.

"Doll, do you mind?" Negan turned to Alice, his eyes fixed on hers, pleading her not to make a scene.

"Will you walk me out, dear husband."

"I most certainly fucking will," he smiled, placing his hand on her lower back, walking out of the room with her.

"Ok, doll, I know what you are thinking, but I am fucking…" , they were near the staircase that led down to the lieutenant's floor.

Alice shushed him, putting her finger on his lips, "just promise me, you won't believe everything he tells you. That's all I'm asking for."

"Alright," he took a deep inhale in, "I will take everything with the reservation."

She placed her hands on his face, tilting her head to the side, leaning closer and placing one kiss on his forehead, one on the tip of his nose and one on his lips, "thank you," she smiled, before turning around and heading down the stairs, looking for Gavin.

Negan watched her go, standing on the top of the stairs few moments after she disappeared behind the corner before he went back to their room.

Dwight was standing near the bookshelf, scanning the titles, when his eyes drifted down on the sofa where Lucile was resting, he walked towards the bat, his brow falling down as he slowly extended his hand running his finger over the barbed wire, everyone noticed Negan wasn't carrying it with him all the time anymore, he would only walk around with her during the inspections, unlike before, when rumors circulated that he even slept with her in his bed, no one close to him believed that but it didn't stop common people from talking.

"Careful, she bites," Negans voice startled him, making him jump a bit, reaching for his gun.

"Why so tense Dwighty boy, no one is going to kill you in here. Too big of a fucking mess to explain to wife, and you know how women get when it comes to carpets, " he smiled.

"Yes, Alice does seem like a woman who fusses around the drapes and carpets."

"You'd be surprised, Dwighty boy, you should see the size of a fucking mirror she dragged back here from Hilltop. But enough about that, take a seat," he gestured at one of the armchairs as he sat down on the sofa, taking Lucile and placing her on his lap, waiting for Dwight to sit down.

"So, Dwighty boy, talk to me, talk to me about Sherry."

"I know who helped Daryl escape and why."

"Really", Negan leaned closer, "well I need to fucking hear all about that," he smiled, forgetting completely what he promised Alice not a few minutes ago, he had his culprit now it's time to bring him to justice.

OOO

"Why does he have a tape over his mouth, but isn't tied up?" Gavin looked at Jared, who was sitting in between two saviors.

"Because, I don't want to hear a fucking word out of him," Alice was focused on passing trees, "and his hands aren't tied up because I am looking for an excuse to kill him before we even find out what happened to the boy and him trying something is one hell of an excuse. Right, Jared?" she leaned over her seat, smiling at the man.

"What, nothing to say," she giggled, "too bad you didn't practice that before you got yourself and all of us with you, in this fucking mess."

They arrived at the meeting post, people from Kingdom already waiting for them, with Ezekiel in the middle.

"Here goes nothing," Alice mumbled turning around and violently jerking the tape away from Jared's mouth, "you don't fucking talk, you don't fucking look at anyone, you stand there, acting like a good boy you should have been in the first place, and maybe, just fucking maybe, you get out of this with all your body parts in place. Did I make myself clear?"

"Yes," Jared lifted his head, looking her directly in the eyes.

"I told you not to fucking talk," all of the sudden her hand cracked over his face, his arrogance was getting the best of her, who does he think he is, lifting his head up so high after what he has done.

Jared held his cheek, as the red mark started to form, narrowing his eyes.

"Now, let's fucking do this again. You don't talk, you don't look at anyone, you just stand there and witness in silence how your faith unwraps before your eyes. Am I clear?"

Jared's face fell down as he nodded weakly.

"Good," Alice smiled, "now let's get over with this. I have a missing man case to deal with and I don't feel like wasting any more of my time."

They came out, one of the Saviors pushing Jared in front of himself as they made the line in front of Ezekiel's man, mimicking theirs, with Alice and Gavin in the middle.

"Good morning," she smiled, surveying the group, their faces empty, eyes sagged down and red, she turned her attention on the only woman in the group, maybe because she was better at reading female faces, maybe because she saw the same expression on her mother face too many time, whatever it was, she knew.

"How is the boy?" Gavin asked the group.

"Boy is dead," Alice whispered, taking her bow as she turned around, drawing an arrow and shooting Jared in the chest.

The man fell on his back, choking in his blood as it came pouring out of his mouth, all the Saviors turned around, coldly looking down, while the people from Kingdom stood in wonder, their mouth and eyes wide opened, glancing between Jared, Alice, and Gavin.

"Gavin, what is the meaning of this?", Ezekiel spoke, his white teeth clutched In perfect line.

Gavin was silent like he didn't even hear him, his eyes glued to the ground, face turning red, moving his head to the side, letting out a heavy breath.

Alice walked towards the man, bending down and pulling an arrow out of his chest, hissing while she wiped away the blood from the arrowhead against Jared's jeans.

"Punishment," she answered Ezekiel's question as she turned around, locking her eyes with his, "killing, molesting or even touching children or young people, is not what we do, it was never something we did! Still, it happened more times than I care to count!", she was now addressing the group that came with her.

"I don't give a damn what they do, if there is another way of dealing with the situation, then you better fucking find it or you'll end up like this, piece of shit, here!"

"You," she called for a man on the far end of a line, "get that linen bag out of the truck and put it over his head, then load him up in the back, he is continuing his service back on the fence."

Alice turned to Ezekiel, his eyes were fixed on the dead body Saviors were loading up in the truck, his lips pursed but slightly opened, his eyes darting left and right, there were few things she loved more than confusing people who always looked like they have their shit together.

"Why so confused, your majesty? This is not the world where one can afford losing good resources, even the dead have roles to play."

The side of her lip pulled upwards, followed by her brow, as she locked her arms over her chest, shifting her weight to her right foot and tilting her head slightly to the side.

Ezekiel looked at her, breathing heavily.

"I don't understand, what kind of role a mindless husk can play?"

"Well, the role of mindless husk," her smiled widened, as she bit her lower lip, "apparently," she snorted rolling her eyes.

"Gavin, take it from here," she turned away from the group, going towards the truck and popping herself up to sit on the hood, her legs crossed.

Gavin sighed one more time, looking up at the sky, his shoulders sagged and his eyes red, "do you have it?"

Man, that was fighting with Jared yesterday, walked towards the truck, taking a small crate with a singled cantaloupe in it.

He placed it in front of Gavin's feet, straightening up and looking past him to where Alice sat, "I just want to say we get it. We understand…"

He was about to finish his sentence when Morgan came behind him, hitting him over the head with the stick Alice gave them back yesterday, as he turned around he took another two blows to the side of his face, falling on the ground before Morgan started strangling him.

Ezekiel ran towards them, "Cease this!"

"Leave them be," Alice's voice broke through the commotion, her gun out, pointing at him.

"Leave them be," her face was wiped away from any kind of the emotions as she pulled the safety off, ready to shoot at anyone who dared to come between the two men on the ground.

Ezekiel was looking up and down, not sure what to do, while the rest of his people pleaded for Morgan to stop.

It was all over faster than it began, Richard was long dead when Morgan pulled his hands away from his throat, standing up and taking his stick from the ground.

"He set it all up," he looked at Gavin, Ezekiel and finally fixing his eyes on Alice, "He blocked the road yesterday, made us late. It was all him, we had your offering when we left, had it all. He took one from the cargo, and he hid it when we stopped. He wanted to get something started between the Kingdom and the Saviors, he wanted a war."

Alice looked down at the man on the ground, her eyes half opened, "punishment," she whispered to Morgan.

"Punishment," he nodded, turning around and joining his group.

"We are done here, everyone move," Gavin ordered.

"Same time next week?", he turned to Ezekiel.

"Same time next week."

OOO

Alice came back to the Sanctuary much sooner than she anticipated, as trucks pulled in, the lack of people waiting for them rose the initial alarm in her head, something was wrong.

She hopped out of the truck, looking around, no one was in the gardens, no one was on the fence and the back entry was secured with only two guards, instead of regular five.

"Hey, you," she called for the man who was walking around the catwalks, "where is everyone?"

A man looked down at her, squinting and raising his hand right above his head, shielding his eyes from the sun.

"Miss, Alice, is that you?"

"Of course it's me, who the fuck do you think it is?" she pulled her face shield and hood down, "where are the guards, why are the two of you alone up there?"

"Negan's orders, miss, he called the rest of the people to gather in the hall and before that he ordered us to light up the furnace."

"What, why?" Alice looked at Gavin who was now standing at her side.

"Don't know miss Alice, something about the mole and tiny dick."

"This one is loaded," she mumbled, so only Gavin can hear her.

"No, that Abdul, he doesn't drink."

"Are you sure?"

"He told us to wait for you and tell you to join him the moment you come back from your run," the man told her before going back to his duty.

"What is this shit about," she looked at Gavin.

"Don't know ma'am, no one told me anything about firing up the furnace before we left."

"Shit, shit, shit," Alice marched toward the hall; she didn't like this one bit.

OOO

She entered the hall through the back door, leading her directly to the place where Laura and Eugene were standing.

"What the fuck is happening Laura?" she startled the woman, making her jump in her spot while Eugene scooped up to the left, stepping as far away from Alice as possible.

"God, Alice! Stop sneaking up on people like that."

"You stop freaking out every time I do, who do you think it is, a Walker, calling you by name, you're not that fucking popular Laura."

"Ha…ha…ha… very funny."

Alice came to stand by their side, holding the rail and looking down.

Everyone was there, forming a circle around the center where Negan was, wearing his white shirt, black jeans and jacket, walking back and forth, swinging Lucile from one hand to another, he looked like he was waiting for someone.

Then he glances upwards, a smile stretching across his features, "there you are, I've been waiting for you, doll. Got a little surprise for you."

"You need me down there?".

"No, dear, stay there, you get a better view," he winked at her, before turning his attention to someone in the group.

Alice leaned over the rail, to get a better look, but she didn't see anyone unusual down there, Dwight was at the furnace, heating up the iron and Carson was standing near Negan, holding his doctor bag in his hands.

"You," Negan pointed Lucile at her direction, not looking at her, when she turned around she saw Eugene hiding behind her back, "you are gonna want to pay close attention to this."

In that moment he swung Lucile, hitting Carson's shoulder, making him drop his bag and almost fall on his side, when two Saviors came behind him, holding him and keeping him on his feet.

"No…no…no…" he cried out, "why?"

"Why… why? This is why," Negan pulled out something from his pocket, "I found this little souvenir tucked away in your desk."

Carson looked at the piece of paper Negan was holding in his hand, "I…I don't know what that is."

Negan glanced up at where Alice, Laura and Eugene were standing, running his hand over his face and hitting the man again, making him almost fall on his face before giving Lucile to one of the Saviors at his side and walking towards the pile of logs, taking a glove from the top of it, slipping it onto his hand.

Alice tighten her grip on the rail, her knuckles turning white, she didn't understand what is happening, everything was fine this morning before she left the compound, Negan didn't say a word to her about Carson, did he intentionally left her in the dark.

No, he never did that, something changed while she was away and then it hit her, Dwight.

She saw him standing not a few feet's away from Carson, his attention fixed on the fire, "you piece of trash," she growled, shaking her head, her face turning red from suppressed anger.

This was his doing she was positive.

"You knew Sherry hated Daryl being here, so you let him out for her, to be the hero, then you could move in. That is some weaselly shit right there."

"I..I don't…she ran…" Carson stuttered, looking around himself, waiting for someone to stand in his defense, but no help came.

Alice wanted to go down there, smack some sense back to Negan before he does something he will regret later on, but her hand were tie, there were not alone, they had an entire compound as a witness and if she was to stand up to him, it would only piss him off even more and she couldn't risk it, she couldn't risk falling out of the game while Dwight was still in it, so all she could do is stand there, silently witnessing the down fall of a man who was nothing but loyal to them, man who saved lives, man who kept them all alive, man who didn't deserve what he was about to get.

"She ran! You know why she ran?!" Negan's thunderous voice brought her back out of her thought and turned her attention back down.

"Because she knew I would blame her, which I did. But, see, Sherry told Dwighty boy the whole story right before she was torn apart. A super-hot girl, horrifically killed because of your greedy, delusional, tiny little prick and to top it all out, my wife," he pointed at Alice, "she has been working her pretty ass out, putting it on the line, risking her life, and spending not more than three fucking hours a day with me, so she can find Daryl and bring him back here. So your stupid hide would be safe."

"No…" Carson cried out, "it's not the truth, Dwight..tell them," he pleaded the blond man, but he didn't even turn to look at him.

"Alice.. ma'am... Please…" Carson then looked up, tilting his head to the side, tears rolling down his face.

Alice's heart clenched, as she looked at the man, eyes filled with sadness, "I'm sorry," she ghosted over her lips, shaking her head.

"Don't you fucking dare look at her! Much less, ask her to help you! You lost her best friend!"

"No…" man wept, "he is lying. I would never do that."

Alice knew he wouldn't. Her tongue was starting to hurt her from the force was biting down on it, swallowing her rage.

"Why? Why? Why would he do that? Why would he intentionally try to hurt you? Sherry's gone and if he's lying, and she's out there, I will find her. Then I will burn the other side of his face off until he dies. So, what was he gonna get out of this?"

Carson looked at Negan, "I..I don't know… I don't."

"No.. I know my Dwighty boy, he would never do that. All he needed is one night in the hole so he can come back to his senses. Ain't I right, D?"

"Ohhh, yeah."

The moment Alice heard Dwight voice her skin crawled, the confidence he felt made her sick. She thought about Daryl, how she found him sleeping near the pile of his own puke because of him, thought about how he was playing them, lying to Negan, thought about how the innocent man is about to get his face butchered because of him. The dark curtain fell over her eyes, as she reached out for her Eagle, pulling it out of the holster, her eyes fixed on Dwight.

She was about to aim when she felt a hand of hers, as she turned around Eugene was behind her, holding her hand, his face now inches away from her.

"As much as I comprehend your frustration, I would not advise that course of action."

She looked at him, her eyes wide and her lips trembling, she knew he was right, killing Dwight right there would only make things worse, her eyes fell as she placed the gun back in its place, turning around, locking her hand behind her back and turning her attention back at Negan.

He was holding the iron a few inches of Carson's face.

"Now, you know I hate this shit. Just tell me you did it and that you're sorry so I don't have to do this."

"Yes. Yes, I did it, all of it. Sorry. I'm so sorry."

Negan let the iron fall on the ground, not a few feet's away from him, "that's all you had to say." he smiled, turning around and looking up at Alice.

Her face was stone cold; she was holding his gaze, no smile appearing on her face, he found it strange, he thought she would be happy to know that the traitor was caught and punished.

He nodded and Alice knew it was not the end of it, but he was her leader, her life and whatever he was about to do she knew she had to stand by his side, good or bad, that's the package deal.

She slowly closed her eyes, taking a deep inhale, trying to find the last bit of self-control she had left.

Negan turned around, fixing his attention back to weeping doctor,

"That is all you had to say," he sighed, before grabbing him by his shoulders and throwing him into the furnace.

Screams filled the room.

Everyone eyes and mouth were frozen wide opened, the room looked like it was filled with ghosts as their faces turned white, some were averting their eyes away from the scene, some were puking, some crying, but no one could hide their shock.

No one but Alice, she was standing there, her back straight, her head held high, mouth fixed in a hard line, slowly blinking. She turned her head slowly to the side, looking down at Dwight, before turning around on her heels and leaving the room, not interested in witnessing any more of this charade.

An innocent man is dead, blood spilled and they as the community wounded.

OOO

After everything was said and done, Negan went straight to his room knowing Alice was there, when he didn't find her waiting for him outside of the hall.

When he entered the room he saw her standing near the window, her back turned away from him, she didn't ditch her gear, only her bow was resting on the table.

"Doll…" he quietly called for her.

"Yes," her voice was hard and sharp.

"Is everything alright?", he took one step towards her, not daring to go any further.

She moved her head to the side, "you just killed an innocent man, nothing is alright."

Negan's face fell, his mouth hung, lips slightly parted and his eyes were as wide as they could stretch, "what?"

Alice turned around, she was holding an empty glass of whiskey in her head, that's when Negan noticed the bottle on the table, half of what was in it that morning was gone.

"You killed Carson," she took a few long steps towards him, standing only feet away, "why? Why would you do that?", her voice was soft, calm, almost like she was singing a lullaby instead of talking.

Negan broke the distance between them, wrapping his hand around the back of her head, pulling her closer, resting his forehead against hers.

"I did it for you," he whispered, eyes fixed on her lips, "he fucking hurt you, I see it every, god damn day since Daryl escaped, your eyes don't shine like they used to, you don't smile like you used to, your nightmares are more frequent. I wake up every fucking night, hearing you scream his name, pledging him for mercy, I don't fucking know what you see but I know it is fucked up. You cry out for me every fucking night. All because of him and his selfish deluded mind. That is why I didn't just iron his fucking face, that is why I burden his sorry ass, and I will do it to again, to anyone who harms you."

Alice was quiet for few second, processing what he just told her, placing her hand on his chest and pulling him away.

"You killed a wrong man. Now you are putting a blood of innocent on my hands, why?"

Negan took one step away from her, feeling a cold fury that was boiling inside of her, he never minded her yelling, opposing him, he even enjoyed their bickering, it kept his mind sharp and made him think things over, often find a better solution, but this cold, slowly burning rage was something he never knew how to deal with.

"You are questioning me again?" was all he managed to say, mentally hitting himself over the head once the words were out.

"Yes, I am." Her cold eyes sent shivers down his spine, making his heart skip a beat.

She was standing there, cold as ice, her face never changing, he didn't know how to fight that, he needed her fire so he can have something to work with, so his anger, that was now raising up, had something to be spilled upon.

"He was not an innocent Alice, Sherry told Dwight…"

"Bullshit," all of the sudden her act fell apart, the mention of Dwight name was like a hammer, crushing the icy layer she wrapped around her anger.

"Bullshit, do you hear me! I can't believe you swallowed up shit like that. Carson, trying to seduce Sherry, give me a fucking break! Man didn't look at women who practically threw themselves on him and you believed he would go behind your back and try to get to Sherry by releasing Daryl. I hate to fucking break it to you, man, but her pussy is not made of gold and worth the risk!"

"I fucking found this in his desk," Negan took a long step, going into her face, holding a piece of paper with words, 'Goodbye honey' written on it, "this is Sherry's handwriting, Alice."

"That! That is why you killed a man!"

She pushed him away from herself, going to her bookshelf, taking Negans notebook from there, writing something down on one of the pages, then tearing it out.

"What the fuck are you doing Alice?"

"I'm going to put this fucking piece of paper in Simon's desk so you can kill him to when he comes back, while you are on a fucking roll!"

"Alice, that is not…"

"It fucking is! You killed an innocent man, a loyal man and to top it all you did it for me! You fucking smeared the blood of innocent all over my hands!"

"Alice!" Negan's voice filled the room like thunder, usually, it would make everyone pause, but not Alice, it only filled her with more rage.

"Negan!" she matched his tone. "Do you fucking see what you have done!? Do you!? We don't have a doctor now, many people here lost a friend today, many people here owed him their lives and you killed him. Don't you get the consequences of your action?"

"He was a traitor and a liar!" Negan grabbed her by the upper arm, violently pulling her towards himself, his face like a stone, jaw clenched, his nose winking up as his brow fell down.

"Dwight is a traitor and a liar, not Carson," she pulled her arm away from his grip. "I can't believe you don't fucking see it, he is lying to you, manipulating you and he is sabotaging this entire community. And you are fucking helping him without ever realizing it. Negan he is laying, Sherry is not dead; Carson did not let Daryl go, please, for the love of God, for me, please, open your eyes, before it's too late."

Negan didn't say a thing, looking at her for a long moment, taking deep breaths, trying to get his compulsion back.

"You don't know him."

"Neither do you," Alice softly whispered.

"I know him better than you think I do! I know him better than I KNOW YOU! I KNOW HIM LONGER! HE WAS HERE LONG BEFORE YOU CAME AND HE HAS PROVEN HIMSELF!"

The words were out before he could stop them, the time started to run more slowly as he watched her face falling down, her eyes closing for a long second, then turning red, teary, her lower lip started to shake as she took a deep breath in, locking her eyes with his, straightening her back.

"Good to know I haven't," was all she said as she grabbed her bow and stormed out of the room, slapping the doors so hard the part of the wall paint broke down.

Negan stood, watching after her, not being able to move.

"I'm so sorry, love," he whimpered, but no one was there to hear him.


	33. the only thing worth fighting for pt12

_hope you like this one. Thank you all for your reviews, fav and follows.  
Read you again next week. xxx_

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 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended. _  
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 **for one quote more:** "Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them? I have. I am fucking I am free." ― Lana Del Rey _  
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 _"Good to know I haven't," was all she said as she grabbed her bow and stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard the part of the wall paint broke and fell on the floor._

 _Negan stood, watching after her, not being able to move._

 _"I'm so sorry, love," he whimpered, but no one was there to hear him._

He stumbled down on the floor, bring his knees closer to his chest and propping his elbows on them as he ran both of his hand through his hair. He felt like his entire world just came crumbling down on him, _'you lost her, you lost another one you cared about, you fucking idiot'_ a tiny voice in his head started repeating the same sentence over and over again.

"Doll, I'm so fucking sorry," he wept but the room was still empty, she wasn't there and the thought that she will never again be there, made him want to crawl out of his own skin.

Sheets of the unmade bed were mocking him, they were there just this morning, all over each other and now he was alone, looking at the door, waiting for them to open and her to storm in, wanting to start another argument, demanding an apology, anything, but that was not her, she never demanded a thing from him so the door stayed closed and he stayed on the floor, not knowing what to do next.

OOO

Alice walked out of the room, her visions blurry from the pressure she felt inside her head, her heart beat in his chest, banging, trying to get out.

Her hands were closed in the fists, knuckles turning white, her mind shot down, unwilling to think, unwilling to let the thoughts avert her from her goal.

"He has proven himself," Negans words were still ringing in her ears, feeding her rage.

Her legs had a mind of her own as she stormed down the stairs, pushing few Saviors out of her way, while the rest just stepped aside, gaping at her in horror.

She came to her objective, only the door standing between her and her prey as she kicked them opened with her leg.

OOO

The truck pulled in the back and Simon came out, giving the instructions to his group and looking around himself.

Negan and Alice weren't there to greet him and it made him scowl, he missed this place, being gone for days, days that felt like years, he looked down at his right hand and the grey bag filled with books he picked up for Alice and one special thing Negan asked him to find and the only reason he was gone for so long.

He was proud of himself, hunting down something so small was not an easy task and it had to be perfect, two days ago he stumbled on what he was looking for and felt relieved he was finally going home, but the lack of the welcoming party rose the alarm in his head, something was wrong he could feel it.

He left his man and went straight to Negans room, hoping to find him and Alice there, alive and well.

He softly knocked on the dark-oak door, but no sound came on the other side, he let out a defeated sigh and was about to walk away when he heard a voice coming from the room.

"Alice," it was Negan.

"No, boss, it's me, Simon," he didn't wait for Negan to let him in, he reached for the door knob and slowly opened the door, stepping inside.

The room was eerie quiet, he saw the unmade bed and sheets on the floor, he scowled, Negan was very neat man, and although Alice was messy, it didn't seem like he would fall under her influence so fast, then he looked on the other side of the room, Negan was sitting on the floor, his legs spread out in front of him, leaning on the sofa, his head resting in his hand.

"You're back?" his voice was dark.

"Yes, and I found what you were looking for, boss."

Negan looked at him, his eyes red and mouth down, he stood up, lazily walking towards the man and taking the bag out of his hand, looking inside.

"Where is it?"

"Here," Simon reached inside and pulled out small black velvet pouch out, "hope you will like it."

Negan took it, opening it and looking at the content, his eyes swelling up, filling with tears, "it's perfect, but I'm not sure I will need it."

"What? Why?" Simon was confused; he didn't just waste a week of his life for nothing.

"Does it matter," Negan closed the pouch, walking towards his nightstand and slipping it in the drawer.

"Do me a favor Simon, go find Alice make sure she doesn't do something stupid like leave."

"Why would she leave?"

"Doesn't matter, just go find her," Negan stumbled down on the bed, turning his back away from him and not uttering another word.

Simon took it as a sign to leave, as he nodded and walked outside, going down the stairs hoping to find Alice as soon as possible.

He was on the generals floor when he heard a rumble coming from Dwight's room and he knew he didn't have to look any further, where there is trouble there is Alice.

OOO

Dwight was sitting in the armchair, looking up at the ceiling, trying to wrap his mind around what he has done. The sacrifice needed to be made, for him, for Sherry, but was it worth it. She wrote in her letter that he turned into something he never wanted to be, was it true, did he really become the kind of person he once feared. Ready to take down anyone in the name of survival, and if he did, did she made him that way, did Negan made him that way or was it a part of his nature all along.

He let out a deep sigh, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, there is no point in dwelling over the spilled milk, what's done is done, now he needs to make sure Carson's sacrifice was not in vain.

He was about to get up and get a glass water when the door of his room violently opened with Alice storming in. He didn't even have time to understand what is happening before she grabbed him by the collar, pulling him up and tossing him across the room, directly in the pile of boxed in the corner.

"You lying, piece of trash," she snarled, kicking him in the stomach with the tip of her boot.

"What," he hissed through his clenched teeth.

He tried to get up, but she gave him another knock, pulling the air out of his lounges and making him stumble back on the floor.

"I know it all!" her voice filled the room.

"Know what?", he looked up at her, his face red.

"Don't you fucking dare play fool with me," she grabbed him by his collar again, pulling him up and pinning him on the wall.

She reached for her Eagle, resign it just below his jaw and pulling it up, burying the muzzle deep into his skin.

"I know Carson didn't let Daryl go," she growled, "I know Sherry is alive and I know you lied to Negan. The last fact alone is enough of the reason to blow your fucking brains out right here, right now."

"I…I…", he closed his eyes, trying to find something to say, he didn't go through all this trouble just to be gunned down in his own room.

"Shut the fuck up!", Alice didn't give him room to talk.

"I won't do it, nooo, not yet. I will go out I will find Sherry and then I will drag her ass back here so you can witness the faith I have prepared for her. Then I will kill you, but not after I make you tie her transformed ass on the fence."

"Alice," a familiar voice called for her, "shit, psycho, calm down."

It was Simon, standing in the room, his hand stretched before him as he slowly approached the pair.

"Alice, little on, listen to me, put the gun down."

"Do not come any closer, Simon, this doesn't concern you."

"Alice, please…" he stopped in the middle of the room.

Alice didn't turn around to look at him, she wasn't done with Dwight just yet, "You will pay, you will pay for Carson's death, you will pay for every sleepless night and every push and show you gave Daryl and most importantly, you will fucking pay for lying to my man, for making him kill an innocent and abusing his trust. I want you to sleep knowing that, I want you to check every fucking meal you get for poison. Oh yes, and if I see you talking to Negan without me or Simon present ever again, you will be the next missing person case around here. Hope I made myself fucking clear! Have a nice day," she moved her gun away, letting go of him and making him fall down in the pile of boxes once more.

She looked down, wrinkling her nose in disgust, her lips curled up and her nostrils flared as she spat on him, before turning around and leaving, not glancing at Simon or him.

OOO

She ran out in the courtyard, freezing in the spot at the fences where their men kept the dead ones at bay, Jared was already there, snarling and reaching for her.

She stood there watching him, remember the time when she would go down here to chit chat with Daryl in moments like this, she never told him a thing that was troubling her and he never asked twice, she missed that now more than anything, she needed that now more than ever.

She felt rejected, tossed aside and lost, suddenly the place that felt like home was strange to her like she didn't belong there. She wanted to jump over the fence and just leave, but the image of Negan stopped her, she couldn't leave him, no matter what he said to her, no matter what he did, she couldn't just turn her back, not now, not ever, even if it meant living alone in the world of strangers.

 _'I know him better than I know you.'_

The memory hit her again; like vinegar, being poured over the opened wound. He was the only person she ever opened up the way she did, the only person who knew everything there is to know about here, the only person she never lied to, never felt a need to twist the facts and it felt like it was all for nothing.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, but didn't jump up, didn't turn around, her senses were numb.

"Psycho, are you alright?" Simon's soft voice called her back to reality.

She turned her head slightly to the side, her face distorted in the grimace of anger as she swung around and started hitting him in the chest.

"How dare you! How dare you ask me if I am ok? Why did you leave us in times like this, why!?" all the anger that was boiling up in her came purring out.

Simon stood there, taking every blow like a champion, not once asking her to stop. She needed it, he didn't know what's happening but he saw she was racked.

"Psycho," he called for her once her blows soften and he saw she was getting tired.

"No, don't psycho me," she swept away one tear that escaped her, "Daryl escaped after you left! We lost him! He killed fat Joe on his way out! Do you hear me, Simon, Joey is dead! Sherry was the one that caused all this mess and guess fucking what! She escaped too! Dwight is walking around telling everyone she is dead and I fucking know he is lying! And to top it all, Negan just killed Carson today because of him! So no Simon, I am not alight. I've spent days trying to tie all this shit up alone! And where were you in all that? You promised you will help me when I needed help!"

Simon didn't know what to say to her, she was right, he left her at the worst possible time, but it was not his fault, how could he have known what was to come.

"Alice, I… I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't! No one here knows shit!"

She walked past him ready to leave when he grabbed her by her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"What do you care?"

"I…"

"He sent you to make sure I am don't leave, didn't he?"

"I…"

"I won't leave Simon, you can go, rest."

"Alice, please, talk to me."

"What do you want me to say, Simon?"

"Tell me about Dwight, why do you suspect him, tell me about the progress you made looking for Daryl and tell me where do you think Sherry could be. I wasn't here to help you before, but I am here now. Please psycho, talk to me."

Alice stared at him for a long, long moment, not talking trying to see does he really mean it or is he following another one of Negan's orders.

"Psycho, come on, this is me," he took a step closer to her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

She broke at that moment, hugging him as tightly as she could, burying her face in his shoulder. The past days made her forget she had a brother in him, someone she could trust and rely on when no one was there to listen and unlike Daryl, Simon was the only person who knew everything she and Negan went through and only person standing by their side, making sure they don't kill each other.

Simon was surprised, he didn't expect her to hug him and wasn't used to her showing this kind of affection, so he wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could, realizing how broken and wounded she really was at that moment.

"I fucking missed you mustache man."

"I missed you too, psycho."

They had their dinner outside of the factory on one of the benches placed near the gardening part of the courtyard. Alice told him everything that happened after he left, from Daryl's escape, her killing Jared to Carson's demise, she told him why she suspected Dwight is lying to them and why she thinks he can't be trusted. Simon sat there, carefully listening to her every word, interrupting only when he had a question, the sun started to set down when they finished and Alice stood up, taking her bow and getting ready to do her daily perimeter checks.

"You do this every night?" Simon walked her to the gates.

"Yup, every night."

"And what would happen if he were to show up?"

Alice's head fell, as she took her Eagle out of its holster, running her fingers over the engravings on the barrel.

"I kill him," she whispered weakly.

OOO

Negan was still in his room when the sun went down, sitting on the sofa and looking at the door, waiting for them to open up and Alice to walk in, the hours have passed before he made his peace, she is not coming back to this room, not tonight and possibly never again.

He let out a long sigh, running his hand over his face, he thought about finding her and dragging her back, but he quickly dismissed the idea, knowing it would only make things worse.

He stood up, walking toward the sheets, collecting them off the floor, throwing them back on the bed before he took off his clothing and laid down. He didn't know why he did that, known there was no way he was getting any sleep tonight, the bed was too big, too cold, room too quiet, everything pulled on his nerves, making his skin itchy.

He tossed and turned around for what it felt like an eternity, he could swear sun decided not to come out ever again, he stood up looking at the clock on Alices side of the bed, it wasn't even an hour since he decided to try and sleep.

"What the fuck, you got to be shitting me!" he took a clock and shook it a few times before throwing it against the wall.

"Fucking, Jesus, Christ, I am pathetic," he went out and walked across the hall, opening the room where his ex-wives were. The living room was empty, which didn't surprise him, it was almost 1 am everyone is sleeping by now, everyone except him.

"What the fuck am I doing here," he walked toward the bar, taking a bottle of beer and opening it.

"Negan," a soft voice came from the other side.

He turned around, Misha was standing at the doorway that led to their rooms, wearing see through black laced negligee, she was barefoot so when she stood close to him she barely reached the middle of his chest.

"Why are you here?", she looked up, placing her hand on his cheeks, just like Alice always did.

"I…I don't know," he closed his eyes, imagining she was there instead of Misha.

"I know," woman purred, standing a bit closer to him, "I know what you want. I know what you need," she unbuckled his belt, pulling her hand in his jeans.

"I always knew what you need," she stood up on her fingers, kissing his jawline.

His eyes were closed the entire time, imagining Alice being there with him, but when Misha pulled him closer, it made his guts turn, it was not Alice, her lips were different, her kisses more gentle, her hands more eager, her smell much more delicate.

"No," he pulled the woman away from himself, opening his eyes, "no."

He stormed to his room, directly to the bath, he leaned over the sink, breathing heavily, he looked himself in the mirror, he could swear he aged at least a decade since the last time he saw her, he glanced over the gilded frame, remember how she made him get up in the middle of the night to install that thing on the wall.

She was giggling and jumping like a little girl once it was up, hugging him tightly and looking at their reflection in the mirror.

"See, now we have a big enough mirror so the both our reflection can fit in it and we don't even have to hunch."

"Fuck this shit," he grabbed Lucile that was resting on the table and went out of the room, down the corridor and stairs, to the lieutenant floor. He stood on the first door to the left, old Alice's room, reaching for the door knob and walking inside, hoping to find her there.

But to his surprise the room was empty, looking like it hasn't been used ever since she moved out, his heart skipped a beat, his breath failing him, did she leave, did she decided he was not worth the trouble anymore.

"Alice!" he yelled, waking everyone up, few of the Saviors went outside to see what is happening as he was beating on the walls calling her name.

"Alice, where the fuck are you!?"

"She went around the corner a few hours ago," Laura told him, once he reached her doors.

"What?! Where did she go?"

"Around the corner," the woman pointed at the green door on the end of the hall, "to that room."

"Of course she did," his lips twitched up in the smile, his voice softening as he looked at the door, "thank you, Laura."

He went to Daryl's room, walking inside, not bothering to knock.

She was sitting on the floor, hugging her legs close to her chest, she was awake, looking at her reflection in the black TV screen.

"I was looking for you, doll," he said softly sitting down beside her.

"I know, I heard you," she was calm, distant, her voice cold.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Trying to sleep."

"How's that going?"

"It was fine until you decided to wake everyone up," she lied.

Negan fell silent, looking down at the bat resting on his lap, running his fingers over the barbed wire.

"I thought you fucking left so I freaked out."

"I told Simon I was not going to leave. You should know better than that, or you shouldn't, I'm not sure anymore."

He wanted to say something, opening his mouth but then instantly closing them, he didn't know what to say to make things better, to say he didn't mean it was too big of a cliché for her to believe in it.

"Are you coming back to our room?"

"Do you want me there?" she turned her head to look at him, her eyes darting back and forth, her jaw clenched tight.

"What kind of a fucking question is that? Of course, I want you there, you belong there."

"Do I?", her head fell down, "it doesn't seem like that from where I am standing."

"What the fuck do you want me to do, doll? What the fuck do you want me to say? I'm fucking sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't fucking mean what I said? I….I.. fuck."

He ran his hand over his face, pulling it down, he didn't know how to fix this, he didn't know what to say to make her believe him.

"Then why did you say it?"

"You know I fucking blabber around when I am mad, I don't mean half the shit I say. C'mon, doll, you should know it better than anyone by now."

She lifted her head, looking back at the TV screen and their reflection in it.

"Yes, you do that. But this was different, with me it's always different. When you say something to other people, I can see you don't mean it, there are no emotions in your voice, no anger in your eyes, you look like an actor, reciting the words someone else wrote. It is all part of the act, but not a part of you, not the part of who you really are. But when it comes to me, your words are sharp, forceful, like a tank, running over the towers of trust we built, pulling every little thing he shared underneath my feet and then you stand there in shock, why did I fall? Why you are so surprised at the effect your words have on me is something I won't ever understand and I made peace with that. The first time you did it, I was in shock, I didn't know what to do, how to react, I think you won't ever understand how close I was at leaving that night. But now, I just tense up, deflect, try to understand what is hidden behind them. What fear, what emotion. I try to see things from your perspective, I try to read every emotion that governs over you at moments like that, even the ones you are not aware of. And I understand, most of the time I fucking get it, that is why I never stay mad for long. After everything I have done for you, after everything I endured for you, and believe me, it is not fucking easy, sometimes I wish I never took your offer and just stayed outside, alone, with no life to care for, but then I turn around and I see you, see your smile and I realize I would never give that up, for anything. But then you go and say you don't know me, you don't trust me. Why? What did I ever do to deserve that?

"Fucking shit," he saw it then, the only way he is getting out of this one is, to tell the truth, the truth is the only thing she will believe in.

"When you said everything you did, I… I fucking realized that I may have made a mistake. The thought about Dwight lying to me, jerking his lies down my throat me swallowing that shit like an eager whore and killing an innocent man because of nothing, I don't fucking know, doll. It made me feel like a fucking marionette that everyone is using to do their dirty work for them. So I said what I said to, I don't fucking know, to hurt you maybe, to punish you for daring to make me face the truth, maybe reassure myself, I don't fucking know. God damn it, doll, you spilled all that over me and I didn't know how to fucking defend myself. I made a mistake. I am so fucking sorry. I don't know what to say or do to make you believe me. I…"

He didn't get to finish his thought them she shut him up, roughly kissing his lips, taking him by surprise. When she pared away from him, he opened his eyes, his mouth still leaning towards her lips, eager for more. She placed her hand on his cheek, stroking his face with her thumb.

"That's all you need to fucking do, to be honest with me, that's all I fucking ask of you. I should apologize as well, I didn't fucking handle the situation with too much grace, not that I ever do, " she nervously giggled, "I.. I… I can't fucking live without you and the thought that someone is playing with your trust and not knowing to what end, it fills me with dread. I fear I will lose you and I don't fucking know how to deal with that."

"I told you, you won't fucking lose me, doll," he leaned closer to her.

"But you never promise."

"No, I don't," he let out a defeated sigh, taking her hand and looking down at it, "can we go back to our room now, I am tired."

"Yes, we may," she smiled, standing up and giving him her hand helping him to get up as well before he took her in his arms and carried her back to their room.

OOO

Alice was standing in the white room, walls around her shining, she took a few steps and saw the surface of the floor moving, making tiny waves around her feet.

"Not this again," she looked around the room same nightmare as always.

"You know I will kill him?" Daryl's voice rang through the room.

"What," she panicked, "bad boy, where are you?" She ran across the room, trying to find a black doorknob that usually led to the black room where Negan was.

"I am Daryl," again his voice, before the room started to shake and all four walls broke down, revealing four black rooms that were surrounding the white cube she was standing on.

"What the," she turned around herself, in every room she could see Negan, standing in the middle, swinging Lucile.

"Doll you made it, oh, am I glad to see you," all four of them spoke at the same time, filling the rooms with echoes as they spread their arms and started to walk towards her before finally stopping, their feet glued to the floor as they started to jerking them up, calling for her to help.

She didn't move from the center of her cube, not know where to go, not like it would be of any use, she could never save him.

That was when from the dark in the room, left of her, Daryl emerged, aiming his crossbow, ready to shot Negan in the back.

Alice panicked, "Nooooo," she started to run but was too late, she didn't even make it half the way when she saw an arrow being shot right thought Negans back, its head coming out on the other side.

She was about to cross to the other room, ready to hit the invisible wall, but it never happened, as she ran to Negan cradling his dead body close to his chest, choking in tears.

"Nooo, baby, nooo. Come back to me!" she wept, sweeping his hair from his forehead.

"You," she looked up, ready to face Daryl and get her revenge, but he was not there.

She turned around to see him in the room across her, aiming at still alive Negan who was trapped there. She jumped up, running to save him, pleading Daryl to stop, but he didn't listen to her and again she was too slow. The same thing happened again in the third room. When she turned around and saw him in the fourth room she didn't even bother to run all the way to it, she fell on her knees in the middle of the white cube she was first in, crying.

"Noo. Noo! Negan! Why are you showing this to me?!"

"I killed your men," she saw a pair of black boots standing in front of her and heard an unfamiliar voice, she looked up and it was Dwight, grinning down at her.

"I killed your man. Alice, using your friend, poetic, " he started to laugh.

She was about to stand up from the floor and end him but the hand reached up for hers then another one, then another one, pulling her down into the floor like they always would. She started jerking her hand, wanting to break free, there was no way she is going down before she kills the bastard responsible for Negan's death.

But the more she fought; hands gripped more tightly, pulling her down faster. She gave in closing her eyes and accepting her faith. She felt herself being swallowed entirely when another pair of hands reached for her, gripping her around her armpits pulling her up on the surface. When she opened her eyes she saw Daryl pulling her up and crying.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm so sorry! You promised me she will live," he looked up, talking to Dwight, who was looking down at them, grinning.

Alice reached for one of the arrows on Daryl's back and stabbed it in his neck.

"Murdered," she growled, as she pulled on the arrow, bringing his face closer to her.

Hand reached up for her again, pulling her down together with Daryl, Dwight's laughter sending them off.

OOO

Alice woke up, taking a deep inhale and fighting for air when she found herself being safely tucked close to Negans chest.

He was laying on his side, his arms and legs wrapped around her as he pulled her as close to himself as possible. She probably screamed again in her sleep waking him up.

He kissed the top of her head and as he started slowly rocking her side to side, softly singing.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky."

She couldn't help herself as she started laughing.

"What the fuck, doll, you are ruining the moment."

"Really, man, twinkle, twinkle little star?"

"Well fuck me doll, that the only lullaby I know. Now go to sleep and I will start all over again."

He pulled her head back in the crook of his neck and started to sing again.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you fucking are, up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the fucking sky."

"Now that's much better," Alice giggled, kissing him, "thank you."


	34. the only thing worth fighting for pt13

**for one quote more:** "She didn't need to understand the meaning of life; it was enough to find someone who did, and then fall asleep in his arms and sleep as a child sleeps, knowing that someone stronger than you is protecting you from all evil and all danger" ― Paulo Coelho, Brida

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

* * *

 **NOTES ON THE END**

* * *

The weeks went by with a blink of an eye before she even knew it a month has passed since Daryls escaped, no word about him, no one saw him anywhere, it was like the earth has opened up and swallowed him.

Alice was going around the outskirts of Sanctuary, walking the same path she walked so many times before when she saw a deer eating peacefully not far from her.

"Bingo," she smiled. She didn't like killing animals; it was something her father thought her not to do. 'we have plenty of what we need, there is nothing good in taking lives just because you can.'

She always lived by that principle, but now, they didn't have what they need and one good kill is worth now more than a good car or full bank account was worth then.

She aimed her bow, steadying it and getting ready to shot when she saw a man standing not far from the deer, looking at her.

He was wearing ragged old clothing, his hair was long and filthy and his face looked almost gray from all the dust and mud collected on it.

Alice shifted her bow from the animal to a man, slowing standing up and walking towards him.

They found a large group of people not long ago, ten men and around five women, they were strangers, living from day to day, without any community or anything worthy of taking, so Negan decided to use them the best way possible and accepted them into their big merry band of misfits. Most of them, except two older men, were put on guard duty and received proper weapon training, of course not before they received a good lesson on rules and behavior.

Few days after they started living with them, Alice got a chance to talk with one of the women from the group who was guarding the entrance just as she was getting ready for her scouting round, that's when she found out her father was missing, disappearing few days before they found them and that she was concerned was he alive or not.

So Alice assumed that this man could be the father this woman is looking for so she decided it was worth a shot talking to him.

"Who are you?" she asked him.

"A friend," a man replied, his voice cold, calm, unnatural.

"Sorry, man, but I don't have friends."

"Neither do we."

"We?" Alice turned around, but there was no one except the two of them.

"I'm alone if that's what you are asking. But at the same time, I am not. We've been watching you, your group, your leader."

Alice skin crawled, she was ready to shoot him on the spot, "stay away from Negan," she growled.

"We mean him no harm," man tilted his head to the side, "but others do, and we know all about their plans. They want to kill you, kill your leader, take your community, we know it all."

"What the fuck are you talking about."

The man stretched his lips into a smile, "your people are a curious group. You don't work for what you get, you take it. We respect that, we are like you in so many ways. But our luck is poor, not like yours. You and your leader live like king and queen, while my leader lives in an old trash container. Your people feast on fresh meat while my people throw away rotten cans. Your clothing is clean, your hair combed and you smell like spring flowers. "

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Alice took one step backward, away from the man.

"Your smell, it's hard not to notice it when all you have smelled for the past three years was garbage cans and rotting flesh."

"Alright man, if you don't start making some fucking sense quickly I will shoot you."

"I apologize, I got carried away," his smiled widened, showing the line of yellow teeth, "we have something you want and if you can make us a better deal than other group did, it is yours."

"What group, what deal?"

"Here is all you need to know," man extended his hand holding a piece of paper.

Alice surveyed him up and down, before taking a large and quick step forward, snatching a note from his hand.

"We'll be waiting for you," man turned around, walking away.

Alice scowled, looking down at the piece of dark brown paper in her hand, before heading back to the Sanctuary.

OOO

"What the fuck is this shit, doll?" Negan was sitting on the sofa, with Simon in the armchair across from him and Alice pacing back and forth from one side of the room to another.

"I don't fucking know, I'm telling you, he just showed up in the woods and gave me that."

"But did he say anything about it?" Simon scratched his head as he looked up at her.

"I already repeated our entire fucking conversation to you, several times, over again. The man was creepy as shit and that means something coming from me."

"I don't like this, boss," Simon looked at Negan who was again reading the note Alice gave him.

 _'Come to the junkyard, 40 miles to the east._

 _We have something you want and you have many things we need._

 _Jadis'_

"What do they have?" Negan mumbled, more to himself than to them.

"He spoke about someone wanting to take us down; maybe they have them or some info on them. We need to check it out. Give me some of our men and I'll go," Alice sat down on the sofa next to him.

"No fucking way, doll, you are not doing this alone. I'm coming on this one. I want to be the one to squeeze them out of all the info they have about these traitorous bastards."

"This may be an ambush, boss."

Negan clutched his jaw in the hard-line, swallowing heavily, Simon was right, walking there blindly is too dangerous.

"You can't go, if anyone is trying to ambush us, you are their primary target. Please. let me and Simon deal with this."

"Fuck it, if I will stay here hiding away like a damned coward. If they want me, they can fucking come and try to take me. I am not sitting on my ass while you risk your life for me, again. I am coming on this one, it's not up for a fucking debate."

Simon and Alice looked at him, giving up on trying convincing him it is for the best if he stayed back in the Sanctuary. On the end he was right, leader hiding away while his generals go out and fight his battles was not a way to earn anyone's respect.

"Alright then," Alice nodded, "we need a hell of a plan if we are doing this, also, one more thing."

Alice looked down afraid to voice was she was about to ask Negan, but he was way ahead of her, turning to Simon.

"No word about this to anyone from the compound, we are taking our people from one of the outposts. You sent the word that we are coming so they can get ready, we are leaving tomorrow around noon, spending a night in the outpost and leaving the next morning for this fucking meeting."

"We should find an outpost that's as far away as possible from this junk group but also from the base."

"Why?", Negan looked at her.

"Because, if we are to trust them we need a security and I know just a way to get it."

She smiled, glancing in between Simon and Negan.

OOO

"Ok, people this is how this shit is going down," Negan address the group of Saviors that lived in the outpost sixteen miles away from Sanctuary and around thirty miles away from the junkyard.

They weren't comfortable with the distance from the unknown group, but the outpost was in the middle of the woods, with no direct path leading to it and was not visible from the road. It was their emergency outpost if something was to happen and they needed to go into hiding. So it was stocked with the food, water, and supplies that could feed an army for six months and that was just what they needed.

He, Simon and Alice left the main base yesterday, later than they planned, telling everyone they have a potential new outpost to check out and that they won't be back for few days, leaving Arat in charge.

Negan didn't like that idea, fearing how his men will handle taking orders from a woman, but Alice insisted, pointing out that she too is a female and they fear her more than they do any male Saviors who lived there. It didn't put his mind at ease, he knew they fear her because they saw what she was capable of, but still, Arat was a better choice than Dwight at the moment and with Gary watching her back things should run smoothly.

He was not feeling all too well, sleeping on an old bed didn't do his back any favors but it did give Alice enough material to tease him that entire morning because she was feeling as well as she always did.

"What is it, old man, your back is hurting you?"

"Fuck you, Alice, that bed is a disaster, we are going back home the moment we are done with this shit."

"Awww, are you getting spoiled in the middle of Apocalypse."

"It easy for you to give me shit, you'd been using me as a fucking mattress through the entire night."

"I can't help it, you're so comfortable," she leaned closer, poking him.

"Are you fucking calling me fat."

"No," and with that she ran away, going outside and joining the Saviors gathered there.

He let out a defeated sigh, slowly following after her with a wide smile stretching across his face.

"Ok, people this is how this shit is going down, a third of you are going with me and Simon, while the rest of you are following Alice. My group is entering the front gate or whatever they have, we are negotiating the terms with them, in a diplomatic way. So no playing fucking maniacs, did I make myself clear! "

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Alice's group is following her lead, whatever she fucking orders you to do; it is set in stone, no trying to find a better way, no defiling the orders. If she fucking asks you jump naked around the Junkyard you better fucking ask, how high and how far! Now is that fucking clear as well?"

Again everyone nodded.

"Alright doll, pick your group."

Alice came to stand in front of the Savior's, surveying them.

"Alright people, this is how we play. I need agile and fast people, people who can climb and crawl without raising every fucking alarm in the 30miles radius. If you are more for a grunt work and like guns more than knives, you are going with Negan. Just so we are clear there will be no need for jumping."

"And nudity?" one man from the back yelled,

"Well, only if you feel more comfortable without your clothes on."

"No... There will be no fucking nudity," Negan interrupted jealously, making half of them laugh.

"Sorry, man, you heard the boss," Alice giggled, looking at him.

After they picked up the groups, they chose the vehicles they are taking, Alice and her group took cars, leaving half an hour before Negan's group, making a wide circle around the Junkyard and finding their way in, from the back.

Negan's and Simon's group took one of the bigger trucks, hoping to turn all the attention on them so Alice and her group can infiltrate without being seen.

"Are you ready, doll?" Negan took her to the side, away from rest of their people.

"As ready as a woman can be." She smiled weakly.

"Are you sure there is a back entrance?"

"Yeah, I am. Remember I have been scouting these parts for two years. I know the Junkyard they are held in. Never got inside but unless they remade the entire back fence there won't be any problems. Let's just hope maneuvering through that entire rumble won't take too much of our time. I would still feel much more comfortable with an hour of a head start. "

"No way, Alice, I'm not even happy with a half an hour I gave you."

"Forty-five minutes, then?" She made the best puppy face she could, stepping closer to him, pulling her hand beneath his shirt, "I promise, I will make it worth your while, once we get back home," she brought her face closer to his, arching her brows.

Negan grouted, "alright, doll. You get forty-five minutes, not a second more and you better fucking make up for it."

"Oh, I will," she wrapped her hand around the back of his head, giving him a long kiss.

"See you inside, lover boy," she winked, turning around, getting into a red car and driving away.

Negan looked around himself, the rest of the Saviors were looking at him, smirking.

"What the fuck are you all looking at!? Get back to work; we have forty-five minutes to get ready. I don't want any problems on our way to those motherfuckers!"

OOO

The trip to the junkyard went smoothly and took much less time than they anticipated. That got Negan worried, if Alice didn't have their luck then they arrived even before them and that was not good.

"Greetings," an older man welcomed them, his hair was combed back in desperate try to hide the fact that he was going bald, he was wearing a long ragged west, fingerless woolen gloves on his hands and old leather boots. It surprised Negan how much his outfit resembled Alice's, it was pale imitation of hers but still the resemblance was there, if he didn't know her and was to meet her tomorrow he would be sure she was a part of this strange group, even the way man held himself reminded him of how she used to be right after he met her.

"We are glad you decided to accept our invitation, please follow me."

Negan looked behind himself, nodding to his group, propping Lucile on his shoulder and continuing to follow the man in silence.

He led them through the maze of tall walls, made entirely of old cars and other heavy junk.

"How the fuck will Alice get to us?" , he thought to himself before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

It was Simon, who just caught up with him.

"Easy there, boss, we need to buy her time not take it away."

That's when Negan turned around only then realizing how fast he was walking. The rest of his group was at least twenty feet behind him, catching their breath as they tried to walk faster.

He only nodded, his face darkening, he didn't like the looks of this place and the fact that he knew Alice was here somewhere, without him, only made him more nervous.

"Welcome," a female voice brought him out of his thought, she was almost as tall as Alice, her hair, cut short in even bob with bleached ends.

"My name is Jadis."

Negan survey her from head to toe, turning his head, looking around himself, they were in the middle of the Junkyard, cars moved to the side to form a circle around them, on the top of the wall stood at least twenty people all of the holding weapons and down in the middle just as many.

They were heavily outnumbered, his group counting only ten Saviors, without him and Simon, the whole plan started to look like one big mistake.

"Well this doesn't look like a warm fucking welcome I was promised to receive," he finally decided to talk, trying to drag out the negations as much as possible.

"We are cautious," a woman spoke in calm robotic tone.

"Well, pardon my fucking manner, but inviting people to your home and greeting then with guns draw out is no way to treat guests."

"You are not our guest."

"Then what the fuck are we?"

"For a moment our prisoners, then, if we manage to make a deal our ally's."

"What?!" Negan almost bashed woman's head in with Lucile before Simon stopped him.

"Easy there, boss, let's hear what they have to say."

Negan turned his head to Simon, scowling, then it hit him, Alice, fuck.

"Alright, I am fucking listening, you better make this good."

"It's quite simple actually, we have info about people conspiring to take you down and you have supplies. Half of what you own is what we ask for and one of your outposts."

"You are fucking insane, I have at least five times more men than you do, I am not giving you half of our shit. I need to provide for them."

"And I need to provide for my people," woman didn't lose her temper for one second, "we live here in this place, no fresh air, no clean space to sleep, no good food to eat. We thought about not going to you and just joining the group that already found us. But we decided to find out what are you all about and we liked it. You have much more than they do and we need much more than they are offering. So the math was simple, we join you; you give us what we want."

Negan's laughter took them all by surprise as he leaned back a bit, looking up at the sky, he was not stupid, he knew exactly who asked for their help.

"So what did, Rick the prick, offer you?"

Woman's face fell, her eyes widening, she looked around herself, confused.

"Oh, come the fuck on, he is the only person I know who is stupid enough and has balls big enough to even think about going to war with me. Now I ask you one more time, what did he offer you?"

Woman straighten her back, locking her hand behind her back, getting her act back together.

"Does it matter? You give us a better offer and our service is yours."

"Well, I need to know what the fuck he offered you so I can top it. Or am I supposed to be psychic?"

"We already told you what we ask for."

"And if I give you that, which I fucking won't, what's stopping you to turn your back on me like you did to Rick?"

"You have our word."

"Your word is not good enough to wipe my ass with it."

Woman cleared her throat, lifting her hand up and flexing her fingers, at that moment Scavengers draw their weapon aiming them at Negans group.

"We seem to be at an impasse here, I will ask you one more time, will you give us what we are asking for?"

"I fucking told you I won't!", Negan was losing it, "but hey I am a fair man, let's ask my people what they think about your offer. Simon, should we take this shitty deal?"

"No," Simon shook his head, a smile stretching across his face.

"Saviors, should we take this deal?"

"No," all his men said in unison.

"See," Negan hissed, "I am outvoted here, even if I wanted to push my people in a shithole I can't. What a fucking shame."

"Shame indeed."

Jadis looked around her group nodding.

They all slid down from the makeshift walls, joining the rest of the scavengers in the middle, lifting their guns up.

"You are our prisoners now."

"And what are you going to fucking do to us?" he smiled.

"We will ask for the best offer we can get for you, either from your people or Ricks group. You are very valuable, I am sure we can get even better price than we asked for."

"And who the fuck is going to give you all that, don't know if you heard the news but Santa Fucking Clause doesn't exist and Rick doesn't have that kind of supplies. I know, because I took it all away from him."

Negan took a long step forward, getting in woman's face, Lucile in between them.

"Your woman will pay us or Rick will take it from her and give it to us, we don't care."

Negans face fell at the mention of Alice, they knew who she was to him, did they know she came with him, he turned pale in a second, moving away from Jadis and turning around himself, trying to spot her. No, they didn't have her; if they did they would have used her as the leverage already.

"She is so protective over you, she will give us all we want," a man spoke, that's the first time Negan noticed him, but he knew who he was from the description Alice gave him, that was the man she saw in the woods.

"Too bad she didn't come with you, such beauty is rarely seen in a world like this. I bet she is a wild one in the bed. I would kill for a chance to taste her, but all is not lost, I'm sure she will be more than willing after she finds out we have her man."

At that moment Negan lost it, black curtains falling over his eyes, he swung Lucile hitting a man over the head with it, over and over again.

"Nooo," one woman from the group cried out as one man came from behind Negan, drawing the knife out and placing it over his throat.

"Drop the bat," he growled into his ear.

Negan came back to his senses, looking down at the squishy mess that was once the head of a living person.

'There goes our diplomatic,' he thought ran across his mind as he stood up, knife still on his throat.

Jadis walked towards him, getting into his face, "the bat is now ours, and the price has just gone up."

She didn't look fazed with the death of one of her people; her demeanor was still cold and stonic, like a machine, deprived of any emotion.

"What, you are going to let him live!" , the same woman shouted, drawing her gun out and pointing it at Negan.

"If you don't kill that bastard, I will."

In that second she fell, dead, the arrow going straight through her chest.

Fifteen Saviors came pouring out from the back path which led to the center of the yard, surrounding the Scavengers.

"Drop the knife," everyone turned around, looking up.

On the top of the wall, Alice was standing her arrow drawn, aiming it at Jadis with fifteen more Saviors with her, all of them had their weapon drawn and were aiming them at the center of the circle.

"No," Jadis said calmly.

"Oh, I'm so fucking sorry if I made it sound as if you had more than one option," Alice shot her arrow, hitting one man in the leg.

"Tell your man to drop the knife or the next one is going straight through the center of your head then more of your people die. I already killed two of them on my way here, do you really want to add up to the number of walkers who now inhabit this shit post you call home. DROP THE KNIFE!"

A woman fell quiet, looking around herself, half of her people already had a gun pointed at them while the other half didn't stand a chance if the group from above started shooting them down.

"Drop the knife."

She turned to the man who was holding Negan.

A man looked at her scowling, before dropping his knife and pushing Negan in front of himself, making him stumble on the ground, he didn't even take on step away from where he was standing before an arrow found its path straight through his shoulder, making him fall to his knees.

"You don't fucking do something like that expect to get away unpunished."

Alice growled, barely keeping herself from killing everyone.

Negan stood up, brushing the dust from his jeans before turning around and hitting the man that treated him, making him fall on his back and pulling out the arrow from his shoulder, adding up to the pain he was in.

"I got all dirty. Dear wife, what the fuck took you so long," he looked up while the rest of the saviors slid down from the walls and started taking weapons from the Scavengers.

"I apologize, dear husband. This place is a fucking maze and shame on you for starting the party without me."

She came to stand in front of him, smirking, before he grabbed her by her upper arms, pulling her closer in a hungry kiss not minding the audience.

"Did I miss anything," she smiled.

"Well," Negan turned to the side his arm still locked around her waist, looking at the dead body with a smashed head on the ground, "nothing out of the ordinary."

"And who is this lovely lady, here," Alice left his embrace, walking around Jadis, surveying her.

"That my dear is Jadis. Jadis say 'hello', to my lovely wife."

The woman followed Alice movement, not speaking.

Alice stood in front of her, scanning her once more from head to toe, her hand locked over her chest, waiting for a woman to greet her.

"Is she mute?" Alice turned her head to the side, looking at Simon as he collected the guns and placed them in a neat pile.

"She was pretty fucking talkative not long ago."

"Was she now, I heard only some parts of it, while trying to find our way over that fucking wall, something about, taking my man as a hostage and blackmailing me. Oh, and something other man said about raping me. I can only assume that's the fucker with his head crushed. As I understood you were watching us for some time now. Tch, tch, tch, your scouts or you are really fucking stupid if you thought we will come here with only a fistful of men."

"Every equation can be miscalculated," the woman finally spoke, the tone of her voice still the same.

She turned her head slightly, looking at her people, "so, are you going to kill us, now?"

"Oh, I wish I could. But you know, we have an arrangement, me and my man, I can't kill anyone without his fucking permission. I know, it fucking sucks," she rolled her eyes, " but that's just how marriage works, you have to make a lot of fucking compromises. I don't kill everyone that crosses me and he doesn't pee on the toilet seat."

Negan cleared her throat, turning everyone's attention back to him, "Are you ladies done gossiping, we have some business to discuss."

"Oh, yeah, I totally forgot someone is conspiring to kill us. I apologize once more," Alice walked away from the woman, standing at Negan's side.

"So, are you fucking ready for the new terms of our agreement?"

"Let's hear it."

"Alice, doll, do you want to practice your diplomacy or should I take over this one?"

"No, I think I got it handled. This is how it goes, we are taking everything Rick promised to give you, which is technically ours, giving how he works for us and also twenty of your people, five capable man, five capable women, five young ones and five old ones. They are coming with us, we are going to take care of them, they will live like fucking kings and queens, while you infiltrate our enemy territory, pretending to be on their side, feed us information and on the end, help us to put things back in the order. When it is all done, we will give you your people back, if any of them chose to stay they will be permitted, if you chose to join us, you will be permitted. The ones that decided they want to leave and I don't really know why they would, but living here and inhaling this smell can really fuck up everyone's mind, so who knows what is going on in there, they will also be permitted, without any consequences. Oh yes, and as a bonus, I am taking that man who held a knife to Negans throat, you know, for an entertainment when I get bored. "

Jadis looked at the pair for a long second, walking towards them and standing only two feet's away.

"Ten of our men and half of what Rick promised us."

"Eighteen and two-thirds of what Rick promised you and that wounded pile of shit there."

"Fifteen, half of what Rick has promised us and one night with you man when this is done," Jadis got into Alice's face, placing her hand on Negan's shoulder.

"You got to be fuck kidding me," Negan laughed, they just killed two of them, wounded two and are about to take almost half of them as hostages and she wants to fuck him, he just couldn't believe it, if this was the world from before he would go and try to find a hidden camera. But wait, then it hit him, Alice didn't say no.

"Alice, doll…"

"Well now," she side eye him, smirking, "how about this. Twenty of your people, half of shit Rick promised you, that wounded pile of shit is staying here and you get to keep your hand."

Alice snatched the hand from Negans shoulder, pulling Jadis closer and pulling out her machete, bringing the blade close to woman's wrist.

"And I am being really fucking generous here giving how close I am of killing you. "

"You'd be taking half of my people."

"No, we fucking won't," Alice laughed, "I know you have more than this group here. We found your settlement while getting here and we counted at least fifty beds. Now, I believe not everyone is fit to fight that is why we are taking your old ones and younger ones as well. To take some burned off. "

"Alright, we have a deal."

"Great," Alice elated, "now pick the people that are going with us. Also, we are taking your weapons, we will leave them at the front gate so you can collect them once we are gone."

OOO

"Are you sure we can trust these people," Simon asked them while they were driving back to their outpost. He was driving, with Negan on the far side of the front seat of the truck they came in and Alice in between them. They had loaded up the people Jadis assigned to be taken, in the back, with two cars Alice driven with her group in front of them and two cars behind them.

"Abso-fucking-lutely not. All we can hope is that us having almost half of their people will give them a pause."

"That's why we took children and the old ones, play on the emotions and get crap done," Alice joined the conversation.

"That woman didn't look like she cared at all for the people we killed, why would she care about the ones we took from them."

"Because she cares, her act can fool many but not me."

"I still don't like having them as an ally's. You heard what that man said he'll do to Alice."

Negan shifted uncomfortably in his seat when Simon mentioned the man, not commenting on the subject, Alice turned her head, looking at him, his eyes were glued on the crumbled buildings of what once was a small town.

She placed her hand on his, squeezing it.

"He won't be talking no more," she smiled as he turned his head, locking his eyes with hers.

"No, he fucking won't, doll," he leaned closer gently kissing her. The words that man said etched in his mind, he made the Sanctuary to protect people from things like that and somewhere along the way he forgot that the outside world doesn't abide by his rules.

"Will you two get a room or something."

The ride back to the outpost took much longer than the ride to the Junkyard did, as they arrived the sun started settling down.

"Alright, you sorry shits, listen up!"

Negan addressed the new group.

"This is your new fucking home, for now. In the future we will see, you will be more than welcome to stay with us but some rules you need to know. We all pull our weight around here and the quality of your life will depend on how hard you push. Children will be getting their meals that include vegetables regularly all they need to do is not stay in the way of adults doing their work. If they want to learn something or help around they are more than welcome to do so as long as that doesn't interfere with anyone's duties. You work for points and you spend them on whatever you fucking want, you all get two regulars meal a day, crappy meals but still meals. If you want more quality food you spend your points on it. Generals and Guards don't work for points but none of you will get a chance to become one until this fucking mess is dealt with and you won't be granted the accesses to our main base until you join us. And one more thing! And you want to fucking pay close attention to it, WE DO NOT RAPE! Shit that pig said he will do to my woman doesn't fucking fly here, no matter who is in question, you put your hand on anyone here, male or female, without their fucking consent, you are killed, left to turn and hung on that fucking fence over there as an example! I hope that is fucking clear! Now my people will show you to your rooms and tomorrow you will be assigned to the job posts. As you were! "

Negan went to the room he and Alice took as their own, he found her on the floor, reading a book she brought with herself.

"Hey there, " she smiled at him.

"Hey," he sat beside her, leaning his head on her shoulder and glancing over the page she was reading.

"Why so gloomy?"

"I don't fucking like this one bit, Alice. I don't want war with these people, fuck it, I am afraid how much of our own people we will lose. God fucking damn it all, I should have played my cards differently."

Alice let out a heavy sigh, placing a book on the floor beside her and straddling him. She placed her hand on his head and started massaging his temples.

"You took care of us, your people, the best way you could, you gave us a life of peace, you gave us two fucking meals a day. It doesn't matter how you did it, you did it, for us. Every man and woman here will give their life for you and despite popular belief, they will do that because they want to, not because they fear you. They want this life, they want to have families, and they want their daughter and wives to live in the environment where they don't have to look over their shoulder every time a man approaches them. Even the ones that would do it won't, they enjoy this life too much to risk it all for one fuck. You made it all happen. And this is just a small bump on a long road ahead of us." She moved her hands to his cheeks, making him look at her.

"And we are going to fucking win this. Don't ever doubt that," she kissed him, as her hands wandered lower, taking his jacket off.

"Now, will you fuck me or do I have to do it myself."

Negan laughed, picking her up and throwing her on the bed, "I'll do it, you fucking nympho."

* * *

 **NOTES:** Sooo, yeah, I decided to fill in the blanks a bit. I don't have a clue what Negans deal with JunkYard group is, but negotiations I heard on the season finale and my firm belief that Negan doesn't trade with people, lead me to this conclusion. I would love to hear what you think about this chapter. Thank you all for your support, follows and favorites.


	35. the only thing worth fighting for pt14

**note:** I didn't update for a while, sorry for that, not feeling all too well and didn't want to force myself to write, this next few chapters will be the breaking point for the story and me. still figuring out how it will all play out, so I want to give myself some time.  
Thank you all for your follower, fav, and reviews.  
Read you soon.

* * *

 **DISCLAIMER** : This work of fiction is base on a story and character created by creators, producers, writers etc of "WALKING DEAD" TV series and the comic books, with exception of my few original characters. No money is being made and no copyright or infringement is intended.

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for one quote more: "One saw a bird dying, shot by a man. It was flying with rhythmic beat and beautifully, with such freedom and lack of fear. And the gun shattered it; it fell to the earth and all the life had gone out of it. A dog fetched it, and the man collected other dead birds. He was chattering with his friend and seemed so utterly indifferent. All that he was concerned with was bringing down so many birds, and it was over as far as he was concerned.  
― Jiddu Krishnamurti, Krishnamurti to Himself: His Last Journal

* * *

Knock on the bedroom door drew her attention away from the plans of rerouting the walkers, the assignment that fell on her after Joseph's death.

"Doll can you open the door," Negans voice came from the bathroom as he turned off the shower.

"Why did you locked them anyway," Alice stood up.

"Because I am fucking done with people barging in here like they fucking own the place."

The smile that twitched up soon fell as she saw the person on the other side.

"What the fuck do you what, Dwight?"

The blond man scanned her from head to toe, she was wearing her silk bathrobe with her hair scooped up in the towel.

"I…I…"

"For the sake of us all, spit it out will ya!"

"Simon came back with the new doctor."

"Oh, good. We will be down in a second. You are dismissed."

"Where's Negan?" Dwight popped his head in the room, looking around.

Alice's nerves twitched making her face turn red, "I said you are dismissed."

She placed her hand on his shoulder, pulling him away from the doorway and closing the door behind him.

"Fucking idiot."

OOO

To say that Carson's brother was unhappy he was dragged to Sanctuary, was understatement and Alice understood him; she would never consider helping people who murdered her brother. She knew doctors were sworn to help anyone, no matter who they were or what they have done, but she didn't hold here hopes up that in today's world it would matter, so she didn't trust him.

It frustrated her, the number of people she didn't trust around here seem to increase with every passing day.

She knocked on the clinic door, few hours after they passed the doctor to one of the Saviors who was supposed to show him around and explain the rules.

"It's opened," the soft voice came from the other side.

She found Carson sitting in the corner, his legs bend, looking at some point of the far side of the floor, he turned his attention to her, once she walked in, gently closing the door.

"Ugh, you need help."

Alice smiled softly, sitting on a small chair near the desk.

"I'm fine. Just came to see how are you feeling, did you have any problem settling in?"

The man let out a disgusted snort, looking up at the top of the wall where the small window was.

"I am surrounded by people who murdered my brother and I am here to help them. How am I supposed to feel?"

"Not very well, I supposed," Alice looked down.

"Listen," she let out a heavy sigh, standing up. "I won't say I know how you feel because I don't and I am not a particularly sympathetic person. But to say that I don't give a flying fuck that your brother is dead would be a lie. I liked him, he was a loyal man and a good doctor, I trusted him, and not many people here can say that. I trusted he will be able to save a life of my man if something was to happen to him, it made me feel safer and made me sleep better. Since he was killed I can't remember the night I had a good night sleep. Negan thought that bringing you here will make things better, but it won't, not to me. Because I don't trust you and I don't believe you will save him if he was to be in need of saving. "

"Why are you here?" Carson stood up, walking towards her," If you are here to give me your condolences, there is no need for that, I won't accept them because I know who murdered my brother and I know what you are to that person. If you are here to threaten me, also, save it, I am a doctor and I will treat everyone equally, no matter who that person was or what he has done, to me or anybody else. "

Alice surveyed him, locking her arms over her chest.

"I did not come here to give you my condolences, as I said before I am not a particularly sympathetic person and was never a fan of 'I know how you feel' talks. I don't know how you feel and I don't care to find out. But I am here to threaten you, if ever Negan is in need of medical assistance and you screw that up I will bring five people from the Hilltop here and I will kill before your eyes, and they won't have quick deaths that I can assure you. That being said, Negan is not the one who's to blame for your brother's death neither am I. So when you look over your shoulder our faces are not the one you should fear. I'll be leaving you now. For what it's worth, I don't like you being here any more than you do, but we have little to no choice when it comes to that. Enjoy your evening."

OOO

The day went by pretty fast before she even knew it, she was getting back from her usual scouting route, she didn't know why she still did it, with time she even stopped carrying all her weapons, relying only on her machete.

She went up the stairs to Negans room, where he was already waiting for her, they ate their dinner in unusual peace and went straight to bed, both of the excused from their daily routines.

It was dead of the night when the shots were heard, Alice jumped out of her bed, pulling only her jeans and shirt and checking her gun. She secured the door, making sure it is locked and went to the window, trying to figure out what is happening.

"What the fuck was that!" Negan was also on his feet, fully dressed, grabbing Lucile, getting ready to go outside.

"No," Alice stopped him.

"What the fuck, doll, I am checking this shit out!?"

"No, wait," she turned around going back to the window, the factory was silent, no movement on the front entrance.

"There is no one there," she pointed at the gate, "where are the guards? "

"Well, we won't fucking know if we stay in here, will we?"

"Shit," she knew he was right, "ok, I'll go first."

"No!"

"Negan this is not for a debate. My role here is to protect you, no matter my position, it's still my primary objective. Now please let me go first."

He let out a heavy sigh, running his hand over his face, "Jesus, fucking, Christ, if I could go back in time to the moment I said 'yes' to that arrangement and kick my own ass. Alright," he opened the door, "ladies first."

Alice smiled as she walked past him, readying her gun and walking down the stairs.

All the rooms of their lieutenant were opened, with no one inside, the same thing with the guards.

"Where the fuck is everyone?"

They walked slowly, trying to catch at least a sign of life, but no one was there, the entire factory felt like a ghost town. Only when they reached the ground floor they could let out the breaths they were holding, the works were out in the hall, divided into groups, armed with pipes and axes.

"Told you everyone will defend this place with their life," Alice smiled, glancing at Negan, who walked past them, not believing his eyes. Everyone was looking at the front entrance in the factory, ready to kill anything that would dare to take a step into their territory. No one kneeled as he walked by and he didn't care, they were ready to give their life for this place and what he has built for them and that was the highest level of respect any leader could ask for.

When they walked outside, they saw their lieutenant and guards standing in a group, observing something.

"Move and I will kill you," they heard Simons voice.

"Then, kill me!" a woman spoke.

Alice ran towards the crowd, pushing everyone from her way, trying to get to Simon as soon as possible.

"What, the…" her mouth fell agape.

Simon was on the ground, holding down a woman, with a knife pressed to her throat. It took Alice some time to recognize her, she was one of Rick's people, she saw her in the wood on the night her life changed.

"Simon, what in the fucking God's name is happening here and why aren't you people on your fucking posts?" Negan finally found his way to them.

"She broke into the compound and killed one of our guards," Arat spoke, looming over the dead man, checking his pulse before taking out her knife and stabbing it through his head.

Negan glanced at the woman on the ground, the hard lines of his face twitching up in a smile as he surveyed her, Alice frowned looking at him.

"Well, we have our self's a fucking badass here, don't we," he crouched, running his tongue over his bottom lip, "did you come here, all kamikaze and shit just so you can kill me. Man, you must fucking hate my guts."

He ran his hand over his face, looking at the man on the ground, "Shame. And you killed one of you better people. "

"Take her to Daryl's cell, I will deal with her in the morning," he stood up, a smile never leaving his face. "The rest of you back on your duties, the show is over. We will burn the dead in the morning."

Negan turned around, wrapping his arm around Alice's waist and leading her back in their room.

When they got inside, Alice ditcher her clothing going straight to bed, as Negan curled behind her, nipping her neck.

She moved away from him.

"What the fuck, doll?"

"I'm not in the mood. Good night, Negan."

He frowned, looking at her, "but you are always in the mood."

He sounded like a child, begging for candy in the middle of the grocery store.

"Well, not tonight."

"Ok," his face turned blank in confusion, as he lied down on his back, his head turned to the side, looking at her. Did he do something wrong, said something wrong, she was not in the mood, that never happened before.

"If you want to empty your balls while thinking about another woman, you can jerk them dry."

"What!?" He propped himself on his elbows, his eyes widening, he did not have a clue what is she talking about. It took him more time he was comfortable with to understand what is happening, filling the room with his laughter.

The white pillow struck him over his chest as Alice turned around, her face red and eyes wide opened.

"What's so funny, asshole?"

"You are jealous," he couldn't stop laughing. "My ice queen is jealous."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are. I just don't understand why?"

"I saw how you smiled at her. You weren't even upset she killed one of our men, you smiled the whole fucking time. Shame, she hates your guts. That's what you said. Why, because she won't put out easily, is that it?"

Negan looked at her, wiping the tear from his face, he had to swallow hard to keep himself from falling in another laugher fit.

He saw her angry, and she was cute when she was not angry at him. He saw her losing it completely and killing people like they were flies and he hated to admit to himself, but it turned him on more than anything ever did. But this was the first time he saw her jealous and she was adorable, he loved it.

He moved closer to her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into himself, kissing her ear and slowly going down to her neck. She let out a silent whimper as her body started to curl closer to him, he slipped his hand lower in between her folds and started massaging her bundle of nerves in circles. She arched her back, closing her eyes.

"So, you are jealous," he started kissing her jawline.

"Negan listen to me, stop this I am serious."

"So, stop me," he smiled, before placing himself over her and parting her legs, so he could accommodate himself in between them.

"Stop."

"Alright," he stopped, not moving away from her.

Alice opened her eyes, scowling, "why did you stop?"

"You fucking told me to stop."

"Well, don't listen to me, I am mad at you."

"God damn it, woman, make up your mind."

OOO

At Alexandria

Daryl was driving back from Ocean side with Rick and his group, it wasn't even morning and he was already beat. The day was not easy, the week was not easy past month was not easy, he couldn't get more than few hours of sleep, whenever he would close his eyes, he would see her, smiling at him, whenever he would dream, nightmare would come, him cradling her dead body, her blood all over him and his arrow in her chest.

On worst nights, she would even turn, but never attacking him, only staring at him with her new white eyes, stretching her mouth into what would be a familiar warm smile, now empty, teeth rotten and lips full of wounds.

He was never a person who would drown his troubles in a bottle of Alcohol, but the idea appealed to him more and more with each passing day.

They have their weapons, the group will come tomorrow to get them and the war will start, he will see her again, on the other side of the battle field, they will be looking at each other through the scope.

He buried the tips of his fingers in his eyes, hissing, the head was killing him.

"Are you alright?" Rick turned his attention from the road to him.

"Yeah," he said briefly, he has been like that ever since he came back from Kingdom, he heard Alice was looking for him, whenever her name would be mentioned there was someone from Alexandria bombarding him with questions. Questions he didn't want to answer, questions he didn't know how to answer.

"I thought you would be happy, we are ready now, soon this will all be over," Rick was persistent as usual. Daryl turned his head, scowling.

"Why would I be happy? Because more people will die, because we can't find a peaceful solution for this shit, no. This war is a necessity, but it won't make me happy."

Rick furrowed his brows, concentrated on the road, he didn't know what to say to him, he didn't know what to say to him for some time now, he tried to talk, but it only made things worst. He wasn't a shrink he was a policeman, he knew how to handle problem like the Governor was or Negan is now, but he never knew how to handle problems like the ones Daryl was having,

Rosita opened the gates, waiting for them to get out of their trucks.

Enid ran to her, looking around in panic with Jesus coming after her, "where is Sasha?"

Rosita scanned the group, her arms locked over her chest, "there's someone here," her voice was weak and broken.

She walked away from them without another word, expecting them to follow, she led them through the community, all the way down to the last house on the left, going into the basement and opening the barred door.

Everyone stood there, not entering the room, their mouth opened and eyes wide. That's when Daryl caught up with them, looking inside. His blood started to boil, as adrenalin rushed over him, he has waited for this moment for a long time and now it is finally here.

He charged towards the blond man in the room, before Rick stopped him, pulling him away.

"Stop, Daryl, look at me!"

But he didn't look at him, he didn't look at anyone, he saw his target, the man that put him through hell, man that tortured him, man that tried to kill him more than once, he was there, so close, at his grasp.

"Daryl, wait," Rosita called for him, "they have Sasha."

"What," Rick was the one to speak.

"They have Sasha. We tried to get to Negan, they captured her, I escaped, he helped me, wanted to come here, to talk to you. He wants to help us."

"Is it true," Rick stepped inside the room, with everyone following behind him.

Daryl came back to his senses, putting his anger to side, for now, his revenge will have to wait, his friend was in danger.

"Yes, I want to help you," Dwight straighten up, locking his hands behind his back, showing everyone that he will not defend himself if they chose to kill him.

"Why?" Rick stepped closer to him, pulling his gun out.

"Because I want Negan stopped, I want him dead."

"So, why don't you kill him?" Jesus spoke, standing on the far side of the room, observing the intruder.

"It can't be me. They are all Negan, we need to stop them all."

"You," Tara stepped out of the group, joining Rick at his side, "the girl you killed, Her named was Denis, she was a doctor, she helped people."

"I was not aiming at her."

"You bastard," Daryl couldn't control his anger any longer, it was enough he had Glen's death on his conscience he will not accept another one. He pinned the man to the wall, holding a knife close to his eye.

"Do it," Tara's voice came to him.

"Do it," Dwight urged him, "do it. I know you want to and I don't blame you. But I am sorry, I am sorry for everything. I had to do it, for someone else, I had to protect someone else. But she got away, and you got away because of her. Now it is time for this to end, let me help you, for her."

Millions of thoughts came rushing through his head, he heard Tara's voice in the background, urging him to kill, urging him to get his revenge. In the midst of the chaos, he saw his brother, he saw Beth, he saw a crushed head of the Glen and Abraham... Abraham... Sasha.. Sasha is now the one in danger. Dead will stay dead, there is nothing that can be done about that, but the living, the living are the ones worth fighting for.

He hissed as the sharp pain pierced through his head, stepping away from Dwight, turning his back towards the door, he couldn't look at the man, afraid of what he will do.

Rick came closer to him, placing his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it.

"We have to trust him, for now," he whispered into his ear, before letting go. "Is Sasha alive?"

"Probably, yes. He will use her as a tool, he won't kill her. He doesn't kill people like her, she is an asset a way to control you. Just like Daryl was."

"And when he finds out what we are planning?"

"I don't know. He will probably use her to negotiate your surrender, he will kill her only if you say no, in that I don't have any doubt."

"This is bad," Tara looked around the room, "all this for nothing. We can't sacrifice her; we can't lose more of our people. We have to put our plans on hold."

"No," Rosita joined them, "Sasha would not want that. We need to do this."

"We can't, not like this."

"There is another way," all of them turned to Dwight, he was sitting on the chair in the middle of the room, his eyes down.

"What way?"

"If you had someone important to him," he looked up, "someone he cares about more than he cares to win this war. Then maybe, he will surrender, without Sasha getting hurt."

"Yeah, like he could care for someone that much," Rosita snorted, rolling her eyes.

"But he does," Dwight fixed his eyes on the back of Daryl's head, a faint smile twitching up, "Alice."

It didn't take more than a second for him to be on the floor, with Daryl on him, his knife on his throat.

"She has nothing to do with this," he growled, inching his face closer to Dwight, "you leave her out of this."

"Daryl stop this!" Rick pulled him away, making him stubble down on the floor.

"We are listening."

"No!" Daryl was back on his feet in second.

"We have to do this, for Sasha."

"No, if we do this, we are no better than he is."

"He started this, we are finishing it."

"She didn't kill any of us, she wasn't here when this all started. If you decide to go with his plan, you are going to kill someone who didn't do anything to you."

"We are not killing here, we are taking her as a hostage."

"There is no way of getting to her, this is stupid, she is at Negans side all the time, he is leading us right into a trap and using Alice as a bait."

"She is not," Dwight interrupted them, "at least not of late. She goes out every night at the same time, searching the outskirts of the Sanctuary, looking for you. She thinks you will come back and try to kill Negan, so she takes the same route every night, waiting for you to try something. Lately, she is going out with only her machete on her. I think she is giving up so you don't have much time if you want to do this, she may not come out tomorrow, she may not come out even tonight, it's a risk but it's the only way."

"No, this is not right. Rick, look at me, we are better than this, this is not how we do things," Daryl felt a panic rising up, he head was spinning, he didn't know what to do or what to say to make them change their mind.

"What's your problem?" Rosita stood before him, "Why do you care? She is only one Savior less to deal with."

"This... is… not.. how… we… do… things…" He got into her face, large drops of sweat gliding down his face, he didn't realize how hot it was down in that basement, or was it hot at all, no one else seemed fazed with the temperature.

"It is not, not before, but now, we have lost so much and we stand to lose more, we have to play dirty or we are all dead."

"Rosita is right, we have to try, for Sasha," Rick came to stand at Rosita's side, his eyes soft, pleading him to calm down, to understand.

"This is not right."

Rick chose to ignore him, turning his attention to Dwight.

He turned away from the group, leaving the room, he didn't want to know what they were planning, he didn't want to have any part in it, no, this war was not something he could choose, but the way he will fight was.

OOO

He was sitting on the stairs of a house across the road, waiting for Rick to come out, the dawn came still he was there alone, looking down at the grass before him, when something caught his eyes, he leaned down, picking up a four-leaf clover, spinning it in between his finger, a smile twitching up.

 _"You think one day world will be like it used to, bad boy?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Well, aren't you my favorite ray of sunshine? I too, don't think it will, but I am not sure should I be sad or happy about it. Yes, we lose much more now, more people we love, but still it makes us cherish every moment we have with them, it makes us more alive. Funny thing isn't it; we needed to see dead people coming back to life to learn to live."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Oh,_ c'mon _bad boy, form at least one fucking sentence, I know you can do it, I have faith in you…Oh, my fucking God, was that a smile. I can't believe it, hahaha, you know how to smile."_

 _"Fuck you, Alice."_

"You look much better now," Rick's voice pulled him away from the memory lane, his smile disappearing in a second.

"I was just remembering something, from before."

"Before, what?"

"Just before," he was still rotating a clover in his hand.

"I need you to come with us tonight."

"No."

"I need you there Daryl."

"I said no," he stood up, raising his voice, he may not be able to stop them but he was not going to help them, not this time.

"We need her alive, Daryl. She is of no use to us dead."

"You don't need her! No! I am not coming, I am not helping you with this and you can't make me!"

"Daryl, Sasha will die, if we don't do this."

"And Alice will die if you do this. I am not helping you in this."

"I told you, we will take her as a hostage, we are not planning to kill her." Rick remained calm.

"I know Alice, even if you get to her while she is alone, she will not go peacefully. What will happen then?"

"We do what must be done. "

"Bullshit, do you hear me, bullshit!" Daryl got into his face, poking his chest.  
"You want to hurt Negan, that's why you are taking her. Even if Sasha was not there you would still cease this opportunity, And what happens after you get him, and kill him. Do you think she will sit idly by, she will be on our territory and she will kill half of us before we even realize what is happening. You don't know her Rick, I am telling you this is a stupid idea and I am not helping you.

"What is she to you?"

Daryl took a step back at this question, arching his brows.

"What?"

"What is she to you? Why do you care if she lives or dies? She held you captive, she was your jailor. You heard Dwight, she is still looking for you, hoping to kill you. And you are putting us all at risk trying to protect her. What is she to you?"

Daryl's eyes fell down, he turned his head to the side, looking at the truck where Dwight was waiting for Rick.

"We are done with this conversation." He turned to walk away, when Rick grabbed him by his arm, stopping him.

"This is how the world is, we need your help. We are going to do this, with or without you, with you we have better chance in taking her alive and you want her alive. I spoke to Dwight, when this is all over she will stay with us, we will lock her up for a time, until she calms down and accepts the facts. Then she will be able to continue her life here, she didn't do us any harm, no one will object. If she stays out there, with them, you know there will be no chance for that, she will die alongside Negan. This is how you will buy her a way out, she may not appreciate it on the beginning but with time all pain fades and she will make peace with it. "

Daryl turned around, glaring at Rick, furrowing his eyebrows, hesitant to leave.

"You don't have to answer me now, think about it. Sleep for a bit, clear your head. Dwight is going back to Sanctuary, so they don't suspect anything, tonight we are doing this and tomorrow morning Negan will come and then we are finishing him, once and for all."


	36. the only thing worth fighting for pt15

NOTES: I am really sorry for taking this long to update. I have two new fanfictions on my profile if you want to check them so I will be going back and forth. I really want to write as much as possible but sometimes I don't feel like working on this fiction so I need something to get my mind of it. **_One of the fictions called NO SOUND BUT THE WIND if actually pre-apocalypse Alice/Negan_** , the second one if 1st person Negan/OC fanfiction.

* * *

"Good morning, doll," the smell of freshly brewed coffee and scrambled eggs woke her up. Alice turned around, blinking and closing her eyes again, before stretching on the bed, letting out a loud yawn. She sat up, a smile peeking behind the mess of her red hair, she ran her hand through it, trying to regain some control.

"Slept well, dear?" Negan was sitting on the sofa, in his white shirt and gray denim jeans, his leg propped up on his knee.

Alice stood up, lazily walking towards him, led by the smells that made her stomach growl.

"Maybe I would have if you didn't wake me up every half an hour, having your way with me."

She sat down beside him, taking a cup of coffee from his hand, closing her eyes as she took a sip out of it, letting out a satisfied moan.

"That sound brings but some good memories," he smiled, kissing her cheek, "and I didn't hear you complain much last night."

"No, you haven't, although I need to know what got into you last night if it wasn't the woman we found in the courtyard."

"It actually was her."

Alice glared at him, putting her coffee down on the table, her face turning red.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

Negans deep chuckled made her skin itch, he was finding it amusing, he was playing with her and enjoying every second of it.

"Fuck, I love making you jealous, I have to do it more often."

"Fuck you. This is not funny!"

"But it is, it's fucking hilarious," he wrapped his arm around her, trapping her into his embrace.

"I did not lie, her coming here made my fucking day, but not in the way you think it did, you crazy woman. We have it; we have a way out of this fucking war before it even starts. We will take her to Rick the prick, safe and sound and negotiate his surrender, then I will let her go, let her join them again, take all the weapons they scavenged, kill one person just as a reminder of what we can do and puff: things are back to normal. You and me back here, fucking for seven days and seven night."

Alice relaxed in his embrace, burying her face in his shirt.

"You're not going to say anything doll?"

"I feel silly now."

"hahaha, and you should. But I was not fucking lying you are adorable when you are jealous and fuck, I thought sex couldn't get any better, but I was wrong."

"You could have told me all this last night, you know." She moved away from him, fixing her hair.

"And ruin the night. No fucking way, doll, I am too fucking selfish to do something like that."

OOO

Alice found Negan in the courtyard, later that day, with some of their men, getting ready for their trip to Alexandria tomorrow morning and checking their weapons.

"Wow, this place looks like you just robbed the military bunker."

"Several of them, to be exact," Negan approaches her, moving her hair from her face.

"What are you up to?"

"What makes you think I am up to anything," she smiled, biting her lower lip.

"You have that look about you. Last time you had it, Laura came to me complaining someone changed the locks on her door."

"And I am telling you again, I had nothing to do with it."

"Aha, and with what you won't have anything to do, today," he wrapped his free arm around her, pulling her closer.

"I was going to talk with our new prisoner if that is ok with you?"

"Why?"

"Just wanted to see can I get some info on Daryl from her, that's all."

"You're still not giving up on that?" Negan moved away from her, letting out a deep sigh, scratching his cheek.

"No."

"Alight doll, just be careful when you open the door. Ok?"

"Why," Alice furrowed her brow, tilting her head to the side.

"Because, there may be one dead motherfucker there, possibly two."

"What?!" she raised her voice in surprise.

"One prick from the group we found last tried to rape her so I did this world a favor and killed that pathetic excuse of a human being and left him there."

"Why would you leave him there?"

"Because, choices are fucking important, dear."

OOO

A long gray corridor that led to the cell Daryl once occupied was filled with guards, Alice walked slowly trying to remember every face she saw there, if something goes wrong again, she will need to know where to point fingers and where to chop them.

She stood in front of the cell door more than she cared to admit to anyone especially herself, she turned her head to the right to see the same table with two chairs she placed there months ago, her eyes fell down, it is funny how time flies now, what would feel like just yesterday before now felt like eons ago.

"I'll open the cell for you, miss Alice," man who was standing behind her spoke.

"Why?" she turned around, locking her arms over her chest.

"Bosses orders miss."

She let out a deep sigh, stepping away from the door while taking one of her knifes, getting ready for anything that might come out.

"What do you want?", she heard a woman speak as the door opened and the guard looked inside, making sure the man didn't come back to life.

"I nothing… someone else is here to see you."

He stepped from the door, moving few feet away, far enough to give them privacy, close enough to protect her if something was to happen.

"What do you want?" Sasha spoke as Alice stepped inside, taking the hunting knife from the ground, inspecting it.

"This is Negan's knife," she frowned, looking down at the dead man, "did he..?"

"No." The woman shook her head, looking up at her.

"Good. Shit like that should not happen in this place."

"What do you want?"

"Nothing, I almost have everything I want, except one little thing. But I am sure you won't help me get it."

"What?"

"Daryl."

Sasha's face turned pale, she swallowed heavily parting her lips as her eyes darted back and forth between the woman and the knife she was holding.

Alice smirked, looking at the blade in her hand.

"What you want to kill me now?"

Woman's eyes fell down, looking at the dead body on the ground.

"Then why are you here if you know I won't help you get to him?"

"Is he ok?"

The woman looked up, opening her mouth to say something but closing them instantly, cocking her head to the side, biting her lower lip. She wanted to speak but was not sure, should she? The look on Alice's face had a concerned written all over it, the soft tone of her voice gave away something she always suspected, whenever she would try and talk to Daryl about his month in imprisonment. But then again, woman could be acting for all she knew, she never saw her when she was visiting communities but the stories about Negan's left hand as he likes to call her and how she slaughters one of their own people in the middle of Alexandria with a smile on her face reached her, person like that could not be capable to feel sympathy or concern for anyone rather than herself.

"You won't even tell me if he's alive or not?" Alice dropped her eyes down on the blade in her hand, biting her inner cheek.

"What do you care?"

"I… I don't." Alice straightened her back, the soft expression on her face turning to stone. She turned to the side, ready to leave. She didn't understand why she even came down here, she knew she wouldn't get any information on where Daryl was but at least knowing he was alive and well would put her mind at ease. It was not possible that no one saw or heard from him in almost two months, so the two options existed, everyone she asked lied to her or he was dead, none of those two made her sleep easier.

"He's alive," the voice of a woman inside the cell was so soft and quiet she almost didn't hear her.

"Really?"

"Yes, but I won't tell you where he is."

"And I won't ask you." Alice smiled, sitting down on the doorstep with her back against the frame.

"This was his cell, you know?" , the left side of her lip curled upward as she looked around the concrete room.

Sasha didn't speak, letting her continue her trail of thoughts interrupted.

"He didn't speak neither when I came here and see him. He would be quiet for hours; I actually had to ask him something just to make sure he was still alive. I didn't walk down this corridor ever since the day after he escaped. I never blamed him, you know," she turned her head, locking her eyes with Sasha's.

"I get why he did it. I would probably do the same if I was in his shoes. I was actually surprised how long it took him to pull it off, sometimes it felt like something was holding him back but I guess it was just not the right moment. What I take against him is the fact he killed one of our people on his way out, and not because he killed someone, but because he killed a man who was not a threat to him, Joseph was a threat to no one and still, Daryl smashed his head."

She made a clicking sound her tongue, lifting her head up and down three times as if she was beating the head of a man who lied in the cell with an invisible bat.

"It was a poetic ending to that chapter of his life. I'll give him that."

She chuckled, looking up at the ceiling.

"Save your speeches for someone who believes them, if you came here to convince me you actually care about him you are wasting your time. I don't buy it. I know you were looking for him, wanting to end his life."

Sasha was done listening to her, she was just like Negan, killing everyone that stands in her path while trying to convince the rest of them that she doesn't enjoy it and that she actually cares about keeping as many people alive as possible. Maybe the weaker mind would fall under their spell, but she was not weak minded she could smell bullshit miles away and the woman sitting on the doorstep was so full of it, it almost made it unbearable to breathe the same air as her.

Alice laughed, shaking her head.

"That was the idea. What, you think that people would be scared of me if they knew I was actually looking to bring him back here to keep him safe? That they would give me the info I was asking for out of the goodness of their heart. "

"It makes no sense."

"Of course to you, it doesn't. I am sure even he thinks I want to kill him. But I don't, I want him here, with us, closed within these walls, safe from the war your idiot leader decided to start probably with him in the middle."

"Rick is doing what's best for our people."

"Right, starting a war and putting more lives in danger is best for your people. I can't believe you buy that bullshit. He is doing what is best for him, he got so used on the pedestal you all placed him on, his ego can't stand the fact someone is above him now. It has nothing to do with his people, ok, maybe a part of it does but that part is not big as you all think it is."

"You don't know what it was like for us, what we have been through to get where we are now…"

"Oh, cry me the fucking river," Alice interrupted her,"you think you got it worse than anyone else in this world? You think you are the only ones who went for days without food and water, that you are the only ones who lost people. Give me a fucking break."

"No, but unlike most of the people especially you, we kept our humanity."

"Oh, really, who killed thirty of our men while they slept then? And that was only one outpost, I won't even bring the people you killed before into this argument. And how many of your people Negan killed three."

"Your people killed Denise, our doctor and then Olivia."

"You are telling me that five of your people are more valuable than thirty ours?"

"I…I… no."

"Well, it sure as hell sounded like that."

"I didn't.."

"You know what, save it. I came here just to ask is Daryl alive but not like it matters anymore, we are going to Alexandria tomorrow so it is too late to keep him out of this shit. Good night, don't let the dead bite you."

Alice looked down at the man on the ground, smirking, dropping Negans knife back on the ground, before the guard who came with her closed the cell door, locking it twice.

"What time is it?" she asked one of the Saviors who was guarding the hall.

"Five pm, miss."  
"Tell Negan I am going out to check the perimeter, will be back in an hour."

OOO

Alice loved the silence that echoed through the woods outside of the Sanctuary, it calmed her nerves and made her forget for a while what world turned into.

Woods stayed the same, apocalypse didn't change them.

Ever since Daryl's escape, the threes were the only thing that could put her mind at ease, there no one could sneak up on her, leaves would give anyone away be it walker or wild animal, there her thought made sense, reminded her of her life before Negan, when she didn't care about anyone not even herself. Yes, things are much nicer now, more colorful and she smiled more than she has in years but it was harder, fear was something she never felt in her life and now she would wake up with it, carry it through the day and fall asleep, tucked in its cold embrace.

Every night at the same time she woke up, covered in cold sweat, tapping Negans side of the bed, fearing she won't feel him there, fearing someone sneaked into their room and took him away while she was in a deep sleep. That fear was irrational, but it was there and after their meeting with the Junkyard group it only intensified, war is upon them and the chances of her losing her life or him were stronger than ever.

He will be out there, on the battlefield, the bullets will be flying around them. one wrong move and it could all be over, just one inch in the wrong direction could end it all.

Her stomach twisted at the thought of that, she leaned against the closest tree, puking out her breakfast.

She wiped her mouth with her sleeve, looking down at the mess she made.

"Fuck…"

The rustling of the leaves to her right drew her attention as she reached out of her machete, "who's there?"

The sound came again but this time from her left.

"Shit," she wished she had her Eagle or her bow or at least her knifes with her…. She left everything back in Sanctuary, yes, her machete was good for killing walkers but the sounds coming to her were not from there, they were too quick, too precise and too quiet.

She turned around herself, silence, her skin started to ache, someone was watching her, all her instincts told her to run, to go back to home, to find the safety within familiar walls.

But what if they come after her, she will lead them directly to their outpost, directly to Negan, no, that was not the option.

She took few steps in the direction opposite of their base, scanning her surroundings…

"Who's there? Come out this instant?!"

The black silutet ran through the trees, stopping only for a brief second to look at her before running away in the direction opposite of their base.

"Stop!" she went after the stranger, "Stop..or I will…"

She reached for her Eagle, remembering again that she left it on the nightstand.

"Fuck…" she was getting sloppy, how could she be so stupid of course they would do reconnaissance, how could she forget the basic rule of warfare, she could hear her dads voice giving her the lecture.

She started to run faster, whatever information's they gathered will not reach Rick and the rest of the group, she will make sure of it.

The stranger was in a good shape, that much she could give it to him, it left like she's been chasing a man for miles, it started to get dark, she was about to stop and get some air, when someone pulled her hand, turning her around and pinning her against the tree, placing a hand over her mouth.

She opened her eyes, ready to fight whoever gave himself a right to touch her, her machete fell out of her hand when she saw familiar blue eyes few inches away from her face.

"Don't scream," Daryl whispered to her, nervously looking around himself, "I will move my hand from your face…but please, don't scream or make any loud noises. Ok?"

Alice nodded, her eyes opened wide.

All this time she was looking for him only to have him find her.

She thought that her first instinct once she sees him will be to kill, to destroy, and to protect but the moment he pulled his hand away from her face, she could move, her eyes locked on him.

She lifted her hand, touch the side of his face, trying to convince herself that he was real, that he was standing there and not some trick her mind was playing her.

"You… you are alive."

He only nodded, not uttering a single world.

"Fuck… you look different clean," she smiled, a single tear escaping her eyes.

"Are you disappointed?"

"No…" she shook her head.

"Listen to me Alice," he cradled her face in his hands, "you need to go back now."

"What? No."

"Please, turn around and sneak away, slowly, let no one see you."

"Why are you whispering?

"I don't have time to explain…please listen to me."

"No…Someone was snooping around the Sanctuary. I won't let your people get away with any information."

"No one was snooping around anything…listen to me… they don't want information… they want you…turn around and leave."

"Me? Why would they want me?"

"Please Alice, there is no time..go."

At that moment they heard a sound of footsteps approaching them, as Daryl pulled himself closer trapping her in between the tree and him.

She moved her head around, trying to figure out who the two figures were… who would want her… why and how did Daryl know about it?

Once the black silhouettes gained a face, everything was clear to her.

Rick and Jesus were standing not three feet's away from them, looking around themselves, bemused.

"Where did she disappear?" Rick's low voice made her skin itch. If she had her eagle with her, one good shot and she could end it all. Negan didn't want Rick dead, but at that moment she couldn't care less of what he wanted, he could hate her for the rest of his life but at least he would have a life.

Maybe with time he will forgive her or find happiness in someone else's arms, it didn't matter to her; as long as he is breathing she will be happy.

"I don't know, she was right there." Jesus was making circles around Rick, surveying their surroundings.

"Maybe someone else knows, where's Daryl?"

"I thought he was with you."

"No… He told me he was going to look for you…fuck, fuck, fuck…" Rick kicked the stone, making it fly toward them, hitting the tree bark on the other side.

"Do you think?" Jesus came closer, placing his hand on Ricks' shoulder trying to calm him down.

"I don't know. I would love to say no… but I don't know."

They turned around, walking away from them.

Daryl released her, his eyes falling down… Even in dark, Alice could see the shame on his face.

Alice moved her hand back to his face, running her fingers down his cheek before leaning a bit and kissing his forehead.

"Thank you for this," she whispered.

He only nodded, not lifting his head, not looking at her.

She felt a sting of guilt pricing her chest…' He likes you, doll.'

Negans voice rang through her head, she never believed him, but now she was not sure and it stung like hell.

"I don't deserve this… I will go away now, slowly…you go back to your people before none is the wisest."

He nodded again, turning away from her, ready to leave.

"Daryl, stay away from bullets tomorrow."

"I'll try," he glanced at her over his shoulder, a faint smile appearing on his face and just like that he was gone… leaving her alone.

OOO

Finally, she could let out the breath she was holding, slowly sliding down to the ground, she looked up, the stars already came out.

She sighed, standing up and slowly walking back to the Sanctuary, there was no time to waste, Negan must be out of his mind by now, not knowing where she is.

And what will she tell him, no way he would believe she got lost and if she was to tell him the truth he will only freak out, rushing head first into the fight.

"Shit," that is something she will have to figure out on her way.

It was a good thing she spent two years alone, wandering around; no one without that kind of experience would be able to find his way back during the night time.

The sound of people talking made her stop, she wasn't even halfway back and she already ran into them again, she crouched down finding shelter behind bushes.

"Where did you go?" Rick was talking with Daryl.

"To find Jesus… I told you already."

"I ran into him. You were not there."

"I didn't say I found him."

"Where's Alice?" Rosita spoke as she came closer to Daryl, getting into his face.

Alice clutched the handle of her machete, she didn't know how those people were, Daryl made them sound like saints, but he was kidding himself, saints don't kill people in their sleep, saints don't run around in the wood in the middle of the night trying to kidnap a woman for revenge, saints don't wage wars.

"Easy there, Rosita," Rick placed his hand on woman's shoulder, pulling her away from Daryl.

"Don't tell me to go easy, he betrayed us for a woman he barely knows… he betrayed Abraham, he betrayed Glen."

"We don't know that."

"I am telling you, I haven't seen Alice since my escape."

"Bullshit!" woman spat at him.

Alice watched as Daryl's head fell down again, he didn't look any of them in the eyes, it made her anger boil. He should have stayed with them, Negan would never ask him to go against his own, he would never push him to do anything he didn't feel comfortable with as long as it didn't stand in the way of his loyalty to their community. Yes, they were not the best choice when it comes to alliances but they are better than that, they have to be.

The urge to chop that woman's head off rose within her, who does she think she is, giving herself the right to assume how well Daryl knows her or whose loyalty he is betraying. In the end, she didn't have anything to do with those two deaths, how is he betraying anyone by helping her?

"Maybe she just saw us and chose to hide, let's not rush into conclusions," Jesus spoke, trying to calm the group down.

"There is no way someone is capable of disappearing like that," Michonne chose to join the conversation.

"You don't know what she is capable of… I already told you back in Alexandria this is a stupid idea."

"Then why did you join us?" Rosita pulled her gun out.

"To make sure if by some miracle you catch her, she makes out of this stupid thing, alive."

"That's why you came, to help her, not us?!" Rosita lifted her run up, pointing it at Daryl.

"Rosita stop!" Rick came in between them.

"That's enough!" Michonne yelled. "While we are arguing about this, the clock is ticking, if we don't find her soon, we go back to Alexandria and get ready for tomorrow."

Alice was concentrated on what was happening in front of her, ready to strike the second she sees Daryl in danger again, she didn't hear something moving behind her.

"What was that?" Rick turned around, looking in the direction of the bush.

Alice didn't have time to comprehend what is happening when something grabbed her by her shoulder and made her stumble on the ground.

"ALICE!" Daryl pulled his crossbow, shooting the bolt right through roamers head.

The dead man was massive, kicking the air out of her lungs as he fell over here.

"Alice…" Daryl pulled him away from her.

"Alice! Look at me!"

She opened her eyes, as he pulled her up, inspecting her for any bite marks.

"I'm ok, I'm ok."

"Daryl."

Rick stood in front of them.

"Fuck…" she forgot they were there.

"You are coming with us."

"Hell I am," Alice pulled her machete out.

"We are not asking you, bitch," Rosita pointed her gun at her.

"No," Daryl pulled her away, stepping in between them."This is not what we agreed on!"

"No, this is exactly what we agreed on," Rick sighed," I told you, Daryl, we are taking her with us no matter what. You are here to ensure she comes peacefully."

"Well, I would rather die than come with you. Daryl move away, this shit ends now!"

"Alice!"

That was the last thing she heard as a sharp pain pierced through her head and her world turned to black.

* * *

 **for the quest:** Negan agrees to ten people, but he and Jadis got back and forth.. so there is more than ten. I wrote twenty just in case I want to use some latter on. And as I sad, that whole part was improvised because we really don't know what their deal was.


	37. the only thing worth fighting for pt16

**notes** : nothing I say will make up for how long I didn't update... but what its worth...I am truly sorry...  
I had one really messed up month, with 12h shifts at work, working weekends etc... I really didn't have time to write anything and after that, I really need some time to collect myself. But thank you all for still being here and reading this...especially to a Guest who was always reminding me there were still people who cared about this story. For future references, if I am gone for some time it is because I am dealing with private things and cant make time to write but I am not abandoning this story..this one I will finish ;)  
so yeah, that was enough from me..hope you like this chapter and read you soon...

* * *

The knocking on the door startled him from his thought, it wasn't Alice, she never knocks but his first instant was to hide the velvet pouch he was holing in his hand.

"Come it."

"Here is the dinner you asked for."

Amber looked worse for wear as days passed, her drinking problem was taking its toll, she lost so much weight that once tight dress was not dancing around her, her skin was pale and her eyes sunk.

"You need to stop drinking, Amber."

Negan's voice was low, part of him felt sorry for her, yes she cheated on him but he understood her being torn between her love for her mother and her love for Mark; a man not capable or willing to take care of both of them. When he took her in he was well aware of her situation and it was his choice to get involved, hoping that maybe she will see the truth and see the true colors of the man she loves.

"Why do you care?"

"Because you are destroying yourself and you are making a big fucking dent in our liquor storage."

"You didn't mind it when you were fucking me?"

"That's because you didn't smell like a fucking sailor back then."

"Whatever…" she rolled her eyes, ready to leave the room.

"Don't roll your eyes at me," Negan grabbed her, pulling her back, "you are not a fucking fifteen-year rebellious child, you are a grown ass woman, get your fucking act together."

"Something else you need?"

He hates it when his words would just bounce back to him, but he didn't have strength or patience to discuss the matter any further, he had his own problem to deal with, Amber will have to wait, but he had every attention of dealing with that problem later on, if she wants to drink herself to death she can go ahead and do it, but not on his expense.

"No, you can leave. Think about what I said or be ready for the consequences."

She slammed the door behind her, damn it all, she never had that much balls, was he getting soft, did people started to think they can act like that and just get away with it. One more thing he will have to deal with after tomorrow if things go as planned.

Another half an hour has passed, Alice still didn't come up to their room. It was not like her to go for so long without at least sending a word letting him know she will be late and where she's at.

Something was wrong, he could feel it in his bones.

He found Simon in his room, running over some maps while nibbling on chips. That was one of his habits he hated the most, why can't he eat the damn chips like every normal person, one chip one bite, not act like a hamster.

"Something you need, boss?" Simon stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans.

"Did you see Alice?"

"No, can't say I have. Why?"

"Fuck," Negan ran his hand over his face, "she hasn't come up to the room yet."

"Maybe she is drinking with Arat."

"Really, those two barely stand to be in the same fucking room together. Who's on fucking guard duty tonight?"

"I think Garry and his men."

"Meet me outside in five minutes."

OOO

"What the fuck?"

Alice woke up, the dank room she was in smelled like mold, with low ceilings and two small windows, high up on the wall across from her.

The bared cube she was in didn't have anything in it, except old mattress that looked like it has seen its share of days on the rain and smelled just as bad and one metal bucket, placed in the corner.

"You're finally awake," she heard a familiar voice, a voice that made her skin itch. She twisted around on the mattress, looking at the man, standing outside of her cell, looking down at her.

"You sound disappointed, Rick. Don't tell me you've been standing there waiting for me to turn."

Rick didn't speak, moving his hand away from his gun.

"Sorry to disappoint, but it will take more than one blow to the head to kill me."

Alice smiled, sitting up and looking around the room she was in.

"Am I supposed to shit in that bucket over there?"

"Yes."

"Will you clean it?" she smirked, looking up at Rick.

"We have people for that."

"Would expect as much, you are don't clean your own shit let alone someone else's."

"What was that supposed to mean?"

Alice's smile widened as she stood up, slowly walking towards him, she fingers clutching on the cell bars ignoring her headache and the protest her body was giving her, she will not let them see her weak she will not give them the pleasure.

If he plans to keep her captive she might as well get as much out of it as possible, occupy her mind so it doesn't think about Negan and what he is doing at the moment, he must be out of his mind and it made her heart sink. She made a mistake and now he is alone, out there, not sure what has happened to her.

"You know exactly what it means, cmon you are not a stupid man, careless yes but stupid no."

"Don't act like you know me."

"But I am not acting. I know you, not you like you but people like you. You have been a police officer once. Right?"

"It is in the past."

"But it's not, you loved it, the control it gave you. Every morning you would wake up, thinking you are doing a good deed, putting your life on the line so that the order is maintained. People in your neighborhood must have praised you, big hero, big man, a protector. It's like the drug, isn't it, the power, I know it is, I saw many of your kind fall to it. And now here you are again, protector of the just the crusher of the unjust, maintainer of the order and peace, just like before. But no, it is not, isn't it? Now it's better, now you can make laws, make people act just as you want them to act, now you are the judge and the jury. Or you used to be, before someone came and took it away from you, now you act like junky, hungry for the drug, scrapping the wall with your fingers until they bleed, trying to escape the new way of life, trying to find your fix. I get it I was there, my drug was not power but I was there, but you see the difference between us is: I never used other people's hands to try and get myself out of the mess I made. Unlike you, I cleaned my own shit."

"This is not about the power, this is about freedom."

"I am really sorry for not being able to buy that shit, you know, being on this fucking side of the bars."

"You will get out, the moment Negan surrenders."

"Hahaha, what makes you think he will surrender?"

"Because we have you."

"The only thing, you having me, will change is the number of your people dead."

"He won't risk your life. I know it."

"You, thinking you know everything will be your demise. Because let me tell you something, Negan knows me better than anyone, he knows me better than I know myself and he knows I will rather die than let him walk into your clutches. I will end my life sooner than I will let something like that happen. And when I die, he will blame you for my death, not me, because he will know I died to protect him and to crush your plans. Now imagine what he will do then, he killed one of your people because you killed his men, men he commanded and had no love for. How will he react knowing you are the one to blame for the death of his loved imagine it, Rick."

She moved closer, "imagine all the blood that will be shed. And let me tell you one more thing Rick so you can't put the blame on someone else, again, it will be your entire fault. Every scream, every life lost, it will be all on you. Not Negan, not me, but you."

Rick curled his mouth in a sign of disgust, his eyes opened wide, red, he wanted to blink, to tear his eyes from the women behind the bars. But he couldn't, he count speak, blink, or move.

The worm her words planted inside of his brain started to hurt, if she is right, he is the monster here, but he would know if that is the truth, would he. He would recognize it in the mirror, Michonne would see it, Carl would have said something.

Surely someone would have told him he is making a mistake.

No, this woman doesn't know a thing; she is just like Negan, playing around with people, making them doubt themselves, making them doubt their strength, their capabilities, their good intentions.

When it comes to people like her, the best thing to do is turn around and walk away, silently, words are their weapons and once you strip them away from them they are helpless, they can do you no harm. And so he did, reaching for the doorknob ready to leave her there, she has her purpose, once it is completed he will decide what to do to her. He gave promise to Daryl, but this woman was more dangerous than he initially thought and her pull on his friend was more than obvious. Keeping her here with them would make things only worse, she was an expert on planting the bug of doubt in people's heads sooner or later she will turn them all against each other, no, that is something he couldn't allow, even if it meant breaking a promise.

OOO

"What the fuck do you mean she didn't come back!?" Negan was fuming; he needed to crush something, someone, the rage boiling up inside of him will choke him to death if he doesn't find an outlet, soon.

"Alice went some time ago in the woods, we didn't pay much attention, she does it every night, I thought she came back, but I questioned my man, no one saw her."

Negan grabbed Garry, pinning him to the fence, just a inches away from the dead who were reaching out for him.

"Boss, boss, this is not the time," Simon came from behind him, grabbing his shoulder and trying to push him back from the petrified man.

"I can't fucking think of better time than now, Simon."

"Alice would not want this, boss."

"The fuck do you know what would Alice want!?" Negan spat over his shoulder.

"I know her love for Garry and her faith in him. She would not appreciate losing more people she trusts. " Simon whispered into his ear, trying to calm him down.

Hearing Alice had a love for any man but him, only made his guts twist in one more node, anger, and jealousy, making a dangerous mix, one powerful enough to annihilate the entire sanctuary.

"We need to find her, boss and we need to do it fast."

Negan didn't let of Garry, pinning him harder against the fence as Simons words dawned on him. He loosened a grip, his eyes widening as anger boiled down being replaced with dread.

He took a step back, making a man fall on the ground.

"You better fucking pray to God all fucking mighty, we find my wife or it is your ass going on this fucking fence, along with every fucking idiot who was on the guard duty tonight!"

"Simon, wake up Dwight, I want him and his pack of monkeys on the fence, while we go out in the woods, keep your radios about you if you find her, let everyone know. Did I make myself fucking clear? You there," he pointed at the man who was hiding behind the cars, desperately trying to hide from his rage.

"Wake up Carson, I want him up and ready if he is needed. Now get going, we have me a fucking wife to find!"

OOO

Alice saw every twitch on Rick face, every change of color, every emotion written in his eyes. When he reached for the doorknob, the spite rose in her. She was not done with him yet, if she was to die soon, she will tell him everything, her voice will haunt his dreams, her truth will never let him rest. It was about time someone broke the illusion he built around himself, it was about time someone placed him on the ground and pointed out every mistake he made.

"It is your fault you know, not Daryl's."

Just when he was about to leave the room, her world pulled him back.

"What?"

"Glens death, it is all your fault. You should be the one who wakes up every night covered in cold sweat, not Daryl. You should be the one to weep on his widow's grave, bagging her for forgives, not Daryl. You should be the one averting your eye from the shame, not him. All that's lying on his soul, should be on yours."

"You don't know anything!" in two long steps he was back in front of her cell, his face turning red. "I gave everything I have for this group, for this community. I lost my wife, my son almost died and I barely kept my two-year-old daughter alive, through this hell! I kept all of them alive! I did what it's needed to survive."

Alice cocked her head to the side, laughing.

"And you still haven't learned the lesson. You stand here in front to me, justifying your actions from before, actions that have nothing to do with Glen's death. Tell me, Rick, why did you agree to help people from Hilltop?"

"How do you know we did it for people of Hilltop and not to protect ourselves?"

"Because I saw Paul with you tonight and I saw him that night with you. I couldn't pinpoint exactly from where I knew him, back when I saw him at Hilltop in a different outfit but tonight I remembered, he was there with you."

Ricks silence told her all she needed to know.

"For supplies? You did it for supplies," she grinned. "Oh, this is just fucking precious. You took supplies from other community in exchange for protection. Shit, that sounds familiar, I don't fucking know where I've seen someone doing the same thing."

"It's not the same!"

"Why, because it's you taking shit from someone and not us?"

"We don't kill the innocence."

"You do know that in that outpost there were people who had nothing to do with community runs, like mechanic, cooks, janitors or what, they are guilty as well, only because they were there?"

"You don't know!"

"That's where you are wrong, Rick, I know. And I wouldn't have a problem with it if you didn't walk around acting like you are the only right law in this world and everyone who crosses you is a bad man. I would not say a fucking word if you took half the blame for shit that happened to you. But no, it was always someone else's fault, now its Negan only God knows who was before him. It's always someone else with people like you, always ready to point a finger everywhere except in the mirror."

"Negan killed Glen, not me!"

"That's right, he did. He doesn't feel sorry for it, why would he, he didn't know the man, he warned you all of what would happen if you don't follow the rules but Negan knows Glen's blood is on his hands, he never once denied it. But you see, his blood is on your hands as well, just as Abrahams is. And you deny it, letting Daryl take the fall. Tell m, Rick, did you once looked him in the eyes and told him he is not the one to blame, it is you. Your actions were the ones who led you all into that woods, your decision to go to war, not his. You agreed to kill thirty people in exchange for some food, thirty people! For what, few sacks of corn and some tomato? And you dare to call us monsters!"

"That's enough!"

"Few sacks of corn, Rick. That was all you needed to bring hell upon your people. And now you dare to stand here in front of me, a woman you imprisoned just for revenge and tell me you are a good guy here and Negan is a bad one. You, who question the loyalty of one person who was nothing but a brother to you, a person who carries the weight of your mistakes on his shoulders. Yes, Daryl attacked Negan, the act that led to Glen's death, but Daryl doesn't realize he did what every normal person would do when someone he cares about was in danger. Negan did what every leader would do when his authority was undermined in front of his people and you just sat there, watching, you the fearless leader, a person who they all followed just sat there and watched. And you know why? Because you knew then something you forgot along the way, it is your fault, everything that happened that night, everything that happened after and everything that will happen; all your fault."

Everything faded away in the second as Alice faced the barrel of Ricks gun.

OOO

Despite his act in front of his people, Negan always considered himself, passionate and emotional man, feeling everything a bit more intensely than everyone around him. That was one of his trait that gave him much pleasure in his life but also many grieves. He didn't know how to cope with feelings, always letting them govern his actions. It was like that while he cheated on his wife, it was like that when he found out she was sick and it was like that the day she died, everything he did, he did, trying to fall into the embrace of passion or trying to run away from his sorrow.

But now, there was nothing, he didn't feel a thing while he combed the woods with his man, trying to find Alice. His mind was clear, no emotions to cloud his judgment, like a predator after a long winter, trying to find a pray to satisfy his hunger.

He found himself taking deep breaths in, hoping he will smell her sooner than he will see her.

She was there, she has to be there and he will find her.

"Boss, we have something," Simons' voice startled him from his thought.

"What is it, Simon?"

"You better come and see this, boss."

And with that his legs got a mind of his own, taking him as fast as possible towards Simon and his group, forgetting his people, who were desperately trying to keep up with him, yelling and cursing as they tripped over the rocks hidden beneath the mantle of leaves and darkness.

Negan didn't feel a ground beneath his feet, didn't feel a pain as the branches violently grazed his face.

When he reached Simon, he half expected to find Alice with him, smiling and making remarks about how foolish he was, raising hell to come and find her. But Simon and his men were alone, looking at the dead body, spread on the ground in front of them.

He froze, not being able to move, not wanting to move, not wanting to see who is it lying, alone in the dark, covered with leaves.

'No…not this again…' voices screamed inside his head as Simon approached him, holding Alice's machete in his hand.

His knees almost gave up on him and he looked down at the blade in his friend's hand.

"We found this on the ground," Simon was speaking, probably loud and clear, but he almost couldn't hear him, from his heart pounding in his chest, his eyes, his throat, his entire body.

'She is gone', a tiny voice spoke to him, 'you lost her. She is dead. She left you alone, just like Lucile did. All alone in this world. Now no one cares for you anymore. You, a pathetic little man, not worthy of anyone's love. And you got what you deserve. All the people you kill, all of them, this is their revenge. They all came, took her away from you. Took her with them, so you will never lay your eyes on her, you will never touch her, never kiss her, never hear her voice again. Your pretty Alice, gone, for good.'

"Boss, do you hear me," Simon snapped his fingers in front of his face, when he didn't get a response he was looking for.

Negan shook his head, looking at him, for a moment forgetting where he is and who is he looking for.

"What?"

"I said we found this on the ground… next to that dead prick, lying over there."

"A walker?"

"Yes, a walker…boss are you alright?"

"I….I… yes...I'm fine"

His senses came back to him, as we looked down at the body on the ground, the man lying there was too big to even look like Alice. He is going insane; that was the only possible explanation for the tricks his mind was playing on him.

"He wasn't killed with the machete, that much is clear, what is it that killed him we can't say but it wasn't Alice, even though she was obviously here."

"I don't give a rat's ass where she was I want to fucking know where is she now!" Negan didn't want to yell at Simon, but the sense of clarity he had before completely vanished, replaced with a mix of fear and sorrow.

"We… we don't know boss. "

"Boss," the radio interrupted them, Dwight's voice coming from the other side, "a strange man is here, we want to talk to you."

"Who is it? And what the fuck does he want?!" Negan growled, his eyes fixed on Simon.

"We told us he will only speak with you."

"Fuck!

OOO

The sound of gunfire startled Daryl from his thought.

The sound came from the room where Alice was…but…

He opened the door, running inside, stopping in his step at the sight in front of him.

Alice was standing in her cell, holding the bars, smiling and looking at Rick, who had his gun drawn out, aiming it at her, the bullet hole could be seen in the wall on a far side of the cell.

He ran to him, making him lower his weapon and standing in between him and Alice.

"What's happening here?!"

Rick didn't respond, looking at him, his eyes glimpsing with tears. He lifted his head, locking his eyes with his, his mouth slightly opened.

"What? What is it?" Daryl took a step closer, placing his hand on his shoulders.

Rick tilted his head to the side, before taking a step back, leaving the room.

Daryl watched the door long after Rick left him alone with Alice.

"Bad boy, are you there?" the soft voice from behind him brought him back to reality.

"What did you do to him?" he didn't turn around, not ready to face the person behind the bars, one more life in danger because of him.

"I.. what could I exactly do to him, locked up like this?"

He swallowed heavily, trying to make some sense of what happened between Alice and Rick while he was outside. He knew Alice, he knew the impact she can have on people, he felt it on his own skin, what feels like a lifetime ago.

"I know you, Alice, you don't need to touch a person to do damage."

The giggle came from behind him, then disappointed sight. "you wound me, bad boy. You know I am nothing but nice."

He turned around, a faint smile twitching on his lips, a smile that faded away the moment she saw her behind the bars, caged like an animal. Still, she looked like the circumstances didn't faze her, same wide smile on her face, clear calculated eyes and confident stance.

"You don't look like you mind being here."

"Nop saves me the drive tomorrow."

"Practical."

"I know," she sat down on the floor, her back resting against the cold concrete wall.

The happy facade came off as she stared at some point on the far side of the room.

Daryl sighed, sitting down on next to her with the bars between them.

They were silent for some time; he didn't know what to say to her, he was never the one who initiated their conversations. She didn't feel like talking, her thoughts drifting away, thinking about Sanctuary and Negan. Did he figure out she is missing, being locked in the cell didn't give her much clue at what time of the night is it, are they close to midnight or dawn. If he did find out, what will he do? She could only hope Simon will have enough strength to keep him in check and make him think rationally.

Scenarios coming to her mind only made her headache worse. There was nothing she can do now but to wait for events to unfold.

"You should not be here."

Daryl's voice reached out for her, pulling her back to reality.

"Neither should you, bad boy. And still, here we are."

"I did not agree to this. I want you to know that."

Alice smile, rolling her head and locking her eyes with his, "I know."

She reached for his hand.

"I know."

OOO

"What the fuck do you want?"

Negan knew the man standing in front of him, he was Jadis right-hand man.

"I have a message for you, from our leader."

"Who is this?" Dwight interrupted them.

"Not your fucking business, Dwight, go and see are your men doing their fucking jobs, next one to screw something up is getting familiar with Lucile."

Dwight scowled, looking at the strange man one more time before leaving him and Negan alone.

"Why the dark face, Dwight, I thought you of all people would be happy to see Alice missing," Simon cut his path.

"Why?" Dwight swallowed heavily, turning his eyes away from Simons questioning gaze.

"Well, you were not exactly friends.. or did that change?" Simon forced a familiar smile on his face.

"No we were not and nothing changed."

"Hmm, then it must be something else occupying your mind. Something I can help with maybe?"

"No, nothing," Dwight walked around him, heading toward the straits that lead to the catwalks where the guards were stationed.

Simon looked after him, trying to figure out which part of conversation made his face turn pale but soon dismissed it, walking towards Negan and the man he recognized from the junkyard.

"He has her, he fucking has her! " Negan was fuming by the time he reached him, "get our people together, bring all the firepower we have we are burning that place to the fucking ground!"

"Who has who?" Simon scowled, looking down at the piece of paper in Negan's hand.

"You know how to fucking read, read this!" Negan gave him the note, before running his hand over his face then through his hair, turning his back to them, trying his best not to kill someone.

Simons' hand started to tremble as he read the words written down on old brown paper.

 _"Your woman was just brought to Alexandria._

 _Unconscious, but alive._

 _We are ready._

 _Jadis."_

"Alice is in Alexandria."

"Yes, " man before him spoke, "she was unconscious when they brought her, but she is alive and well, as far as we know. "

"But why?"

"For bargain."

"I will give them a fucking bargain, I will cut them all down!" Negan was in man's face, his face distorted and red, "tell your leader to be ready, change of plan. We are leaving no one alive."

"Simon, get ready we are leaving!"

"Boss, we should not rush things."

"What!" Negan turned his attention from the man to him, "We should not rush things! They have Alice, that motherfucker actually grew balls big enough to take something from me! I will cut them off and feed them to his son! "

"I understand, but rushing into this head first will only make things worse, for her. We need to save her than we can think about our revenge."

"And what the fuck do you propose, to sit here on my ass while she is locked up and with God knows what injuries."

Simon let out a heavy sight, he wanted to get to Alice as soon as possible, but not on Ricks terms.

"I know boss. But there is nothing we can do for her until dawn and they are expecting of us to act without a plan. But now more than ever we can't afford that. We need to get ready and head for Alexandria in the morning just as planned. And nothing will happen to her, Daryl is probably there and as much as he hates our guts, he will give his life protecting her. You know that boss."

Negan looked at his friend, his heart and his brain leading the battle, he wanted to rush through those gates and take her away from them but at the same time he knew Simon was right, nothing good ever came when he let his feelings lead him. If he was to save her, he will need to use his head for a change.

"Alight," he sighed defeatedly, "tell Jadis to process with a plan as nothing happened."

"Understood," man was about to leave before turning around again "I would recommend you move a bit earlier than planned, there are many obstacles on the road towards Alexandria."

"Fucking perfect." Negan looked up at the sky, stars were still shining brightly above him with only a few clouds drifting across the sky.

"We will get to her," Simon placed his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it.

"I fucking hope so, friend. I fucking do."

OOO

"Why did you kilJosephpeh?"

Alice spoke after another few minutes of silence. Question made his stomach turn.

"Ï.. don't know."

Alice turned her head to the side, looking at him with a deep frown.

"You don't know?"

"No I don't, " Daryls eyes fell down.

"I did many things in my life Daryl, but I never killed a man not knowing why."

"I… it just happened."

Alice scowled, "you made me really sad, bad boy. I lost two people that day, no three. Joseph and you, twice."

Daryl looked up at her, his brow furrowing.

"Twice?"

"Yes, I lost you because you escaped, it made me sad, yes, but it was expected. You are a strong man and I never once believed you would stay captured forever but what got to me, is the way you did it, the way you killed Joseph, it only made me realize that at that moment, the moment you killed him I lost the version of you I liked the most. The rational and compassionate version, calculated and wise man, the man who never did anything without knowing why… I lost you twice and I knew I will find you only once."

"I was never that man, you don't know me."

"Keep telling that to yourself, bad boy, maybe one day you will actually believe it. But for what if worth I am glad to be able to see you one more time, before this all ends."

She smiled sadly as their eyes met. This may be the last time they ever see each other, last time they will ever be able to speak. She wanted to tell him many things, to put his mind at ease, to make the blame he is feeling go away. After all, he was her friend, friend she made under the most unusual circumstances and if tomorrow doesn't go as planned and one of them ends up lying dead on the ground, she wanted to say her goodbyes at least once in her life. To make peace with at least one person before one of them perishes, but the words never formed and they just stayed like that, sitting on the floor, looking at each other before the knock on the door and unfamiliar voice made them realized that their time is up.

"Negan and the Saviors are coming." Was all they heard when the sound of footstep going up the stairs made them realize they were left alone again,

"When this is all over, you can stay here." Daryl's eyes fell down, looking at their entwined fingers.

"No, I cant."

"Why?"

"Because I will be long dead."

Silence filled the room for the last time, some things never needed words to be understood.


	38. the only thing worth fighting for pt 17

And here it is a new chapter and the closing one for season 7. I am not late..no, not at all xD

Hope you like it, I struggled with it more than I care to admit but it is done. I think. Anyway... thank you all for still being here, you people are awesome. I really, really love you all.  
And to the ones who just came here, welcome and I hope you enjoy your stay.

* * *

OOO

"This is taking too fucking long!"

Negan stood with Simon watching Saviors while they removed yet another block on the road.

"We will get to her, boss."

"Oh, I have no fucking doubt we will, for the sake of everyone."

With every passing minute, he felt sicker and sicker. She would have got to him by now; she would've found a way, no it was a lie, she would never let anyone capture him in the first place, she would cut down through the army just to get to him and it would not have been the first time she did something like that. He couldn't help but feel useless, weak and he hated feeling like that, again failing to protect the one he loved.

"We are ready to move boss," his man came to him.

"Then fucking move, we lost too much time as it is."

OOO

The day was perfect, sun shining brightly giving hope to everyone that by the end of the day everything will fall into its place. But Alice knew as she walked past the residents of Alexandria, what she hoped for and what they hoped for were to complete opposites.

"Good job, people, you managed to scrape up some artillery," Alice smiled at Daryl as he and Rosita led her by the cars with guns placed on display over the hoods.

No one spoke but she didn't mind it, she never needed the validation of small talk to enjoy the moment. Soon she and Negan will be reunited and in the end, it was all that mattered.

"Hope people here know how to use them or this will be one damn short fight."

Rosita snorted, "all we need is one perfectly lined up bullet to end this."

"So do we," Alice's grin widened, "but it would be a shame to waste all the effort you put into collecting all this shit and not get a movie like battle, don't you think."

"Not all of us enjoy killing as much as you do."

"Yeah, I got that problem a lot even before, no one wanted to play with me."

Alice couldn't be sure did she heard Daryl let out a small chuckle, before Rick approached them, shooting daggers at her.

"Looking good, Rick, I see you recovered from the last night."

He didn't speak, taking her by her upper arm and leading her to the platform near the gates.

She turned around, despite Rick urging her to walk forward, looking at Daryl.

"See you on the other side, bad boy, want me to save you a seat?"

Daryl's head fell down, not being able to look at her.

"Rick, wait." She slipped out of Rick hold, taking long strides towards Daryl.

Rick wanted to stop her when Tara came to his side, accompanied with one of the residents of Alexandria, who had a look of confusion as we turned around a weapon in his hand.

Daryl didn't hear her approach, before she nudged him to the side with her shoulder, making him look up, confused.

"Don't ever fucking bow you head before anyone, ever again, do you fucking hear me, bad boy. You did nothing wrong, ever. You are a good person and don't let anyone or anything convince you otherwise. "

Daryl's eyes widened as he scanned her face, wanting to read hidden meaning behind her words, but as always with him, there was none. She played with other people, twisting their beliefs, using all she knows about them as a weapon, but not with him, never with him. Her blunt honesty and bits of tenderness she always had for him, was something he will miss the most if he was to survive today.

He wanted to thank her just before Rick pulled her away from him, leading her towards the gate.

She didn't tear her eyes from him, smiling.

"Walk tall my friend!" She yelled, "you hear me, always walk tall!"

OOO

Simon smiled to himself as they near closer to Alexandria.

"What the fuck is so funny, Simon?"

The anger in Negans voice didn't faze him, he as like that ever since they found out Alice was taken by Rick, he could only assume what was going through his friends head from that moment on and if his attitude was a base of judgment, it was not pretty. He knew Negan was the man who hid behind the jokes and humor most of the time, not letting anyone see what gets to him, afraid someone will use it and take him down from his throne. It was something everyone became familiar with, so when Alice walked in their lives it took them some time not only to adjust to her presence, the task she didn't make easy on anyone but also to the new version of Negan no one saw before. A man who would let his guard down more often than not, let people see the human side of him, the leader who actually spent time with his subordinates and man who shouted out to for the whole world know who he loved and who was his weak spot. It made Simon sad to see someone took that as an advantage and made his worst fear come to life. His weak spot being used to take him down from the throne.

"Nothing special, boss, just realized Rick and his group actually had to babysit Alice for one entire night."

Negan laughed, looking through the window at now-familiar houses, ones that didn't quite made it to be a part of thriving community that was Alexandria.

"Fuck me, Simon, I didn't think of that." Negan shook his head, a smile never leaving his face.

"I bet they didn't signup up for what they received."

"I would be fucking disappointed if we don't find half of them in tears by the time we reach the community."

OOO

"I'm bored," Alice hopped in her spot on the platform where Rick stood with her, looking in the distance, shifting from one foot to another waiting for Negan to show up.

He side eyed her, before turning his attention back on the road.

"You said Negan is coming, where the fuck is he, it is not nice to give hope to someone and just crush it a few minutes later.

Again he didn't grant her one word, making her scowl and wiggle her itching nose as she looked up at the cloudless sky.

"You are not fun, Rick, you know, you should change your facial expression from time to time or you might just get stuck with that fucking scowl for the rest of your life. Huh, I wonder, do you have the same stink eye while having sex. Hahaha, oh my fucking god, where is your girl, I need to ask her this."

She heard someone going up the ladders, making her turn around just in the moment when Jadis came to join them.

"They will be here in five."

Alice smiled at the woman, cocking her eyes brow.

"Is this your new girl, Rick?"

"Are we ready," Ricks choice to ignore her again only made her want to poke him harder, she was getting to him, she knew it.

"The explosive is set up and ready."

"Oh, goody, we are having fireworks. Oh, god I hope the daylight won't ruin my experience."

Rick and Jadis looked at her than exchanged a few glance, letting out a deep sigh.

"I am to animated for this fucking crowd," Alice shrugged her shoulders, "good thing the people who are actually fun to be around are coming."

She smiled, as the convoy of trucks appeared in the distance.

"Finally, my entourage is here."

OOO

"All points are covered. Every contingency is already met. I come armed with two barrels of the truth. A test is upon you, and I'm giving out the cheat sheet."

Alice would give her left arm just so she could rewind time and replay the moment Rick saw his ex-friend and comrade standing on the back of the truck holding speakerphone and doing Negans biddings.

"H-Hello," Eugene stuttered, making Alice smile widen as she looked at Rick and his dumbstruck expression. She loved confusing people, that was the best way to make them do what she wanted them to do, without them being the wisest it was one game she played the best but always played alone. So it came to her as no surprise the way her heart flutter every time Negan would join the game and even rise it to the new level, challenging her to keep up.

"Eugene, oh, it is so good to see you," Alice called for the man, not even trying to hide her enthusiasm, "what brings you to this fine neighborhood?"

"I come salved with the hope that it is my dropped knowledge that you will heed. Options are zero to none. Compliance and fealty are your only escape. Bottom lining is, you may thrive, or you may die. I sincerely wish for the former for everyone's sake. The jig is up and in full effect. Will you comply….Rick?"

"Where's Negan?" Rick spoke before Alice could interfere again.

"I'm Negan."

Rick took one step backward, lifting his head up and to the side, looking at her, expecting her to clarify what was going on.

Alice just shrugged her shoulders, "hey, don't look at me, last time I saw Negan he looked much different."

Rick nodded his head, before ducking down with the rest of the people who were stationed along the makeshift catwalks around the gate, trying to avoid the coming blast. Alice looked down at him, smiling, not bothering to follow his lead.

"Alice get down," she heard Daryl yell from below, but she didn't mind anyone, her eyes fixed on Eugene. She didn't speak much with him since Negan brought him from Alexandria, she was full of questions but after few failed exchanged of simple pleasantries, like asking about his day she quickly gave up. The man was a valuable source of vast knowledge about things none of them even though existed back in the days when the sole purpose of living was to keep your job and pay bills. She wouldn't be surprised if someone like him or someone he even knew made the virus that brought them the end days. And he didn't make that knowledge easily accessible to anyone.

And the blast, the blast never came. Not that it surprised her but it did surprise everyone around her, the sound of a gun safety being pulled was her sign to turn around and face Rick.

"Surprise," she grinned as Jadis pointed her gun at him.

"Finally this fucking game is over. Will you be a dear Jadis and untie me."

"You ever hear the one about the stupid little prick named Rick who thought he knew shit but didn't know shit and got everyone he that gave a shit about killed? It's about you."

Alice froze in the place as the small jolt of electricity circled through her body. It felt like ages have passed since she heard that voice. She slowly turned around, savoring the moment, reunions are always the sweetest parts of any relationship and even if they were separated less than a day, in the world of walking corpses, a day was equivalent of a year and year a lifetime.

"Well, hello there, dear wife. I am pleased to find you here."

"The pleasure is all mine, dear husband," Alice bowed her head, smirking.

"And what are you doing here on this fine day?"

"Oh, Rick was so kind to extend me an invitation I simply could not refuse."

"Well, isn't that nice," Negans face darkened as he turned his gaze from her to Rick, "hope they were nice hosts."

"Oh, they certainly were and how could they not, you know how fine guest I make."

"That I do," Negan chuckled, "Sooo, honey are you done playing with them so we can conclude this visit."

"What the fun is already over?" In her arrogant triumph, she smirked, just a small pouting of the lips; a narrowing of the eyes and a tilting of the head. The left side of Negans lip arched upward, creating a sinister smile, one that would make stone cry and turn the Alice in a lustful puddle.

"Will you fucking untie my hand already," she turned to Jadis, with urgency in her voice. Woman signaled one of her men and that was the last thing Alice remembers before the tight grip of Negans protective embrace made her struggle of air, the world around her melted away as she squeezed him tighter ignoring the protest her body was giving her, it will be enough time for breathing later on. A moment like that one, that was the moment that comes only once in the lifetime, a moment when seconds turn into hours and you feel you could stand like that forever.

"You fucking scared the shit out of me, doll," Negan whispered in her ear. "Did they hurt you?"

"No, " she shook her head, buried in the crocked of his neck.

She heard someone clearing his throat and tapping her shoulder.

"We kinda have work to do, people," Simons knowing smile and his gift in the form of her weapons were reminder enough, she was back with her family.

She wiggled away from Negan embrace, letting out a disappointed sigh as her body was deprived of his warmth.

"My babies," she smiled down at her weapon, before strapping them on their place, feeling complete once more, "hope you were nice to them, mustache man, you know how sensitive they can be."

"I did my best to console them during your absence."

"What, you people still didn't drop your guns?" Negan turned his attention back at Rick.

"No one drops anything."

The determination with which Rick spoke, didn't come as surprise to anyone, especially Alice, the consequences of what he has done are now known, not like before when he tapped in the dark, acting and not knowing, full of confidence as if he made a contract with the Devil himself, selling his soul for protection. Maybe he did, but people like her and Negan were the people from whom even the Devil would shun off, people with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

"You are still pushing me, Rick," Negan smiled, "and I was just about to forget you tried to blow us up minutes ago. You confuse me, Rick, I mean I get you wanting to kill me and my people, but Eugene, he is one of yours and a person who should be a role model to you, I mean after everything he has done, he fucking stepped up, took an initiative. But I guess you people are too much like animals to see that. The universe gives you a sign and you just shove your finger right up its ass. But I… I get it… one can't go against its nature… neither can I…so I come here, bearing a gift of peace, not war. Simon, Dwight, chop-chop…"

"What did you bring them?" Alice spoke from behind him, not sure what is happening.

"Oh, you'll see, doll."

Alices scowl deepen as she glanced towards the truck where Simon and Dwight revealed a silver coffin, she pursed her lips looking at Negan, whose smile told her nothing, this was the first time she was out of the loop when it came to the plans they have and she didn't like it one bit.

She felt a hand sliding down her arm and intertwining the long fingers with hers.

"Shall we, my queen," Negan smiled as he led her towards the truck, climbing on the trailer, slowly knocking on the coffin side. Alice expected something or someone to walk out, like in the movies and release havoc onto the world. But nothing happened, as Negans deep chuckled filled the silence.

"So, you don't like Eugene anymore. You guys gotta like Sasha. I do, too. Got her right here packaged for your convenience, alive and well. Now, I brought her so I wouldn't have to kill all of you, and not killing all of you could get complicated. You see I know about all the firepower you scraped up, yup, so yeah, I will fucking need you to hand it over. Also, I want every fucking grade of lemonade you have, we are running low on it back home. I want one person…of your choosing…because I am so fucking nice despite everything, for Lucile. Daryl… oh, I got to have me my Daryl back, my doll is heartbroken since he left us and..and.. baby any suggestions.

"A pull table, I want that pull table"

"Alight doll. And a pool table, and all the pool cues and chalk. And I want it now! Or Sasha dies, and then all of you. Probably. "

Alice could swear she was able to hear a clapping of the flies wings as silence fell over them. Rick's red eyes didn't leave the shining surface of the coffin where his friend was being held. Alice's respect for Sasha grew with each passing minute, to be ready to be stuffed into the coffin so her friends could live was something Alice could relate to, that kind of loyalty was to be praised and people who carry it around with them worshiped like gods.

In that moment, all the jealousy she felt towards the woman, disappeared, to be replaced with complete and utter admiration.

She shifted closer to Negan, trying to catch waves of warmth his body is emitting, something to make her feel warmer, as the air around them became cold. The moment of revelation is upon them, will they leave this place without firing a bullet or will the pulls of blood fill the streets of Alexandria.

Daryl couldn't avert his eyes away from her, standing tall and confident beside the man he despised most in the world and her the woman he cared about, his friend, he just couldn't understand how two people who awoke two completely opposite types of feelings in him could fit together so perfectly. He hated to admit it to himself but during the time she spent in Alexandria away from Negan she didn't seem like a whole person, he thought it was because she was held captive, cages never suited wild animals, but it was not that, it was something else and now watching her at Negans side he knew what it was and deep inside himself made peace with the idea that when Negan perishes so will she. Even if by some miracle she survives, it will not be Alice inhabiting that body, but something else, something that made him shiver with dread.

"C'mon Rick…Just because I brought her in a casket doesn't mean she has to leave in it." Negan tried to end the anticipation, it was killing him and Alice shifting beside him made him realize he was not the only one.

Again nothing, a muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of his right eye, his mouth formed a rigid grimace. His glass was full hours ago, now every drop of anger is making his rage pour over its rim and down on the floor. He wasn't sure how long will he be able to hold it inside of himself. The soothing warmth appeared on his back as he felt Alice's hand resting between his shoulder blades. He turned around and she nodded. The time for diplomacy was over.

"You know what, Rick, you suck ass!" The corners of his lips tugged downward as he looked up at the man with a gun pointed at his head.

"I don't want to have to kill her, but that's exactly what you're gonna make me do it."

The layers of truth spoken in that sentence made Alice cringe, no one could hear them but she could, that truth was not something new but it never fails to fill her with sadness.

"Let me see her." Rick finally spoke, and she could let out the breath she was holding.

"All right, just give me a second. I might have to get her up to speed. You can't hear shit inside this thing. Sash. You're not gonna believe this crap."

The smile on Alice's face froze when instead of living person the dead one emerged from the coffin, pushing Negan from the trailer and falling with him on the ground.

Everything played out in a matter of seconds, the bullets started to be fired, the people started to die, Sasha trying to get to her after she pushed her away from Negan, one of their man whose name she didn't even know died trying to save her.

Her not being able to avert her eyes from the man on the ground as Sasha feasted on him, that was when she felt someone pushing her up , leather clawed arm wrapping around her back and pulling her toward the truck, keeping her had down as bullets flew around them, Simon pushing them behind the truck, glancing over the hood.

"Keep your fucking head down, mustache man, you will lose it."

Alice pushed him to the ground.

"Now what." Simons' eyes darted in between Negan and Alice.

"Now we fucking kill them," Alice growled, pulling her gun out.

"You won't hear any fucking arguments from me doll." Negan smiled.

Battle was short, just like Alice expected it to be, she didn't even have time to fire the second bullet and everything was over, people from Alexandria captured.

"Simon, find Grimes junior and bring him here,"

"Are you alright?" Alice placed her hand on Negan's face, once they were away from their people, waiting for Carl and Rick to be brought.

"I'm fine, doll." Negan buried the tips of his fingers in the corner of his eyes, "didn't sleep last night, that's all."

"Oh, sorry about that," Alice shrugged her head down under the weight of guilt that hit her like a sledgehammer, it was her fault she got caught last night, if only she didn't hang on the stupid idea she will find Daryl aimlessly wandering around the woods she would've been with Negan last night and he would've gotten the rest her needed for the upcoming battle. She never prayed but tonight before she goes to bed she will thank every divine up there for keeping him safe during this whole ordeal.

"It Is not your fault, doll," he took her chin, lifting her head up, giving her a brief but tender kiss. "That whole mess, it is not your fault."

"But…"

Alice wanted to protest, but Negan shushed her, "this is not up for discussion Alice," he smiled.

"Now let's go, looks like Grimes's are in their spots."

"Are you sure about this," Alice hooked her hand around his upper arm, her eyes darting across his features, what he was planning to do didn't sit well with her and she knew it didn't sit well with him. He may not be the same man after today.

"It needs to be done, doll."

"But you don't have to be the one to do it, let me… I'll…I'll do it."

"Do you really want to fucking do it?"

"Not more than you do. But…."

"You think it will be easier on me?"

Alice stiffened, keeping quiet for a few second before nodding confidently.

"It won't doll, it would still be done under my order and letting someone else do it will, if nothing, would make things worse. And before you say anything, no there is no other way. They closed all fucking roads except this one."

He turned around, leaving her before she could say another word. Alice followed him with her eyes for a moment, before looking up at the sky, perfectly blue, with few white clouds and sun shining brightly in the middle like it was mocking them. Aren't the days like this suppose accompanied with rain and thunder?

"Alice doll, will you join me?" Negan called.

"Coming, boss," she jogged towards him.

OOO

Rick and Carl were kneeling in the middle of the field, surrounded with Saviours and people from Junkyard group, group none of them liked, but Alice had to give it to them, they knew how to get a job done.

"Well, shit, Rick. You just couldn't stick with us? You had to go with these filthy garbage people?" And there it was, the careless mask on his face, the playful tone of his voice, every sign that the show must go on.

"He meant no offense." Alice smiled, glancing at Jadis.

"Deal is for 12, yes? " The way people ignored her that entire day made her cringe. And just like that, again, it felt like Negan read her mind, turning to her, waiting for her to answer.

"10." Alice stiffened herself militarily. "People are a resource. And they kinda don't want to leave."  
'12," Jadis came up to her face so close Alice could feel her breath, but she didn't buckle down, placing her hand on her machete, meeting her stare, not speaking, words were redundant in situations like this.

"10." The woman finally backed down.

Alice couldn't help but smile in triumph as she glanced at Negan, who didn't even try to hide his pride. He winked and smiled deviously as he passed by her, as a promise of what will come later when they are alone, and came to stand at Carl's side.

"Rick. This is just gonna make you sad. Broken. You're gonna wish you were dead. I like having fun. I do. But maybe you think that the guy that did what he did to your friends wasn't me like that was some sort of a put-on like I'm not the guy with the bat, I'm just the guy that makes your kid spaghetti."

"Oh. Oh, shit. Maybe this is on me. Maybe this is all on me. I gotta make it right. I guess I gotta start all over again. I gotta tell you, Rick, if I had a kid, I'd want him to be just like your kid, which makes this so much harder."

"You're not gonna win."

"Carl. It is over. Why don't you point your one ball up the street there and take it all in?"

The loud scream priced the air making everyone turn around, trying to pinpoint from where did it come from.

"Michonne," one of Alexandrians who was close enough whispered, looking sympathetically at Rick.

"Ohh. Oh. Wow. You just lost somebody important to you right now, like, just now. Jesus. That is timing. But what can you do, karma is a thought bitch I should know, and this is what you get for taking my wife, now you lost your own, as my doll likes to say, how poetic. I feel your pain, Rick, I really do, but this is not over, not yet. See, you chose this. I truly don't know what more I could've done to warn you. And you didn't just fail to head my warning you had to go along and make things even worse, to make this personal and now I am raising the stakes. You see Rick this isn't a warning. This is punishment. I'm gonna kill Carl now. I'm gonna make it one nice, hard swing, try to do it in one because I like him. I just want you to put that in your brain and roll it around for a minute. I'm gonna kill Carl, and then Lucille here, she's gonna take your hands. "

And there it was, Alice knew once he voiced his threats there is no coming back. She knew possibility like this existed, but it was a worst-case scenario, something both of them hoped won't happened. Negan liked Carl, more than anyone for Alexandria, a side effect of his profession form back before. Negan had a blood of many on his hands, just like she, but some kills can change a man, she knew it, the girl in the woods was kill that changed her, now the time came for a kill that will change him.

"You can do it right in front of me. You can take my hands. I told you already, I'm gonna kill you. All of you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... but nothing is gonna change that nothing. You're all already dead."

 _"You're all already dead… You're all already dead… You're all already dead"_ words echoed through Alice'ss mind, the dream, the blood, the white room, the jaws….The numbing pain pierced through her head, pounding on her brain, her vision blurring, something was off. Something is coming. She shook herself, looking around the Alexandria, everything was quiet, people lying dead on the ground or kneeling while Savioused binned their wrists… buzzing in her ears didn't stop.

"Something is off," she looked at Simon. But he didn't mind her, looking down at Carl.

"Something is off," she repeated, turning around herself.

"Damn…. Wow, Rick…. Okay. You said I could do it." In a moment Negan swung his bat, behind the corner the tiger appeared. Alice jumped over Carl, shoving Negan. The cat jumped on one of the Saviours.

"What the…" Alice couldn't believe her eyes. Someone must be playing a joke on them.

"Alexandria will not fall… Not on this day," Ezekiel and his people came around the corner.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" Alice pulled Negan from the ground, killing everyone on their way. "Where is Simon."

"Psycho, Boss, this way," Simon signaled them from behind the truck.

"A GOD DAMNED TIGER, where did they get a tiger!" Alice yell, fumbling to recharger her gun.

"That widow is alive, guns a-blazing'!"

"What the…"

"This is what shit tastes like… let's move," Negan pulled her and Simon forward, running to the truck, slamming the door behind him.

"Move, move, move!"

It was a spit second Alice expected truck to fail them, but it didn't happen, bullets jingled as the truck moved through the gates.

Alice turned around to see Negan opening the window to his side.

"The fuck are you doing!"

"Sending them a message," and with that, he extended his arm out and flipped everyone.

"You are fucking mad."

"We are all mad here, I told you doll," he smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and hugging her tightly.

"What now," Simon didn't turn to look at them, concentrated on the road ahead.

"Now my dear friend, we release havoc onto their world. You know what to do."

"Yes, boss."

"But first we go home, I need a shower," Alice added, taking the rim of her shirt, smelling it with disgust.

OOO

"What do you got there?" Alice smiled getting out of the bathroom, flexing her neck with a sigh of relief, the pain in her muscles and her headache were gone, despite the course of battle, she felt unusually relaxed, back in the room she knows and calls home.

"Come sit here," Negan tapped the place on the bed just across him, "I want us to do something."

"Alright, is this some new kind of foreplay, because if you wouldn't mind I would just skip it and get to the main part."

"No," Negan chucked, shaking his head, "No, nothing like that. Not yet."

"Fuck, man, you can't invite the girl to bed and just live her dry."

"All in due time, doll, now come here."

Alice sat cross-legged across from him as he tumbled around with the black pouch in his hands. She could see in his stranded feature he is fighting for words. Alices heart started pounding loudly against her rig cage, something was on his mind, something heavy and she was not sure will she like what is to come next.

Negan let out a heavy sigh, locking his eyes with hers.

"Ok..fuck…I just wanted to ask you will you be my wife?"

Alice furrowed her eyebrows, cocking her head to the side, "I think you already asked me that and I said yes."

"No, I fucking mean, like for real not like you know…like ok, you sleep with me you are my wife shit."

"Well, it didn't feel unreal to me."

"You know what I fucking mean."

"I really don't…"

"Fuck it, Alice, you are really going to make me explain it."

"Well, I would like to know what the fuck is happening, so yeah. You will have to explain it to me."

"This… does this explain anything to you," he reached inside the punch and pulled out two rings, one was a simple black marriage band, with no special engravings, the other was a rich black ring with Amethyst stone on top.

"A rings?"

"Well good to fucking know your sight isn't failing you."

"I just…"

Alice stood up from the bed, starting to pace from one side of the room to another.

"I don't get it… why this? Why now? We are just fine like this… no need to get priests and shit involved. It's not ever the right time for this… we are in the middle of a fucking war on top of the cake we call fucking apocalypse."

Negan watched her as she mumbled around, her hand flying in every direction possible her words because incoherent after a minute and she just continued to mumble, more to herself than to him.

"What's really the problem, Alice?"

With that question she froze into place, her mouth partly opened as she stopped talking in the middle of a sentence.

"Nothing you said to me makes sense, what is your real problem, Alice? You don't want to be with me or?"

"What, nooo!" She jumped on the bed, taking his hands in hers, squeezing them tightly.

"No…how could you think something like that."

"Than what the fuck is the problem."

She ran her hand through her hair, turning her head toward the opened door of the bathroom.

"I cant give you all you want to have in life."

"What?"

"Back when we were in Alexandria, you told me you want us to get a house and kids and all that shit… and after this war, when things settle down and you decided to have a life like that. I won't be able to give it to you."

"I'm not following."

"I can't have children, Negan. I never could, I was born like that and I destroyed every chance of fixing it with my long, long drug abuse."

"And that's it?"

Alice snapped her head, looking at him. He had a wide smile on his face as he took her hands in his.

"Well yeah, and I am petrified of priests as you already know."

"Well, I thought we could do it now, here."

"For someone who was already married once you really don't know how to procedure goes."

"Fuck procedures, I love you, Alice, you are the only one of my kind, the only one who speaks my language. I spent years in the dark, wilting like a plant deprived of the sun and you just walked into my life opened windows and made me feel alive again, thought me how to breathe. How you make things like loving you so fucking easy is beyond me, but you do and I love you. And fuck that shit, till death do us part, I won't let even death to part us, nothing and no one will stand in between us. Now and Forever."

He took her shaking hand and slipped the ring on her finger, not letting his eyes once drift away from her face and her glassy eyes.

"Fuck it is beautiful," She finally spoke, letting out a smile chuckle. "Now it is my turn?"

"Only if you want it to be."

"I don't have a speech prepared, you know, you kind of jumped on me with this one."

He laughed, cradling her face in his hands, kissing her softly.

"You don't need to say a thing Alice, your actions spoke for you a long time ago."

"No, fuck it, man. I want to do it right. I know I am not the most romantic person but I can at least fucking say something."

"As you wish," Negan lean on the bedpost, locking his hand behind his head waiting for her to speak.

"Hey, hey, hey, give me that fucking hand, I need to put a finger on it."

"I thought you needed time to figure something out."

"Give me that hand and shut up!"

She inhaled deeply, taking the other ring in her hand and looking at it.

"I'm not fucking perfect, I know that.."

"Alice, doll, I don't think this is the w…"

"I said shut up, let me finish."

"I am not perfect, but I love you and I will walk to hell and back to protect you, I would defend you with my life, I would stand in front line as the world marches towards you and I would stop them all. I always told you it is because it's my duty because of some fucking promise I gave you the first time we meet. But I lied… it is not because of that. The reason I would go through all that is not noble but completely selfish, I can't live without you, to kill me and you, it would only take one bullet and I am so selfish I could never let you be the one to take it, not again, I would die if I had to go back to the world without you. Whatever happens in the future I want you to know, I am yours, now and forever and I will always find a way back to you."

She slid the ring on his finger, looking at it. It was strange, the feeling she got, the fear that crept inside of her, the act alone was like sealing some contact before the disaster, a final act before the show is done. But she pushed it aside, it was not a time for feelings like that, it was a time for joy and she decided to savor it as long as possible, worrying about the future was futile.

"Now and forever," she repeated, entwining her fingers with his.

"Now and forever," he nodded, smiling.

"Can we fuck now?"

"Hahaha, yes we can."

"Thank God!" She jumped on him, crushing him on the mattress with her weight.

OOO

"Everyone's on blue level., boss, just say the word and we are ready to go."

Alice stood with Negan next day, looking at the gathered crown outside the factory.

"What about the rest of them?"

"Did you send for Regina."

"Yes, she is coming, with her people."

"Good, good," Negan scanned the crowd gathered there, with a confident smile.

 **"WE ARE GOING TO WAR!"**


	39. bleed me a river pt1

Sunny day, green grass and people running around, getting ready for the festivities, smiling.  
What is it like to smile? She couldn't remember, as she looked through the window of her room in Alexandria.  
She tried, God is her witness, she tried, every day she forced her facial muscles to form that grin, every day she failed. And she used to smile a lot, at least that is how she remembers it. Back in the days when every night she fell asleep with his arms holding her tight when every night she fell asleep knowing she is home.  
It was real, she knew it was the ring on her hand was a witness to it.  
It was not something her mind made up and still, now it seems like it was.  
The eternity has passed since then, and like with everything time took a toll on her, on her memories and her sanity.  
"Are you joining us today?" The familiar male voice made her turn around. He is here every day. Talking to her, trying to pull her out of her shell and still she was not used to it, not to his constant presence. She never understood why he came every morning and every night, with a tray of food a new book to stack on the pile of unread ones, pile that was not becoming ridiculously big, not that is stopped him from bringing the new ones. Was it guilt or actually remorse she never could understand.  
"You know I'm not."  
She sat down on the bed, turning her face away from him, concentrated on the blue skies, it was just like this, the day it all started, she had to wonder, will on the day like this everything end.  
"You can't live like this forever."  
"I am not alive; you of all people should know it by now. I am just breathing and I wouldn't even be doing that if I had a choice, but I don't, promise keeps me bound to this world, promise I now wish I never gave."  
"You can still live your life better than this. Come down, join us today, you can bring your guitar with you, maybe play something."  
"You know I only play for him."  
"Maybe you can make an exception, just today."  
"No… I cant. Will you… can I…will you take me to see him today? I mean after the festivities."  
"Of course I will. Fresh air will be good for you."  
"Thank you."  
"Alice, if you change your mind just call out of the window for me and I will come get you."  
"I won't.."

OOO

"This is my fucking room!"  
A female voice rang through the upper level of Sanctuary.  
"Fucking shit.. what now…" Since the battle of Alexandra, the Sanctuary started looking more like a kindergarten than an actual base. Every day the new fight broke out and somehow Alice was always the one who got stuck in the middle, trying to find a common ground with unsatisfied parties.  
And the reasons for the fight were so stupid it gave her a headache just listening to them.

"No, this is my fucking room, it always has been!"  
"For fucking shit will you two stop yelling! You will alert every fucking walked in ten miles radios."  
"And who the fuck are you?!"  
That was the moment Alice realized that tall, skinny woman in front of her was not someone she ever saw, it didn't surprise her, many people are coming back to the Sanctuary getting ready to defend the base but woman's attitude, that was something different. She radiated with confidence but not Negan's kind of confidence, the one that would bewitch you, make you do all his biddings without thinking twice, but a different kind, the kind that would make every weaker person crawl under the rock and never get out.

"I am Alice and who the fuck are you?!"  
"I am Regina, the lieutenant Regina, one of the Negans top people."  
The woman got into her face, her lips turned downward and her nostrils flaring, she was fuming but she was not the only one. Alice had her bucket full of people like her in last few days and this looked like the drop that will fill it over the brim.  
"And who the fuck do you think you are talking to me like that?" Woman continued.  
"This is Alice, the bosses wife…" Laura spoke before she did, trying to defuse the situation.  
"What? Is he now letting his sluts order people around? Or is it just this one?"  
Alice couldn't take it anymore her words were fueling the fire that was burning inside of her, her fists begin to clutch and her jaw rooted…

"He also used to take better care of them."  
And that was it, she couldn't listen to the woman anymore, all the rage came out faster than magma and before she knew it, the woman was on the floor and her balled fists punching her abdomen.  
Laura grabbed her shoulders pulling her away from the woman.  
"Alice, stop this, now!"  
Alice was breathing heavily, when Laura finally managed to separate her from the woman, making her stumble down on the floor.  
"Alice, get a hold of yourself…"  
She felt Laura's hand cupping her face, making her look at her, it was then when they both heard a gun safety.

"I don't let anyone punch me not even Negans sluts."  
"I am no one's slut, you wretched old hag!"  
Alice pushed Laura away, jumping on her legs and kicking the gun out of woman's hand.  
"And you will fucking learn to respect people around you!" She grabbed the gun from the floor, emptying its magazine and letting bullets scatter on the floor, before tossing it back to Regina.

The woman didn't get up, looking at her, her brow pulled down and furrowed, mouth partly opened.  
"Now will you get up from that fucking floor and tell me why the fuck you and Laura decided to alert every guard in the building?"

"She wants my room."  
Laura was now standing on the threshold, her arms crossed over her chest.  
"It is my room." Regina stood up, running her hand over her dusty pants.  
"It was.. it was your room. It was assigned to me once you were transferred."  
"Promoted, I was promoted to the leader of an outpost."  
"You were sent away because you were problematic."  
"I was fucking promoted," woman got into Laura's face, "because I was more capable than any of you here."

"Enough!" Alice yelled, pulling them apart. "All this fuss over a fucking room?"  
"The room is my right."  
"It is not."  
"I said, it is enough! You can take my old room, it is free, bigger than this one and better furnished."  
"I want my old room. She can move."  
"I am not moving just because she can't suck it up for a few days."  
"Regina," Alice turned to the other woman, who glared at her, her chin held up high, leaning on one leg, "take the fucking room. It is better than this one, look at it as an award."  
"No, why would I?"  
Alice was losing it again, taking a few deep breaths, just to keep her composure.  
"Because we are in a fucking war and I have much better things to do than move people from one room to another. And you all have better things to worry about than where you rest your ass. Or you would prefer one bed on the ground floor, we have a lot of free ones down there."  
"Are you threatening me bitch?"  
"I am just stating the facts," Alice let out a heavy sigh, this is not something she should be dealing with at the time like this.  
Regina watched her for a long moment, trying to find some sign of insecurity or fear she could take as an advantage against her. But Alice knew that game better than anyone and she was one of its top players, even before the apocalypse.  
"Alright, show me that room."  
The woman finally backed down, much to Alices relief.  
"Thank you…" she hunched her shoulders, finally able to relax around the woman.  
"Yeah, yeah, just lead the way."

As they were about to leave the sound of clapping stopped them, they turned around to see Negan standing on the other side of the hallway, smiling.  
"Well done, love, well done." He approached them, resting his arm on Alice's shoulders.  
"I see you met Regina."  
"Yes, I just had a pleasure."  
"Not many would call it pleasure but suit yourself."  
The woman didn't speak, focused on the pair in front of her, her curiosity peeking beneath her anger and confusion.  
"Regina, I want to introduce you to my lovely wife, Alice. Alice this is Regina one of my best people and one fucking badass lady."  
"Nice to meet you," Alice gave the woman a smallest smile she could muster. The day was close to its end and she was too tired to play games, all she could think of was a cold shower and warm bed, maybe some hanky-panky just to calm her nerves before she drifts away in sweet oblivion. The days somehow seemed longer even though the autumn was close by but despite it all, still, it felt like one hour is missing, one hour of sleep, one hour to for her and Negan to be alone, or one hour more to do something, it felt like one hour could change everything, she knew it wouldn't be she would be grateful if she could at least try.

"Now, if you will excuse us, dear Regina, it is getting late and I just came here to collect my wife and call it a day, I fucking hope you can find your way to that promised bedroom."  
"Yes, boss." The woman nodded, turning around on her heels and marching toward the end of the hallway.

"That one is…. Interesting." Alice fell down on the sofa, discarding her boot.  
Negan smiled, sitting down beside her and moving her legs, resting them on his lap.  
"Yes, she is. I didn't fucking lie she is a bad ass but has a few loose screws, she is too impulsive and enjoys killing people more than she should."  
"Isn't that comforting to hear. One more psychopath to look after."  
"You preaching to a fucking choir here, but believe me people like her are the people we need now. The ones who will do what needs to be done without second guessing my decisions."  
"I don't think anyone here would dare to second guess your decisions."  
"You mean, except you?" He pulled her legs, making her lie down on the sofa, before positioning himself over her.  
"I am fucking special. what can I say."  
"That you are."

OOO

The next day was not better than the day before if nothing it was worse. She and Negan managed to fall asleep on the sofa that was too small and too short of one of them, let alone two, so they both woke up with stiff shoders, back pain, and the headache.  
"It was fucking a bad idea to even sit on this damn thing," Negan grunted and he flexed his neck muscles, trying to find some relief.  
"You think Frenki would agree to give us massages later today?"  
"She fucking better, she is living in luxury not doing a damn thing for more than a month, that's the least she can do."  
"But you better not start anything before I come back here." Alice smiled, fighting with the laces of her boots. "Shit, I should have stolen the ones with a zipper."  
"Don't worry dear, I wouldn't risk your wraith."  
"That's good to know," she tried to bend down for a goodbye kiss, but her spine refused to move.  
"Fuck." She hissed in pain.  
"You can stay in the room and rest, you don't seem capable of handling that band of misfits today."  
"No, fucking way," Alice protested the thought of sitting all day with so much to be done while her muscled protested the notion of moving, but as always her stubbornness prevailed over the body needs.  
"If I stay here, someone will set something on fire and kill someone. No, I can pull it off." She smiled weakly, placing the last of her knifes in the vest before heading out of the room.

OOO

As the hours of the day peeled away it was more and more evident someone will surely kill someone by setting him on fire.  
The first fight broke before the breakfast, two of the guards overslept their shifts, fighting over who was on duty and who was not, it was a tedious dispute when the schedule clearly stated that they both were. When presented with evidence, they turned on Dwight, accusing him of not letting them know about the changes. Having to take Dwight side, only made Alice's headache worse, she didn't like him, that was not a secret to anyone anymore, and she was not sure was it his fault or not, but he was a lieutenant and it the public she will always have to stand on his side.

The second fight broke around the noon, two men almost killing each other over a woman, who promised to wait for one of them until he finishes his sentence of serving in one of the outposts after he started a few fight in which one of the men ended up tied to the wheelchair, needless to say, she didn't wait for him, ending up with one the men responsible for his deportation.

Few other fights broke over rations, weapons, beddings etc. By the time the dinner was ready, Alice bearly kept herself on her feet, with Negan gone on a quick run to the nearest post she decided to look for Simon and share her dinner with him. They didn't have much time to talk since they came back from Alexandria, so she was looking forward catching up with him.  
She found him sitting alone in the far corner of the cafeteria, playing with his food more than eating it.

"Penny for your thought," Alice smiled, placing her tray across from him, slowly sitting down on the bench.  
"You look like shit," Simon looked up from his food, measuring her.  
"I didn't sleep well, but you don't look so good yourself, man."  
"Yeah, what gave me up," his eyes were down again, watching as he carefully moved the vegetables from one side of the plate to another with his fork.  
"Mustaches, of course." Alice smiled again trying to catch at least a glimpse of his mouth moving upwards, but his face expansion remaining stonic and he dropped his fork, resting his chin on his entwined fingers, looking at her.  
"This is fucked up Alice."  
"Tell me about it," she took some food from her plate, slowly chewing it. It was tasteless, everything was tasteless in last few days, it was like they were all caught in the silent movie, no colors, no sounds, just them waving their hands around trying to find a solution.  
"I spent my whole day trying to make sure everyone makes it to the diner in one piece."  
"I heard about those two idiots pulling the knives on each other."  
"Yeah, I swear they are all sitting on the windows waiting to see Negans back before staring troubles. They are like fucking kids, and you cant wage war with kids as an army."  
"This is shit, Alice, you hear me, this is fucking shit, what the fuck are we doing, waiting for them to attack?" Simon raised his voice, hitting the table with his fist.  
"We cant have no more surprises, Simon. Last time we barely got our asses out in one piece. "  
"That's what I am saying. Alice a fucking tiger, they have a fucking tiger, what can they pull out of their asses now that we wouldn't anticipate."  
"I don't know, an Elephant?"  
"This is not fucking funny Alice."  
"I know Simon, but what do you want us to do?"  
"I have Gregory, he will pull his men out leave them weakened and then we strike."  
"Gregory, you are relying our victory on Gregory? That man cant pull his handkerchief out of his pocket much less his people away from Rick and the widow. He is a pathetic man, who came to us only when he had nowhere else to go."  
"He will come through, Alice, believe me."  
"Alright," Alice crossed her arms over her chest, "let's say by some fucking miracle his people listen to him, what then?"  
"Then we get the widow and make an example out of her."  
"We tried making examples before, it didn't work, why would it work now. And what if his people disavow his? What then Simon?"  
"Then we get in there, bang, bang, boom, boom and we win." A female voice interrupted them, before Regina sat down next to Simon, pulling his tray in front of herself and digging into his untouched meal.  
"That's not how this shit works, you people should know that better than me."  
"Since when does one of Negans wifes tells us how to wage the war?"  
"First and foremost, I am not a Negans wife, I am the Negans wife, one and only. And you will fucking learn to respect me!"  
"She is right Regina, Alice is by the rank just below me and by Negan above us all."  
"Don't be like that Simon, you would be above me for sure if you had titties like I do."  
"Or were good in the sack like she is." Regina smiled, taking a piece of the bread and wiping the plate with it. It was good to see at least some of them were able to enjoy their meals.  
"And how the fuck do you know how good in the bed I am?"  
"Negan gave up, what, six or seven women because of you. That alone is proof enough."  
"And how do you know how good in bed Simon is?"  
"Let's not go there…we were talking about how we should proceed with this fucking war." Simon protested, trying to change the subject.  
"Few drunken night…" Regina smiled, looking at him, "and you are right we should make a plan."  
"When this is all over you need to tell me all the details," Alice smiled mischievously, throwing a wink at Simon, whose face was turning into the dangerous shade of red.  
"As I was saying," Alice chose to ignore him, "we don't attack blindly and we don't kill people without having to do it."  
"That is bullshit, us not killing people is the exact thing that got us into this position."  
"I agree with you," Alice tried to calm Simon down, "I was for killing Rick long before this all happened, but it was Negans choice to keep him alive. But there is no need start a killing spree and punish the innocents for following their leaders. We need them, the leaders of this fucking rebellion and when we get them this will all be over."  
Simon ran his hand through his hair before hitting the table again, leaning over to, closer to Alice. She never saw him like that, she couldn't say his anger was misplaced, but it was turned into a wrong direction. He was losing his cool head for the first time since she met him and she wasn't sure what to make of it. Yes, their situation is not the best, but it is not the worst, there was no need to panic, not yet.  
"And how do you propose we do it?" He sneered at her, his eyes wide opened, like a raging bull ready to strike.  
She opened her mouth, to talk when someone called her name.  
"Alice, Negan told me to get you around dinner." Franki was standing by their table, her hair cupped up in the ponytail, wearing a tight black shirt and washout jeans, two sizes too big for her. It was strange to see her dressed up so casually but she looked much younger than the last time Alice was her and to be honest much happier.

"Oh, yes finally," Alice got up, forgetting completely about the argument she was in just a second ago, she's been waiting for this whole day.  
Forgetting to wave Simon and Regina goodbye, she followed Franki up the stairs.  
"What was that all about?" Frankie casually asked her once they were in the hallway.  
"Everyone is tense because of shit that's been going on no need to worry about it and no need for Negan to find out."  
Alice didn't like keeping things hidden from him, but Simon was like a brother to her and was just going through some rough times there was no need for Negan to get on his back because he lost control once.  
"You don't have to worry about me telling him," Frankie smiled, "but the rest of cafeteria I'm not so sure."  
Alice mentally kicked herself, everyone saw his little outburst, including Garry, who became overly protective of her ever since she and Negan officially got together and Laura who for some reason smacked everyone over the head whoever dared to look at her the wrong way.

OOO

"Fuck, I can't believe we are even planning to talk to that weasel." Alice fussed around the room, not being able to sit and finish the breakfast they started.  
Simon told her the leader of Hilltop came to them little after they left to Alexandria, but she didn't think in her wildest dreams Negan will even consider talking to him and listening to what he has to say. It was all waste of time if someone asked her, the man was a liar and a coward, not capable of keeping the community as small as hilltop in line. He didn't belong to the world they live now and only God knows how he managed to stay alive this long. Probably by pushing everyone else in front of the walkers while he kept his ass on safe distance, and now he is here, in the sanctuary, ready to do the same to them.  
"And what the fuck do you want me to do with him Alice," Negan was sitting in the armchair, with Lucile resting on his lap.  
"I don't fucking know, put him on a job duty, possibly somewhere he can't do any damage. I don't know, he can collect eggs or some shit."  
"Alice we need information."  
"I don't think he is a source we should turn to."  
"Simon has confidence in him."  
"Simon is crazy to believe the shit that man says."  
Negan stood up, stopping her from making another circle around the room, resting his hands on her shoulders, looking at her, with a stony face.  
"What happened between you and Simon last night?"  
Alice's heart stopped beating for a second, she didn't want to get him in the trouble but she should have known someone will go straight to Negan and tell him what happened last night during the dinner.

"Nothing, we just got into an argument over how we should proceed. His point of view and mine were just too different so things got heated a bit. Nothing to concern yourself about."  
"Still I would fucking appreciate knowing what two of my top people think about this shit, maybe it will help deciding what to do next, where to shit more and where to clean up the mess already made."

Alice saw he wanted to know more, but also something else, something hidden behind just a concern about the future something that was in the past, something he never told her. She would push him for answers if the timing was different, but they didn't have enough time to go and dig out the bones of the past and maybe it was better that way, some things are better left unearthed.

"Alright, I agree, you should know everything that is happening around the compound."

OOO

"I know how it is... Negotiating the slippery, steep terrain of managing resources and the population and the big, scary you."

Standing behind Negan gave Alice a good sense of what was happening in the room, but not a good sense of what was going through Negans head. The conversation they had before they came to the meeting was not pleasant, he didn't like the way his people think they should handle the situation, it went against everything he tried to teach them since he took over the sanctuary. She understood his frustration, but grown-ups are not kids, they cant be shaped into thinking differently than they had their entire life.

That said, the situation in the room was just as she expeted it to be, Regina looking down not paying any attention to what was going on around her, Gavin, the only person she knew was not for violence, sweating and red, nervous about what will come next, Dwight shifting in his seat, looking at the watch on his hand every minute, Eugene listening to Gregory with a bemused look on his face, if someone like him couldn't understand why that man is sitting there than what chance the rest of them have and Simon, sitting beside Gregry acting like a mother han.

"Negan, I don't like killing people any more than you do," Gregory continued with his monologue, monologue that was getting them nowhere, only pulling on her nerve, and she knew she was not the only one.

"I like killing people," Negans spoke for the first time since they came into a room, almost half an hour ago.  
His deep voice making Gregory shift, if you were quiet enough you could almost hear his brain overheating, trying to find a solution to the predicament he was in.  
"I say it's about killing the right people. See when you kill the right people at the right time... everything falls into place, everybody's happy. Well, some people more than others. When you kill a right one, you are saving hundreds more. And that is what we are all about. We save people."

"That's… that's why you call yourself Savours… oh…"  
Negan turned his head slightly so Alice could catch the side of his smile, he is enjoying this, she could only hope he would enjoy it to the very end, cleaning bashed brains from the floor is not something anybody would enjoy doing.

Dwight stood up, suddenly, walking towards the door.  
"I'm going to grab a smoke."  
"Now? You don't want to hear this?" Negan tuned his attention from Gregory to him.  
"I don't need to, tell me where to go and what to do and it will be done."  
"Oh, came on, Dwight, we didn't even get to the fun part," Alice stretched the smile across her face, looking at Gregory, at the far end of the table. The muscles of his eye twitching and he wrapped his hands around the glass of water like he was trying to break it with his bare hands, not something he was capable of doing, but his capability of doing something never stopped him from doing it, leading a community, for an example.

Negan waved his hand, dismissing Dwight before Alice could say anything else. Him leaving didn't surprise her, she felt completed to get out of the room few times herself, listening to that man talk required the level of tolerance she never had.

"So where were we?" Negan continued.  
"We were talking about killing people, my favorite subject…" Alice didn't let her smile falter, as we walked around the table, her eyes locked on Gregory, as she pulled one of her knifes out, approaching him.  
"My specialty," she continued, stopping only when she was behind his back, "sooo boss, you want to let him continue or should we put ourselves out of the misery of having to listen to him?"  
"No, doll, not yet. Let him talk for a little while more, we are civilized people, we don't kill anyone without letting him explain himself."  
"Oooo, shuuu, you always ruin my fun, boss."  
"Sooooo… Gregory… talk. Make my doll here believe you are worth keeping alive. And you better fucking make it good, she's been waiting for this moment ever since she came back from the Hilltop."  
"Well…this… this" Man got stuck, repeating the same word over and over again, glancing over his should, trying to figure out what Alice was doing behind his back. Simon got his eyes stuck on her, his face red. This was the first time she and he stood on the different sides and he wasn't sure how to react, what to do, cause when she is on the other side, pendulum never swings back, not to him and not to anyone.

Gregory continued, like a broken record, repeating the same word over and over again. Alice started to make clicking noises with her tongue, bending down slightly, her head just above the top of his.  
"Clock is ticking Gregory… do you hear it…" she smiled, clicking nose becoming louder.  
Simon placed his hands on him, squeezing it, it was encouragement enough for the man to come to his senses and start talking again.  
"Well.. this situation we find ourselves in this conflict I can stop it before it even gets started. And here's how it is, I go to my people, I tell them if you continued with this misled crusade, you are no longer citizens of the hilltop. You're out on your asses."  
"Are you still their guy? Do they still listen to you, Gregory? Can you exile people?" Negans world rolled our slowly.  
"Hilltop is my house, I am still the guy I have always been the guy." Alice didn't have to see Gregory face, his gesture with his hands and his back straightening told her how smug that man was, full of himself, diluted. Delusion is not something that belongs in the place and time they are now, it is paid with lives and none of them had any intention of risking the lives of their people for that mans dreams.

"Than tell me this, guy," Alice leaned on the side of the table, acting like a tampon zone between Simon and Gregory, "If you are what you say you are. Then how come you didn't know about the widow, leading you people, straight to us in Alexandria? How come you didn't stop that before it even began? Where were you then Gregory?"

Mans' face fell down, his eyes open wide, Alice couldn't catch the glimpses of the cold sweat going down his furrowed brows.  
Griding of the leather told her Negan moved, he was ready to end the game at any moment.  
"I think I know, doll," the anger In his voice was not obvious, it was not a surprise, he is a man who had a great control over his emotions, but it was there, just enough to let his people know it exists, not enough to give him away to a stranger.  
"I think he is playing both sides, I think he is a thin dicked politician threading the needle with his thin..thin..dick. Now tell me Gregory, is the listening to you the right way to go? Or is it a right time and place for something else?"  
"I..Im not trying to do that," mans face was still down, his eyes going back and forth, looking for the answers written down on the floor. "I, I didn't know… I offer full allegiance, no hesitations… I didn't know until I knew…"  
Simon extended his hand over Alices, placing it once more on Gregorius, snapping him out of his thoughts and turning his attention back to him.  
"Gregory, I believe you. Now make Negan believe you."  
Alice pushed herself up, back in the standing position, giving Simon space to continue with his game, interested to see what his goal is.  
His words seemed to have a great effect on the man, making him collect himself in a moment, continuing with his story and excuses.  
"Hilltop is mine, I let the fox into my hen house, she and her people took advantage of my generous nature I see that now and I will fix it."  
"We go in with the right stage picture," Simon decided it was a right time to lay down his plan, "a thick and veiny show of force surrounding Gregory when he lays down the law, I think things go back to copacetic. If they don't, we take a flyer on the place and kill everyone there. Unfortunate play, but the other communities will get the message, and we achieve equilibrium. Plan A. Plan B…"  
"What," there it was, Alice didn't know why was she surprised, he told her last night, that was the way he wants things to go but not in her wildest dreams did she think he would actually go and tell Negan about his plan, knowing what kind of a man and the leader he is.

She didn't have time to defuse the situation before the explosion came, in a form of a Lucile pounding down on the table, the sound was sudden, sharp, just like an explosion, leaving a buzzing sound in the ears, making everyone lose their sense of reality as the picture before their eyes started to blur.  
"People are resource," First Negans voice was soft, faint, almost inaudible, but it grew louder and louder each time Lucile would meet the surface of the table, turning into a thunder.  
"Money on the table. People are the foundation of what we are building here!" Then all of the sudden, the silence, no one dared to move, speak, breath, petrified, as their leader stood up, like a towed casting shadow on them as they sat. Alice was grateful she never took her place on the chair, she was not afraid of him, she never was, but seeing him like this, seeing him lose control he so jealously keeps, made her sad, made her worried, if he was able to crack, what chance do the rest of them have.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to? Are you confused about who we are? Are you confused about who is in charge? Are we backsliding, Simon? Please, tell me we're not backsliding." Like a blade, his voice was now raspy, silent, a bandage on their opened wound, but bandage dipped in pepper, something to stop the bleeding but prolong the pain.

"We're not backsliding. This is a pronounced event and a fragile moment."  
"Hell yes, it is…. We need to win it all. Fucking plan A is taking Rick, the widow, and king assface alive and making them dead in a very, very public and instructive way. We kill the right people in the wrongest way possible and we make them all watch!"

The pride was not something foreign to her, but the feeling she got as she watched him explaining her plan to everyone in the room was something different, she could almost say divine, she took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from smiling.  
It was a fight that lasted only a few seconds when gunshot sounds stopped it.

"We have guests," Negans smiled as we looked out of the window, "c'mon people, let's say, hello."

OOO

"Where the fuck do you think you are going?" Alice was about to open the door of the Sanctuary when Negan grabbed her by the shoulder.  
"Fucking out, what do you think."  
"You are not fucking stepping out first."  
"Do we have to have this conversation every fucking time?" Alice pulled herself away from him, opening the entrance door.

OOO

"Nice trick," Alice smiled, facing Rick and people gathered in front of the gates of Sanctuary. "But I don't think that shit will work."  
"Well, shit, sorry, I was in a meeting," Negan came to her side, as always a wide smile on his face. There was no sign of a person from just a few minutes ago, he is now long forgotten buried beneath the burden of leadership.

"I see you got your little mudflaps with you. So I'm not exactly feelin' a reason for us to try throwing lead at each other. I care about my people. I don't want to just march them into the line of fire because I want to play 'my dick is bigger than yours'. " It is. We both know it."  
"Now there is a nice picture…" Alice winked, "makes a girl warm in all the right place. So what can we do for you, Rick?"

"Dwight," Rick spoke up, pointing his finger at the man standing behind them, "Your name is Simon. You're Gavin. And you…" He stopped waiting for Regina to speak.  
"Regina."  
"Rick, I'd feel remiss if…" Alice almost forgot Eugene was with them, it was easy to forget about his presence, most of the time he didn't speak unless asked, even thought Negan threated him no differently than he treats all his generals, his fear still remained.  
"No…I know who you are. Listen, you five, the Saviors inside, all of you have a chance to survive here. To survive this. If you surrender, you live. Can't guarantee it anytime but now. At this moment."  
"So what, they surrender and they live, that sounds like a fucking good deal to me. But tell me, Rick, what about me, what about my doll here?"  
"I already told you, twice. You know what's going to happen, that didn't change."  
"Yes, you fucking told me, but my doll here, what did she ever do to you?"  
Rick was silent, that wasn't a surprise, everyone knew what Negans death meant for Alice, she will never have a place in the world he is not a part of.  
"No…You won't answer my fucking question. Shame Rick, what a shame, you don't have fucking manners, coming here, to my doorstep and depriving me of simple explanations. But I…I'm a man who was raised right, so Rick, I will explain to you what will happen, because you clearly don't fucking know. Tell me, Rick, do you think you have numbers for this fight? Because I fucking know you don't. Simon."

At Negans command, Gregory joined them, standing at Alices side, with Simon on his right.  
"The Hilltop stands with Negan and the Saviors. Any resident of the Hilltop who takes up arms or who supports this ultimatum against the Sanctuary or any of the Saviors will no longer be welcome in the colony."  
"C'mon Gregory, go on…" Alice wanted more, she wanted the worst faith for anyone who had balls to stand up against them and threaten Negans life.  
"Their families will be thrown out and left to fend for themselves."  
"Make it believable Gregory…."  
"Alice doll, easy off with the pressure," Negan whispered, "he will get there."  
Alice didn't believe he will.  
"Go home now or you won't have a home to go back to."

Silence, just like at Alexandria, familiar, ominous, Alice shifter her weight for one foot to another, waiting, there was no coffin nearby, for dead person to jump out of, no corners for a tiger or any other wild animal to appear behind, still, it felt like something is coming, something worse.

"You heard the man! Go home and do whatever the hell it is you people do."  
Negan was tired of waiting for an answer, Alices familiar shift told him she was tired as well, by now he learned to read her little giveaway signs when she felt something is wrong and by now he learned to trust her instincts.  
"It doesn't look like anyone is going," she whispered, her eyes telling him he was right.  
"Hilltop stands with Maggie!"  
"Of course they do…" Alice shook her head as it fell down. She didn't expect anything else, everyone with half a brain would embrace the chance to get rid of a leader like Gregory.

"I feel-" Simon pushed her away, making her bump into Negan as he came in between her and Gregory, she didn't have to see his face to know he was fuming, but she didn't feel bad for it, he trusted a man she told him not to trust, all she could hope now is that he will be the only one paying the consequences.  
"-like I invested a lot in you, and I am very, very disappointed."  
He pushed Gregory down the stairs which were not high enough to even bruise him, let alone make him pay for his failure. Alice sighed, she would've done it differently, used her knife, made a stand, freed the world of another parasite.

"Well, fuck," Negan run his finger over his eyebrow, "it looks like shit is going down Rick."  
"You, lieutenants, you're gonna have to make up your minds."  
"Maybe we should take a time off," that was the first time Gavin spoke up.  
"What…what time off!? For fucking what?" Alice wasn't sure why she was surprised, Gavin was a person who would try and avoid conflict and any cost.  
"No. This has to happen now….This is the only way…..Are you gonna make me count?"  
Alices eyes flew from Rick to Negan, why aren't they taking cover, why are they just stand there in the open… Why is Negan smiling? Has he gone mad or is really that full of confidence.  
She was not, at the moment Rick counted to eight, she grabbed Negan pulling him down, the last thing she head was number seven and shots were fired. The glass started falling over them, as she felt a hand pulling her up and in the Sanctuary. Gunshots stopped for a moment, just for an explosion to come. Regina was at her side, looking out of the window.  
"Shit, Walkers!"  
"What?" Alice couldn't hear her from all the noise around them and a buzzing sound in her ears.  
"Walkers, Alice, they are in the courtyard"  
"Wheres… where's Negan? He'll know what to do."  
"Alice he didn't make it inside."  
"He didn't what!"


	40. bleed me a river pt2

Alice looked through the window, the courtyard was cramming with walkers, they were everywhere, you couldn't see the fence, or the buildings just outside of the sanctuary.

Her heart clenched, for someone to survive something like that they would need a miracle and she is long past believing in things like that.

'He is dead…her Negan is dead and she, she is alive, breathing, without even a bruise on her body.'

It was not right, that was not the way things were supposed to play out. It was supposed to be another way around, she was to be out there, devoured by dead and him in her place, leading his people to safety, continuing to fight. Hands on her shoulders pulled her further away from the window and the horror outside.

"Come on, Alice, come with us," when she turned around, a familiar tanned face and big dark eyes were looking at her

"He…he did not make it," her voice was low and broken as she explored Arat's face, begging her to tell her it is not true, Regin was mistaken.

Arat only nodded weakly as she continued to lead Alice up the stairs and inside the meeting room they were all in not long ago.

The empty chair on the head of the table only deepened the horror that was not digging the hole in her heart, making it beat harder.

"Where's Negan?" She turned to Arat, who was holding her, making sure in the case she faints there will be no physical damage.

"Alice, he didn't make it, I already told you," Regina spoke, taking cautious steps in her direction like she is about to approach a wild animal, a Tiger left to starve for days.

"You…." Alice ripped herself out of Arat's hold, pushing Regin back, making her fall over the table.

"You! What the fuck were you thinking! I am not the one who you should have saved, it was him! Why! Why did you do it! He is your leader, not me! Why me and not him!"

"I…" woman didn't pull herself up, stuck in the position she landed, trying to find a justification for her actions. Alice was right, Negan is the one she should have pulled inside not her. People like Alice or her were expendable, they all knew it, Negan was the only thing keeping this place from not falling apart and still, she reached out for Alice first.

"I…I don't…"

"What? What you don't! Think! Damn right, you don't fucking think!"

"I told her to get you and run…"

Dwight stepped out, his head held high as he looked up at Alice.

"What?.."

Alice couldn't understand what was happening, Dwight, Dwight was the one who told Regina to save her. Why? What does he get out of it? Alice treated him no better than she treated trash and her hate for him was a public knowledge just like the fact that her feelings were reciprocated.

"I told Regina to grab you." His tone was calm, even; giving away how little he cared for Negans faith and the faith of the Sanctuary now that he is gone.

"Who the fuck gave you the right to give orders to anyone," Alice growled, ready to attack, to kill, to jump on him and pull his Adam's apple out with her teeth… The picture in her head was so vivid she could almost taste the blood.

"The situation demanded quick actions."

"Quick actions! Quick actions! Your quick actions are worth shit!" She was about to attack him when Regin and Arat took a hold of her, pulling her down on the floor.

"Alice, calm down," Arat pleaded, "we need you to calm down."

"Fuck what you need," Alice spat on her face, making her pull away and weakening the grip two women had on her.

She misjudged Regina's strength, she realized that in a moment she tried to get up and was not able to move.

"Quick, I cant hold her for much longer," woman was talking to someone who just entered the room.

"What's happening here."

"Don't ask questions, just do as I said," Simon was the one to speak, when Carson came closer to her, looking down as Regina struggled to keep her from moving.

"Negan won't like this…" the man looked around the room where all the generals were.

"Just do as I said and let me worry about that." It was Simon, Alice was sure, she couldn't see him but it was him.

"Simon, Simon tell them to let me go!" Alice tossed her legs around, trying to size Regina's attention.

"Alice this is for your own good."

"Fuck my own good, Simon, tell them to let go of me!"

"What did I tell you, doctor."

"I cant approach her if she is not still."

Carson was standing few feets away from her, afraid to come closer, the scene on the floor looked like one from exorcism horror movies. Woman twisting in all possible and impossible ways as the priest read from the bible, trying to save her soul and deliver her from evil.

Simon straddled her, with his back facing her, using the weight of his body and pressure of his hands on her legs, keeping them from moving.

"Now!" He gave an order.

Now what? Alice didn't understand what was happening, what were they planning to do with her. Is it all planned? Negans death, her capturing, is it all a twisted plan to take over the Sanctuary and keep their lives, surrender to Rick and continue to live under his scrutiny.

No, it was not possible. Simon was too proud to agree to that and Arat, Arat would never do anything to hurt her, they were not as close as they used to be, it was her own fault she knew it, but they were not exactly enemies, she would never do something like that.

"Will you hurry the fuck up, I can't hold her anymore!" Regin yelled as Carson approached them, holding something in his hand.

"What! What the fuck are you doing."

Alice felt a sting and then her world started to blur, people disappearing, leaving her alone in the dreamless dark.

OOO

"What the fuck am I to do now." Negan paced from one side of the van to another, looking outside at the herd of walkers trying to get inside the Sanctuary, he ran to safety before any of them could spot him so they left the van alone.

But it didn't help his situation much, he was still on his own, without any way to get out and it was becoming unbearably warm inside.

The van shifted, making him numb, did they realized he was inside, they were not that smart he was sure of it and even if they did, there was no way for them to get inside without making a noise.

He carefully walked out of the shadows, towards the door, spotting a silhouette of a man inside, his hopes that it was someone from the sanctuary faded the moment he recognized the priest from Alexandria.

Alice would kill to be here, he thought as he looked at the man, trying to close the door. He was not alone anymore, his chances of getting out just improved and he didn't have to do shit, maybe some twisted divine is really taking care of him after all.

"I hope you got your shitting pants on." He smiled to himself as the man looked around, confused.

"W-what?"

"You shitting pants," he walked out of the dark, "I hope you're wearing them right now, 'cause you, are about to shit your pants."

He used a long moment of confusion, taking two long and fast steps, he grabbed the man, throwing him down, he took his machine gun and threw it on the other side of the trailer, taking his kife for himself and checking the magazine on the gun he found in his jacket.

"This shit if full!"

"I didn't see a point of using it, not enough bullets."

Man under him was unusually calm, it amused him, usually at this point they would squeal, beg for mercy, not give reasonable responses and act like they are there by their own choosing.

"You could have gone down fighting, you big baby."

Man furrowed his eyebrows, not sure what to say to that. Negan chuckled, it will be fun to break his balls while they wait for their rescue, something to pass time. Someone will come to his aid, he was sure of it, Alice will pull them together if anyone can do it she can.

"I'm just pulling your dick, you did good, smart play. Let's get you properly on your ass"

He stood up, extending his hand, curious to see how long it will take him to accept it, he could say many things about a someone's character by that small gesture.

Once again man surprised him, taking his hand sooner than most would, was it bravery or just a fact they were alone without any way out he couldn't say, but it pleased him. Many people wouldn't be smart enough to put aside their differences in the moments like these, so he considered himself lucky he was not trapped inside with someone like that, not that he feared he would not be able to fend for himself, but the commotion and fighting would only draw more attention to their hiding place.

The man sat down, not moving, smart, sitting down is smart, he thought, taking a few steps away and sliding down on the floor, resting his back against the sturdier part of the wall.

He didn't speak, he didn't find a need to, for the first time in his life, he found filling the silence with words unnecessary, what would they talk about anyway, weather, sports, women, he chuckled at the thought, turning mans attention back to him.

As the silence continued, his thoughts drifted to the entrance just a few strides away from them, a safety behind it and Alice.

He saw Regin pulling her up and taking her back to Sanctuary, reminding himself to reward her if he gets out of this mess alive.

Captured there, he couldn't help but be thankful for all those little strikes of luck he got today, finding safety in time, finding an ally, momentary but still an ally and having Alice safe and hidden behind the walls of Sanctuary, his Alice, only person he knew capable of getting him out alive and keeping order during his absence.

As the minutes pilled away, a herd of walkers grew tired or they were sure they died, either way, they stopped pushing the van, trying to get in. It made him wonder, how long were they trapped and why is no one coming to get them.

Where is Alice? She should be bitting through the herd by now, he didn't want her to, but he knew her and knew she didn't give a flying fuck about what he wants when his safety was in question.

Did he see it wrong? Did Regin really get to her and saved her or was it just his imagination playing tricks on him. He ran towards the safety the moment he saw his lieutenant helping Alice get up, he didn't turn around to see did they made it to the door, he was somehow sure they did. Now questions were coming to him, one worst than another, what if she pulled away from Regin and ran to him, only to be taken down by Rick or a walker, what if she tried to get inside the van after him but didn't make it?

What if Rick shot her and she is now bleeding to death? He said he will not spear her life just like he will not spear his, not in exact words, but the message was clear.

The debate in his head made him angry, frustrated, impatient, all the feelings that would get someone killed, and he cant die, not without finding out if Alice is safe.

"Your friend Rick is an asshole," he didn't expect or want any response, but silence was doing him no good, not anymore, at least he can fill it with his own voice.

"You're an asshole."

Surprisingly, Gabriels response brought the smile to his face, time spent with Alice made him realise he liked being talked back to, not that he would do it with his own people, he was their boss and there was no place for things like that with them, but Gabriel was not one of his people, so it was alright, it was familiar and familiarity was something he needed at the moment, something that will pull him through all this.

"Yeah, I am, I'm reminded of it every day. But he is going to get people killed."

"By you?"

"Does it matter? By me, by someone else, he will always get them killed, someone else will kill them but he will be the one who will get them there. Big difference."

The man fell quiet again, maybe it was a sign he's starting to accept the truth or maybe he is just fighting with it, trying to find an excuse for his leader, something to make his argument invalid, it didn't matter what it was, they were silent again and it didn't sit right with him.

"I saw you stopping for that Gregory idiot? You were there, you heard his little speech, why would you stop for that prick?"

Mans' head fell down, he looked ashamed, Negan could relate, he would feel the same way if he got caught in the mess like this saving a worm, like Gregory.

"What I fear is pointless death."

"You got to be fucking kidding me, saving someone like that prick would be worthy death? Wow, your life must have been miserable…" he smiled. As a teacher he heard many different and stupid excuses from kids trying to justify why they did something they did, but never in his life could he imagine that the stupidest one would come out of the mouth of a grown up and a priest.

"That wouldn't be it, there has to be some reason I did what I did."

The man turned his head, facing him for the first time, "maybe this is the reason."

"What?"

"I think I'm here to take your confession."

OOO

"We're going to wait here a little bit more, to see if my people can figure out a way to get us out of this mess. One thing is sure as hell if my people think I'm dead a lot of folks are going to die in there."

"Why?"

"Listen to me, I don't have shit to confess, except the fact I rubbed one out just where you're sitting, just to calm down a bit. Let me ask you something, why did you become a priest?"

"I love God and I love people, I wanted to bring them together, to help people through their difficult times, help them through their weaknesses."

"Well, I'll be damned, you help weak ones, I do too, been doing that one way or another my whole life."

"And how do you help people?"

"You know why people will start dying in there? Because I'm not there to stop it."

He didn't know what to say anymore, even if he wanted to speak, to 'confess' he didn't know how, from where to start, usually people would say 'start from the beginning', but where did it all begin.

One of his strengths is people now knowing a thing about his life before, it was something that made him unreal, invincible, made an image of a person who didn't have a life before the dead rose, someone who came to this world just knowing how to fight and how to lead, someone without a past and mistakes of it. Alice was the only person he ever gave a chance to look past his facade because with her he didn't need to be invisible or God-like, just like she never had to be any of those things with him.

Unknowingly he started whistling, the same tune he always did when trying to get his attention on a problem at hand, a tune that would clear his mind. Dead started turning their attention back to the van, it was just what he wanted, maybe if someone from the sanctuary is looking outside, he or she will see the sudden shit of their movement and maybe just maybe come to the conclusion someone is alive inside. It was a long shot but he didn't see any other way of letting his people know he survived.

"You helped weak ones?" Gabriel interrupted him. Why he was so interested to hear his story was beyond him but telling him a bit wouldn't hurt, he needed help getting out and winning a bit of his trust would do them both good.

"Kids. Someone has to show them the right path, or little shits become the big ones. Adults they need it too, government, laws, religion, guilt, people are weak."

"Everyone?"

"Everyone."

"You're weak. Killing the innocent."

"Right and god damn wrong. I am weak, but me killing the innocent, that ain't why."

The board on the lower part of the door started to bend, forcing him to change his position, standing up and walking towards the other side of the van away from the view of the walker who broke thought waving his hand trying to grab someone.

It won't take them much longer to get inside and no one is getting to them, or they can't figure out the way or they believe him to be dead.

Eather option scared him; if they know he is alive where is Alice, with Eugene's help she would have figured something out by now and if they believe he is dead, how did she take it? The collectives reactions once lieutenants announce his death didn't scare him as nearly as much as hers alone.

"We'll wait for a bit longer, see if my people can pull it together."

"Tell me why are you weak?"

"It's a wrong question, it is not why but how, see I am also strong, everyone is a mix. You can use your weaknesses to drive your strengths and obviously I am strong as shit.I took this place and it was fucking free for all, this gang made of animals, I brought it all together. The man who was in charge before he wasn't in charge of shit, he allowed people to be weak I don't, I make them strong which makes this world strong, you'll gonna see Gabe, I'm gonna make you my new special project. I'm gonna make you nice and strong we are going to find your special purpose, hell yes we are."

"I'm strong, I've killed," mans head fell down, "I was at the satellite station, I was a part of that."

Few months ago if someone told him something like this to his face, that someone would not be breathing for long, but now, did the pain fade, did he stopped caring or he just has more important things pressing him down now, he didn't know, but man's words didn't impact him much, if nothing it amused him how he tried to get to him, using the only things he knew could affect him.

The man had a death wish, that was obvious, but he will not make him a martyr, one more victim for Rick to swing over his head, more blood on his hands.

"Well look at you, mister bad ass, swinging your dick around, killing my people while they sleep," he took a few steps closer, looking down on a man, "sure, Gabe, that is strong, but that is not what I'm talking about."

"Tell me how you're weak. We might be dead soon. Don't you want an absolution, forgiveness before all that happens? It would not cost you more than saying the truth out loud."

Negan fell silent, what could he tell the man that would make him stop prodding into his past, only thing he ever regret doing he already confessed, maybe not to a priest, but to an only person that mattered and she forgave him, what would this mans forgiveness give him, man he didn't know, man he didn't care about.

"You don't have anything to confess? All those people you killed?"

"I haven't killed anyone who didn't need to be killed."

"All those workers you treat as a slave."

"Its an economy. Some people win some people lose, but no one is a slave and no one is going hungry. You couldn't say that before."

"Carl told us about your wives, women pressed into marrying you."

He took a step back, the man was on a slippery terrain, one wrong step and he will do what he doesn't want to do. One wrong step and he will snap, killing him and dooming himself.

"Every one of those ladies made a choice."

"Was there a first? One before all this? A wife you promised to have and hold, forsaking all others, one you told that lie too?"

He closed his eyes, images of all those women he called lovers flashing before him, them lying naked on their beds, smiling as he told them one more excuse why he cants spent the night. An image of Lucile laying on her deathbed, her turned form, kid killing her.

"Lucile give me strength," he growled, all women in his images changed, shaping into Alice, sitting on their bed in Sanctuary, with her gun dismounted as the smell of a cleaning past filled the room, her smile as he would walk in and a wave of her hand to his complaints about the spot she chose for that task.

Lost in that memory he didn't fell Gabriel approaching, when he took a gun away from him it was a split second the turned around, hitting him, taking an advantage of his disorientation to move away from the gunpoint and make the man lose his balance once again.

Before he could get to him, Gabriel picked himself up, running toward the bathroom door and closing them.

Negan had enough of it, one of the walkers almost got into the van, as commotion drew more of their attention to them. He turned all of his anger and frustration to it, smashing its head. The feeling was good, but it was not enough to calm him down, Gabriel's rant stirred something inside him, memories of the wife he lost because he didn't care enough and the one whose faith is hanging on a thread if she thinks he is dead. He couldn't change the past, he made peace with it long ago, but he couldn't let it repeat, he needed to get to Sanctuary as soon as possible.

"Alright, Gabe, no ones coming for us you took your shot-shots! It's time to go! We have Lucile to help us get to the Sanctuary, we have that gun, we use it and most importantly we have each other. People are resource, we make it in, we live."

He dragged the dead walker away from the door, the plan already gave his nausea, but it was the only possible way for them to get out alive and get back to Sanctuary.

"We take a chance, Play dead ones across the courtyard or I kill you now, but that is not what I want, what I want is for you to work with me, that's all I ever want."

" I've killed before, but that's not my greatest sin. I locked my congregation out of my church when this all just started. I listened to them die as I cowered. I failed them. I failed God. And every day, I work to lessen that failure, to be of service and purpose. Now I offer you the assurance of a pardon, penance, and absolution. I will go with you. I will show you that working together as equals is the only true way to grace, to a future. I will do this if you confess."

They didn't have time for that, he didn't have time, Alice may not have the time. He never believed in confessions as an ultimate forgiveness, it was shit to him, doing what you want, going to church, crying about it and puff all your sins are washed away. It was not that easy, it should never be that easy.

"Jesus, Gabe. What you did, that is some horrible, cowardly, spineless shit. But I guess that's what a confession's supposed to be. Alright, my first wife, she was a real wife, till death did us part. I screw around, lied, she was sick, when she died, it was during this shit show, I couldn't put her down. I lived with that for years, that guilt, I made people scared of me more than they were scared of walkers, it made them strong, it helped them survive, and that is how I tried to lessen my failure. But it all changes not long ago, it is not the same anymore Gabe. I was forgiven, one person that forgave me, she knows all I did, she is the only person who knows and the only person who matters and she doesn't give a rats ass about it. She is my wife now, my only real wife, all those women Carl told you about, they are long forgotten. As I stand here, the only thing I can think about is her, is she alive, why didn't she do anything to get to us, did something happened to her. While we are about to cross a yeard filled with walkers, the only thing I am afraid of is what will I find on the other side, will I be too late, will I lose her as I lost my first wife. That is how I was weak and that is how I am weak, that is my confession. Because yeah, maybe we do bite a big one here, I need to try and fight, I need someone to know what I fought for and if I fail, I only hope my sacrifice will make your boss turn his attention to her and maybe give her happiness I failed to deliver, again."

After a short moment of silence, the door opened.

"You are forgiven," the man spoke, with pity in his eyes Negan couldn't take, he would have punched the wall but it would be a vain display of anger, instead he punched the man directly in his face.

"Thanks, asshole. Keep the gun."

The pulled his hunting knife, slicing the dead walker in the middle, pulling it ribcage apart.

"Sucks, Gabe, but it looks like we got to risk eating it by eating it."

"I don't understand?"

"You ever did this trick with guts before?"

"Yes. Why?"

"These are putrid, decaying organs, blood, piss, and shit, that have been cooking all day in the Virginia sun. None of your people ever gotten sick from this?"

"We're from Georgia."

"Well look at you lucky shits."

* * *

Thank you for all the support and love you've given me this year, this was my first story I ever uploaded and you made this into an amazing experience. Hope you are all having amazing holidays.  
 **Wish you all the best and read you next year.**


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